Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

Sorry Jennie but you offload here as much as you want...... this is your diary.... I choose to read as do others.... so please keep posting.

Perhaps if anyone else has a specific question for a specific reason this can be asked more directly????

Sorry Pam you are upset... hope you are ok

Hugs to all tonight this is never a good subject xxxxxxxxx
 
Hi Jen, I know how important it is to offload in your diary. When my Mum was diagnosed I kept one that I wrote in.... it just helps. Cancer is such a terrible disease that it strikes fear into the hearts of us all :sigh:

My heart goes out to you, I remember only too well how upsetting it is to see someone in pain. My Mum had morphine tablets and Oramorph that she could take when the pain broke through again. I'm sure that the doctor will keep the medication levels up and you'll be fighting her corner, doing all you can to help.

I've not heard of Hospice at Home, only MacMillan nurses, probably the same kind, caring angels that dedicate their lives to their job. Bless their kind hearts....... and bless yours too.

Lots of love and hugs to you xx
 
am so tired.. want to say so much.. not sure where to begin or even if I should.. mum worse but better to in some respects.. her and sis argued ... not good.. me and sis getting on better (now she knows I'm not the enemy).. dates arranged for us to share the caring for mum.. life is beginning to get into a kind of routine..

Head a mess
Diet 100% still (unbelievably!)
Bike club stuff pretty near up to date
Work stuff - getting there

Kinda feel when everyone keeps asking how mum is to reply "still dying".. lol but find myself talking about her bowel movements (or lack thereof)!

Odd times, hard times, exhausting times.. not even the Sunday Times!

Think the plot is disappearing under the skirting board and my wits and marbles with it.. eek!
 
:hug99:
 
O jen my poor dear friend, I wish i was there to give you a big hug:grouphugg: . Life is so unfair at times, I hope your mum beats this disease again, I will keep you both in my prayers. xx
 
O jen my poor dear friend, I wish i was there to give you a big hug:grouphugg: . Life is so unfair at times, I hope your mum beats this disease again, I will keep you both in my prayers. xx

Thank you - sadly she can't beat it this time..

I've managed to get sis to agree to a "calendar of care" for mum so that we both get to spend as much time with mum, and looking after mum as we can.

I have seen how she can fluctuate from one day to the next,... have to tell you though... the sense of humour remains.

Mum and I have many a chuckle... she was very "bunged up" and I arranged for a nurse to come and help.. and yesterday morning my phone pinged with a text from mum that simply said... "Bombs Away"

LOL

Poor sis had to do the clearing up (which I have to admit did make me chuckle too.. evil cow that I am... lol ) and she said it all but blocked the loo! HAHAHAHHA!!

Mum feels sooo much more comfortable for her bombing session.. lol... so.. pain seems to be under control... and we have become fixated on her bowel movements (or lack thereof) at the moment!

Mummy 2-poos went to Mummy no-poos, to Momma Bomba!

As for me.. my neck and back are hurting so much - I think it could be all manner of things - can you get sympathy back pains? lol I reckon it's a combination of the soft bed at mums, my knackered spine and neck, tiredness and stress... still... got some lumps and bumps that I'm seeing Dr about tonight too so hopefully he'll pat me on the head and send me on my way a happier bunny... (yeah, right!) lol

STILL 100% on diet - really can't believe it.. but not actually fussed about food and it saves time to not eat more anyway.. and time is something very limited right now.. spent yesterday afternoon planning the scatter rally for the forthcoming bike rally I'm involved in.. and have to go out and check it again this afternoon if time.. did it pretty quickly so am hoping it will do.

Went along some roads I've been on before and discovered some lovely little villages ... will have a better look in the future when things are calmer.

Have been VERY strict with my biking customers - I gave one secretary an 8pm deadline to get her order to me by last night as I had to prep a box for the courier to pick up today... and she emailed me at 10pm last night to say she was sorry to be so late etc etc... so I told her this morning that she was too late! Box was all sealed and ready to go before I went to bed and that was that! (Not sure she liked it much, but hey, she knows the score and I HAVE to be firm now.)

Mr Misery is really being useful - he is fetching and carrying for me, looking after the dog, ordering a tyre for Hattie (I didn't realise HOW low the rear tyre was and am not sure it was particularly safe when I came back from Cornwall!).. he has also promised to be taxi for my daughter in a couple of weeks time when she comes down for her best friend's wedding, as I shall be at mums...

I will make it up to my girls in the future.. they are so lovely though.

Right - am at work so really ought to focus ON work now... first of my "long" days to enable me to go to mums on Thursday so best crack on!

Actually can't wait for weigh-in on Thursday and hopefully see those numbers reflect the efforts made.. I have had the odd extra pack but cannot imagine that will affect things at all.

Mum had a good night last night (we text each morning) so she is in good form today which means my sis will have had a good night too, which means SHE will be in good form too! A happy household is a very good thing indeed!

Laters xxx
 
Glad you & sis have managed to agree on s callender of care , you all know where you are then .
As for mums no 2 probs , have they given her a regular prescription to help ? Morphine & morphine based stuff is notorious in bunging you up & we always give patients something to keep them regular , either magnesium hydroxide , lactulose or fybogel ( or similar )
Take care hunni & hugs all round xxxx
 
Yep, she has lots of jollop to take every day.. really mega problem for her though.. had a row with sis today on the phone because I said I wanted to stay a couple more days with mum (this means she wont have to do a 10 day solid run which I know would be very hard on her).. and she copped the hump and said "no more changes!" She said she had to consider her son too.. and I asked why? He's 22, lives with his "in-laws" and has no bearing on my life or time with mum in any way shape or form!! She almost exploded and said he had moved into her house when she is at mums... but I didn't know!! She was screaming at me down the phone and I told her to stop yelling.. and that if I am not told things I cannot be expected to KNOW them! I told her I am NOT psychic and to be honest that IF I WANT to see mum I will NOT take her son into consideration at all, IF I WANT to see MY mother, I shall! If SHE is there too I shall sleep downstairs... end of.. she is MY mother too and NO-ONE is going to dictate when I can or cannot spend time with her - END OF!!!

I was shaking with fury by the time I got off the phone.. it transpired he only "moved in" yesterday! I haven't spoken to her or mum since then (I have now) so how was I supposed to know!!!!!! In any case, WHY does that affect me?? He's HER son.. HER house.. HER choice... nowt to do with me at all...
 
went to "Buddies" today having re-driven the Scatter Rally route, and taken photos etc.. and finished work... ate plain chicken breast and plain salad.. not really supposed to "add a meal" but to be honest, I felt I could do with some real food... and am having my 3rd and final pack of the day now... so although I cannot claim 100% any more , its not far off!

Had a chat with mum earlier this evening and she's sounding very cheery and bright although got 'umpy when I misheard something she said and asked her to repeat it..

I told her I intend to do loads of baking when I stay next and am going to make more ginger biccies as sis loves them so much - despite the arguments I do love her.. and I do like to do nice things for her... and I know we are both extremely stressed out right now and liable to clash on anything and everything if we're not careful...

almost finished the bike club accounts for August now... just have to calculate expenses and then email them off, so that is another job done and dusted (nearly)... washing is all done and hanging on airer drying... and I went to see my Dr this evening and have organised a mammogram... and some cream for the lumps on my arm that have appeared.,, got some ibuprofen for my knackered neck and back, and discussed how I am feeling and coping emotionally with all that's going on too... All in all a good appointment and lots done..

Picked up some leaflets about cancer too and what help there is for me and sis, now, and later...

Not sure if sis has read any of it but I'll take it and leave it in "our" room laying about as mum never goes in there any more...

Mums pain was really well managed today and last night she slept through - I hope for all our sakes she has another like it tonight and continues to have a series of "good" days and nights...

She spotted a few recipes in the Sunday supplements and commented on how good they looked so, decision made, she will have them soon! lol (just hope they turn out ok! and that I am not tempted!!)

Feeling very drained still but looking forward to being back down there with her again on Thursday evening... lots to do before then though... busy days ahead (as ever!)

Off to bed with the hour (hopefully)..

G'night all xxx thank you for your support and care.. and for enabling me to offload here too.. I really cannot tell you how much good it does me...
 
Well, had weigh in a day early and was stunned! 11lbs off in 6 days!! Total lost now is 5st 6 lbs! Both me and my cdc double checked and yep... heading nicely now down to the next "stone" marker... 6 more pounds and I will be into the next one.. so ... another couple of weeks hopefully!

Trying to update my ticker but not working so - total loss now 76lbs..

Mum had another great night and was in fine form on the phone this morning... oh, and sis "added" me as a friend again on facebook... lol

Busy day at work, am knackered as always but need to make a list so am ready to go to mums tomorrow.. REALLY hoping to get to bed by 10 tonight so will load up the care before bed... got the ingredients for baking and excited about doing that,.. got my "lumpy arm"cream.. and my anti-inflams for neck and back so hopefully that will help too... had a giggle on phone to mum and asked her to help me devise rally questions.. I don't need her to, but I just feel it will be fun and make her feel like SHE is needed rather than just wanted.. if you know what I mean... going to broach some tricky subjects this visit too... about sisters 50th in Feb... will share thoughts on that another time.. must crack on now... but wanted to share my chuffedness about weightloss!

xxx
 
WOW 11lbs !!! thats amazing Jen, well done, its good to hear your mums pain seems to be under control, long may that last.
take care hun. x
 
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