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- Thread starter Carriegirl21
- Start date
IWillBeAYummyMummy
Supercalifragilistic
Sorry to hear you have had a bad time lately!! Keeping my fingers crossed it gets better real soon x
Carriegirl21
Silver Member
I'm dithering about whether to post this or not... Because I've been away so long (a whole year this time) and because I'm nt sure if I'm going to come back to the board properly.. Guess I just missed you all & didn't want to leave my diary open with no explanation for my absence?
Well, here goes -
I've had the worst year of my life. I thought I already had, quite a few times, but this was something else entirely. I've never felt more terrified or less like myself & I'm still no-where near "OK" but I'm better than I was this time last year.
I'm trying to keep this not too long.
The basics - my Panic, Anxiety & depression took over my life to the extent that I don't know how I functioned.
I went through countless medications & had bad reactions to every one of them - one even landed me in the ER - if I could have a vampire Glamour that memory away I'd say YES YES YES! (True blood fan yup)
I've had numerous health problems & had to have major surgery this year. I won't go in to what it was right now but it broke a piece of my heart to know I'd been right all along - there was a physical reason for my pain - I'd been ignored & misdiagnosed & mistreated for over 10 years.
It took me over 3 months to physically recover from surgery, I'm not sure anyone gets over it psychologically, not really.
Anyway to lift this up a bit - the good thing to come out of moving here was I got a proper diagnosis & FINALLY correct treatment. It's done. The pain is more or less gone. It's fascinating to have physical abilities again that I've not had for years!
So. My head is messed up but I'm still getting lots of help with that.
My surgery is done. It could be a recurrent condition (not Cancer) but it could be the end of it. Sorry to be vague.
Surprisingly, I checked my last weight I posted on here & it was only 1.5 lbs less than I am today!
Part of me was terrified to look in case it said I'd gained stones, so I almost laughed (then cried) to see I was almost the exact same weight!
It's good as I could have ballooned over te past year.
It's sad to me as I've not lost anything in a whole year.
I am not beating myself up over staying the same weight as, quite honestly, I'm very lucky & glad to be alive!
So. I downloaded a new weight coach app called "Noom" last week. It's OK but basic & only has a US food database.. But it has a "coach" to remind you to exercise (if you've set exercise into your weekly schedule) & to log your meals. It also has a pedometer which I like.
I've not used MFP for 4 months but it's definitely more accurate than NOOM on nutrition & exercise!
So - I completed my first week & lost 2lbs.
I'm trying to not get obsessed with numbers & calories but instead just focus on eating less crap & trying to comit to gentle achievable exercise.
I'm finding it OK so far as It's only week 1.
The reason I restarted my weight loss mission was seeing a photo a week ago & realising how I really look & how long I've wanted to change. And how much I hate being this way.
I'm still near my heaviest ever weight & I've spent 18 years trying to lose it & that blows my mind.
My plan is - stick with the plan of achievable exercise & aim to eat healthier BUT not to beat myself up if I go over my daily allowance. Simple right? (don't worry, I still have my sense of humour intact, somehow!)
I may come & post & I may not. I'd like to check in now & again without becoming obsessed with checking every day.
Mainly I wanted to say thanks for all your support over the years I've been on here & that I'm still here, just in the background for now
Hope everyone is doing well!
CGxx
Well, here goes -
I've had the worst year of my life. I thought I already had, quite a few times, but this was something else entirely. I've never felt more terrified or less like myself & I'm still no-where near "OK" but I'm better than I was this time last year.
I'm trying to keep this not too long.
The basics - my Panic, Anxiety & depression took over my life to the extent that I don't know how I functioned.
I went through countless medications & had bad reactions to every one of them - one even landed me in the ER - if I could have a vampire Glamour that memory away I'd say YES YES YES! (True blood fan yup)
I've had numerous health problems & had to have major surgery this year. I won't go in to what it was right now but it broke a piece of my heart to know I'd been right all along - there was a physical reason for my pain - I'd been ignored & misdiagnosed & mistreated for over 10 years.
It took me over 3 months to physically recover from surgery, I'm not sure anyone gets over it psychologically, not really.
Anyway to lift this up a bit - the good thing to come out of moving here was I got a proper diagnosis & FINALLY correct treatment. It's done. The pain is more or less gone. It's fascinating to have physical abilities again that I've not had for years!
So. My head is messed up but I'm still getting lots of help with that.
My surgery is done. It could be a recurrent condition (not Cancer) but it could be the end of it. Sorry to be vague.
Surprisingly, I checked my last weight I posted on here & it was only 1.5 lbs less than I am today!
Part of me was terrified to look in case it said I'd gained stones, so I almost laughed (then cried) to see I was almost the exact same weight!
It's good as I could have ballooned over te past year.
It's sad to me as I've not lost anything in a whole year.
I am not beating myself up over staying the same weight as, quite honestly, I'm very lucky & glad to be alive!
So. I downloaded a new weight coach app called "Noom" last week. It's OK but basic & only has a US food database.. But it has a "coach" to remind you to exercise (if you've set exercise into your weekly schedule) & to log your meals. It also has a pedometer which I like.
I've not used MFP for 4 months but it's definitely more accurate than NOOM on nutrition & exercise!
So - I completed my first week & lost 2lbs.
I'm trying to not get obsessed with numbers & calories but instead just focus on eating less crap & trying to comit to gentle achievable exercise.
I'm finding it OK so far as It's only week 1.
The reason I restarted my weight loss mission was seeing a photo a week ago & realising how I really look & how long I've wanted to change. And how much I hate being this way.
I'm still near my heaviest ever weight & I've spent 18 years trying to lose it & that blows my mind.
My plan is - stick with the plan of achievable exercise & aim to eat healthier BUT not to beat myself up if I go over my daily allowance. Simple right? (don't worry, I still have my sense of humour intact, somehow!)
I may come & post & I may not. I'd like to check in now & again without becoming obsessed with checking every day.
Mainly I wanted to say thanks for all your support over the years I've been on here & that I'm still here, just in the background for now
Hope everyone is doing well!
CGxx
Carriegirl21
Silver Member
SO! I've decided to set a mini goal
No pressure time wise but in lbs I currently weigh 306lbs (gulp, why is it still so hard to write that?)
I started at 308lbs
My goal is to get below that blasted 300 mark!
So - 6lbs to go.
I tend to lose veeeeery slowly no matter what I do so I'm not imagining it will be soon but it's a nice little goal to aim for
I promised myself I wouldn't get obsessed by numbers (lbs or painfully exact calories) but I still need to be able to measure my progress.
I'd love to just weigh once a month as I fluctuate naturally SO much (love fluctuating, really really love it grr)
However I never make it a month without jumping on those cheeky scales! Maybe if I hit my first target I can set monthly weighing as my next goal? Rather than a number goal it would be a behavioural one? Yes, I think I like that idea
I'm still going good with food, under my allowance every day (not by loads & not undereating on purpose, just working out that way)
I'm still keeping up my exercise goals using the NOOM app - I've set really small goals that I feel can be achieved even on my worst days -
Mon - 20mins Just dance game Xbox
Weds - 20mins extra walking, even if it's on the rooftop patio!
Friday - 20mins Just dance game Xbox
I'm half way through my second week & haven't missed a workout yet.
Today was the first day I didn't hit my pedometer goal but I only went to get coffee & had a friend over so I hardly moved! Totally not beating myself up over that as doing something social is a huge deal for me with my anxiety - so that achievement trumps missing 1000 steps for one day!
Ok, on with my 3 positives
1. Completed my 10th day on plan and kept up with all my exercise goals (not counting pedometer lol)
2. Did something social even with high anxiety. (not food related but it means the world to me)
3. Did not try & deal with anxiety & stressful evening by eating - cooked healthy dinner & cried & talked to OH & came on here instead.
Hope everyone had a good day
CGxx
No pressure time wise but in lbs I currently weigh 306lbs (gulp, why is it still so hard to write that?)
I started at 308lbs
My goal is to get below that blasted 300 mark!
So - 6lbs to go.
I tend to lose veeeeery slowly no matter what I do so I'm not imagining it will be soon but it's a nice little goal to aim for
I promised myself I wouldn't get obsessed by numbers (lbs or painfully exact calories) but I still need to be able to measure my progress.
I'd love to just weigh once a month as I fluctuate naturally SO much (love fluctuating, really really love it grr)
However I never make it a month without jumping on those cheeky scales! Maybe if I hit my first target I can set monthly weighing as my next goal? Rather than a number goal it would be a behavioural one? Yes, I think I like that idea
I'm still going good with food, under my allowance every day (not by loads & not undereating on purpose, just working out that way)
I'm still keeping up my exercise goals using the NOOM app - I've set really small goals that I feel can be achieved even on my worst days -
Mon - 20mins Just dance game Xbox
Weds - 20mins extra walking, even if it's on the rooftop patio!
Friday - 20mins Just dance game Xbox
I'm half way through my second week & haven't missed a workout yet.
Today was the first day I didn't hit my pedometer goal but I only went to get coffee & had a friend over so I hardly moved! Totally not beating myself up over that as doing something social is a huge deal for me with my anxiety - so that achievement trumps missing 1000 steps for one day!
Ok, on with my 3 positives
1. Completed my 10th day on plan and kept up with all my exercise goals (not counting pedometer lol)
2. Did something social even with high anxiety. (not food related but it means the world to me)
3. Did not try & deal with anxiety & stressful evening by eating - cooked healthy dinner & cried & talked to OH & came on here instead.
Hope everyone had a good day
CGxx
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