catthins diary to a slimmer me

[Clarabow]

Great news about the size 14, fab. It's ok to feel a bit down and grumpy without any reason. As you have time for yourself this weekend why not chill out. Watch that girly film you have been fancying, pootle about a bit, perhaps a bit of pampering.

When I am feeling in the grumps I retreat into a good book or a film and snuggle up on the sofa. The blue funk will pass, doesn't mean anything is wrong per se xx

 

[Catthin]

Thanks Clara you are always there to give words of encouragement and I really appreciate it. I am off out for some retail therapy in my favourite fabric shop (sad i know) it makes me happy.
Cathy

 

[LadyT]

Happy fabric shopping hunny! xx

 

[Catthin]

Well big confession i have been bad!!!!!.
I wont go into detail but have picked at stuff all weekend.
My son came with my two grandsons and we have had a nice weekend,but i have been having lots of crooked thinking going on.
I have tried to work out why I had to eat the stuff I did but really dont know why except for feeling sorry for myself!!!!!.
I think I might have come out of ketosis but hey ho.
My weigh in is on tuesday and im now thinking I wont go Ill wait till friday but I will miss out on the councelling sessions.
I was so foccused thoughout all the things going on around me and now i feel im on the slippery slope again.
Thinking of just going onto a low carb diet and see what happens.
Oh dear my mind is in such a muddle.
I know if i stick at it i will lose and get to goal but Im not sure i can keep going 100%. Crooked thinking.I do miss food and I miss going out with my OH.He has been out three nights this week but didnt invite me cos Im on this diet I felt really left out.
I know the food and meals out will still be there when i get to goal but typically I want both lol.I know its one or the other at the moment but I am really struggling.
I have been trying to visualise myself at goal but all I can see is me overweight and unhappy.Yes there is only one person who can change this I know and its me so I should stop feeling sorry for myself and stick at it.
I think I am also going through the menopause since having my ovary removed I am waking up at 4am with hot sweats.I have been really irritable and finding it difficult to make decisions.I am usually a very decisive person and I dont like feeling this way.i think I will pop in to see my GP tomorrow to discuss HRT.
Just hope it doesnt impact on my weight.
Oh dear Im off again will I wont I !!!!.
I am staying out of the kitchen for the rest of the evening and night so i wont be tempted.
Tomorrow I am taking the boys to the Zoo so will be occupied all day.Tuesday I have booked myself a facial,maasage and manicure although now I dont think I deserve such a treat..
Ill go now and weep into my cup of mint tea ......extra water yeaaa.
Hope you are all having a better weekend than me
Cathy:cry:
Cathy

 

[loopylorns]

I too have eaten, yesterday, although I did manage to contain it to steak and salad, which I have to say did not taste that good!

PLEASE dont beat yourself up about it, I really don't think you should feel ashamed or hide away and not go to group, you are human like all of us and without these times non of us would be on LL.

Chalk it up and forgive yourself.:love::l

Can not really comment on the whole low carb diet, my hubby is keen for me to switch to LLL when my bmi allows, and I am not certain I can manage the whole 14 weeks abstinence myself but am taking one day at a time.

xxx

 

[slendablenda]

Oh Cathy
You do sound unhappy. Don't be despondent, it's not the end of the world, but sounds like you have got some decisions to make.
I would suggest you DO go to your WI and discuss how you feel with your LLC/group. She will have heard similar before and may help you decide what's best for you at the moment.
Maybe you need more time to get your health back on track?
I sense that you feel deprived and left out when you are doing LL?
It isn't necessary you know. I didn't eat anything for almost a year, but still did all the social things, dinners out, wedding, parties, Christmas, work do's etc. I decided I could not put my social life on hold for that long. I also knew that if I did I would go completely off the rails when I met food and alcohol again.
Maybe speak to your husband and say you still want to go out and enjoy the time together.
Try and look at LL as an opportunity to to re-evaluate your relationship with food, rather than a diet.
If you do it and then return to your "normal" life you'll be back to square 1.
Do treat yourself, do have the pampering, don't beat yourself up.
Maybe try and write down what your triggers are, how you might address them and take it to your class next week?
Good luck Cathy. xxx

 

[Catthin]

I too have eaten, yesterday, although I did manage to contain it to steak and salad, which I have to say did not taste that good!

PLEASE dont beat yourself up about it, I really don't think you should feel ashamed or hide away and not go to group, you are human like all of us and without these times non of us would be on LL.

Chalk it up and forgive yourself.:love::l

Can not really comment on the whole low carb diet, my hubby is keen for me to switch to LLL when my bmi allows, and I am not certain I can manage the whole 14 weeks abstinence myself but am taking one day at a time.

xxx

Thanks loppylorns.
You chose wisely well done.
It is a tough diet when the crooked thoughts start popping up.
I need to decide what I want and where I want to be.
One day at a time sounds good.Tomorrow is a new day.
Cathy

 

[Catthin]

Oh Cathy
You do sound unhappy. Don't be despondent, it's not the end of the world, but sounds like you have got some decisions to make.
I would suggest you DO go to your WI and discuss how you feel with your LLC/group. She will have heard similar before and may help you decide what's best for you at the moment.
Maybe you need more time to get your health back on track?
I sense that you feel deprived and left out when you are doing LL?
It isn't necessary you know. I didn't eat anything for almost a year, but still did all the social things, dinners out, wedding, parties, Christmas, work do's etc. I decided I could not put my social life on hold for that long. I also knew that if I did I would go completely off the rails when I met food and alcohol again.
Maybe speak to your husband and say you still want to go out and enjoy the time together.
Try and look at LL as an opportunity to to re-evaluate your relationship with food, rather than a diet.
If you do it and then return to your "normal" life you'll be back to square 1.
Do treat yourself, do have the pampering, don't beat yourself up.
Maybe try and write down what your triggers are, how you might address them and take it to your class next week?
Good luck Cathy. xxx

Hi SB
Thank you for your supportive post.
Sorry to sounds so miserable I should be jumping up and down having come this far.
Im sure its just a blip.Blame it on hormones.
I will go to class on tuesday and face the music.
You did really well abstaining for a year,you must have good will power and determination.
I havent really been bothered with others eating around me and dont usually go out in the week for meals. But I suppose I was a bit hurt that OH didnt invite me to go out with him and a family friend on wednesday.His reason was he didnt want to sabbotage my diet as I was doing so well.
I feel like I want to have a big blow out with food get it out my system and start again!!!.But I know it will be harder to get back on track.
New start tomorrow. I will have a good talk to myself and decide where to go from here.
Thank you again your advice and support is very much appreciated.
Cathy

 

[Clarabow]

Aww honey so sorry to hear you are in a rough place. I find it tough on times, I dont manage well at the self control and social occasions. Food has been such a central part of our lives for soo long that being without such a crutch is challenging. Sometimes we will slip and return to the boosom of our friend. Which is unfortunate as it is no comfort to eat, as ultimately it makes us unhappy.

I hope you find out what was happening for you that made you want to eat. Being left out of your hubby socialising and going back to work sounds like two doosey's to me.

Be kind to yourself honey. Draw a line and move on when you are in a place to make an adult decision rather than one on the back of a lapse.

Keep fighting the good fight honey xx

 

[Spanglymum]

Hi Cathy. I second everything SB and Clara said in their posts. Do go to group! This could be a positive turning point where you learn some really helpful stuff about your old reactions/behaviours around food. That's what it's all about, isn't it? Anyone can do the packs and lose weight - but getting to the root of our behaviour is what makes LL so much more than a diet. Really hope you get back on track soon. You can do this!

 

[Catthin]

Thanks Clara and spanglymum.
It is so kind of you to respond to my cries of woe.
Well I have given myself a good talking to and a kick up the bum.
Im back on track today has been 100% .
Clara I think you hit the nail on the head, my return to work has caused me a lot of mixed feeling.I love my job and the staff I work with are great ,supportive, thoughtfull and kind. When I went in to work last wednesday there have or are about to be changes which effect me directly I was a bit upset that I hadnt been involved in them and voiced my concerns.I know I was off for 7 weeks and changes happen but as it involved me directly I felt as if my feelings didnt count .....out of site out of mind....This I hope was not the intention but I did have a sulk about it last week and it will be discussed this week at our wednesday meeting.I feel like I have gone back and started to upset the apple cart.I normally go along with whatever is going on and do whatever is asked of me but this time I stood my ground now Im concerned abou the consequences LOL.
Ill blame it on my hormones LOL.
Went to see my GP today and chatted about my feelings and fluctuating moods.She has said it sounds like having the ovary removed has started the menopause.She prescribed me patches and said they should work quite quickly so I couldnt wait to get home and stick one on.
Ill let you know how this goes.
So maybe it is a mixture of things going on but I have to learn from it and move on.
In the past on diets i have given in really easily but this time I am in it to win it.
So onwards and downwards.
I will be slim for the wedding and the rest of my life.
Went to the zoo with the two grandchildren and walked around looking at the animals for three hours.I drank water whilst the two little ones had a hot dog and ice lolly and enjoyed the beautifull sunshine and company and excitement from my two little grandsons.
Have a great day everyone.
Cathy

 

[Clarabow]

Really glad you have been to see the GP. Didn't think of the hormone angle to be honest, makes a lot of sense.

This diet can bring about a nasty turn of assertiveness, things that we used to put up with are now major issues. We start to value ourselves so why the hell should anyone else de value us. Get militant on their ass baby !

Glad to hear you are feeling in a better frame of mind xx

 

[Catthin]

Thanks Clara.
Well I woke up this morning with a spring in my step.Feeling more positive today had a good think about everything yesterday so have sorted stuff out in my head for now.
I measured myself this morning and have lost a few more inches.I need to get new bras as the ones I have are not fitting well.
I have decided to make myself a new skirt today after I have been for my facial and manicure.
Weigh in tonight so hope Ihavent done to much damage by my lapse at the weekend.
A bit anxious about work tomorrow as we will be having a meeting about the changes but I am going to stick to my guns and be assertive ooooh get me .
A big thank you to all you lovely ladies for taking the time to support and encourage me I love you all.
Have a great day.
Cathy

 

[Clarabow]

Glad to hear you are feeling better x

 

[Catthin]

Weigh in tonight and I lost another 3lb really pleased.
It was a Locum LLC tonight so didnt really get chance to speak to her much but I have made my decisions and Im staying with LLT untill I get to my 3stone goal then i will see where I want to be.
We started the Changes book tonight and I have set myself a goal for the next 4 weeks.To increase my exercise.I am starting with 20 mins a day this week.
Wed. Going out for a walk at Lunchtime in work.
Thur.Going to the gym
Friday Walk at lunchtime.
Saturday Gym
Sunday Gym
Monday Gym
Tuesday Gym
So thats next week sorted I will sort my gym bag out tomorrow ready to go to the gym thursday morning before work.
Cathy

 

[LadyT]

Aw hunny it's been a tough time for yu and the lovely ladies have had some fabulous advice to offer. It sounds like you now have a plan to focus on which is good!

Stick with it and tackle one issue at a time, having do much turbulence in your life can be distracting!

Onwards and downwards lovely xxx

 

[Julz]

Hi cathin, well done for making a string decision to be 100% again, itvwill be worth it for the wedding. I went through a tough time a coupke of weeks ago, feeling down and despondent, whats the point etc etc, I had lots of support from clara, sb and others and thankfully have come out the the other side.
I am going through the menopause too, but have opted for naturalnhormone cream which has almost cut the nightime waking out and 'tropical moments' are no more which is great.
This journey of ours affects us all deep down, and you need to find a strength deep down which is there to keep going. I have uncovered and now am starting to deal with some childhood stuff I thought I had dealt with and its really tough going, tears most days on my own, but I am working through it.
Writing it down on here almost seem to makevit easier to deal with, rather than in my head, looking at the words, I was able to acknowledge it. The cbt is the route of course, but it would never have been dealt with otherwise, and was bubbling underneath.
You have been off for a kong time in business, things have to move on and I am sure it was not done without thinking of you, take it as a positive step, change happens.
Do be kind to yourself, have your treats, you really have been through the mill and deserve me time, hope you did speak to hubby, he is so considerate, but will not have understood it from your pointvif view, you need to be out socialising to continue your life!!
Reallt hope you feel better about yiyeself and have a good wednesday, stay positive, I bougjt a suze 12 top 4 weeks after starting and hung it on my wardrobe, thinking 'one day' but not deep down believing I ever would get into it, well I am and its a bit big now, I started at 22! Its my avatar, so you can do it, October will be here and you will be so so glad you stuck it.
Jx

 

[Julz]

Excuse typos I'm on iPhone !!!
Jx

 

[loopylorns]

Weigh in tonight and I lost another 3lb really pleased.
It was a Locum LLC tonight so didnt really get chance to speak to her much but I have made my decisions and Im staying with LLT untill I get to my 3stone goal then i will see where I want to be.
We started the Changes book tonight and I have set myself a goal for the next 4 weeks.To increase my exercise.I am starting with 20 mins a day this week.
Wed. Going out for a walk at Lunchtime in work.
Thur.Going to the gym
Friday Walk at lunchtime.
Saturday Gym
Sunday Gym
Monday Gym
Tuesday Gym
So thats next week sorted I will sort my gym bag out tomorrow ready to go to the gym thursday morning before work.
Cathy

You sound as if you have new found motivation, well done!
and your exercise goals are fab.

I don't know what theses books are as I have not received any form of class since I started, normal LLC is on holiday so hope this changes when she is back.

Your determination has given me a little push too, so thank you and I will look forward to reading about your success, big congrats on your weight loss too! xx

 

[Catthin]

Hi cathin, well done for making a string decision to be 100% again, itvwill be worth it for the wedding. I went through a tough time a coupke of weeks ago, feeling down and despondent, whats the point etc etc, I had lots of support from clara, sb and others and thankfully have come out the the other side.
I am going through the menopause too, but have opted for naturalnhormone cream which has almost cut the nightime waking out and 'tropical moments' are no more which is great.
This journey of ours affects us all deep down, and you need to find a strength deep down which is there to keep going. I have uncovered and now am starting to deal with some childhood stuff I thought I had dealt with and its really tough going, tears most days on my own, but I am working through it.
Writing it down on here almost seem to makevit easier to deal with, rather than in my head, looking at the words, I was able to acknowledge it. The cbt is the route of course, but it would never have been dealt with otherwise, and was bubbling underneath.
You have been off for a kong time in business, things have to move on and I am sure it was not done without thinking of you, take it as a positive step, change happens.
Do be kind to yourself, have your treats, you really have been through the mill and deserve me time, hope you did speak to hubby, he is so considerate, but will not have understood it from your pointvif view, you need to be out socialising to continue your life!!
Reallt hope you feel better about yiyeself and have a good wednesday, stay positive, I bougjt a suze 12 top 4 weeks after starting and hung it on my wardrobe, thinking 'one day' but not deep down believing I ever would get into it, well I am and its a bit big now, I started at 22! Its my avatar, so you can do it, October will be here and you will be so so glad you stuck it.
Jx

Hi Jules
Thank you for your supportive post.
Sounds like you have got a lot going on too. You are doing really well.I am feeling a lot better whether its the patches or just me having given myself a good talking too I dont know but either way its a positive feeling.
Not a bad day in work.The changes were discussed and a compromise reached.
I have still got three weeks holiday to take before the end of december and thats after I have time off for the wedding so looking at spacing them out to give me some thinking time.
Did a 30 min walk at lunch time so feel good for that.My gym bag is in the car for the morning going to do 10 min on the rower and 20 min on the treadmill.Not going to overdo it to start slowly increasing it each day.
Cathy