Childless through choice

[jaylou]

Interesting thread.

I think that people don't really mean to be rude, it's just human nature to expect people to follow "the norm" and, lets face it, it's is more usual for women of a certain age, especially in a relationship, to have children.

I don't agree with the "you'll change your mind" or "tick tick" comments though. That's just not on. I admire anyone who takes the decision not to have children and I think it's a tough one to make.

I made the decision to only have one. I've had many "it's not fair" or "when are you having a second" or "only children are spoilt" type comments. At almost 40 I still get them but my daughter is my world and she gets everything I can give her - that's my choice.

As it is yours not to have children (and many others too!)

PS - I also hate the school holidays, I can't wait for them to be over as they make childcare a nightmare and I also can't wait for my daughter to be old enough to fend for herself and I don't have to go on half term time holidays and spend a fortune! That doesn't make me a bad mother and I don't resent her, I just resent struggling to get someone to look after her for 7 flippin weeks!!!

 

[elizabeth]

I made the decision to only have one. I've had many "it's not fair" or "when are you having a second" or "only children are spoilt" type comments. At almost 40 I still get them but my daughter is my world and she gets everything I can give her - that's my choice.

I made the same decision, and I was completely right to do so. I adored my daughter but I knew instinctively I would not cope with more than one child. I did worry about the 'only children are selfish/spoiled etc' thing, but then reasoned that it was down to me to make sure she wasn't! I loved being able to give her my complete attention and love, and she's grown up to be a thoroughly nice person. She was also a very responsible and considerate teenager.

Now she's about to have her own child, and I'm sure she's going to be a fantastic mother.

 

[mommyB]

An interesting thread indeed.
My ex didnt want children and i thought i didnt but we split up and i realised i was only agreeing with him to please him. I'm remarried now and have 2 beautfiul daughters. Incidentaly I was an only child and was determined that i would have more than one-tbh I think this was more to do with my own parents attitude- I had a fairly lonely childhood.

I do however respect everyone right to make the decision that suits them. I know enough people who should never have had them,and now resent them-thats not fair on the child.

Everyone has the right to live their life on their own terms -dont let other people guilt into doing what they think is socially acceptable. I think its more acceptable for a child to be wanted.

 

[Devon Dolce]

Also, sorry this thread really interests me... the comments about 'when the clock starts ticking', ' you'll change your mind' are always said without any foresight - what happens if the person being questioned can't have children and not that they don't want childen, yet at the same time don't want to, and nor should they, have to explain themselves. Grrrrrrr comments like that (and I've had them) make my blood boil x

 

[Morgawr]

Have to say I don't have a maternal bone in my body where kids are concerned. Give me a kitten, a puppy or other similar small helpless creature and I will be as soppy as the next person over it. Give me a baby to hold and I feel absolutely nothing.

You have to do what you feel is right for you

 

[Devon Dolce]

Have to say I don't have a maternal bone in my body where kids are concerned. Give me a kitten, a puppy or other similar small helpless creature and I will be as soppy as the next person over it. Give me a baby to hold and I feel absolutely nothing.

You have to do what you feel is right for you

I agree! Give me animals anyday - I wanted to be a vet when I was younger, but just couldn't bear the thought of seeing animals suffering xx

 

[fillymum]

I have to say though the interrogation never end! The minute I had a daughter the questions started on when I was going to have another. The minute I had my 2nd daughter I got the 'oh well, the next one will be a boy, you gonna start trying again soon?'

Like so many other this thread has really interested me.

I had my son before I was 20. I married at 17 first time round and had my baby at 19. When I was 20 my footballer husband received a kick in his groin. The swelling would not go. He had testicular cancer. The radiation treatment made him sterile. We were given 2 months before the treatment started to try for a second child. I miscarried.

I used to get so upset when people who didn't know asked the same questions of us............" time to have another " " when are you going to give him a little brother or sister. So thoughtless.

All these years on, I am so glad there were no more children.