Claire has returned! All help and advice appreciated!

[Principessa N]

Hey hun, well done on the lose.
Your mate is defo jealous and i can totally relate to the mum thing. As for the paul thing, have you thought about going to relate(google them)? That might help with the insecurities, which anyone would have if you'd been through that. He should deff cut all contact with her because it's like a constant reminder. :hug99:

 

[Claire1981]

Cheers Nick.. I suggested summat like that but I dont think he would go as he wants us to do tween ourselves - I know whta he is saying but no easier to find a solution as Im so insecure what will that do!
x

 

[Taz]

Maybe you should see someone on your own to work through your own insecurity issues. It might help

 

[Claire1981]

I was thinking that!

 

[Taz]

Then go for it, you will feel much better for it

 

[Claire1981]

DOnt I sound like a nutter!
xxx

 

[Taz]

No not at all hun, we all have stuff we need sorting out in our heads and sometimes need some help doing that

 

[Claire1981]

What makes it harder is there is a completely logical side to me where I think I do believe him and trust hiom so on then there is such an irrational side!

Ah well Im at the Drs tomm for the gym thing :/ will spk to him and see if any advice given!

xx

 

[Ann-Marie]

Aww Claire,

Firstly, well done on your loss this week and glad you had a good time at the concert

In no way do you sound like a nutter - I can totally see where you are coming from. Has it just been emails or has he actually seen/spoken to her? Whatever contact it has been though, he really shouldn't be doing it if he knows it is upsetting you so much.

Relate does sound like a good idea if he would be willing but if not just make sure that he knows exactly how you are feeling - he obviously loves you very much to have a family with you and to be marrying you so he really shouldn't want you to feel anxious or threatened in relation to this woman.

I really hope you can sort out these problems soon and continue to plan you (happy) future together.

Keep you chin up hun xx

 

[Claire1981]

Yes I think he knows how I feel - if he dont he is living in la la land. We have spoke and he knows that if he lies etc and doesnt tell me I will kick off and that I wont put up with it.

I know all his passwords for email and facebook... So really he would be silly boy (see what I mean - I know all this yet still compare myself to them!?)

God... I know I have to believe him and tbh I have NO reason why not too! But I still aint happy lol
xxx

 

[SpaceAngel]

:hug99: Huni, I don't think you have worked through how hurt you were when he did what he did in Kavos. I think seeing someone to work through your insecurities may well help, but they best thing you can do for now is to keep communicating. Bottling it up doesn't help and the fact that you talked on Saturday does help. Your insecurity will pass hun, and the more you work things through the better.

Your friend, on the other hand is jealous, jealous, jealous!! You are looking fantastic. Another 3lb loss is amazing. Your Mum is probably annoyed that once you have lost the weight she will have nothing to moan at you about. Some people hate being made wrong as well.

I think, also, if Paul had any doubts whatsoever about marrying you, he wouldn't have had another baby with you and he certainly wouldn't be marrying you. And as I said before, his ex may well be stunning but bet she has a stinky chuff! And dat is why she is still single. (sorry tmi!!)

 

[emski]

Here I come with my two pennies worth...

Claire do you really love Paul? If the answer is yes then the next question is this.. does he really love you? Now you will probably answer, well I think he does, and he says he does.. SO stop stressing about what other people say and who ever else is hanging around..because if someone is going to s**t on you then they will whether you have stressed over it or not.. therefore why spend hours worrying about things you have no control over..

We all make mistakes, and yes he made a blinder, yet he is with you now. And you cant always use the past to whip someone with, or think it will repeat itself (think of some of the things maybe you have said or done that you really wish you hadnt)

Why be jealous of someone elses looks, mate you look feckin gorgeous in your befores and even more feckin gorgeous in your afters!!! Do you think Paul would really throw everything away now for a cheap thrill.. and to be honest my love if he is the type of man who would then better off without him..

As for being obsessed with your weight etc, so what.. what else does she want you to be obsessed with? Make up? Shoes? Men?? HER ??

Sending you love and girl power xxxxx

 

[Claire1981]

Yes I do love him and yes he has made mistakes....

how do you move fwd and deal with that hurt tho?

 

[emski]

Ask yourself what is the alternative ?? Stay where you are and suffer? Or say feck it I am gorgeous & I deserve the best. So if he is not the best for you.. move on!! If he is then you have no choice but to forgive and forget.

If you are gong to be with him then you just have to " crack on" or what's the point of being with him and being miserable.

What hurts you? The betrayal? Its done, cant undo it.. the fact that he is in touch with her? its out in the open.. keep it that way or dont read it.. your weight? bloody hell girl you is doin it!! Your looks.. mate seriously look in the mirror?

I guess in a roundabout way Im saying sh*t happens honey and sometimes ya just gotta get over it, or it just smothers you and then you covered in sh*t... look at it from your rational side.. and the other thing is if you cant deal with it and move forward you aint goin anywhere.. and how dull is that !!! :sigh:

 

[victoria sponge]

flipping heck this is deep huni,but what i wanted to say was
love and hugs and im sure you ll work through it..
take care
xxx

 

[Claire1981]

Thanks Ems
x

 

[emski]

 

[Claire1981]

Thank You ladies

I feel a bit better this morn and will see what happens..

Im at the Drs about the gym thing this morning. I cant see me getting t but hey ho! can but try so back in a bit and will let you know how get on :/
xxx​

 

[SpaceAngel]

Good luck and glad your feeling more positive today.

 

[Claire1981]

Thank you chick..

Well I have been refered but I have to pay a £22.50 joining fee and then £2.50 per session - do you have to do that SA?
XX