Step 1 Sole Source Confessions of a serial CWP returner

[loulou526]

I needed that, blunt and to the point lol I know I know, it's just so haaarrrd!!!! I'm so confused by my own actions.

Weird thing is this is the 1st time I've even had key lime pie??! I'm craving any and everything.

Dreading seeing my CDC on Wednesday.

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Ok Lou. It's just the body's natural response to getting sugar back. The cravings will subside. Are there any hormonal reasons why you would be excorcet focused on food right now???

First offs

Go and put a picture of your fattest self on the fridge and cupboards. It honestly works. We go into denial if we can't see ourselves. So up there loud and proud mrs! Infact if you can take one in your most unflattering outfit. Really stare at it. The find a picture of a person you really admire. Print that off and put them size by side. Write underneath the pictures.

I have a choice. I can eat this now. But then I will always look like this and never like ....(insert. Picture)

You get the idea I'm sure.

You will be fine. It's a blip.

 

[Lily]

It's astonishing how even lettuce starts to look appealing when you're on Cambridge. Key lime pie would totally finish me off. It must be an evening for it. I'm not currently Cambridging (I'm also a serial returner and have lost--and sadly gained--100s of pounds on it over the last few years) but I am low carbing. And because the scales inexplicably said I'd gained 3 pounds today I lost the plot and ate chocolate. Barking mad.

Maybe I need a stint back on Cambridge, Nat. My body just won't let go of this fat I've piled on! Help!

 

[loulou526]

Tell me about it Lily! I mean I'm starting to confuse myself with how I'm behaving right now, Iiterally have THE most desperate need to lose weight, even just a couple of stone would be grrreeeat! But I sabotage every effort I make, maybe I need a shrink lol

I just don't want to end up like the individuals on 'my 600lb life'...have you watched that? Watching that is the biggest reality check, maybe I need to lock myself in a room and watch that on continuous play all day!!

But in a serious note, I will not be defeated, I don't want July coming and then feeling like this and thinking why oh why did I not just stick to the diet? I'm all too familiar with that feeling.

Thanks Betty, as always, u manage to put everything into perspective and I really do enjoy all your posts, motivating and comical at the same time! Will definitely be sticking that pic up on my fridge when I manage to pull myself out of this bed!

X

 

[bettiesrevenge]

It's astonishing how even lettuce starts to look appealing when you're on Cambridge. Key lime pie would totally finish me off. It must be an evening for it. I'm not currently Cambridging (I'm also a serial returner and have lost--and sadly gained--100s of pounds on it over the last few years) but I am low carbing. And because the scales inexplicably said I'd gained 3 pounds today I lost the plot and ate chocolate. Barking mad.

Maybe I need a stint back on Cambridge, Nat. My body just won't let go of this fat I've piled on! Help!

Hello there my lovely lily!

I know exactly how you feel. It's the fear.... The fear that only a stint on CAmbridge can help. I've tried to vary the VCLD plan without success, slim and save, sml. They are never the same!!! I don't know what it is. But CWP always calls me back.

That said I know that this has to be part of the final journey to food recovery.

It's not normal to eat half a box of chocolates and complain about being fat. That's not normal to eat a share size bag of Doritos when watching some mind numbing tv.

I've said it before lily, we are high performers full of self doubt. We do not know how to self soothe without food. I don't drink, but if I did I reckon if be a couple of bottles of wine a night person. Trying to soothe the agitation, to quieten the voices of self doubt, the inner critic, the constant need for approval.

THAT is where to start. This dieting malarkey is not to do with calories. It's to do with thinking.

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Tell me about it Lily! I mean I'm starting to confuse myself with how I'm behaving right now, Iiterally have THE most desperate need to lose weight, even just a couple of stone would be grrreeeat! But I sabotage every effort I make, maybe I need a shrink lol

I just don't want to end up like the individuals on 'my 600lb life'...have you watched that? Watching that is the biggest reality check, maybe I need to lock myself in a room and watch that on continuous play all day!!

But in a serious note, I will not be defeated, I don't want July coming and then feeling like this and thinking why oh why did I not just stick to the diet? I'm all too familiar with that feeling.

Thanks Betty, as always, u manage to put everything into perspective and I really do enjoy all your posts, motivating and comical at the same time! Will definitely be sticking that pic up on my fridge when I manage to pull myself out of this bed!

X

Did you ever get out of that bed??! I hope so or it will no doubt need clean sheets by now.... Unless you have catheterised yourself?!

So.... Today has been busy at work and thankfully that means I've not had chance to obsess about food!!!

I have not however dank very much water so going to catch up on true detective and sort that out.

Quite amazingly I'm not at all hungry!!! Struggled to get my last pack in, but I know how important it is. So literally had to go bit down.

Got myself a vitamin b12 spray today and not sure if it's placebo but I feel so much more energetic!!! It's one that you spray under your tongue. Pretty good.

Weigh-in 2 days away and I'm worried that I'm not going to have moved much on the scales, I can kind of live with it since I just want to be 36 28 38(ASOS size 12) so measurements have defo changed. I think I've started to recognise that scales are not to be trusted. Too much potential for gravity to have a bearing on the results!!

 

[loulou526]

Scales are evil!!! I have tried to get rid of mines so many times but they always find their way back home! It is an addiction, daily weighing and one ritual that u cannot seem to give up lol

Betty you're pretty determined about those measurements at Asos aren't u haha, I love that! I'd be happy with a size 14 right now, anything would be better than how I look and feel right now!!

Today was not too bad, by the time I got home to have my 2nd pack I didn't even really want it, it's so nice when the days are busy and goes quick!

So true what you said about changing the mind when it comes to food, that really is the root of our problem, but that alone is soooo hard to do!!

X

 

[Beverley75]

Hi Betty, I'm just popping in to subscribe and to day we'll done for not giving up on yourself. As in sure you recall, it does get easier from here on out. Bravo to us all for doing this one magnificent thing for ourselves x

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Hello Beverley - welcome along to my inane ramblings.

Lou - I am determined to get into an ASOS 12 as I know I feel in my prime in that size - plus I have some lovely clothes that will fit that I will be able to get out, perhaps people will finally think Im fashion forward because they are so old!

Got a management meeting today and that means 3 things: biscuits, long time stuck in an office and stress, more to the point the chief executive is coming. Which for a small charity, means something big....I have heard whispers of a restructure, I think Im safe as much as anyone can be these day because I came along and because I am used to working within very commercial, high performing organisations, I brought some pace to the table and well, I think I pretty much railroaded this poor guy who just looked incompetent by comparison. I know that sounds up my own backside, but there is no way to dress it up. The guy had been moved into a senior management role after a serious case review because they wanted somewhere to hide him and they don't dismiss because they have a strong christian ethos. But I think the exec officer knows that he needs some good people as its an 8 year PBR contract and the money has not been flowing in yet...


Anyway enough work stuff....mango/forrest fruits or strawberry mix a mouse? Ahhhhh what to have.....

Quite fancy mango I think. But then I have time to make a mix a mouse.....oohhh decisions decisions.

 

[loulou526]

Betty we love your inane ramblings!! I think you should have your own section in the newspaper hahaha, I'm being serious here by the way, you have the right mix of logic and comic x

Wow, work stuff seems intense! Long day ahead for you eh!! I've got every faith that you'll be able to dodge the biscuits lol, you're in the zone now so that's where you'll stay x

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Well, balls, balls balls balls...

There I said it! I've lost a pitiful 2lb this week.

I have gone through all the theory and the only thing I can think of is that I weighed much later in the day an I have thank 3ltrs of water. So maybe each one weighs a pound????

Ahh well I will try and get past it. May have to go to bed in a humph though.

 

[gerujool]

I always stop drinking about 2/2.5 hrs before weigh in. My cdc told to. Also like u say it maybe cos later in the day. But it's still a loss chick xx

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Probs should have done that too!!!!

Never mind. Just found out it's the bosses birthday tomorrow and we are getting Costco cake. That's terrorism..

Everyone is getting on my T@ts tonight especially the OH. Urghhh. Annoyances abound. I just want to watch the walking dead for crying out loud!

 

[gerujool]

Go to bed and watch it babe, or if not still go to bed and read a book!!!

Just have Americano from Costa!!

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Haha it's like I pressure cooker in here tonight!

I guess it's bedward for me!

 

[gerujool]

I'm on my own! Please myself kids at their dads x

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Oh crap!!! I just went mad and ate all kind of rubbish in rebellion. The worst part was I fully knew it. In that 15 minutes I didn't care. But how stupid is that. Now I'm going to have to put myself through the torture of ketosis again!

Feeling really crud now... I think I need a stern word with myself!!!!!!

 

[Kiwichan]

Might not be too bad. What did you have?

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Hahaha well without going into trigger
Mode for anyone else it involved cheesecake. It's feet up Friday in work and I just didn't care!!!

Feel like I've got a migraine coming on...

 

[loulou526]

Awwww Betty it happens to the best of us, and a disappointing weigh in is always the trigger, like u say, it's a blip, tomorrow is a new day xx