Counselling - Not much help this week

[Sparkle]

Thanks AmandaJayne. I actually have the PM Instant Confidence book and CD, I was planning on starting them last week, but only read the first chapter and didn't listen to the CD. Fell at the first hurdle really.

But what you have said makes a lot of sense, so I'm going to make a real effort to read some more of the book tonight, and listen to the CD - and do so every day for at least three weeks.

I'm also going to bring everything up at counselling like you suggested. You're right, I do have very low self worth/esteem/confidence and I need to work on it!

Thanks again. xxx

 

[AmandaJayne]

The only reason I know how you feel is that, until recently, I felt exactly the same!

The reason you haven't read your book/listened to the CD is that you are frightened of change. Sounds weird, but sometimes we delay making changes because we fear having to move out of our comfort zone - no matter how horrible we feel in our comfort zone (better the devil you know and all that).

Glad you're feeling a bit better Sparkle.

 

[Sparkle]

That makes a lot of sense about the fear and comfort zone. No matter how unhappy I am, it's uncomfortable, and I kinda know what to expect - the negative in everything.

How did you change things?

 

[AmandaJayne]

Sparkle, I was in a very bad place this time last year.

The previous August 2005 I had finally succumbed and gone to see my GP because I could feel that I was cracking up. I cried for no particular reason, and it was getting worse. I focused on my weight as a reason for feeling so depressed, because I wanted SO MUCH to be slimmer but couldn't even look at a diet book or contemplate doing anything about it. I was SO AFRAID of failing AGAIN. I thought by children were doomed too, and mourned for their future. My GP put me on anti-depressants and I had to come back initially every month for a check-up.

In January 2006, I read the Lighterlife magazine and was incredulous that someone would do such a thing - it was outrageous!

But the seed was planted.

Over the next few months I read the other magazines as they came out and I wondered.

Why do these people seem to be able to get a handle on keeping the weight off? How can they be successful? What are they doing which 'changes their mind'?

I did a lot of research on-line and read Icemooses blog (among others) which showed me how it worked and also that it could work for me.

Then, I talked with my husband about it and he said 'if you want to try, go for it'. I found a counsellor twenty miles away and arranged to go for the initial 'finding out' meeting.

Finally, on 24th August I began the programme.

I think that the preparation I did over the months helped me to focus on the immense level of committment which would be needed, and also showed me that IT WAS POSSIBLE TO SUCCEED in finally keeping off the weight I lost, if I followed the programme properly and didn't deviate.

As far as losing weight is concerned, I've done it so often that I now know that it isn't the problem, it is my long-term, 30 year destructive relationship with food and its disasterous consequences. I had to find a way to 'change my mind'.

So far it's worked. I am in a different place now Sparkle. A place I've never actually been before. I have never been a size 12 - and I like it a lot. I like eating foods which are good for me. I don't miss the rubbish I used to eat.

I'm interested in doing the 'trigger weeks' which are coming up soon (weeks 8 - 12) where I will eat carbs including sugar and cheese, bread and pasta. What will happen? Will it trigger me to binge again? Will I have the skills and tools to deal with my feelings in 'adult mode'?

The answer, Sparkle, is yes. I think I've turned the corner and seen a future I want to embrace. I don't want to go back to the dark days again.

I wish you the very best of luck on your own journey. Keep posting!

 

[mags1x]

You've had some excellent advice and I have to admit, I need to take some of it myself!

I am looking over the edge to a place I've never been as well (in my adult life anyway) I want to lose another stone, but that will make me lighter than ever and I have to admit its brought some quite daunting, unexpected feelings, and its adding to my struggle. I am obviously scared of change too, I've had a big song and dance over thinking about even getting my haircut, and I have had to push myself forwards to do it, almost against my own will !! lol.

Anyway, back to you! I was wondering as something to help you through the next 10 months, how about doing something voluntary that you would find fulfilling? There are so many charities out there, there's bound to be one you admire and you can give as little or as much time as you like.

Another thing is try to have something to look forward to every month, so rather than looking at the long 10 months, you are only having to look 1 month ahead to find something worth thinking about. It doesn't have to be anything too dramatic, even just outings with friends to places you've never been or seldom go. Maybe even spend a weekend 'fact-finding' in London. So you get to know exactly what you are looking for with accomodation, location, finaces (rent etc) bring someone you like along and see a show or something at the same time.

As for the worry that it might not work out? well if you don't try to do it you will always regret it, so thats reason enough to try. If it doesn't work, as has already been said, so what? do something else!

Best of luck to you!

Mags
xxx

 

[Sparkle]

Thanks everyone for all the support! Just one quick question, is there a limit to how many times you can listen to a PM cd a day? I listened to it twice yesterday, and twice today... That isn't over doing it is it? I probably will only listen to it once a day from now on.

 

[Sparkle]

In the first session she really helped me get things in perspective with regards to work, and I managed to see it from another perspective, and how my behaviour (putting my defenses up and taking a step back from relationships with friends and collegues) was effecting other people. Then on Monday I came off the pill as my mum picked up on the fact that my low moods started about the same time as me starting the pill again.

I'm feeling a lot better - although still not sleeping very well. But when I went to counselling this week I felt really let down. She showed me some breathing/visulisation/meditation exercises... But then she started talking to me about Reiki, and to be honest although that would have interested me at one point in my life, it really doesn't now. The rest of the session I managed to briefly speak about how I'm worried that when I finally achieve my goal it won't be as good as I hoped, which is just a little worry, and to be honest I know that if it doesn't work out it's not the end of the world. But I just really don't think it helped me very much at all, and I'm quite disinterested in going back. Apparently they only do a course of 6 anyway - but I don't feel as though I can get much more from this.

Do you think it would be silly of me not to go back? Or maybe I should find another (private not free) counsellor who I feel more comfortable with... But then I'm not sure I need a counsellor... I'm just really unsure as to what to do.

But to be honest - I'm not sure what I'm going to talk to her about. Although the first session helped me to re-evaluate my behaviour and actions. But coming off the pill is what's really helped me.

I'm actually sitting here now trying to work out what I can talk to her about. All I can think of are statements, nothing I want an answer to.

 

[AmandaJayne]

I'm really pleased that you are getting your head together - it is really interesting that you have linked your dark moods with taking the pill.

It sounds to me as if your instinct is right about the benefit to you of attending the rest of the sessions. I wonder that the first session, combined with coming off the pill, has got you out of the morass and now you will be feeling strong enough and motivated enough to work your way to a better frame of mind.

There is absolutely no reason why in the future, you should not go back for more counselling privately, if you should feel that you need it.

Do let us know how you're getting on!

 

[Sparkle]

I think that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to cancel the appointment, but if I feel in a few weeks that I do need counselling I'm going to go privately and find someone that I can 'connec't with.

Thanks for your support AmandaJayne. I really think this PM CD is helping as well. I've listened to it every morning this week.

 

[Starlight]

Hi Sparkle, nice to see you posting

Sounds like maybe counselling is a good idea but this particular counsellor isnt. Im glad youre starting to feel better though and as you said the counselling is something you can go back to if you feel the need later.

We've missed you around here *HUGS*