Dairy Of a Lardy kid aged 43 and 3 quarters...

[Micci]

So pleased your O and his girl friend made such an effort for you. You deserve to be spoilt and have the effort come back the other way X

 

[Lisa-Lisa]

oh my it sounds delish!!!!! What's your plans for tonight Lisa? X

Nothing much love P.J's and some tv xx

 

[Lisa-Lisa]

So pleased your O and his girl friend made such an effort for you. You deserve to be spoilt and have the effort come back the other way X

Awwww thank you M xx they certainly worked very hard especially considering that they are not seasoned cooks of vegetarian food, it was totally delish but just shows how much my body has got used to eating fat free uncomplicated food because I'm in agony with heartburn since. The food was very rich, lots of cheese, cream and fat thank god I don't eat like this on a regular basis.

Think in reality just to stay the same weight at this weeks weigh in is going to require eating only cream of water soup and fresh air

 

[malamobile]

Sometimes that struggle on the scales for a week is worth it - & this is one of those occasions. Im so glad that it has all worked out ok and that you had a great and what sounds like a totally yummy time.

 

[Lisa-Lisa]

Good afternoon and Happy Easter!

Back on it with vengeance today, decided not to go out for carvery today I indulged far too much yesterday and still have ridiculous heartburn so we're staying home and Im cooking.

Not a single morsel of chocolate has passed my lips and the huge Lindt egg is sitting in top of the wardrobe at the back and that's where it's staying until at least after weigh in.

Breakfast: 2 slices of bread (hexB) from 400g loaf toasted and spread with laughing cow blue cheese spread (hexA) and coffees (hexA).

Lunch: savoury rice with onions and peppers and mixed chilli beans with a quorn burger (0.5 syn)

Dinner: potatoes mashed with fat free fromage frais, dry roasted potatoes, sprouts, carrots, peas, quorn fillets, Yorkshire pudding (2.5 syns) gravy (2 syns).

Pudding: Fruit cocktail and fat free vanilla yogurt

Snacks: homemade Cajun hummus and ryvitas (hexB)

That's 5 syns for the day - roll on Friday lol

Hope you're all having a lovely Sunday xxx

 

[Micci]

Wow, good for you. Getting focused again today is brilliant.

 

[Micci]

Hiya, how is Monday for you?

 

[malamobile]

Good afternoon and Happy Easter!

Back on it with vengeance today, decided not to go out for carvery today I indulged far too much yesterday and still have ridiculous heartburn so we're staying home and Im cooking.

Not a single morsel of chocolate has passed my lips and the huge Lindt egg is sitting in top of the wardrobe at the back and that's where it's staying until at least after weigh in.

Breakfast: 2 slices of bread (hexB) from 400g loaf toasted and spread with laughing cow blue cheese spread (hexA) and coffees (hexA).

Lunch: savoury rice with onions and peppers and mixed chilli beans with a quorn burger (0.5 syn)

Dinner: potatoes mashed with fat free fromage frais, dry roasted potatoes, sprouts, carrots, peas, quorn fillets, Yorkshire pudding (2.5 syns) gravy (2 syns).

Pudding: Fruit cocktail and fat free vanilla yogurt

Snacks: homemade Cajun hummus and ryvitas (hexB)

That's 5 syns for the day - roll on Friday lol

Hope you're all having a lovely Sunday xxx

Phewee check you out!! Good on Easter Sunday now that is great and angelic! I'm very impressed. Hooray you have cracked it my sweet whereas I have had a wobble but a planned one so not so bad. Hope your Monday is happy! X

 

[Lisa-Lisa]

Phewee check you out!! Good on Easter Sunday now that is great and angelic! I'm very impressed. Hooray you have cracked it my sweet whereas I have had a wobble but a planned one so not so bad. Hope your Monday is happy! X

I think you did amazingly well!! everything crossed again for you tomorrow I had a little wobble and had 2 slices of bakewell tart nothing major really in retrospect so not stressing about it. xx

 

[Lisa-Lisa]

Evening people!!

Busy day been out and about. Visited my mum at the cemetery first time since December

I didn't get upset I got irritated and angry - the plot is shared by 2 other relatives and after my uncle died last December the grave stone and plot is beginning to look like a cheap shrine to him - it borders on disrespect to be honest :O

Both my lovely mum and Nan are also in there <shakes head sadly> and I'm torn about going again because I can't bear to see all the tat around. I'm probably speaking right out of turn, but its not sitting well with me at all.

I'm considering renovated my mums love bench - I bought it for her many years ago and we would sit there in her little communal garden with our milky coffees and cigarettes putting the world to rights in the sunshine just watching the world go by. It's a lovely little bench 2 seats and a little table all moulded into one.

I'm maybe thinking about doing a special little corner in the yard especially for her so I don't have to see that fairground of a plot anymore.

I know people deal with their grief differently but having all those ornaments and wind chimes and cards and letters sellotaped with masking tape onto the tomb stone and statues of greyhounds and trophies siliconed on the plot just makes it look tacky. I know I'm horrible but like I said there's 3 people resting there not just one ....what do you lovelies think?..

Anyway ended up driving out and going to some retail park and had a walk around and a coffee. T wanted to treat us all to Nando's but I said no. Even though the damage is already done I need to keep my head in the game and stop using this weekend has an excuse to trough everything. I've got my appointment to check my cholesterol and blood pressure on Friday and also the following Monday I'm seeing the practice dietician..I would like to be a stone down.

Anyhoo...

Breakfast: coffees (hexA)

No lunch but had a bucket full of a skinny latte with sugar free caramel syrup at Starbucks.

Dinner:




Spicy bean burger (3 syns) with a large wholemeal roll (2 hexB) with 40g reduced fat cheddar (hexA) a super free salad with some coronation quorn and some Mexican rice. A splodge of ketchup (1 syn) and a splodge of barbecue sauce (1 syn) and some balsamic vinegar.

I've since had a handful of black grapes and a fat free rhubarb and vanilla yogurt.

The house is a tip and there's washing up to the ceiling and the cats have put paw marks in all the dusty parts of the house - but I'm sitting in bed half reading, half typing and half watching TV....because it can all s0d off until tomorrow

Hope you've all had a lovely bank holiday monday, whatever you've been up to xxx

 

[incaravanland]

Evening people!!

Busy day been out and about. Visited my mum at the cemetery first time since December

I didn't get upset I got irritated and angry - the plot is shared by 2 other relatives and after my uncle died last December the grave stone and plot is beginning to look like a cheap shrine to him - it borders on disrespect to be honest :O

Both my lovely mum and Nan are also in there <shakes head sadly> and I'm torn about going again because I can't bear to see all the tat around. I'm probably speaking right out of turn, but its not sitting well with me at all.

I'm considering renovated my mums love bench - I bought it for her many years ago and we would sit there in her little communal garden with our milky coffees and cigarettes putting the world to rights in the sunshine just watching the world go by. It's a lovely little bench 2 seats and a little table all moulded into one.

I'm maybe thinking about doing a special little corner in the yard especially for her so I don't have to see that fairground of a plot anymore.

I know people deal with their grief differently but having all those ornaments and wind chimes and cards and letters sellotaped with masking tape onto the tomb stone and statues of greyhounds and trophies siliconed on the plot just makes it look tacky. I know I'm horrible but like I said there's 3 people resting there not just one ....what do you lovelies think?..

Anyway ended up driving out and going to some retail park and had a walk around and a coffee. T wanted to treat us all to Nando's but I said no. Even though the damage is already done I need to keep my head in the game and stop using this weekend has an excuse to trough everything. I've got my appointment to check my cholesterol and blood pressure on Friday and also the following Monday I'm seeing the practice dietician..I would like to be a stone down.

Anyhoo...

Breakfast: coffees (hexA)

No lunch but had a bucket full of a skinny latte with sugar free caramel syrup at Starbucks.

Dinner:


View attachment 84764

Spicy bean burger (3 syns) with a large wholemeal roll (2 hexB) with 40g reduced fat cheddar (hexA) a super free salad with some coronation quorn and some Mexican rice. A splodge of ketchup (1 syn) and a splodge of barbecue sauce (1 syn) and some balsamic vinegar.

I've since had a handful of black grapes and a fat free rhubarb and vanilla yogurt.

The house is a tip and there's washing up to the ceiling and the cats have put paw marks in all the dusty parts of the house - but I'm sitting in bed half reading, half typing and half watching TV....because it can all s0d off until tomorrow

Hope you've all had a lovely bank holiday monday, whatever you've been up to xxx

Lisa. I think you are totally within your rights to feel that way about your mum and nans resting place. I can understand why you are annoyed I really can.

Can you talk to the relatives that have put all the tat there and maybe come to some agreement.

I might be talking out of turn I mean I can't talk to my mums sister about their dads (my grandads) resting place. In fact they had his ashes interred without my mum and therefore my knowledge. It was an awful time and when grandad died he was a great grandad as my sisters eldest was just 2 weeks when he passed but because he had no great grandchildren on her side of the family they decided to leave that off his headstone. It was very upsetting.

If discussions are a no go or they don't go how you would like maybe you could treat your mums bench as a place to go rather than her graveside? I know it's not the same and it doesn't solve all of the issue as your man is with your mum but I find that having somewhere to go is helpful. Well I find it. I go to my other aunts grave (my godmother-not blood aunt-you know how it is) and see her and as its the same cemetery my grandads in I find myself talking to him from there.

Does that make me sound totally nuts?!?!

Well done for avoiding nandos. It's hard staying on track when thinks seem to be going on like a whirl wind all around you.

Hope you're ok xxxxxx

 

[malamobile]

Evening people!!

Busy day been out and about. Visited my mum at the cemetery first time since December

I didn't get upset I got irritated and angry - the plot is shared by 2 other relatives and after my uncle died last December the grave stone and plot is beginning to look like a cheap shrine to him - it borders on disrespect to be honest :O

Both my lovely mum and Nan are also in there <shakes head sadly> and I'm torn about going again because I can't bear to see all the tat around. I'm probably speaking right out of turn, but its not sitting well with me at all.

I'm considering renovated my mums love bench - I bought it for her many years ago and we would sit there in her little communal garden with our milky coffees and cigarettes putting the world to rights in the sunshine just watching the world go by. It's a lovely little bench 2 seats and a little table all moulded into one.

I'm maybe thinking about doing a special little corner in the yard especially for her so I don't have to see that fairground of a plot anymore.

I know people deal with their grief differently but having all those ornaments and wind chimes and cards and letters sellotaped with masking tape onto the tomb stone and statues of greyhounds and trophies siliconed on the plot just makes it look tacky. I know I'm horrible but like I said there's 3 people resting there not just one ....what do you lovelies think?..

Anyway ended up driving out and going to some retail park and had a walk around and a coffee. T wanted to treat us all to Nando's but I said no. Even though the damage is already done I need to keep my head in the game and stop using this weekend has an excuse to trough everything. I've got my appointment to check my cholesterol and blood pressure on Friday and also the following Monday I'm seeing the practice dietician..I would like to be a stone down.

Anyhoo...

Breakfast: coffees (hexA)

No lunch but had a bucket full of a skinny latte with sugar free caramel syrup at Starbucks.

Dinner:

<img src="http://www.minimins.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=84764"/>

Spicy bean burger (3 syns) with a large wholemeal roll (2 hexB) with 40g reduced fat cheddar (hexA) a super free salad with some coronation quorn and some Mexican rice. A splodge of ketchup (1 syn) and a splodge of barbecue sauce (1 syn) and some balsamic vinegar.

I've since had a handful of black grapes and a fat free rhubarb and vanilla yogurt.

The house is a tip and there's washing up to the ceiling and the cats have put paw marks in all the dusty parts of the house - but I'm sitting in bed half reading, half typing and half watching TV....because it can all s0d off until tomorrow

Hope you've all had a lovely bank holiday monday, whatever you've been up to xxx

Hey you. Well, yes, each person mourns differently but if a plot is shared I think respect should be afforded to the others who are on that plot. I have to be honest and say i personally dislike 'formal' resting places for those left behind, although of course that's pretty much what everyone has. I think it's about remembering and celebrating in a way meaningful to you. If that's sitting on the love seat then that's what is right. If going to the cemetery does not feel right then then it's not right. It doesn't matter where you are, you have the same memories & thoughts so why would you go somewhere uncomfortable? For info me & d have both said no formal 'place'. D wants his ashes shot in the air as a firework over the sea in Cornwall!! I've said plant a tree somewhere. I actively don't want someone going somewhere specific to feel sad or feeling thy have to go somewhere to 'remember' me. I would prefer that I'm just remembered when someone sees something relevant or remembers an event. I wouldn't want people having more pain than the loss already causes them - and I'm positive your mum would never want that or you either. Do it the way that is good for you it does not belittle anything just because you don't go to a formal place. Do your own thing and the thing that makes you smile with good memories.

Foods looking good. I'm intrigued to know how your appointments will go next week. I bet your readings are right down & you will have lost your stone. It's exciting!!

 

[Lisa-Lisa]

I'm soooo relieved you girls have said this.

I have battled with myself everyday since she passed because I don't like going to the cemetery...it brings me no comfort at all - I dread it actually.

But I'm so consumed with guilt because I am actually the only one who goes there to see mum (from the immediate family) my sister didn't even go to the interment and she can't bear to go the grave she just can't handle it and my brother lives in Australia so I feel duty bound to go because I couldn't handle the thought that wherever she is she is looking over thinking I don't care or nobody cares because nobody goes to 'see' her. I miss her ridiculously but I hate going to that cemetery and wish she had, had her ashes scattered like my Dad.

I just can't stop thinking that if I don't go then she will get no flowers and it will be all for my uncle...I hate imagining that (yes I do drive myself mad that's why I NEED this counselling).

I can't talk to any of my cousins, the family for what it is literally dispersed as soon as my mum passed, they didn't like the decisions made for her funeral and that caused bad feeling so basically we've not spoken since - so it seems more that they're are putting their fingers up to us by putting all this faff at the plot, but that's probably me reading into it far too much and being unreasonable.

I think what it boils down to is me having someone to say its ok for me not to want to go there, its ok to feel the way I do and it's ok to not visit the cemetery and my mum wouldn't mind. But even if my mum herself came back and said all this to me it still wouldn't make me feel any different. I've never felt grief like this so I don't know how to feel and whether what I'm feeling is normal or not. Sorry for being morbid - going back today has dragged me back a few 100 steps
xxx

 

[incaravanland]

I'm soooo relieved you girls have said this.

I have battled with myself everyday since she passed because I don't like going to the cemetery...it brings me no comfort at all - I dread it actually.

But I'm so consumed with guilt because I am actually the only one who goes there to see mum (from the immediate family) my sister didn't even go to the interment and she can't bear to go the grave she just can't handle it and my brother lives in Australia so I feel duty bound to go because I couldn't handle the thought that wherever she is she is looking over thinking I don't care or nobody cares because nobody goes to 'see' her. I miss her ridiculously but I hate going to that cemetery and wish she had, had her ashes scattered like my Dad.

I just can't stop thinking that if I don't go then she will get no flowers and it will be all for my uncle...I hate imagining that (yes I do drive myself mad that's why I NEED this counselling).

I can't talk to any of my cousins, the family for what it is literally dispersed as soon as my mum passed, they didn't like the decisions made for her funeral and that caused bad feeling so basically we've not spoken since - so it seems more that they're are putting their fingers up to us by putting all this faff at the plot, but that's probably me reading into it far too much and being unreasonable.

I think what it boils down to is me having someone to say its ok for me not to want to go there, its ok to feel the way I do and it's ok to not visit the cemetery and my mum wouldn't mind. But even if my mum herself came back and said all this to me it still wouldn't make me feel any different. I've never felt grief like this so I don't know how to feel and whether what I'm feeling is normal or not. Sorry for being morbid - going back today has dragged me back a few 100 steps
xxx

i know what it's like not being able to talk to the cousins. It's the same for me and again it mostly stems from funeral and like you say decisions made after they pass.

Of course it's ok for you to be feeling like this and for what it's worth I'd be willing to bet that you haven't taken those steps back hun. After all you have talked about it on here which is something right?!

Of course it's ok to feel how you do and like Michelle said we all grieve differently and I'm pretty sure your mum won't mind where you think about her just that you have lovely memories and most of all that you SMILE.

Hugs xxxxxx

p.s you're not being morbid xxxx

 

[Lisa-Lisa]

i know what it's like not being able to talk to the cousins. It's the same for me and again it mostly stems from funeral and like you say decisions made after they pass.

Of course it's ok for you to be feeling like this and for what it's worth I'd be willing to bet that you haven't taken those steps back hun. After all you have talked about it on here which is something right?!

Of course it's ok to feel how you do and like Michelle said we all grieve differently and I'm pretty sure your mum won't mind where you think about her just that you have lovely memories and most of all that you SMILE.

Hugs xxxxxx

p.s you're not being morbid xxxx

This made me fill up xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Micci]

((((((((( Lisa )))))))) Of course you have every right to feel as you do about your Mum's last resting place. And if you feel bad about seeing what has been done to it, it is absolutely fine to remember her in the place that was special to you both. It is the thoughts and memories that are important, not where you have those feelings. Or so it seems to me anyway.

I had a thought though. Does the cemetery do a service whereby they keep an up to date planting of seasonal plants on a grave. Ours does and I don't think its an unreasonable price. If you could organise something like that, or maybe a delivery from a florist now and again, all done in your Mum's name, you could feel that her memory and tastes were being respected at the grave.

We too have a grave of particularly poignant memory. My eldest is there, and half of my Father's ashes. We are a bit particular about the tacky sort of grave ornaments you describe and have NOT welcomed them. My MIL told me she had a solar powered angel that changes colour she wanted to put there I said I didn't think it was appropriate. She responded by saying that she wanted her ashes there and that she liked angels. Oh blow me down, she might well like angels and I don't mind her ashes being there unofficially (like my Dad, you do it officially and there is a limit to how many people can be there so we just dug him in) but not a flipping solar powered colour changing bit of plastic tat. Maybe I could find a nice classical reproduction to put there for her.

More hugs Lisa, you have done so very very well to stay focused despite all this going on for you.

 

[incaravanland]

This made me fill up xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Awww hun I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you xxxxxxxx sorry xxxxx

 

[Lisa-Lisa]

Awww hun I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you xxxxxxxx sorry xxxxx

No no...I'm not upset, Im relieved xxxx

 

[Lisa-Lisa]

((((((((( Lisa )))))))) Of course you have every right to feel as you do about your Mum's last resting place. And if you feel bad about seeing what has been done to it, it is absolutely fine to remember her in the place that was special to you both. It is the thoughts and memories that are important, not where you have those feelings. Or so it seems to me anyway.

I had a thought though. Does the cemetery do a service whereby they keep an up to date planting of seasonal plants on a grave. Ours does and I don't think its an unreasonable price. If you could organise something like that, or maybe a delivery from a florist now and again, all done in your Mum's name, you could feel that her memory and tastes were being respected at the grave.

We too have a grave of particularly poignant memory. My eldest is there, and half of my Father's ashes. We are a bit particular about the tacky sort of grave ornaments you describe and have NOT welcomed them. My MIL told me she had a solar powered angel that changes colour she wanted to put there I said I didn't think it was appropriate. She responded by saying that she wanted her ashes there and that she liked angels. Oh blow me down, she might well like angels and I don't mind her ashes being there unofficially (like my Dad, you do it officially and there is a limit to how many people can be there so we just dug him in) but not a flipping solar powered colour changing bit of plastic tat. Maybe I could find a nice classical reproduction to put there for her.

More hugs Lisa, you have done so very very well to stay focused despite all this going on for you.

I think I'm going to limit my visits just to her birthday, Mother's Day, and Christmas. I can't handle this feeling every time I go. I know in time this will ease and the counselling will help, once they get their finger out and sort me an appointment.

I planted some bulbs in the plot last September a few weeks after she passed away. But they have obviously been disturbed since by the 2 interments and have not sprouted. I'm going to sort my little yard out this summer with my mum in mind and leave cemetery visits to a minimum.

Thanks for listening lovely friends xxxxxxx

 

[incaravanland]

No no...I'm not upset, Im relieved xxxx

Oh good I'm glad. I thought if upset you. Just read the post you out after this and I think visiting a few times a year and doing your yard with your mum in mind is a wonderful idea. Plant flowers she would have liked and everytime they flower it'll be a lovely happy memory xxxxxx