Still no budging on the sales this morning
but I was pleased with the inch loss last night.
i also found my weight lost cards from when I visited the diet/lipotrim consultant in spring/summer 2007 last night. So it was 6 years ago that I did TFR properly for the 16 weeks. It was purely shakes.
And Its got me thinking about my weight loss and gain and the need to change! i was always a bonny child growing up.
My parents are both slim. My sister was always like a rake. I was always one of the bigger ones in the class. My size was apparent to me at 11 and I can rem crying and asking to go on a diet - Mum helped and I went on weight watchers in my last year of primary school. At home I ate healthy, school I had controlled packed lunches. Mum's approach was very much like GilliancKeith.
Mum wouldn't have 'junk' crisps, chocolate, biscuits etc in the house - I was on brown pitta breads with salad for my school packed lunch with fruit and yoghurt. All the other kids tucked into thick warby ham sandwiches, kit kats and monster munch.
When I visited my Grandparents (Dad side) I had the treats biscuits, puddings, pop, toffees, big meals and supper. There meals always featured chips and bread. I'd Stay for weekends regularly , then we moved closer to them when i was 7 so Mum could return to work and me & my sister would get picked up from school by my Grandparents etc.
They'd cook our tea after schol. Here I could be greedy. My Mum had many arguments with my Grandma about my weight and what I'd eat and drink there. My Grandma was a children's ward sister and my Mum thought she should have known better being a nurse. My Grandma would say it was baby fat and I'd loose it in my teens.
A few years in & She asked them to stop giving me my tea and i was meant to eat at home when she collected us. So she could control what i was having. instead i'd end up having two teas in secret, one there and one at home!! Because I didn't have the 'treats' at home when I was at my grandparents I'd take full advantage.
Now I look back and realise my Mum wasn't being mean, she was trying to help me. All the healthly food was for my benefit. We'd play out but from very young on I didn't take part in PE. I suffered very seriously from hay fever and allergies And wouldn't be able to take part in outdoors PE.
In secondary school I was the confident one, did well and again was bigger that most and can rem being a size 14/16 through my teenage high school years. Each year I'd gain 4-7lb. I'd get little treats in secret on my way home from school with my bus fare and snack on sandwiches and toast when I got home till Mum came home and we'd have a healthy tea. At home we'd have fish, white meat, fruit, veg and brown carbs. Nothing fatty or sweet. We'd occasionally have a Friday night treat of a chippy or some treats from the shop. I didn't really exercises other than walking home from school.
I use to write notes to the PE teacher to say I was injured and couldn't do it. Mum didn't know. Mum tried to get me to go to everything - dance, netball, kids gym ... but I felt fat and different from the other kids so would only do a few weeks.
When I went to sixth form I was a size 16/18. I could drive. Had a evening and weekend job earning my own money. I could now buy my own food!! We'd go to the sandwich shops, Mc D's, bakery's for lunch. At work I could have anything in the Trafford centre. I also started going out at the weekends and was drinking and having the typical 2am food in the taxi on my way home.
By the time I started Uni at 18 I was a size 18. Being away from home I ate and drank what I wanted. I'd always try and cook healthy like Mum had taught me - but i'd eat big portions. I got my 1st serious BF and food was part of our enjoyment and as a student drinking became the norm most nights. My portion sizes grew and the need for extra snacks and meals etc. My weight would go up and down, I'd diet for a few weeks then fall off the wagon ... Diet again.... Then fall off the wagon.
Now When I look back I have pretty much been on and off diets all my life. I have been very unhappy about my size from being that little kid in primary school.
At one point of uni, not long after my Grandma died my weight rocked to nearly 19 stone and a size 26. My Mum would be horrified when they'd visit or i'd go home.
I dieted for my 21st birthday and graduation party and got down to a size 20.
I started my own business then I got my heart broken by my ex.
Turned to food for comfort and then when i realised the damage I had done I would try and shed some weight.
Now i was an adult - i should have known Better. i was back at home and had my Mum yet again supporting me. She did every diet with me including the lipotrim for 1 month. (it was unhealthy for her to do it as long as me.) i lost a stone on herbal life 1st over 3 month period and my went from 16.13 to 15 s 13.5.
That's when I started lipotrim. My weight then: Starting weight 15st 13.5
Wk 1 15 stone 3 (10.5lb loss)
Wk 2 14 stone 12 (5lb loss)
Wk 3 14 s 8 (4lb loss)
Wk 4 14 s 6 (2lb loss)
Wk 5 14 s 2.5 (3.5lb loss)
Wk 6 13 s 11 (5.5lb loss)
Wk 7 13 s 9 (2lb loss)
Wk 8 13 s 4 (5lb loss)
Wk 9 13 s 1 (3lb loss)
Wk 10 12 s 7 (8lb loss)
Wk 11 12 s 5 (2lb loss)
Wk 12 12 s 4 (1lb loss)
Wk 13 12 s (4lb loss)
Wk 14 11 s 8 (5lb loss)
Wk 15 11 s 7 (1lb loss)
Wk 16 11 s 1 (6lb loss)
Totalling : 62 lb (pretty much 4 and a Half stone .. 5 & a half from the start)
I started to go to the gym and was feeling great. I was a size 10/12 and loved the new found attention from guys when I went out.
I could wear tiny dresses and huge big high heals.
I returned to herbal life and my weight went on by 3lb the 1st week and slowly 0.5lb or 1 a week or fortnight when I'd visit her.
However Part of me wasn't happy with my saggy skin i was left with and lack of boobs. But i wore the Bridget Jones knickers and the right clothing to cover it up. But I didn't do anything in moderation.
By Christmas that year my i was Back to around 13 stone. And as the months went by the lbs slowly went on.
Then my Grandfather got cancer - at the same time I lost 2 big work contracts, my parents moved to the Lakes, i fell out with my sister who moved to Spain, then London and took the decision to cared for my Grandfather full time.
He was in hospital at this point at social services wouldn't allow him to return home unless he could live comfortably on the ground floor of house. so i set about fixing the problem.
My now other halve is a builder ... and he helped me to create a wet room, bedroom and a functioning kitchen with wheel chair access.
I would be on the building site from 7am - 11pm at night ... Visiting Grandad 3 times a day at visiting time and doing his errands and washing etc. 5 long months later we were finished and he came home from hospital.
My eating and gym went out the window during the work and after.
Sadly he passes away.
Food was my again comfort, enjoyment, reward .... My weight would go up and down.
But Since then my weights hovered around 15 stone 1. I did follow 'be U' another TRF plan when I was to be a bridesmaid for my best mates wedding a few years back and lost a couple of stone and toned up. I got down to a size 16 and had to face the cheating ex from my past!!
After that - last year my weight went up dramatically - stress, depression and anxiety lead me to my enemy food!!
Mainly because i was unhappy - work was terrible, my parents had issues, still wasn't talking to my sister, i had bump driving my OH transit van & i discovered my OH has a 'condition' that lets says affects him, his thoughts, moods, language and behaviour.
I wanted to leave him because i felt unhappy but i felt mean being shallow and selfish... So again i turned to food!!
I would snack, have large portions, extra meals, drink litres of fizzy pop, drink bottles of cider, bottles of wine....
Things have settle down with my OH now, I know about his condition and how to deal with him. Even though it is still quiet frustrating at times I do love him and he does make me happy.
With my 30's in sight I was starting to feel like a woman in her 50's. tired, sore, achy .... So I made the decision to become my own best friend rather than turning to what I thought was my friend FOOD!!
I didn't buy process food, but lots of red meat and joints. Cheese and biscuits were great as a snack. olives and fresh meat and special cheese. . We'd eat huge portions of home made pasta dishes, Rice dishes with fresh home made bread dripping in best butter. We'd eat out at a restaurant once a Week. Didn't have take outs but we'd grab big sandwiches for lunch or j potatoes caked in cheese and beans, pies or curries. For home I'd buy 'diet' crisps and treats. Low fat yogurts. Thinking I was being good!!!
I have written this down to remind myself why I am doing this... for the last & final time... I don't want my life to be about diets, treats and comfort food. I have to change my relationship with food and my thinking behind my choices.
I have always been lucky because I hide my weight well and not meaning to sound big headed but I have a pretty face with lovely teeth. People always warm to me.
I have been for counselling and know techniques to handle my emotions.
My inner 'skinny Minnie' is crying out to be realised once and for all!!! I'd like to have kids one day and change my career. All things being jeopardised by the size.
We all have our own stories and ways of dealing with stuff but I hope we can all do this together &support each other along the way. Xx
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