Day 5 is almost over now - seems like the forum is the same as before, not many replies to things but I'll just keep writing anyway because it helps.
Not told many people about it this time round, I got so many negative comments last time, I just can't be bothered trying to explain stuff and stand up for myself. As an adult I have made an informed decision and should be left to cope with it, regardless of the consequences. To explain my drinking of only water, I have said that I am 'detoxing' (which is kinda right I guess!) and I have thus far avoided any need to explain my lack of eating.
So...my first 5 days. I'm feeling ok. Did baking with my son this afternoon, don't know why I feel the urge to torture myself in this way, but I did it last time too so guess it must be a coping mechanism I have. When I served up their tea I had a really good sniff of it, close enough to take a bite but I resisted. I refuse to put myself through something so extreme and then not commit to it 110% - I don't see the point!
I've been thinking a lot today about my willpower and my eating habits in general. It frustrates the hell out of me to know that I can forfeit ALL food, yet when I am eating 'normally' I can't be sensible. This has to change, I cannot keep abusing my body in this way. I have decided to tell myself that I do not like 'bad' things, and I hope that this will work.
My jeans feel looser today - maybe they are or maybe it is psychological, either way, it gave me a spring in my step. Had to pop to the shop earlier, and I enjoyed gazing at the forbidden stuff and then walking away. What empowerment! Let's hope it continues post CD!
I didn't do a proper first weigh in, my scales needed a new battery and jumped around a bit, so I have decided to take their highest reading (there were a couple of lbs between the highest and lowest on 4 tries!) as my start weight. I will weigh myself on Wednesday morning and hope that I have had a good loss.
Some tmi coming up - last time I suffered badly with bowel movements. Touching wood, the addition of a spoon full of fibre stuff to one bowl of porridge every other day is keeping things moving there so I am relaxed about that. Also, touching wood my hair seems ok too - I hope it stays ok as losing some was pretty upsetting last time round! I couldn't have it coloured for a year as it was so fragile, eeek!
Anyways, that's day 5 done with. Thanks to anyone who is reading, even if you don't reply!