Minerva
...we're sinking deeper.
Hey ladies!
Some of you may have seen me around, and maybe noticed that I've been very quiet for the last couple of weeks... You are all doing brilliantly whether doing the abstinence or the Lite plans! Never be discouraged and if the going gets tough - push through... however do push to reasonable limit. Don't go to the lengths that I've found myself going to.
I have finally made the decision NOT to push the target of 9st 7. That target was set in some eagerness to see if I can be something I am not. When I was doing abstinence last year my original target was 10st on the dot. I started at 18st 7. My body is truly and honestly rebelling now.
I started in January 2008 and never reached my target of 10st... But I intend to reach it on Lite very soon. In my stupidity and vanity I pushed it backwards to 9st 7, and I can see that my body is truly not going to ever let me reach it without completely torturing myself. I have been doing Lite for 10 weeks now, and for the last 7 weeks my losses have been 0.5 to 1lbs PER WEEK. Consistently. I have not cheated, I have been following the plan as should be, drinking plenty of fluid, etc ...
On top of the poor losses, I cannot move because my muscles feel like they're non-existent, even the thought of going for a short walk would make me want to cry because I'd feel exhausted just from the mere thought of having to do more than sit. My mind is blanking out every 5 minutes, I am not alert, I am in a state of absolute mental and physical weakness.
I have been enduring this lethargic state for 7 weeks, the first 3 weeks were ok because I still had some energy reserves saved up.
And all this for what? Some state of perfection? It never comes. There is always something that I will hate - in fact my breasts are now non-existent, I've stopped wearing a bra because I simply don't need it. My waist size has not changed from 31/32 inches in the last 10 weeks even though I'd apparently lost about a stone. It's all going off my arms and legs and chest and I find myself having a belly and misproportioned body to match.
I do not feel healthy anymore doing this Lite programme. I want to have the energy to go for a bike ride, I want to have the energy to go and play badminton with my boyfriend. This diet is PREVENTING me from doing this. I didn't give in to the torture of the diet from the word go, I gave it a good 7 weeks to see if things will improve for me, if it was just a momentary rebellious child shouting. It wasn't. 7 weeks feeling like this and I finally see that it's my body telling me it's time to stop.
I know enough about making the right choices now. I know how to take control over my emotional eating to take action when I see things getting out of hand.
However, the next big step is to learn to love myself. I am half-way there, self-acceptance is the key. Beauty is not in numbers of the scale, but on the inside. I always envy my friends who shine through no matter what they weigh. They're always the most beautiful people that I know. By obsessing over my 'numbers' I am becoming everything that I hate.
If the mind is happy, maintenance will be easy. If the maintenance is easy with the right choices and changing of priorities, the rest will follow.
For sanity of mind I will go to my original goal of 10st. ... Then. I will finish.
Finally.
Some peace of mind.
...Thanks for reading. I guess I had to say this somewhere. I don't ever share my thoughts or vulnerabilities with people... This is the exception.
Some of you may have seen me around, and maybe noticed that I've been very quiet for the last couple of weeks... You are all doing brilliantly whether doing the abstinence or the Lite plans! Never be discouraged and if the going gets tough - push through... however do push to reasonable limit. Don't go to the lengths that I've found myself going to.
I have finally made the decision NOT to push the target of 9st 7. That target was set in some eagerness to see if I can be something I am not. When I was doing abstinence last year my original target was 10st on the dot. I started at 18st 7. My body is truly and honestly rebelling now.
I started in January 2008 and never reached my target of 10st... But I intend to reach it on Lite very soon. In my stupidity and vanity I pushed it backwards to 9st 7, and I can see that my body is truly not going to ever let me reach it without completely torturing myself. I have been doing Lite for 10 weeks now, and for the last 7 weeks my losses have been 0.5 to 1lbs PER WEEK. Consistently. I have not cheated, I have been following the plan as should be, drinking plenty of fluid, etc ...
On top of the poor losses, I cannot move because my muscles feel like they're non-existent, even the thought of going for a short walk would make me want to cry because I'd feel exhausted just from the mere thought of having to do more than sit. My mind is blanking out every 5 minutes, I am not alert, I am in a state of absolute mental and physical weakness.
I have been enduring this lethargic state for 7 weeks, the first 3 weeks were ok because I still had some energy reserves saved up.
And all this for what? Some state of perfection? It never comes. There is always something that I will hate - in fact my breasts are now non-existent, I've stopped wearing a bra because I simply don't need it. My waist size has not changed from 31/32 inches in the last 10 weeks even though I'd apparently lost about a stone. It's all going off my arms and legs and chest and I find myself having a belly and misproportioned body to match.
I do not feel healthy anymore doing this Lite programme. I want to have the energy to go for a bike ride, I want to have the energy to go and play badminton with my boyfriend. This diet is PREVENTING me from doing this. I didn't give in to the torture of the diet from the word go, I gave it a good 7 weeks to see if things will improve for me, if it was just a momentary rebellious child shouting. It wasn't. 7 weeks feeling like this and I finally see that it's my body telling me it's time to stop.
I know enough about making the right choices now. I know how to take control over my emotional eating to take action when I see things getting out of hand.
However, the next big step is to learn to love myself. I am half-way there, self-acceptance is the key. Beauty is not in numbers of the scale, but on the inside. I always envy my friends who shine through no matter what they weigh. They're always the most beautiful people that I know. By obsessing over my 'numbers' I am becoming everything that I hate.
If the mind is happy, maintenance will be easy. If the maintenance is easy with the right choices and changing of priorities, the rest will follow.
For sanity of mind I will go to my original goal of 10st. ... Then. I will finish.
Finally.
Some peace of mind.
...Thanks for reading. I guess I had to say this somewhere. I don't ever share my thoughts or vulnerabilities with people... This is the exception.
:hug99: I really do appreciate your kind words at this time.
