Diary of a chocoholic

[chocolate_bananas]

Thanks Samalama, put it in perspective a little bit. I will never let my girls know how i feel about it, just accepting that it's natural i feel a bit sad about it, but of course it will get easier with time i expect. Worried about her getting close to the baby more than anything, she's MY baby, god that sounds so selfish doesn't it, i feel i can say it on here because it's 'anonymous'.

I do hope she is good with them though of course i do.

Thanks again x

 

[Squeezyweezy]

Sooo tired tonight!

Breakfast - None!

Lunch - Gregg's tuna crunch baguette - 530
Gregg's carrot cake - 361

Dinner - A disgusting concoction of mackarel, pasta, mushrooms, peppers and a mushroom sauce - it was quite calorific and i ate half so i'm guessing - 400
TWO Galaxy Ripples - 350
2 squares of G & B's - 40

Total = 1681

Exercise = 0

Net calories = 1681

Drinks = 3.5 litres of water/squash

Another unhealthy day today, not too bad on calories, could have been much worse, and i should do some exercise but i need a rest day, i'm pooped, i just couldn't put enough effort into it to make it worth it.

No fruit again, far too much chocolate, and tea was AWFUL!! I made it last week with tuna and it was gorgeous, tried it with mackarel this week and it was disgusting, although the baby wolfed it down...typical!

I'm going to make it a really good weekend, careful with food and i will definately exercise both days, not going for long workouts though. Then i have a meal out Monday night, but Tuesday should be good food-wise, both of those days i'm going to do some more intense exercise. I would LOVE to be under 11st on Wednesday!

Things are still iffy with the ex. It is ok for him to be with someone else but he hears that i may have someone on the horizon and hits the roof, seriously psycho mode!! I think i attract psycho's into my life, and bullies. I would like to know who this new man is myself mind you Gossip eh!

Dd1 is off out with him tomorrow and his girlfriend will be there, they have been together a long time now so it's about time she met the kids, but it's actually making my stomach turn at the thought of it...i need to get over it i guess. Awww :cry: I never planned for things to work out this way when we had children. And shallow and selfish as it sounds i don't want my daughter's growing close to another woman

Going to have to keep myself busy tomorrow

That's it from me anyway xxx

Hey you,

I see you gave into the Greggs in the end. Good for you hun. A little bit of what you fancy does you good.

As for the ex situation, I can't really comment from the Mum's point of you, but as a daughter who had to meet her Dads new GF, I can offer a little bit of advice.

I was 3 when my Mum and Dad split up, and 4 when my Dad met his new GF, who later became his wife.
I have a fantastic relationship with my step Mother, but there are some things that only a Mum can help with. Yes I enjoy spending time with my SM and she is great fun, but the minute I have a question to be answered or a situation to be resolved, its my Mum I turn too. She is my shoulder to cry on and the first person I tell good news to. She is who I turn to for advice, and who I go to when I need a hug. Your Mum is your Mum, and can never ever be replaced.

I can only imagine how you must feel.

:hug99: hugs to you xx

 

[Bostik]

It's natural for you to feel that way I think. It's your kids. But like squeezy said, your mum can't be replaced ever. My dad got married a couple of times after my mum and though they were nice enough, they were never gonna even get close to coming near to, never mind replacing my mum

 

[Legomom]

Heya!
Just wanted to say your doing really well to be allowing the new GF near the most precious things in your life!! I've never been in that situation an I hope I'd be a grown up about it but I suspect I'd get a bit crazy!!!
And it's totally natural to feel a bit territorial of the baby!!! That's what moms DO!! when they are tiny your whole body chemistry is geared up to make you get a bit primal towards any 'threat' to your baby lol so your not a bad person to feel that way!! Your actually a really good mom!
Just watch out for the slightly crazy ex BF. my best bud had one like that who assumed he still had a right to know what she was doing and every new GF got introduced to their daughter as 'your second mommy' which is disgraceful really and very bad for the child!! But if they've been together a while and he's been ok with her not meeting your daughter straightaway then hopefully he has more sense!!!

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[chocolate_bananas]

Hi ladies, thanks for your replies, i really needed them :hug99:

So to say yesterday was awful would be an understatement! Ate loads of crap and did not do any exercise, i just felt rubbish. Almost cried handing dd1 over to him, she did have a good time, but it was hard all the same.

I think it might help if i fill you in on the background of the situation a little bit...i will try to keep it short but we have a LOT of history!

**Deleted**

So back to calorie counting stuff

Another poop day food wise, so that's 2 in a row, not binges but still ate a lot. I did the 500 calorie workout this evening though so i'm feeling back on track. Hopefully i can scrape that last 1lb off on Wednesday and reach my June goal.

I am off to have a bath now and get some sleep ready for work tomorrow.

Nighty night all xxx

 

[stripedsocks]

Blimey Ms Bananas, what a muddle you've been through with him!

Be strong, lady. x

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[Squeezyweezy]

Bloody hell bananas!! Now wonder you were feeling anxious and down the other day.

He sounds like a spineless, pathetic bully, who likes to have control over everything!! I know someone like that!!

I think you have handled it all brilliantly. He obviously thinks it is OK to pop in and out of your daughters lives whenever he feels like it, and you have just stood up to him. Hats off to you hun, well done. I know that that is no small achievment. arty0011:

Of course your girls are your weakness, that is obvious. I know you would like them to grow up with both of you in their lives, but it sounds like you are more than making up for his absense. Your girls will always have a Dad, but you are what is important to them right now.

Honestly, I think you single Mums are amazing!!!! I definitley could not do what you have to do everyday.

 

[Legomom]

Dont let him twist things round till your the bad guy. If your girls grow up without a father it will be because that's how HE chose to do things. If he can't be consistent and reasonable that's HIS decision and not your fault. Your a good mum and if it comes to it then YOU are all your girls need!!!

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[chocolate_bananas]

Ahhh thanks all, just what i needed to hear. Feel so good because he is not in the country

It is all a bit personal what i wrote so i'm going to go and delete it.

Got a lot on in the next few days so might not make it on here much to update, weigh in is tomorrow but it has not been such a good week food-wise, soooooo, i am just going to weigh in Friday, which i was going to do anyway as that's when i do my measurements, the 1st of every month. Hopefully i will have shifted that last 1lb and got down to 11st. Next month i am only aiming for 4 or 5lbs, then after that i'll reduce my goal to 1lb a week on MFP for the last stone, i'm really not in any rush to lose it now, i'm quite comfortable but it does need to come off if i want to look my best.

Been to Nando's today and it was quite grim...the pitta was hard and the choc-a-lot cake was so dry! It has really put me off going, blessing in disguise i guess

I do not have any milk chocolate in the house at all, i'm going to have to go cold turkey from it, can't control myself around it anymore it seems!! I will have a few squares of dark choccy but that is it. Surely i cannot get addicted to that stuff?!?!

I'm going to get my exercise gear on now and do the 500 cal workout, i need to burn some of this excess crap off that i've been gobbling so much of. Then i'm going to sit down and work out some goals for next month, i love having things to work towards and often have a few goals on the go. I have some main ones written down to do with my weight and career atc, but i need some smaller short term ones for next month, so i know i am being pro-active and working towards my main ones. I will write them here the next time i update.

Going to have a quick flick through the posts and diaries now then prance about my living room

Love to all xxxxxxxxxx

 

[chocolate_bananas]

Eeek!! I have just accounted for EVERYTHING i have eaten in the last 2 days on MFP

Monday - 2641 calories
Tuesday - 2703 calories

That is so embarassing seeing that! I am going to declare them as binges, i have to! Although i have done a lot worse in the past i must say

As much as i believe in eating exercise cals back, i am not doing for the next 2 days, it won't do any harm will it? Reeeeally hope i can get to 11st on Friday 1st July, i reckon i can do it Keep glugging the water, did an hours exercise tonight, same tomorrow and Thursday, and keep to 1200 cals the next 2 days, and that should do it. We'll see!

 

[Funky_Munky]

Hi chocolate bananas, have just been looking through your diary, sorry to see youve been having stress, its always difficult when theres kids involved. Dont worry too much about your days over cals, in the grand scheme of things, it wont do too much damage.

Cant believe nandos was so rubbish! Although tbh i dont go there much anymore, prefer to buy the sauces from the supermarket and make my own (sad i know!!). Fingers crossed you break the 11st barrier!

 

[Bostik]

I went to Nando's last night after ages and really didn't enjoy it. Which is a shame cos it was ideal, they have the calories available on the site and the chicken and that isn't that bad if I'm not getting chips! Quite annoyed!

 

[Squeezyweezy]

Good luck with the weigh in, and good luck with the going cold turkey with the chocolate. xxx

 

[chocolate_bananas]

Good day today, i have eaten 1214 calories and done half an hour of Tae-Bo, also drank 4 litres of water

Tomorrow i expect to be another good day and i can't wait to do my measurements on Friday morning. I'm a bit apprehensive about weigh in but if i am still at 11st 1 then i have still lost 6lbs this month which is pretty damn fantastic Hopefully though i will have shifted that 1lb! Let's see!

Dd1 is off school tomorrow due to the strikes and it's my day off so me and my girls are going to have lots of fun, i'm hoping it's nice and warm so we can get out for a picnic and a nice walk. Really looking forward to it.

My goals for next month so far are:

• Get to 150lbs
• I have had 4 bad days this month, next month i am aiming for no more than 3 (none ideally!)
• No milk chocolate, only dark
• Save £335 towards a new car
• De-clutter the whole house and take things to the tip/charity shop/ready to be put on Ebay
• Put everything that i need to on Ebay and save the funds for Christmas
• Keep on top of the housework
• Get on a much needed night out!
• Put some firm boundaries in place with the ex, otherwise let him walk away.

So they are not all strictly weight loss goals but they will all make me feel better when i accomplish them

I'm off to have a bath now anyway, hope everyone has had a nice evening xxx

 

[Legomom]

Mine are all off for the strikes too they are quite excited lol gonna go out in the morning then the DD has a friend coming to play which she can't do very often coz of big J but the boys are off with daddy for the afternoon so it's gonna be girl heaven lol.

Glad you had a good day I'm rather jealous of the 11's lol they seem like a distant dream right now haha !!!

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[Samalama]

LOVING your July goals - they all sound great and achievable for sure! I need to do the same for Ebay I want to save for our holiday in November!

Ack! Who needs Nandos anyway - you can find a new treat to save your calories for

 

[Squeezyweezy]

Enjoy your girlie day tomorrow hun. Bit envious of your July goals, need to pull my finger out and set some for myself.

I am going to measure myself on Friday. I have been reading up on it and I think it is just another thing to hopefully make me smile on weigh day. Especially if the scales aren't bein particularly friendly.

 

[Samalama]

Hope everything is going OK for you?

 

[chocolate_bananas]

Hello internet!

I am not connected at home for a couple more days and i have not had a chance to get on at work because we have moved offices AGAIN and i've just been snowed under with work work work!

Samalama i am great thanks for thinking of me

I'm at my parents and have got a quick half an hour on here so i thought i would say hello!

Things are good at the minute, a lot of flip-flapping by a certain individual who i shall not talk about today, but that week he was in Greece was BLISS and i think i had a lightbulb moment

So...i didn't reach my June goal, i weighed in and had STS but i had lost an inch on my waist, and half an inch everywhere else (half an inch...half a sodding inch!!), which is better than nothing i guess.

Good news is i have since lost that pesky pound so i am 11st now :flirt2: I have been thinking a lot lately about how i want this to be a proper lifestyle change, i think i have been setting my goals too high. I must admit i was disappointed when i didn't lose the 7lbs i aimed for last month. I am pretty comfortable at the weight i am now, i'm quite easily a size 12, so i'm thinking what's the rush really?

Before the net disappeared i was doing a lot of reading on MFP about calorie cycling/zig zagging and it was really appealing. I started it this Monday and i'm doing Mon, Tues at 1200 net, then maintenance net Weds, 1200 net again Thurs and Fri, Maintenance net Sat, then 1200 net Sun. This should give me a loss of around 1lb a week, but i don't even want to lose 4lbs a month, seriously, i want to do it really slowly with as little pain as possible and lots of exercise to change the shape of my body. In addition, i am also now finding the 1200 net days pretty difficult, i am just so hungry at the end of the day. I am actually thinking of putting them up and aiming for half a pound a week. I get a bit more to eat, especially with all the exercise i have been doing.

Or i was thinking of doing the 1200 net zig zag week for week 1 (1lb loss), then the 0.5lb net zig zag week for weeks 2 and 3 (1lb loss in total), then actually eating at maintenance for the whole of week 4. By my calculations that should give me a 2lbs a month loss and will easily get me to goal by my birthday in February.

It has to be fat i'm losing at that rate surely, and not muscle? And i certainly will not feel deprived, then once i am at goal i can just carry on with the eating at net maintenance, which i should be used to.

I know i am waffling here but i have to write it down anyway to come back to it if i decide to do it, i just can't imagine staying at net 1200 now for too much longer. A week once a month i could do easily, but not all the time.

I think i am going to give it a go actually, so my maintenance week should start on the 1st Aug, and by that point i should have lost 2lbs and be 10st 12 (UNDER 11ST WOOO!), if i am not then i will hold my hands up and admit i am crap at maths and go back to the drawing board

I'm just trying to keep my body guessing, as well as keeping it interesting for me, and like i said before, as painless as possible!

Tomorrow is my rest day, and i still get to eat 1830 cals...you do not understand how excited i am!!

That is going to have be be it, i want a quick flick through the posts and change my statistics.

Love to you all xxx