So, I'm probably not alone in saying this year I'm going to do it. Diary of a serial dieter, except... Not this time. I've have spent 10 years beating myself up, throwing myself whole heartedly into a new fad diet and rebelling in magnificent style by week two. Thus I have never gotten to where I need to be, or want to be. I have the opposite to anorexia, in that I focus on the good things that in reality aren't likely to be there consequently accepting I'm a big girl. back ground info, I'm 27. I am married and I have two children. At my heaviest I was 15st. My lightest I was 12st 8lb. Every member of my family is a size 6, skeletal in my eyes. The genuine only thing I have ever envied is their ability to freely choose what they want to wear, throw themselves wholeheartedly into social occasions and events whilst I dread them, worry about them and end up excusing myself from participating. The only difference in me and them (no is not portion sizes or diet) but PCOS. I have battled with every aspect of PCOS and continue to do so. Although I do know now, this is often my excuse. But it hasn't helped. Until recently periods had been none existent, so much so I had lengthy invasive often cripplingly embarrassing medical help to have my two beautiful children. So why now? My best friend of 10 years is getting married in July, and I cannot, and will not put myself on display for people to scrutinise. This will spoil the occasion and inevitably sour a friendship in my desire to escape from the honour of being chief bridesmaid. The idea of popping on a dress and being on show right now, horrifies me. i have begun my journey at 13st 13lb (for my height a generous size 16). I have spent the last week healthy eating and I have dropped 4lbs, being restrictive though is my problem, so I did some research and found the Paul McKenna gastric band book and audio. I'm a cynic at everything, so generally wasn't sure this was going to even sink in, but so far - I have to say that it's had an effect on me. I won't go into how right now because I think the whole process in itself is quite lengthy and complicated if you haven't read the book and ultimately it is very early days. I am keeping a diary to help me focus and hopefully over the next few months show others even the weakest willed can succeed! I have tried every diet known to man, with quick results - but truthfully it's about changing life time habits and thought processes, that in itself is not for quick results. Slow and steady. I have 7 months to do this so I'm going to lay my target out here... start weight: 13st 13lb - size 16 current weight 13st 9lb 1st Goal: 13st (to achieve during February) 2nd goal: 12st 7lb (March/April) 3rd Goal: 12st (June/July) 4th goal: 11st 7lb 5th goal: 11st end of year goal: 10st 7lb this is the first chapter of the final chapter in my dieting life.