Emotional Eaters... Any Advice?

[Katycakes]

Serena, you mean I won't be seeing pink penguins after all? I was looking forward to that! Aw!!!! Funny, I never go on the official CD site, not after checking out the diet initially anyhow. And I quite liked the tangent, you & KD are very wise & very kind as well!
Diddums, YAY!!!!!! that you can start tommorow. I think it's a great idea to go for it while you're all motivated, and pretty soon you too will be seeing pink penguins... well, y'know what I mean! We are all here for you honey, so go for it!
Kira, step away from the fishfingers... so hard when you are making food for kids, I know, but once ketosis kicks in for you it should be easier. This thread has kept me going today & there is a real sense that we can support each other and overcome this problem. See you all tomorrow I hope!
xx

 

[edibeedee]

Hiya Katy - sorry went off on a tangent there...KD's avatar on the offcial Cambridge forum is a penguin, and if you have a look at that forum you'll see why it's the "pink" site! Minimins tends to be much busier for people posting so I tend to stick with here, I just go over there when I have exhausted looking at every thread on here!

I am so glad you cleared up the pink penguin thing. I have seen it referenced in other threads. You know I have to google lots of things you guys say, terms for items, food, lots of stuff that don't translate from english to english. lol. I even have a slang dictionary in my favs left over from when I used to watch Bad Girls and Hustle. I now use it when I watch Hollyoaks, but don't really need it that much anymore. I have really learned "english"! I am totally fasinated! Fanks mates.
Sorry this is OT.
edi

 

[KD]

I am so glad you cleared up the pink penguin thing.

Someone talking Pink Penguins??

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Though, I'm not always pink. I change with my moods. Sometimes I get angry

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Sometimes I feel I'm losing the battle

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But I usually hang around here and there

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Until I need a lie down anyway

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Perhaps I've exchanged my emotional eating for emotional penguins

 

[edibeedee]

awww thanks for showing them.
edi

 

[KD]

awww thanks for showing them.
edi

I have about 2,000 more. Would you like to see them

 

[Bijoux]

KD I would love to see them he he.

This is a great thread girls. I think am more of a compulsive eater, I see something nice and I have to have it (am the same with shoes, handbags and belts) but funnily enough I can control myself and say, "No, you can't afford to have that bag or those shoes!" and yet I cannot do the same with food. That is why I believe that SS and CD will really help me. I stuck to the higher diet plans over the holidays and although I walked away from many "naughty" treats I feel that that is only a tiny fraction of this long journey. There will be many lows and highs but I think the trick is making a note of them and working through them. They say it takes 30 days to build a new habit and years to break an old one.

 

[lillypop]

This thread is helping me in so many ways! I've read through it and read through it again! I've been reading books etc. and am determined to remain strong in my mind, it is so true that CD is taking care of the weightloss but it's in the mind that is where it began.

 

[KD]

KD I would love to see them he he.

So sorry...too late...put the album away now

I see something nice and I have to have it (am the same with shoes, handbags and belts) but funnily enough I can control myself and say, "No, you can't afford to have that bag or those shoes!"and yet I cannot do the same with food.

But, what if those bags or shoes were just as cheap as food. And what if someone was putting them in your cupboard...saying "take your pick"?

 

[Smiley_Cat]

And yes, food has been my security blanket for too long, and then you see that you're actually wrapping yourself in something old and dirty and ugly if that makes any sense... what I mean is, it wasn't giving me any security at all, just undermining my confidence and making me feel bad about myself.

Katycakes - what a perfect image for me to take forward! An old, dirty, ugly security blanket is NOT what I want or need! You really hit the nail on the head with that imagery, so thanks for that - yet another tool for my mental toolbox when I face another food challenge.

The strange thing for me is that I have known forever that food has never been the real issue - only the 'answer' and a wrong answer at that! I can go for periods eating healthily, but then something will happen and I resort to old bad eating patterns.

For many reasons (too many/too personal to mention) I've never been comfortable in my own skin, and hiding away and eating gave me a sense of comfort I didn't get from those around me (or from myself). I kept people out from knowing the real me and then built up an exterior that I too became invested in believing wasn't the 'real me'. It then became my excuse for why people would leave/hurt me. And I could 'comfort' myself thinking 'ah, if I was thin things would be different/better' It was the comfort, the excuse that I needed much more than being slim.

I'm now dealing with those issues separately, and the biggest realisation of just how little food fits into the equation is highlighted by being on CD SS at the same time - without food there to be the 'answer', all the previously hidden emotional triggers are laid bare, as is the need to pay attention to finding true answers, not just the 'easy' or familiar ones.

And I think that's why 'normal' diets (I tried WW before CD) that focus on types/quantities of food can't work for me - as they focus me on the wrong issue: food.

I'd wager there are many more people struggling because they haven't come to that realisation. Here's hoping those who do, will spend as much time/effort sorting out their heads as they will their bodies.

We can do it - and this forum is great 'food for the mind' as we find comraderie, support, laughs and wonderful advice here from folks like Serena who really are on the ball...

...Overeating is often tied up with other issues such as poor self esteem - if you can beat yourself up for being a "fat greedy pig" then it takes the spotlight away from what's really niggling away at you.

...I know that CD is taking care of my body's physical needs but my weight loss battle is actually taking place where it all started...in my mind. And this time I am going to win. As are we all.

Aw, Serena - it has been said already, but you really do know how to say it and say it right, don'tcha? Thanks again for chipping in with such a great - and perceptive - contribution.

(and so concise too! unlike my rambling!! lol)

Cx

 

[Bijoux]

But, what if those bags or shoes were just as cheap as food. And what if someone was putting them in your cupboard...saying "take your pick"?

It's not that I can't afford it it's the fact that I can choose to say no to not buying them and not to something else that is equally if not more important. Where's the switch in my brain that ought to say, you've had enough leave it, or you don't need that now. That's what am trying to figure out.

 

[Porgeous]

It's not that I can't afford it it's the fact that I can choose to say no to not buying them and not to something else that is equally if not more important. Where's the switch in my brain that ought to say, you've had enough leave it, or you don't need that now. That's what am trying to figure out.

I think the part of you that would say, you've had enough, leave it would be the part that is responding to hunger. Unfortunately emotional eating is not related to hunger and therefore no switch. The key for me was asking myself if I was hungry and if I wasn't what was it that I needed as it clearly wasn't food, if that makes any sense.

xx

 

[Katycakes]

Good morning everyone... day three of restart for me, feeling much better.
Smileycat, we're all doing our own versions of this... hiding behind a public face and hoping nobody sees the mess inside. It has nothing to do with being slim/big in some ways... for years I was slim but still a mess inside, still with a very dodgy relationship to food, then the weight crept steadily on and in some ways you can focus on that and the real issues are hidden away more safely than ever. But you're right, it's not about food - and digging around to find what it IS about can be very painful, I know I am scared to look too closely.
Bijoux, I love bags & shoes too but in my case mainly because I know bags and shoes will always fit! I guess anything can be an addiction, and food isn't one that wins you much sympathy but boy is it a VISIBLE addiction... people will always make assumptions about why you are 'big'. My mum sometimes points people out, saying, 'look at the size of her!' which makes me cringe... and they are ALWAYS, ALWAYS smaller than me... what's that all about? Mum knows about my diet and yet bought me chocs for Xmas, which I then obediantly binged on... sigh.
Lillypop, you say you're reading around this subject, any books you can recommend to us?

 

[Kira]

Smileycat you made some poignant points in your last post - you wrote what was in my head. Bijoux completely understand and agree with your post about choosing not to do something eg. buying shoes. I can do that and I am a shopaholic too yet when it comes to food its another equation. Porgeous I understand what you say in your post however, I am at a point where I still struggle to understand how you mentally and physically dealt with answering your own question? i.e. "Am I hungry? If I'm not, what is it I need?" How did you translate this at the crucial moments? I keep going over and over again in my head "why did I allow myself to fall so badly off track when I thought I had cracked it by losing my initial weight 4 months ago? Why did I allow the stresses of my life take control when I had done so well the previous several months? I just can't work out why I succeeded initially and then lost control of myself for weeks on end. I would eat food each day as if it were the last supper, the last meal I would have for an age. Don't get me wrong! I am feeling positive today and this is the first thread I wanted to read when I logged in this morning. I think it may be the thread that helps me sort out my head.
ps Lilypop you are doing amazingly well and are on my top 10 list inspirations (along with Porgeous of course!!)

 

[Porgeous]

Hey Kira

It is so hard to quantify and verbalise what the difference was, perhaps part of me still doesn't full understand it myself. I'll keep trying though!

In terms of maintenance and staying on track as that seems to be what you are referring to. Another tool I used was consequence, so if I had a moment when I wanted to eat the entire contents of a chocolate cupboard I would think about the consequence. For me this was always more important than the craving and so it became easy to resist, better to have one chocolate and no consequence - a win win situation. Of course the key to this is the consequence, you cannot have a consequence if you do not value what you have - with out value there is no consequence - I value what I have achieved and who I now am too much.

Another thing I identified was that cravings for what would loosely describe as "naughty" things were always worse when I thought I was hungry. I also appreciated after years of abusing myself I struggled sometimes to identify genuine hunger from a craving. In these situations I would eat fruit to fill up. This was a learning process as if it was just a craving it would still be there but was easily identifiable, if it was driven by hunger it would disappear.

Hope I am making some sort of sense?!

 

[KD]

Where's the switch in my brain that ought to say, you've had enough leave it, or you don't need that now. That's what am trying to figure out.

That switch gets underused, so we forget to use it.

There's all sorts of reasons why we don't use it as often as we should, and it's a case of taking the cover off it again and giving it plenty of clicks.

I know for a fact that my hunger signals/turn off signals etc were non-existant for a long time. I couldn't tune into them.

I had to use logic. Even after all this time, I have phases where I had to make logic override my poor past habits.

So I may say "that was a good breakfast...it should be enough to sustain me...so I don't need anything more whether I think I do or not"

If I think I do need more, then it's probably that my desire to eat is for the wrong reason.

I could spend hours sitting there trying to find what the reason is, but prefer to just run through the obvious ...am I bored...am I wanting to eat out of habit....am I afraid that someone else will come in and eat it, or that tomorrow all the shops are suddenly going to close without warning and I may never be able to get hold of it again...etc.

To be honest, I think we can spend a disproportionate amount of time wondering why we do it, when we could spend more time just saying "no".

 

[Porgeous]

I had to use logic. Even after all this time, I have phases where I had to make logic override my poor past habits.

Yep I do this too, sometimes I think I want to eat an hour or so after breakfast and I will use the same kind of logic.


I could spend hours sitting there trying to find what the reason is, but prefer to just run through the obvious ...am I bored...am I wanting to eat out of habit....am I afraid that someone else will come in and eat it, or that tomorrow all the shops are suddenly going to close without warning and I may never be able to get hold of it again...etc.

To be honest, I think we can spend a disproportionate amount of time wondering why we do it, when we could spend more time just saying "no".

Yes agree again!

 

[Kira]

Porgeous your post had hit the spot with me!!! It makes complete sense!! KD yours helped has reinforce that!!! I'll most definitely be re-reading these posts again and again!!! I am sitting here thinking "Doh!" How stupid have I been?!! I am an intelligent woman yet I have been so stupid all these years over food. I know in one's head it isn't as simple as that but in one respect it is! Forgive me if i appear to have gone insane on this post but I think I am experiencing my first epiphany!!! Thank you!!

 

[KD]

I also appreciated after years of abusing myself I struggled sometimes to identify genuine hunger from a craving. In these situations I would eat fruit to fill up. This was a learning process as if it was just a craving it would still be there but was easily identifiable, if it was driven by hunger it would disappear.

I know you are not necessarily saying this Georgie, but just wanted to point out that I think we need to be careful with turning to 'healthy' foods to satisfy something missing other than being hungry.

You are right that if you are hungry, fruit and veg etc can deal with that, but I hear people using healthy foods inappropriately.

If you are eating when you shouldn't be eating, then it doesn't matter whether it's a packet of crisps or an apple.

Okay...in terms of health, then yes, but as for emotional eating...then no. It's still using food inappropriately.

 

[Porgeous]

I know you are not necessarily saying this Georgie, but just wanted to point out that I think we need to be careful with turning to 'healthy' foods to satisfy something missing other than being hungry.

You are right that if you are hungry, fruit and veg etc can deal with that, but I hear people using healthy foods inappropriately.

If you are eating when you shouldn't be eating, then it doesn't matter whether it's a packet of crisps or an apple.

Okay...in terms of health, then yes, but as for emotional eating...then no. It's still using food inappropriately.

Yep I hear what you are saying. What I am getting at is a tool in the early days when trying to identify real hunger from cravings. Not that emotional hunger can be satisifed by eating healthy food but sometimes we need tools to help us identify emotional hunger from physical hunger.

x

 

[KD]

Yep I hear what you are saying. What I am getting at is a tool in the early days when trying to identify real hunger from cravings. Not that emotional hunger can be satisifed by eating healthy food but sometimes we need tools to help us identify emotional hunger from physical hunger.

x

Yep, I get there. There are other ways though. I can list them, but it would be interesting to hear how other people recognise the difference between 'real' and 'false' hunger.

So, by all means, in the early days, use healthy foods, but on the journey, try to find another way.