examples of fatism

[jfc]

weve all experienced them....either personaly or from afar watching uncomfortably as someone is excluded or made to feel stupid, clumsy, unattractive, unloved purely for carrying a few(or a lot) of excess pounds). I thought maybe we could use this thread as a letting off steam place....to shout about things that have either happend to us in the past or currently...even when losing weight people can refer to your past as if you are now a much 'better' person now you are slimmer...!!! We are still the same person and to act as if the person before was someone evil or stupid is unkind...

The trouble with eating disorders...whether its just slightly overeating...leading to gradual weight gain, hormonal (after children etc), binge eating or a health issue..we owe it to ourselves to love the person inside' whatever the size of our behind!...our problem is so visible...unlike someone who is obsessive about washing, or frightened of confined spaces...we carry our load with us in life...but does that mean we deserve to be ridiculed about it and treated differently.

An example....I realised I myself was fatist in one instance. At the age of 15 when I was slim. I had a dear friend who whilst not being terribly fat she was covered in puppy fat and self conscious...I accidentaly called her podge in front of another friend..she was crestfallen. I realised immediately what I had done but it was too late to stop her thinking thats how everyone perceived her...as the podgy girl...and I honestly only realised myself that that was my own perception of her...a sort of pity, she wont be liked, popular with the boys etc.....this breeds the sort of problem that we have all sufferred with. Bullying, being picked last in games etc...feeling second best.

Anyone else want to let off steam? Please do so...I will just ramble away my thoughts if thats ok.

By the way...that young girl grew to be a beautiful young lady, I cant even say if she is overweight or slim, but she is a really lovely person...I now see the person and not the body! But how many others do

 

[Cheb]

My old boss obviously thinks all overweight people are unwashed and smelly cos she once said to me, 'You're the exception, I've never noticed you being smelly, despite your size'

 

[Mini]

My old boss obviously thinks all overweight people are unwashed and smelly cos she once said to me, 'You're the exception, I've never noticed you being smelly, despite your size'

OMG! Cheb,

No wonder she is your old boss

What a riduclous thing to say.

 

[tpott]

Cheb and I had the same boss and she thought not only overweight people were unclean, she also thought we were stupid as well!
She also used to love to shout all the way across the shop floor to ask what size uniform she should order in for us! Of course she was a tiny size 6 to 8! Tact was never her strong point!

 

[Bellybee]

Well i was bullied a lot at school for being fat. I have also been an ex member of a forum where the general consenus is anyone over the size of 16 is unattratactive and can only become attractive when they lose weight.
This is by the popular crowd lol.
I have also had well meaning people ask when the baby is due lol.
I have had abuse shouted at me by random people in vans and kids on the street.

 

[zareena]

My old boss obviously thinks all overweight people are unwashed and smelly cos she once said to me, 'You're the exception, I've never noticed you being smelly, despite your size'

that is a very horrible thing to think & to say!!.. wow!

 

[canireallydothis!!]

I am seriously shocked at the things people say and do sometimes, luckily enough I havent actually had anything said to my face but I bet people have said it behind my back though.
One thing I will never ever do is look down my nose at people, Ive come too far for that.
Mybe I look really hard and no one wants to mess with me lol!

 

[Flopster]

OK this won't make me popular here but I have always had a weight problem (well in my adult years) and I used to work in HR. One day I was interviewing with a colleague (a much more experienced colleague I must add) when this huge woman walked in the door - she was wearing a dirty old tent dress and open toe'd sandles, her hair was greasy and she did look a mess. I decided immediately that I wasn't going to recruit her on her appearance alone (remember I am very overweight myself) but the colleague I was interviewing with was adamant we give her a try as she was the very best candidate we had interviewed in terms of skills and so on and it was a big problem department.

I have to say she was fantastic in the job, she cleaned up fantastically (my colleague took her under her wing even taking her for a waxing). I don't recall her ever losing the weight but very quickly she became well groomed, started to take an interest in make up and wore some really nice clothes.

I am so glad my colleague gave her a chance, she stayed in a role that we had previously recruited 7 times in two years for.

It also taught me a huge lesson. However, it made be very aware of how much a first impression makes on others and how hard we have to try to overcome that first impression which is why I always dress smartly for business meetings etc (although I am the biggest scruff bag when I don't have to dress up).

 

[jfc]

Flopster,

reading that through I think it may be you identified something of yourself in this lady. The part of you that you dont like. When overweight we all have days when we cant be bothered to dress nicely...you know the ones, im fat anyway so why bother....and also days when we put on our best cover up evans clothes, do our hair and kid ourselves that we look ok...I wonder if this ladies appearance was too much to take...almost like a warning of what may happen if we do nothing...

Off course I am probably totaly barking up the wrong tree here. Recently I myself in a different situation..(Not to do with fat)...came down very hard on my eldest son for something....I realised later it was because I had done the same thing at the same age and didnt want him to go through what I had been....

Fears of becoming like that lady or even seeing traits in her now that remind you of yourself can cause rejection and anger...

Jennyxxxx

 

[Flopster]

Hi JFC, I don't think it was that as I do take a pride in my appearance, especially for important events and actually have the opposite belief which is because of our (my) weight we must try harder with our appearance, the overwhelming thought for me was that if she didn't take effort with herself, she probably wouldn't make an effort with her work. That and a genuine concern because the department she would be entering was full of bitchy women who had driven out 7 people in two years - they were a nightmare.

I do agree thought about our children and our concerns for them, I too come down quite hard on my eldest as I can see her slipping from a very slim athletic girl, to one who wants to sit in her pj's all day eating chocolate (and she is only 9)!!

 

[Cheb]

Since losing weight I am treated very differently, people seem to listen to me more and take what I have to say more seriously (except DH obviously!)

I wasn't aware of the box that people had put me into until they put me into a different one. For example; customers often compliment me on things about my appearance, nice nails, nice hair, nice teeth, (yeah really!) Obviously my teeth haven't changed, I've always kept my nails professionally manicured etc etc, but nobody commented before. It's as though they look at you, judge you to be be 'a fat woman' so look no further.

Makes me realise how shallow people are.

 

[Brightness]

Flopster, I think with that lady you quite possibly looked at her general appearance and thought 'if she can't be bothered to come clean and tidy to an interview etc'. Be honest, how many of us would do that? I have always thought that even if you can't afford the latest styles you can at least be clean and tidy for an interview.

I'm glad she 'cleaned up her act' though. I was once in a similar position as you and my immediate boss wanted to recruit this woman who, on paper, looked the most qualified....

Once she was in the job, her work and her attitude was just like her appearance scruffy and unkempt! In the end I was so sick of trying to rectify her mistakes and cover up her incompetence that I had to speak to my boss - my own work was beginning to suffer. He agreed with me and moved her to another department but also with an order to tidy herself up as well - we'd all tried to help her but she just wasn't interested.

This is nothing to do with fatism by the way - this woman was probably a size 12 but just didn't give a toss about personal hygiene or anything else

As for fattist remarks, I've received a few but I usually retaliate with something like "Well I can lose weight but I don't believe they've perfected personality transplants just yet"

Once a beetch always a beetch heehee

 

[mimosa23]

This is a very interesting topic.

When I was overweight, I used to be more fattist than now... Weird but true. I always hoped that by judging other, more overweight people than myself I'd feel better and thinner.

I am embarrassed to admit this, but I used to think overweight people had no spine, no self respect or self control. AND I WAS ONE OF THEM!!! I hated myself and the way I looked and the way I was around food, so I judged all overweight people in the same way.

Now that I've lost my weight, I feel ashamed for my previous opinions. I realise losing weight is a battle and we are all fighting it. Some with more success than others. I think I'm more understanding towards overweight people now because I understand my own overweight issues. I understand that 'fat' people arent lazy, stupid or spineless, because I myself never was one of those things, I just THOUGHT I was!

I think that's why people judge other people so harshly: because they fear what they are judging!

 

[georgiasmum]

I was listening to the news today and the topic of IVF was raised to highlight inequalities in how some NHS areas allocate the 1 free cycle. New govt initatives are now saying that single women and same sex couples should be given equal chances (fair enough) but overweight women (those with a BMI of 36 or more) should be denied IVF until they lose weight. They did say that these women should be given specialist help to lose weight!!! I know that being overweight when pregnant isn't good for you and should be avoided for the sake of your own and the baby's health but does this strike you as fattist? I feel it is another swipe at overweight people who are already vulnerable because of infertility and adds more weight (pardon the pun) to the growing 'fat people drain the NHS' mantra.
All people with eating disorders drain the NHS although it is more acceptable to be anorexic or bullimic as this is seen as a real 'illness' and obesity is not - we are just lazy and undisciplined (NOT!!!!)
I would argue that the psychological issues experienced by many overweight people are as serious as those experienced by those with other, more 'acceptable' issues with food and weight.
There you go, rant over!!

 

[Barb]

Georgiasmum, you are quite right. This 'fat people are fat because they stuff themselves' rubbish really odes need sorting out. OK, lots of people with weight issues do overeat at times but there are genetic tendancies to take into account and also the fact that a lot of overweight adults have emotional problems to deal with.
I beleive that genetics have a lot ot answer for. I have 18year old twins, when they were born my daughter was already .5 of a lb heavier than her twin brother. Throughout their childhood they were fed pretty much identically, although he could always eat a great deal more than her! She has always been on the 'chubby' side whilst he has always been skinny. She makes the effort and avoids 'naughty food', he can't get enough of the'junk' when he can! I just feel this proves how mad this judgemental society is becoming, he, in the future will get all the medical help he needs. Will my daughter?

 

[Russiandoll]

Back in 2001, when I was at about my heaviest (over 21st)hubby and I decided we'd apply to become foster parents up in Doncaster. We contacted the social services, were interviewed and then went through the long, arduous process of training.

It took a whole year of attending classes one evening a week and the whole family was coached & vetted. A little girl aged 10 was picked out for us and we met her social worker who thought she'd fit in beautifully with our family.

The social worker assigned to us helped explain the changes about to happen to my youngest (who was only six at the time), looking at how she'd feel about 'sharing' her mummy and daddy etc. So we were all prepared for this new addition to the family.

The last step was to be interviewed by a panel, one of whom was a female doctor. Before we went in, the two social workers (ours and the little girl's) sat with us outside and we were shown pictures of the little girl for the first time and were told when the interview was over she'd arrange the first visit and that she'd already started to prepare the little girl in question. As far as they were concerned, the interview was a mere formality although ALL members of the panel had to agree to us becoming foster parents for it to go ahead.

We went in and sat in front of the panel of five people. It all went really well until the doctor had her 'turn'. Her face could have turned milk sour and she said that although most aspects of the application were fine, she had an issue with my weight and the fact I had diabetes.

When I asked what that had to do with it, her comment was "Being so overweight carries major health risks and can even shorten your life expectancy: these children have already suffered loss."
I was absolutely speechless. The room fell uncomfortably silent and she continued with, "So I'm going to have to turn down your application. Perhaps you could come back in six months and we could review it."

I left the room totally devastated and humiliated. The social workers outside just couldn't believe it.
So the little girl had to be told there WASN'T a potential family after all and she'd have to stay in care and we had to tell my family that the fostering wasn't going ahead.

As for going back - there was NO WAY I was putting myself through that again so they lost a potential foster family in a society screaming out for them.
Was the doctor being fattist or sensible and realistic? What do you reckon?

If they were worried about kids being placed with people who might die, then are fire fighters / policemen / smokers etc also excluded from becoming foster parents?

 

[kandy]

My Mum is overweight always has been she is a fantastic mother she has health problems that could be eased by her weight but this didn't effect the grand job she did at being a mother of 4.

My father was a great father he wasn't overweight and was very active he died at the age of 46 i was 8 yrs old .

Life isn't mapped out that easily as by this doctors standards my father would of been deemed ok to foster children but my mother not , she is now 64 years old works full time and runs around with her grandchildren on her days off !!!!!

I suppose to some (skinny )people we are all walking timebombs .
I myself am an overweight mother but i do alot more with my girls then most of there friends parents and they are mostly younger and slimmer !!!

Fat doesn't define who we are just how we look xxx

 

[chicken on a mission]

One interesting comment read out on that show was that those with PCOS who really need the treatment because of their fertility problems tend to be overweight and have problems losing it.

I think that sums is up for me given how many people I know with this condition

 

[georgiasmum]

That is why we ( and the medical profession) should be careful making blanket statements about BMI and fertility.