finally taking control of my body

[elm]

Day 12

It is now 12 40 in the morning. For the past hour or so I have been working out. So while I'm doing my 4 mile work out video, my sister comes home from work and all the sudden gives me attitude. She begins by asking me why am I doing this work out video when I was just down stairs for 40 minutes working out (since we have a gym downstairs). I tell her because I need it, and of course she opens her mouth and says I'm being stupid about this and keeps going on. So after the first mile was over, I just turned it off.

Now I'm sitting outside on the porch listening to the rain, and feeling the cold hit my skin everytime the wind blows. I want to cry right now. Of course my sister never had to work out at all, she has always been skinny and didn't have to go through a lot like I did. She's 20 and has everything good going for her.

I like the fact that I have this to write on, but at the same time I'm the type of person who holds her emotions back, so no one knows them. So having people read this, kind of scares me a bit.

It is Thursday now, so happy thanksgiving to all. Friday is black Friday, where everyone will be standing in lines at all shopping places for over 5 hours for it to open so they can get the best deals. I'm planning on waking up at 4am and getting there by 5 or 6 depending on if there will be any parking. I plan on shopping for over 12 hours, like last year.

I have so much to write but at the same time, so little to say.

With all this being said, I'm going back inside to take a shower and hope to fall a sleep.

 

[elm]

Still day 12 it is 2 20 pm and its snowing! I am so happy right now. Just got done with thanksgiving dinner, filled myself up with mostly salad, I did really good this year with not pigging out.

I wish my guy was here though. Sigh. Perfect day so far.
Happy thanksgiving to everyone.

 

[The Journey]

good for you about thanksgiving! that must have been tough to eat mostly salad

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

[elm]

Day 13

Oh my, I took advantage of day 12 after being so good. Sometimes, its not so good having family members that are amazing cooks.

So it is 5 50 in the morning, I am going to shower and then go shopping for black Friday. I was suppose to go at midnight, but of course my sister ditched me to go hang out with her boyfriend instead.

I read a lot of my friends status on facebook and most have been waiting in line 5 hours so far just to pay for their items. At the mall, there is a 4 mile line of people just waiting to get instead the mall that opens at 6am and its 29 degrees outside. People go crazy for these sales.

I guess I should get going since I'll be shopping for longer than 12 hours.

 

[elm]

Day 14

....2 weeks! It is 3 12 in the morning. And today is the weigh in!

To be honest with you, i really do not want to see what damage i have done to myself over the last 3 days. I'm pretty sure i gained weight. But i did this to myself.

While i was shopping, i did buy the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred which it says "lose up to 20 pounds in 30 days!" so i will be doing that everyday and every other day i will be doing the 4 mile work out video as well. Also when i wake up and use the restroom, i will weigh myself and after that i shall continue eating healthy food again.:cry:

 

[elm]

Day 14

It is 1 27 in the afternoon now.

I put on one pound. So 264lbs.

Goals this week starting today:

- Do the Jillian Michaels video everyday
- Do the four mile work out video 4 times this week
- Drink 3-4 liters a day
- MUST EAT HEALTHY! MUST EAT HEALTHY!
- Hopefully lose 5 lbs
- Must stop thinking so much about this or I'll be too lazy to do homework and study

So.....for breakfast I will be having 1 cup of special k and 2/3 skim milk with it. = 190 calories

I usually don't write on here what I eat but I'll see if I should continue or not.

 

[elm]

Day 14

10 37pm - did 2 mile workout and day 1 of the shred

I feel a pulse all over my body. I should've thought more on the 30 day shred first before buying it since I've had a bad knee for about 3 years and 4 months now but refuse to do surgery. I'll try the shred workout for a few more days and if my knee doesn't give out ( it gave out 8 times in 20 minutes and I almost fell doing the video all those times) then I'll continue doing it.

See when I do the mile work out videos, it doesn't put much pressure on my left knee which is very nice for me.

Atleast I ate healthy.

 

[elm]

Day 16

Oh my, I have been doing so well lately with no cravings for junk food.

Well I'm typing this on my phone, I'm waiting for my grilled skinless chicken breast to be done. Along with mushrooms and green beans and water. Yes, I am pretty excited about this.

I went out today and purchased leslie sansone again but this time its 5 day slim down with 5 miles and her 5 mile fat burning walk. Only paid 10 dollars each for them. So now I have a total of 4 work out videos, I think this is enough for me now.

I still cannot see any change in me, but my clothes are falling off.

Today I decided to sleep some more, which I missed my class. But that's ok with me. 2 more weeks and then winter break from school for a month which is nice since it will leave me with more time to focus on my weight.

Saturday is weigh in day and I'm excited.

 

[elm]

Day 17

Breakfast - 3 scrambled eggs, 2 toasted bread with a little butter and a bit of cream cheese
Lunch - 1 cup Special K and 2/3 skim milk
Snack - sandwich = 180 calories
Dinner - tuna and 1/2 cup green beans, 1 frozen banana shake

Work out: 10 miles total

4.20 miles + 14 minute each mile = 703 calories
6 miles + 12 minute each mile = 1148
Total = 1851 calories lost for today

 

[The Journey]

Wow!! Good on you, that's a lot of calories burnt!! Awesome!

 

[elm]

Day 18

Seems like these days are passing by fast. 7 pounds in 18 days is starting to annoy me, i wish it was a bigger number that i have lost but that comes with eating unhealthy last week but this week, i haven't cheating. I will make sure it stays that way.

Breakfast - 1 cup Special K and 2/3 skim milk and grapes = 280
Lunch - 1/2 mushroom soup with a bit of skim milk, 2 toasted bread with a bit of cream cheese, and 1 apple = 400
Snack - 1 chewy granola bar chocolate chunk = 90
Dinner - 1/2 cup sweet corn, Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast, 1 cup of green beans = 370
Total - 1140

Work out: 7 miles

1 miles + 15 minute mile each = 149
6 miles + 12 minute mile each = 1148
Total = 1297 calories lost for today

I peaked at the scale and so far it says i lost 4lbs but i won't count that since Saturday morning is weigh in.

 

[elm]

Day 19

It is 2 54 in the morning. Once again, my mind is racing so I cannot get sleep.

My guy will be here in 10 weeks. To be honest with myself, I should be happy but I can't. Its hard. It feels like i don't want him to see me yet until I'm at my weight goal, which can take up to a year. This is why I've been working out so much lately and been strict not to cheat. Not even a piece of chocolate, that is how much fear I have. I probably sound really stupid right now, but I cannot help it. Its killing me.

Yes I did talk to him about this and he says I worry too much, he already loves me how I am. But the fact is, I do not love myself so how can he?

5 1/2 months till my 22nd birthday. Wow, I feel old already. Its a shame that all these years of me being fat, has kept me from trying out so many things in life.

All this over thinking stuff is making me depressed big time. I need to clear my head, let it go for now (since I know all this will come back), and just take it one day at a time.

I'm too impatient to be patient.

On another topic, tonight at 7 my mom and I will be going to watch my brothers band concert.

I love how my mom supports me. Sometimes even joins my work outs for a few minutes. But lately it seems like my dad doesn't think I can do this. He says I should be losing 1-2 pounds a week, anything above that is too much. I wish he would understand sometimes.

He should be home Friday or Saturday and he's going food shopping with me so I can get more healthy food.

Its now 3 04, within the last hour I have went to pee 5 times due to me drinking so much water.

This is it for now, I do have to write about my foods and work outs later in the day.

Sweet dreams.

-----------------------------------------

Didn't want to make another post so i'm just adding to this one.

I ate around 1200 calories, don't feel like writing it all day.

Work out: 0

 

[elm]

Day 20

I'm losing motivation already.

I pretty sure I kept my calorie intake under 1800.

I was looking through all the gyms to find a right one for me. Found one. I'll either go tomorrow after class or on Sunday. I get a 7 day free trial and after that, if I like it, I can buy a membership and pay only 19 dollars a month for 12 months. Which is pretty amazing.

I'm pretty tired right now, I'm not sure if I will work out tonight or not since its already 9 23 in the evening and I still have a history exam to do on the schools website.

Tomorrow morning is the weigh in, I'm hoping for more than 5lbs. But that most likely won't happen.

I'm not in a good mood either. Pretty shitty day, actually. My posts aren't as happy as the person I am but I think its because I'm not seeing faster results like others, but I also have to remember that I'm counting calories, not taking pills like others.

To work out or not to work out...that is the question.

 

[elm]

DAY 21

I am now 258! That is 6lbs lost this week!

I'm very happy!

Well this morning class at 8 was cancelled.

Breakfast - special k and 1 cup skim milk, I banana = 290
Snack - 1 cup skim milk, 1. Banana, 1 orange, 2 kiwi = 320
Lunch - sandwich = 170
Dinner - sweet corn, green peas, mushrooms, tuna fish, and 2 toasted bread = around 500
Total = 1280

 

[elm]

Day 22

I had around 1200-1300 calories, don't feel like recounting for the 4th time to get the exact amount.

Work Out: on the bike, speed was slow

10.55 miles + 1 hour and 24 minutes = 602.1 calories

I did take 5 minute breaks between every mile or so because my butt would get numb and now my butt really does hurt so i have to be careful when i sit.


Day 23

Breakfast - 3 eggs that were scrambled, 4 pieces of turkey bacon, 2 toasted bread, 1 cup of skim milk, and 1 cube of cheese = 506 calories
Snack - banana and pear = 180
Lunch - Special K and 1 cup skim milk = 210
Dinner - sweet corn and mushrooms

I also went to my aunts and of course had a bit of snack there since she knows how to bake. So I guess around 1400 calories.

No exercise. I was too lazy.

 

[elm]

Day 24

Its been around 17 degrees today, no snow, but of course windy and so cold. Which made me want to stay inside. As I did stay inside, I went through many threads, a lot of diarys, and it made me realize how most people here are located in another country, while I'm here in the United States.

Its very interesting how our language is different but same at the same time. When I started, I didn't know what 'chips' were, then found out its potatoes. And when people say bloody hell, to us here we don't even use it. But I like coming on here and learning all of this and much more about each other.

See, I'm bosnian and was born in Bosnia but moved to America in 93' due to the war and have lived here ever since. I did visit back home twice, also visited other countries. Often when I read what others here type, I always wonder what their accent sounds like.

Also, I found how many here are happy to reach a stone (14lbs, I had to google it when I first came to this site because everyone kept saying it lol) but see, a stone here isn't much, most set goals in sets of 25.

I'm sure some won't understand what I might be saying, and no there isn't really a point to this besides that within a year when I reach my goal, I want to come back and read what all I wrote. This will bring back memories of how I learned much from all of you.

I do have a diary entry for my food and work out but I will post that later tonight, since now I'm into reading more.

 

[elm]

Day 24...again

Breakfast - 3 scrambled eggs, 4 turkey bacon, cube of cheese, 1 cup skim milk = 436
Lunch - Special K, 1 cup skim milk, banana = 280
Snack - a healthy bar, 2 slim jims = 170
Dinner - i did eat bosnian food my mom did make, not sure at all about the calories but i did eat a small portion.

Work Out: 6 mile dvd
6 miles + 12 minutes each = 1126 calories total

Work Out: bike, speed slow
3.56 miles + 26 minutes and 52 seconds = 200.1 calories

Total calories lost today: 1326.1

Hm, i'm starting to enjoy working out actually since it doesn't seem like i have to push myself, it's more like i crave to do it if that makes any sense at all.

 

[Miss_Kassy]

Hey Elm, you are doing great, keep it up.

It is funny the diffrent words diffrent people us isn't it? Even over here in england, people from the bottom of the county hardly understand the people from the top of the country as we all use diffrent words and phrases and our accents are so diffrent hehe.

You are doing so well with your exercise. Wish I had your motivation. I hate exercise. Just want my bed or to sit infront of TV. I must get more active if I am to lose all my weight. What is your favourite exercices?

Speak to you soon xxx

 

[truehoneybuns]

I absolutely love reading your diary!! You're so honest and I'm so happy that the pounds are coming off! I never knew that you guys did things in 25s, that's so cool. And don't worry you'll be there soon at your first goal
Keep it up
xxx

 

[elm]

Thank you, Miss_Kassy! I really don't have a favorite as of yet, but when I'm bored and watching tv, I just go downstairs and turn on the tv and get on the bike, just as long as I'm losing some calories.

Thank you, truehoneybuns! I'm happy you reached your first goal!

------------------------------------------------

Day 25

Good morning everyone! Just called my guy about 30 minutes ago to wake him up for work. I love hearing his voice. Ever called your guy early in the morning when he's sleeping, and you wake him up and hear his voice and it sounds very sexy? Yes, every morning I get to hear that from him and it makes me happy lol. He gives me lots of kisses over the phone, and this time when I gave him a kiss back, he asked for another kiss just because he loves my kisses. Haha, as you can tell, he makes me very happy even though he mores than 1,500 away.

Yes, I still do have an issue with him seeing me at this weight. He'll be here in about 2 months and 3 days which to most sounds like a long way from now but to me, its so close. Yes I know I should be happy seeing him soon, but with my weight its very hard to be happy about it. Nonetheless, I do love him.

Its 8 37 in the morning, its 22 degrees outside. Saturday it is suppose to rain a lot and get down to 7 degrees, and Sunday it is suppose to snow a lot and be around 10 degrees. I'm not a big fan of winter anymore.

I'm laying down as I type this and feeling lazy, which means I need to get up and do something. Sometimes I wish the house wasn't always so clean just so I can do something. I guess I might as well go work out downstairs.

Have a good day all, I'll be back later tonight to write down what I ate and what work out I did.