Flopsters Management/Maintenance Journal

Discussion in 'Maintenance Diaries' started by Flopster, 25 October 2006 Social URL.

  1. Flopster

    Flopster Got a life thank you!

    Lighter Life
    I am going into Management tomorrow and thought today would be a good day to start the journal and put some "pre-thoughts" down!

    OMG am I excited to be rejoining the world of food! More importantly I am looking forward to sitting down for an evening meal with the family - my kids have really missed me sitting with them but I just can't whilst abstaining, not even drinking my soup helps!

    Other feelings - nervous - yes of course, it is change and all change is scary.

    Erm - disappointed - if I am completely honest yes I am a wee bit disappointed with myself that I didn't lose that last half stone during abstinence - I would have loved to have been down into the 10stone somethings but I know that I have achieved a lot, and a lot more than I have ever achieved in the last 15 years in terms of weight loss, but it does still niggle at me.

    My hopes for the future - god this is a hard one - we all worry about the future and I am hereby pledging to myself that I will follow maintenance to the very best of my ability with a couple of exceptions (Christmas parties) for the next 12 weeks. After that I am torn between wanting to get onto weight watchers to shift this last stone and needing to get weighed, or just following a low GI lifestyle for myself and the rest of the family.

    Most of all I hope for a "normal" life - normal being the operative word here - I want to be able to go out for a Chinese or eat an odd donut or whatever without it ruining my healthy eating regime. I want to be able to go to the biscuit tin and have one or have an odd pack of crisps here and there without it spiralling out of control. In other words I want to spend the rest of my life living my life as a "thin" person - is that achieveble? Only time will tell.

    I am going to update my management diary daily and use it to record my thoughts and food patterns during my journey. More as a reminder to myself than anyone else but also because I want to be "accountable" for my thoughts and actions and this is a great way of doing it.
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  3. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

    Hi Good Luck Flopster
    I will be watching you closely so I can see what happens when we switch to management
  4. Barb

    Barb Gold Member

    Healthy eating/Food diary
    Flopster, I hear every word you say! Normal is the key we all want but what is normal? On the cruise we met a lovely couple, same age as with grown up kids. He was probably about 3 stone more than he should be her about the same. But the difference in ther attitudes was amazing! His philosophy is very much' yes it would be nice to be thinner but I love food and wine and am blowed if I am going to be miserable in order to wear smaller clothes sizes.' Her attitude' I am miserable about how I look, I could and should lose weight, I am such a failure, why can;t I control my appetite, I don;t deserve to look nice etc.....'
    The really interesting thing though - she is very pretty, curvy but a very attractive size 16/18 - who has a man who adores her and yet she is unhappy. He, a very much less physically attractive person, but because he is so chilled about life, he immediately draws people to the warmth of his personality. Really made me think! WE really are too interested in how we look and not how we feel!
    Don't know if any of the above is any interest at all but you know me, once I start waffling .......................
    Lots of love
  5. chicken on a mission

    chicken on a mission Restarting to lose 4stone

    LighterLife then CD
    Hi Flopster,

    Well it's finnaly here then, 'M' day :D

    The one thing I have really been amazed in my journey is just how accepting I am of my situation. It takes away the guilt which is another factor that used to make me turn to food :rolleyes:

    I started doing LL in an adaptive child state to deal with the controlling parent in me. I welcomed that because I took me to where I wanted to be.

    When I hit development Heidi's posts really got me thinking and I started the shift into the adult stage and this was the hardest part of the whole journey for me. :(

    Now I am on the route to management stage I am fully in adult stage - and yes I do mean fully :D

    Unlike the foundation and development stages I am not being the perfect model of LL and I don't expect to be. I too am striving for the balance.

    I now make concious decisions about what I am and am not going to eat and when. If I choose to have something 'off programme' then it is with the sure and certain knowledge that I will need to make sacrifices either before or after the event to 'pay' for my choices.

    I am in the middle of trying to bank enough points ready for a romantic meal out with my hubby on Saturday. The difference in me this time is that I plan for things if possible so that I can afford to kick back a little if needed, I might not need to. ;)

    I know that you have been doing a lot of thinking about your own situation over the past few months and you are in a great position to know your strengths and weaknesses and have coping strategies in place for when you need them.

    The LL therapy has allowed me to better deal with the ups and downs of life by actually dealing with them rather than trying to blot them out or seek comfort through food. I hope you have had as much success in combatting your demons as I have had :)

    At the end of the day it's all about choice. If you choose not to have that bit of carrot cake this time then you are not going to feel deprived. If you 'can't' have that bit of carrot cake then chances are you will feel deprived and possibly indignant too. If you choose to have that bit of carrot cake and do so knowing that sacrifices will have to made along the line then you do so and make the sacrifices willingly. If you find you can't then stick to the programme like glue ;)

    I wish you all the best for the start of this legg of the journey because this is the bit where we need to work the hardest to find strategies that work for life :)
    Mini likes this.
  6. canireallydothis!!

    canireallydothis!! Gold Member

    Wow, this made so much sense to me, and I thank you for that post, one thing that has stuck in my mind in all this is when I have refused food, I never ever in my entire life had done that before and used to really bat myself up about it, when I started this diet I went to Disney, and had for 3 nights running, a chicken salad, on the last night I left half of it, because I was full, I would never ever have done that before, i would have eaten it to the bitter end. After I had left it I thought the world would cave in, and guess what, it didnt!!! I felt happy, didnt feel sick from over eating and enjoyed my meal, this is something that will stick in my mind, I can refuse food, I can leave food, and a big lightening bolt will not come through the ceiling and strike me for saying, Im full, or dont fancy that!!!!!

    Ive gone on a bit now, and what I really meant to say was,

    Well done flopster, I am so chuffed that you have gone into management, and you have so taken the right decision for you, you havent jacked it in, just the opposite, and thats a great achievement.

    You can do it, look at how far you have already come.

    Im with you all the way hun x
    FatFairNForty(ish) likes this.
  7. FatFairNForty(ish)

    FatFairNForty(ish) Gold Member

    Goal Weight:
    Cambridge - Sole Source
    Says it all really :D
  8. KittyB

    KittyB Gold Member

    Hey there :)

    I bet it will feel great to sit down with the family and eat again :)
    Looking forward to hearing how it's all going.

    Kitty xxx
  9. boofaloo

    boofaloo Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Exante and exercise
    Am with you all the way!!

    Well done for taking the next step - i know just how scary it feels at the moment!!! ;)
  10. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Slimming World
    Good luck Flopster with managemet and I look forward to reading your posts.

    Love Mini xxx
  11. Flopster

    Flopster Got a life thank you!

    Lighter Life
    Thanks Mini! :)

    Yup it is but we will do it together - every step of the way! :)

    Thanks Kitty, I can't wait to sit down with the family, but, it is going to elude me for another couple of days whilst I get myself firmly back into ketosis! Ho hum!

    It does doesn't it! Thanks again.

    Thanks you! It does make complete sense, I completely understand where you are coming from with this, that is how I feel (or felt - I seem to be spiralling out of control a bit at the moment). It is that "ping" moment isn't it - like hey I can really do this - maybe not perfectly but nothing in life is perfect.

    Not long now before you hit maintenance now either. I know I haven't been on your thread in a while - I have been struggling for time this week but fully intend to do a catch up properly this weekend.

    You speak so much sense Chicken, really you do. It is funny because throughout foundation stage I have chosen to eat on occasion, fully in adult mode, making very sensible choices and getting straight back on the bandwagon straight after and maintaining a consistent if not spectacular loss all the way through. Two weeks ago now I kicked into rebellious child mode and things are beginning to spiral out of control. The problem was I had just had enough of the packs and therefore rebelled against taking them.

    Tonight I have taken an adult decision to get myself firmly back into ketosis before starting my management journey. I want to be fully in control and think the only way to do this is to go into it in adaptive child mode to start and follow it to the letter. For me, I feel this is the right way. In week 3 I am going away and have the foodlists here, at that point I will take a hopefully adult and rational decision on what i can and can't eat during my holiday.

    So tonight I started back on packs as I have only had two today, I have just had a savory drink and am steeling myself for two or three days of hell whilst I shift back firmly into ketosis - then I will give it an extra day to just make sure before I start my route to Management.

    I am sure I will be asking you loads of things so don't go anywhere!

    Hi Barb, I am so ignorant because I have been meaning to wish you a huge welcome back, you were missed - but somehow I just kept thinking it rather than typing it!

    I think that is really interesting, I can honestly hand on heart say that my weight never knocked my confidence, I am stubborn and determined and my weight didn't stand in my way of achieving my goals but in private I used to fret about my appearance to others. I think this is inbuilt into us as women?!?

    Attitude is everything really isn't it? With the right attitude you can carry anthing off I think.

    Nice to have you back.

    Thanks i'lldoit, I will be sharing everything. Also read chicken on a missions management diary it is so very interesting.
  12. Flopster

    Flopster Got a life thank you!

    Lighter Life
    Well I won't be eating tomorrow :eek:( (lol)

    I went to my first management meeting today which was VERY interesting. I have my books which I have started to read through.

    My something new that I learned today was about the hormone ghrelin which I had never heard of before today.

    Basically, when we are on a vlcd diet (or any diet for that matter) our fat cells are empty. We were told to think of them in terms of bubble wrap, they have popped but are still there and can be inflated at any time.

    Apparently we have a hormone called ghrelin that is released when we have finished dieting. It is there purposely because it is something we all have to protect ourselves from starvation, (not that there is much chance of that anymore in this country). Anyway this hormone ghrelin tries to get you to refill your fat cells again and makes you feel very hungry which is why we find it so hard when we have been on a diet to control our eating.

    Apparently if we don't give this hormone what it wants our bodies release it after 9-10 MONTHS (OMG that is a bit of a scary thought).

    Now this makes a lot of sense to me and I have just found this much better explanation which makes for very interesting (and understandable) reading Ghrelin, Appetite & Weight Control

    Apart from this I also decided not to start management straight away but to wait until I am firmly back in ketosis.

    For the last 10 days or so I have been very much in rebellious child mode - mainly because I had talked myself into "had enough of the liquid diet" mode. I haven't been making any adult decisions at all the past couple of weeks and I need to give myself a bit of time and distance to gain control again, get into ketosis properly and get into adaptive child mode so that I can follow the first part of the route to management by the letter. I don't really "do" adaptive child, I am far more rebellious child or adult but I know that for me it is 100% necessary to get into that mode before I attempt to manage my journey back into the world of food.

    So even though this is my management thread, for the first few days I will be using it as an abstinence thread whilst I start to compose my thoughts and focus my mind on management - because without a doubt this is going to be the hardest part of the journey so far and I have to get myself back in the right frame of mind - never mind talking the talk, I must walk the walk now!

    So until tomorrow ...
  13. chicken on a mission

    chicken on a mission Restarting to lose 4stone

    LighterLife then CD
    Wow, what a great start. You are really thinking through and as we know, thinking our way through this diet will give us the greatest chance of keeping that weight off.

    Once again all I can say is that you have come such a long way from when you first started posting and I hope you feel very proud of yourself ;) :D
  14. Flopster

    Flopster Got a life thank you!

    Lighter Life
    No I'm not feeling particularly proud of myself, I am actually trying hard not to be annoyed with myself for deliberately sabataging this last week, I knew I needed to have three clear days of ketosis to go into management (properly) and it is as if I set out deliberately to ruin that as I was fine until Monday.

    Another great lesson though is not to beat yourself up, it is to learn from this and move on, so I am officially forgiving myself for this attempt at sabatage and I am going to make sure that the next few days see me firmly back in the pink so that I can get on with the rest of my life!

    Thanks again for replying though :D
  15. boofaloo

    boofaloo Gold Member

    Start Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Exante and exercise
    OOooh so we are starting abstinence again together - even if it's only for a couple of days. :)

    Interesting fact about Ghrelin and a scary thought to be honest. Is there anything that can help with this hormone? Is it just a case of coping with the hunger until it goes away? And have i read it right that it takes 9 - 10 months from finishing a diet for it to go away? AAARGH. SO scared about maintaining now!!!
  16. Flopster

    Flopster Got a life thank you!

    Lighter Life
    Sorry read your thread before this one and told you to come look here so just ignore me, I can't be bothered going in to edit it!

    Apparently ketosis supresses it which is why we don't have the physical hunger (and here's me thinking that was b*llsh*t to make us think that we were "emotionally" hungry lol).

    Maybe the reason we have struggled so much (as a random thought) is that maybe our hormone is a particularly strong and ugly beast???

    I am glad I know about it because so long as I can understand why I am feeling that way, then I can put coping strategies into place.

    When I wasn't coping this week was because I was starving constantly and couldn't understand why. Today because I know it is the hormone I have just steadfastly refused to even acknowledge the hunger.

    Not sure that makes sense but it does in my head lol!
  17. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

    Hi Flopster God your so right last week I felt Dreadful as you know and I was starving and felt so DOWN but Wednesday I was :D again and not hungery and I know it must be hormones ,Im dreading it when it comes back :(

    Hope your well today
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  19. Flopster

    Flopster Got a life thank you!

    Lighter Life
    Little Update!

    Today is a "good day" - one of those days when this whole thing feels damn easy and I wonder why I have spent so long struggling.

    I have had in excess of 3 litres of water already, I am not feeling hungry, weak or tired and actually feel very positive, upbeat and full of energy!

    I know that Fridays are very tough for me, but, I have come prepared, I am going to take my management books to my mums to read and so that I can do some work on the homework whilst the others eat.

    I am not going to think about the fact that tonight should have been my first meal sat down with all my family as I had planned - because it isn't so what is the point in even thinking about it.

    If I struggle then I will simply go into the bedroom and read in there!

    I'll update again later so we will see if this is all just bravado or if my chatterbox and my rebelleous child really has been kicked into touch if it is just wishful thinking!
  20. i'lldoit

    i'lldoit Banned

    Fab Hun well done Im so pleased for you :D Im having a good chatterbox day too so I know how you feel :D
    You handled the meal last week and todays a fab day so you'll fly past it later :)

  21. Bellybee

    Bellybee Silver Member

    Start Weight:
    Current Weight:
    Goal Weight:
    Slimming World
    Hi Flopster,

    Have just caught up on this. Well done you.
    You sound like you are really thinking things through and you will be prefect on maintenince.
    Not sure if you have seen my thread but I am doing one more month of SS then I am going through CD maint for 4 weeks then starting WW.
  22. Flopster

    Flopster Got a life thank you!

    Lighter Life
    Thanks! Must be something in the air today coz Helen it seems has had a good day too!

    I survived the dinner situation (just) and have just had my last bar. I may well have a savoury drink and then retire to bed with my book or I will probably go mooching which is the worst thing I can do.

    Hi Lisa

    I have just noticed your thread and think you have made the right decisions (fwiw!), this has been a long time to SS and I think like you we get to the point where enough is just enough.

    I think your plan to do maintenance and then WW is spot on. I am considering moving to WW afterwards - really to make me accountable for a while but I may carry on through LL to get weighed - only thing is it is a 40 mile round trip which seems excessive to get weighed!

    Yell if you need any help, but, you have done remarkably well and should feel incredibly proud of yourself.
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