MadameLaMinx
Gold Member
Morning!
Firstly, good to know EF that things are moving on. And also good to know that you are learning stuff about yourself in the process. I guess from what you have said, that his former wife was much more of a pushover when it came to doing what he wanted - and so he probably cant handle it when you wont.
I would leave him to chew that over for a little while and then perhaps approach him with some form of compromise as a way forward. If you can work on not kicking off when he does or says something you dont like, that benefits both of you - because he wont fire off the back of that - but also wont get the reaction he was looking for, and you will be much more in control of the emotional side of things.
I think he needs to realise that whilst you happily came to this relationship and gave up pretty much everything you own to be in it, that doesnt mean that he has the upper hand and controls you. You are in a vulnerable position - and he has to some degree played on that, but you just showed him that you are not as vulnerable as he thinks you are and so if he does make stupid comments about how he has it all and you have nothing, it will seem a lot more hollow now, particularly if you just give him a look of disdain and wander off and do your own thing rather than being hurt by it and fighting.
Actually, it would probably be worth reminding him (calmly) that you willingly came to this relationship knowing that it would provide you with no real security and that you did not want to take anything away from his children, and that him using that as a weapon against you is incredibly unfair given that you did it in good faith.
Perhaps you can use this as part of the compromises that you will need to come to in order to move this forward positively. He needs to view you as more of an equal rather than an unpaid maid, and you need to learn to walk away and take a deep breath and go back and discuss things when you are calmer about them and once you have decided whether they really matter.
I hope that this begins to shift the balance of power in your relationship and that you can begin to find a happier and harmonious ground. Maybe you could suggest this, that you go back to the start, and work on learning more about each other, and try and remember what brought you together in the first place. If you both can try (and it does depend on both of you, and not just you trying) then you may just be able to salvage this. If ultimately this relationship still ends, you will know you did everything you could to try and sort it out and can leave in good conscience.
Firstly, good to know EF that things are moving on. And also good to know that you are learning stuff about yourself in the process. I guess from what you have said, that his former wife was much more of a pushover when it came to doing what he wanted - and so he probably cant handle it when you wont.
I would leave him to chew that over for a little while and then perhaps approach him with some form of compromise as a way forward. If you can work on not kicking off when he does or says something you dont like, that benefits both of you - because he wont fire off the back of that - but also wont get the reaction he was looking for, and you will be much more in control of the emotional side of things.
I think he needs to realise that whilst you happily came to this relationship and gave up pretty much everything you own to be in it, that doesnt mean that he has the upper hand and controls you. You are in a vulnerable position - and he has to some degree played on that, but you just showed him that you are not as vulnerable as he thinks you are and so if he does make stupid comments about how he has it all and you have nothing, it will seem a lot more hollow now, particularly if you just give him a look of disdain and wander off and do your own thing rather than being hurt by it and fighting.
Actually, it would probably be worth reminding him (calmly) that you willingly came to this relationship knowing that it would provide you with no real security and that you did not want to take anything away from his children, and that him using that as a weapon against you is incredibly unfair given that you did it in good faith.
Perhaps you can use this as part of the compromises that you will need to come to in order to move this forward positively. He needs to view you as more of an equal rather than an unpaid maid, and you need to learn to walk away and take a deep breath and go back and discuss things when you are calmer about them and once you have decided whether they really matter.
I hope that this begins to shift the balance of power in your relationship and that you can begin to find a happier and harmonious ground. Maybe you could suggest this, that you go back to the start, and work on learning more about each other, and try and remember what brought you together in the first place. If you both can try (and it does depend on both of you, and not just you trying) then you may just be able to salvage this. If ultimately this relationship still ends, you will know you did everything you could to try and sort it out and can leave in good conscience.
xxx
