Galorious
Full Member
So.....well over a year later and I'm back online.
For those of you that can remember, I'd lost a lot of weight with LL, then lost my adored Dad. Struggled with my weight a bit and was trying to get back online whilst struggling with my Mum's dementia. Judging by the date of my last post, April last year, I think my Mum was in her care home and sort of settled but it was a bit of a struggle getting her to eat. She had a tooth out that May and it set her back even further. By June she was struggling and was taken into the psychiatric hospital to try and balance her meds. But they couldn't keep her there as she was so dehydrated she needed medical care. After a couple of weeks trying to get her stable, her consultant called us in to say there wasn't much they could do for her and they recommended she come out of her care home and move into NHS Continuing Care for intense nursing, but there was a waiting time of around 3 weeks and they weren't sure she'd make it. She did and picked up a little in her new home before sliding again and eventually passed away very peacefully in January. In the end it was a blessing, she'd been confused, angry, scared, aggressive and abusive until the last month. On her birthday in December, she was bright, happy and eating cake. She was delighted to see her GrandChildren and was like a little child when they sang to her. It was a lovely day and that's how I'll remember her.
So, six months on and I'm tipping 17 stone again. I didn't think I'd ever put that much on again. It's been steady since Mum died, but it's not coming off at all. The sun is shining and my slim outfits are still in the suitcase. It's depressing. I've tried time and again to get back onto the diet and I do a few days and then just can't stick to it. I've just had the 'flu and coming into work this morning, I felt exhausted before I even sat at my desk. I wobble when I walk. My skin is trashed. My self confidence at an all time low. I've done my mourning, and I want my life back. It's not all been bad, my daughter has gotten over her depression and has been offered a place at Edinburgh College of Art to study Animation. I am beyond thrilled. But I see her struggling with her weight a bit. She's slim but she's small so she can't afford to put on much and at the moment she's carrying more than she'd like around her thighs. My son is like a bean pole and I have the opposite problem with him. At 15 and growing like a weed, I can't make him eat enough.
I need to find a way to get some balance. For us all to be healthy and for them to establish good habits now. Skinny son wants to be a chef. And if my girl is going to be sitting at an animator's desk all day, she needs to find a way to balance that with some exercise. And I need to conquer the carbs for good. I look back on my thin photos and want to be back there, but the road seems to long. I'm struggling to take that first step. So I'm back here, hoping that over the next few days if I record my feelings, I can gear myself up and find that motivation. There is so much I'm denying myself because of my size and my feelings of guilt.
Step one taken....
For those of you that can remember, I'd lost a lot of weight with LL, then lost my adored Dad. Struggled with my weight a bit and was trying to get back online whilst struggling with my Mum's dementia. Judging by the date of my last post, April last year, I think my Mum was in her care home and sort of settled but it was a bit of a struggle getting her to eat. She had a tooth out that May and it set her back even further. By June she was struggling and was taken into the psychiatric hospital to try and balance her meds. But they couldn't keep her there as she was so dehydrated she needed medical care. After a couple of weeks trying to get her stable, her consultant called us in to say there wasn't much they could do for her and they recommended she come out of her care home and move into NHS Continuing Care for intense nursing, but there was a waiting time of around 3 weeks and they weren't sure she'd make it. She did and picked up a little in her new home before sliding again and eventually passed away very peacefully in January. In the end it was a blessing, she'd been confused, angry, scared, aggressive and abusive until the last month. On her birthday in December, she was bright, happy and eating cake. She was delighted to see her GrandChildren and was like a little child when they sang to her. It was a lovely day and that's how I'll remember her.
So, six months on and I'm tipping 17 stone again. I didn't think I'd ever put that much on again. It's been steady since Mum died, but it's not coming off at all. The sun is shining and my slim outfits are still in the suitcase. It's depressing. I've tried time and again to get back onto the diet and I do a few days and then just can't stick to it. I've just had the 'flu and coming into work this morning, I felt exhausted before I even sat at my desk. I wobble when I walk. My skin is trashed. My self confidence at an all time low. I've done my mourning, and I want my life back. It's not all been bad, my daughter has gotten over her depression and has been offered a place at Edinburgh College of Art to study Animation. I am beyond thrilled. But I see her struggling with her weight a bit. She's slim but she's small so she can't afford to put on much and at the moment she's carrying more than she'd like around her thighs. My son is like a bean pole and I have the opposite problem with him. At 15 and growing like a weed, I can't make him eat enough.
I need to find a way to get some balance. For us all to be healthy and for them to establish good habits now. Skinny son wants to be a chef. And if my girl is going to be sitting at an animator's desk all day, she needs to find a way to balance that with some exercise. And I need to conquer the carbs for good. I look back on my thin photos and want to be back there, but the road seems to long. I'm struggling to take that first step. So I'm back here, hoping that over the next few days if I record my feelings, I can gear myself up and find that motivation. There is so much I'm denying myself because of my size and my feelings of guilt.
Step one taken....
