gonna try again

[macabar]

Well that function derailed me obviously... what a drag when I was actually at the magic point where I didn't care whether I ate or not. It was the indian milk sweets... so yummy...
But I'm still around where I was weightwise, up and down and up and down 2 lbs... and keeping on trying.

 

[Leluna]

chin up and keep goin kiddo! x

 

[macabar]

Oh thanks Leluna!
serious bad stuff today with family health things :sigh:
I will try to be in control and calm again tomorrow

 

[macabar]

Doing okay today. But tonight super stressful function and dinner - I'm one of the stars so all eyes on me. How I wish I'd stuck to it for the last difficult fortnight instead of faffing around... clothes a huge issue now, maybe if I bought great clothes for the big bod it would magically and perversely make me slim down out of them. I fear not though, I'd prob just puff up even more.
Better size than a month ago though.
feel calmer and healthier as I drink just 1.5 l so far but still drinking
This is my diary so I'm not going to dwell on what I write here cos it does help

 

[macabar]

On that note, why should anyone care if a woman is fat? I've got to brazen it out.
Weight loss is for my health and self possession and to be my real self....
But until then I should never hint that I'm not okay the way I am. At the moment it affects everything which is absolutely pathetic: GROW UP LADY!!!!!!!:copon:

 

[macabar]

Got through that fine, and feel so relieved today like a weight has been lifted. One more step forward, one more new situation entered.
But the baby is quite a lot better, the event is over, the breakfast porrige is tasty and enough, so... no excuse for not getting on well today!
arty0011:

 

[Cham Pers]

Hi hun, your doing it and its hard but you CAN no excuses well done x

 

[macabar]

Thanks Cham, very encouraging!
So I swore I would go out to work without visiting minimins first but here I am!
Just to say I broke through below my previous loss finally- 231.8.....
so thats good.
fingers crossed today too. When I get in will have to be soup immediately then a bath.
Washing away the association between being back home and browsing the kitchen and fridge,,,,

 

[Leluna]

keep goin and stay strong girl x

 

[macabar]

Thanks Leluna, I needed that!
I have to make the emotional transition to thinking about my disappointments/frustrations etc, rather than craving stuff.
It's okay to dwell on being upset. It won't kill me to feel things! No need to placate all the time!
grrrrr.
overcast days bug me
so much harder.

 

[macabar]

OH has been out of town for 3 days, we get along too well and chat constantly. After 2 days decompressing I feel all optimistic today full of energy and grand plans.
I'm going to go to a tai chi workshop in france in october, I'm going to shop there for Yamamoto diffusion line clothes, my hair will be lustrous streaky salt and pepper with a decent cut , I'm going to have made thousands of pounds of disposable income to shop with, I'm going to be 140 pounds and fantastic!!!! and not scared of anything!!!!

 

[macabar]

I'm an addict, I'm in the house at 10 30 at night, it's like when I smoked and would be going out to the garage for smokes at 1 in the morning. Here I am resisting a run for the shop before it shuts at 11.....
weird
winning though
bloody desk work drives me crazy