Having trouble coping...

[Elvira]

Yes, you've guessed it, I've fallen off the wagon AGAIN.

So angry with myself!!!

I know there is no excuse but it's comfort eating. Got massive problems at the moment. There is just so much pressure and I can't cope with it all!

I'm leaving my job in three weeks, moving 300 miles away in four weeks, starting uni in five weeks not to mention I am currently going through a sort of harrassment type case thing at work.

Long story. Basically a guy made advances on me, I rejected him, so he threatened to tell my OH that I had cheated on him etc. etc. and proceeded to make violent threats towards my OH and myself. The guy has been suspended and now I have been asked to provide a statement and I have to divulge all my personal things because I befriended this guy and grew quite close to him when me and my OH were going through a rocky patch although nothing ever happened between us, feelings were discussed but I decided I couldn't take it further because I love my OH. I know I was naive and I probably deserve this but it doesn't mean I can handle it any better. Luckily OH has been very understanding and it has made us stronger. It just seems that everything else is falling apart!!!

Stepped on the scales this morning and after a 4 day binge following on from being off work ill (stress induced I'd wager), I appear to have gained 11lbs putting me back into the 17st bracket. Not happy as I was heading towards the 15st bracket. I know most of it will be water retention so I am hitting the water hard today.

I have 27 days until I move to Swansea. I have set myself the target to remain 100% for those 27 days and to lose at least 1st 7lbs. That would put me at 15st 10lbs which is only 13lbs from the lowest weight I got to my first time round on CD. Hopefully I will lose more. I really need to stop using feeling ill, stress, emotional trauma etc. as an excuse to eat but I don't know how. I mean, I know how, but it's putting it into practice.

What the hell is wrong with me!?!?! :cry:

 

[minxie]

Hi there, sounds like you need a big hug, so consider it done! There's nothing wrong with you, but you do have an enormous amount on your plate so no wonder you are stressed. I'd hazard a guess that like me you use food as a crutch, it makes things better - except of course, it doesn't and you end up heavier and even more fed up! So pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again - you'll get there, just tell yourself that so far you've been taking the scenic route, but from now it's gonna be direct, hard work and get there sooner! HTH

 

[Elvira]

Thanks Minxie,

It is depressing to have to set my tickers back again but fingers crossed it will be the last time I have to do that!

Have been busy setting myself lots of mini goals to get me on the way! x

 

[MissPinky]

There's nothing wrong with you at all. You've a massive amount of 'Big Life Changes' going on in a very short period of time and with the harrassment thing added to that it's entirely understandable you're struggling to cope. Anyone would with that sheer amount of stuff going on!

You'll be hard on yourself for a while, but try to be a little softer - the goal you're setting for yourself is really positive! If you can convert the 'frustration energy' you're feeling into 'fuelling energy' for that goal, I'm sure you'll be heading in the right direction in no time at all.

It's a horrible, traumatic yet brave thing that you're doing re: the harrassment. I know someone who had a very similar experience at her workplace, but it never got as far as violent threats fortunately. Is it likely to be sorted out by the time you move and start Uni do you think?

 

[Elvira]

i don't know and that's what bothers me. i just want to forget it since i am moving away. i don't want it to go to court and all that business. i just want to move away and start again.

i'm tempted to say forget it, and just make the most of the my last 3 weeks working here and then leave but they are pushing me into making a statement as they want shot of the guy

 

[sumayyah]

first of all big hugs to you, your going through such a lot at the moment

second you DO NOT deserve what this man at work is doing, he is well out of order, he has no right to harrass and threaten you

with regards to cambridge, the blip is behind you now, todays a new day hun so back on to the water and shakes and find some distractions hun
hope your move goes well and good luck with uni

 

[MissPinky]

It would be great if it could be done and dusted by the time you go - having it hanging over you is not a pleasant prospect. Presumably it would get to court only if he contested any dismissal that arose from it?

Remember that you always have a choice - it's up to you whether you proceed (or not) with it. Given the threats, I think you're incredibly brave to have taken it to the point it's at, though, especially as you will have to go into detail about things that you're obviously quite uncomfortable with.

Don't kick yourself for 'naivety', BTW. You're an adult and so is he (although from the behaviour described, that's perhaps debatable!) - he had a choice of how to react when you rejected the advance, and if you two were friends (as you indicate) then it's quite startling that he chose to take the path of violent threats rather than acceptance of your wishes and retaining the friendship. Just my view.

 

[Elvira]

Thanks guys,

MissPinky, I and my boss believe that he has mental health issues. One minute he is lovely and sweet, the next a complete psycho! He has left me alone since and apologised. I just want to forget it. I feel sorry for the guy. I know it's silly. I hurt him when I rejected him but he shouldn't have tried to ruin my relationship.

I am a soft touch for things like that but I just don't know what to do! I don't want him to lose his job and everything but equally I don't want him to do it again to someone else. Maybe it's selfish but I am inclined to just say look, he said sorry, he's left me alone, can we forget it?

 

[MissPinky]

If your suspicion about mental health is correct, that would certainly explain the reaction you got from him, and why it was irrational. It sounds to me as if you are coming to a decision inside yourself about what best to do with this one.

You raise valid points about not wanting him to lose his job but not wanting someone else to fall victim of this kind of behaviour. Remember that his being suspended is serious and significant, and won't have escaped his notice. Your boss is also aware and has suspicions about his character - I think you can be assured the company will be watching him very closely in the future. But don't forget about you and your wellbeing, too!

You've a lot of things to look forward to - moving to Swansea, starting Uni etc. And your OH's support regarding this! - that says a lot! Oh, and not to forget reaching those CD goals - which you will!

 

[Elvira]

Thanks MissPinky, that is great advice and it has cheered me up a lot!

I don't deal with change too well and I guess this is just too much change in one go! At least I spaced it out-1 change each week lol!!! x

 

[sumayyah]

your company could be following thier procedures. the government brought out new regulations on these kinds of matters and if the company fails to act on concerns raised they leave themselves open to lawsuits
if you really dont want to go ahead with this then can you speak to your manager and say that you would prefer them to get this guy some help and take his suspension as enough punishment? ( not saying this is what you should do, just an option )
if he has had issues with his temper at work before and had been warned then they would already have grounds for dismissal as what he did to you would be deemed as a major incident

 

[Elvira]

they have been keeping a close eye on him as he has had complaints made about him before. i might have a word with the HR manager. trouble is, she is just a nosey old bat who only wants my statement so she can gossip about it. i have never actually met a HR manager who wasn't a sh*t stirring cow!!! x

 

[coconut]

First of all, I'm so sorry you had to go through that at work. It sounds like a nightmare. But fair play to you for having the courage to do something. What you do next is totally up to you but I hope it's over for good now.

Secondly, you've come a long way so far. You have a mini-goal of 15stone and you're getting close to it.
Try not to see these events (except the harassment) as reasons to eat. Or try not to be stressed about them.

Look at moving and starting uni as a really good thing. Try and capture the feelings that you get when you lose weight and remember them when you think of moving/uni. If you only think of what an amazing adventure it's going to be then you might be less likely to eat.

I plan on moving to America next year. I can't wait! But my boyfriend is not as excited about it and sees the negativity a lot. Everytime he mentions something bad I'll tell him two good things. Try that when you feel like eating.

Hope everything works out for you. Sounds like you have a busy month. Best of luck.

 

[Elvira]

thanks coconut, again great advice.

i am going to try and list all the positive things about it and focus on them and how much better it will be if i stick to CD and get the weight off too! x

 

[Sunshine Singer]

So much has already been said but all i wanted to say is that CD is not always an easy journey. As much as we can love it, it can also drive us up the wall. You're going in the right direction and those lbs will come off quickly. Just keep looking forward and stick with it.You've already lost so much, you're allowd a wobble. Hugs x

 

[Elvira]

thanks hun

you're allowd a wobble

what about 10+ wobbles lol! x

 

[lunar jim]

Ah Gem, feel for you at the moment. It's easy for me to say this but it's just not worth getting worked up over your job at the moment; you're leaving soon anyway. And as others have said, you've got a lot going on at the moment so it's natural that your stress levels will be on the rise.

I don't really have much in the way of advice, but keep your chin up, we're all behind you on here.

Can you buy a punch bag?

 

[alipally]

Awwww Sweetie :hug99: Just found this thread.
I'm not going to dispense any wisdom.... You already know what it is that you want to do.

I just wanted to say that we're all here behind you 100%

Remember Gem, control the controllable, and try not to stress over the things that we cannot influence or change. (Sometimes easier said that I done, I know!)

 

[Elvira]

Thanks guys,

Why is it so hard??? Why is it that the one thing I want more than anything is to lose weight, yet it's the one thing I can't seem to do???

Sometimes I wonder whether I should take a break, get the move and everything done and then start again. But then who's to say I will stick at it? I need to be in the right place, the right frame of mind. Right now, I just don't think I am there.

I will be seeing a new CDC in Swansea so maybe the new start and new face will keep me on the straight and narrow.

In fact that's what I am going to do. I am going to take a break. I will buy a week's worth of CD before I move. Spend my first week there getting back on it and then go and see the new CDC.

I know everyone will try and talk me out of that but I feel like it's the right thing to do. In the meantime I am going to address my coping mechanisms and work to stop using food as a comfort tool. Having a planned break means I am less likely to eat my own weight in peanut butter and make healthier food choices anyway. At the moment I am just wasting money and wasting my CDC's time. Every week since restarting 4 weeks ago, I have cheated. I am only half a stone lighter than I was then so will work on maintaining that loss or even better, losing a bit more the old fashioned way!!!

I just think I need time to figure out a few things and to calm down. I just had a talk with my OH and we agreed I have taken on too much. I have asked to be relieved of some of my duties at work to make my last three weeks a bit more pleasant. If they have a problem with that, tough luck. It's affecting my health and I don't want to end up as the miserable heap I was before.

With regards to the harrassment thing, I really don't know what to do

I hope I am making the right decision.

I'll probably go home tonight and change my mind again!!!

 

[Elvira]

What a load of old tosh!!!

I have just read back through what I wrote earlier and have realised that I was just letting the traumas of the moment dictate the long term.

I am not going to give up. I am restarting tomorrow and I will keep trying until I succeed! I have five weeks until uni starts and I can lose nearly 2st in that time. So bring it on! I am going to do this!!!