Hello all and I guess until I work it out this is my diary too lol

[samonamission]

I'm buzzing, I got on the scales at stupid ok clock - I forgot to weigh yesterday lol.. And i've lost 3lbs on my scales, I might be setting myself up for a small loss on the pharmacists scales next week but I don't care!!!! A loss is a loss and I'm so so happy... I have nearly lost my first stone... I'm sat here with a rumble belly and I really really don't mind.... Today in work they have had so far, cookies, hot chocolate from starbucks, and healthy eating munch bars... My belly is rumbling so bad but I'm just smiling... Me loosing one stone already.... Well bar a lb.... Lol... I've just gone and bought a new chopping board, spatula and cooking pot for when I start eating to give me some incentive to actually cook rather than live on take aways... The finances have improved too- I didn't realise how much I spent on take outs.... Now I'm putting 10 pounds a week away as a treat for me to buy clothes when I'm at target, it's a thank you to the Chinese for all the fat I've saved .... I'll go in there and smile as I order 1 thing not 3 for supper... I hope she has a shock in 3 months and remembers the blob who was formally called me!!!

 

[Predator]

Glad to hear it sam was worried you were gonna break! Cool that you're preparing for the long road after Lipotrim!

For extra incentive, why don't you buy like a top, or a new pair of jeans, a size/couple of sizes below what you are right now, it'll make you feel as though you HAVE to lose the additional weight or else they'll be a waste of money! It works for me anywhoo

Keep up the good work oh and just like you, takeaways were my downfall too ;(

 

[samonamission]

Glad to hear it sam was worried you were gonna break! Cool that you're preparing for the long road after Lipotrim!

For extra incentive, why don't you buy like a top, or a new pair of jeans, a size/couple of sizes below what you are right now, it'll make you feel as though you HAVE to lose the additional weight or else they'll be a waste of money! It works for me anywhoo

Keep up the good work oh and just like you, takeaways were my downfall too ;(

I have to be honest I kept all my clothes from before, they didn't get much use- me adding as much weight to myself as quickly as it came off!! I have a whole wardrobe of clothes that will fit one day lol...

I really didn't know if I could do it.. And being tortured this morning in work with my favorite crisps- Worcester sauce... Being eaten next to me I'm feeling quite good about sitting here typing while everyone is having sandwiches.... So roll on Wednesday to find If I have lost the first stone ...

 

[samonamission]

ive had a really odd time, I had a foodmare, seriously I woke up this morning and really 100% believed i'd eaten last night scampi and home cooked chips with prawns and steak, oh and wait for it tar tar sauce!!! I lay there and thought oh no"i have to go through ketosis all over again", I was really really disapointed in myself and just couldnt believe I had done it.... them i rolled over and I guess woke up... I was in a tiss because I checked it was morning- my blackout blinds are brill, and then I re did in my mind what I really did to prove I didn't do it... I was actually scared i'd blown it... I even run my tongue around my mouth to see if I had the taste of scampi!!!...
I have never had a foodmare before and I never want one again....
I have now had my shake and water and close your ears if you are squemish- ive been to the loo finally!! so feeling good but keep going back to the foodmare with disbelief.... I don't normally remember my dreams so this was a huge wake up..
Today i've sat through a cup of orange juice, 2 cinamon rolls, and a cup of coffee, - i'm getting very good at saying "its yours , I don't want it", but I have to be honest last night smelling the onion sausage that were being eaten I started a list of things I REALLY want to eat- not just because they are there!!!

The sausages are on the list- they are so so wonderful. I love onions and add them to anything and i'm sold...
It has made me think seriously about why I want everything others have, I see someone eating crisps- I want some, sweets- I want some, actually most food people eat I want...
And it had made me realise I find food very social, something I can join in with, I don't talk a lot at work because I don't have anything in common with those people but food is a common ground we all deal with..
Anyway thats my thought for the day, off to slouch on the sofa for a few hours then "to house work", and this weekend i'm going to enjoy it....

 

[samonamission]

This morning I went through some strange emotions.. I am due to weigh in tomorrow but I have to work so off I go this morning , firstly the prep didn't go too well, I forgot to wee in the bottle!!! Not once not twice but three times!!!! I had to wait to wee before I could go... Anyway I had my breakfast shake and my normal pint of water and off I went. I walked in there with total confidence- after all I hantavirus eaten in a month so it will be ok... No it wasn't!!!! I go on the scales and just looked in disgust, I'm weighed in pounds but stupid me got on my scales this morning and it was at the start one pound out, so I expected a one pound hike on this morning! Well it was 12 stone 6,1/2 on my scales and wait for it.... 12 stone 9 on his, yes I know I had clothes on, and shoes, and I hadn't pooed (sorry but it is my diary), and and and I just looked at him and wanted to cry... How many times can one person keep saying to you, but if you told your friends you had lost one stone and 2 lbs in a month.. He kept repeating it over and over and I just stood on the scales refusing to accept it... How bloody childish was I , I thought ' ok you want me to be this weight, then you are gong to hold me until I've had my strop', it's a flipping mechanical thingy not a man with two arms getting exhausted after all... Now I'm sure this is a hormone thing but xme on how many of us bully a scales!!! Eventually after what felt like a week I did get off, but I'm sure I kicked it a little as I took my last foot off.... Oh I was so so disapointed and I didn't want to hear all the obvious reasons I didn't loose as much as last time I was on lipotrim... I had built myself up to loose the same amount each week like last time and it's not happening...

So In the car on the way home Ikeot telling myself to stop being selfish and demanding more than my body is prepared to give me... I did an inch at the start thingy so I stripped off and did the tape thong and yes even though I havnt lost loads of weight I have lost inches and that is THE mist important thing to me so the bathroom scales are now in the towel cupboard burrows under toilet rolls and that is where it's going to stay...

 

[samonamission]

I was ok for the last few days but last night I forgot my shake, I was 55 miles from home and knew I wouldn't get back until 11pm, I ate a chicken ball- with the batter taken off, and I felt so so bad, I scoured the net rrying to find what I could eat that wouldn't take me out of ketosis this morning, and worse than that after it had gone down and I went back to work.... I put my hand in my coat pocket and there was a sachet of lipotrim, I can only imagine the day before I put it there for an emergency and forgot... So I officially cheated in the eyes of Sam and everyone else- but only because I thought I wouldn't have anything that night... I'm so so annoyed with myself, years ago I forgot my shake and rang lipotrim and they said to drink a pint of semi skimmed milk- I was only reminded of this this morning when I was moaning about stuffing my diet up!!! Why didn't I remember that last night!!!
I can't believe I spent months and months last time and never cheated at all and within 5 weeks i've eaten the chicken...
Today I've watched everything others have eaten and stayed away from food totally, and tomorrow I will be on a night out with friends and already i've told everyone I won't be drinking as i'm poorly, and they will have to put up with it... I feel a total failure for giving in last night:break_diet:

 

[samonamission]

Today i'm buzzing, I went to a night out and wait for it..... drank water all night didn't eat kebab, or chips or actually anything, I did steal a pint of cider to sniff though..., He so didn't understand but I just had to do it... I knew if I could do the sniff thing i'd be ok but it was a little too far away so I just had too.. There is me with a bottle of water hugging a pint in one hand and sniffing as everyone drank lol....
But my first real night out and I made it...
Oh and my daughter actually told me she had never seen me so thin!!!! I know she is wrong but I don't mind... maybe she is getting dementure lol.....

Oh and I looked like i'd been wrapped in a tea towel because the think i'd planned on wearing was...... tooo big.......

I am on a high and have nearly forgotten about the chicken well nearly... off for another 5 long days so prob won't post much but i'm a buzzy happy one today....

 

[blodwen]

Well done you!! have a fab time you obv deserve it, i had a night out with friends too and drank water all night and sat drinking a shake when my family ate take away, my friend now about the diet as told one forgot to say don't tell anyone and now they all now, not too bothered but people judge and i feel they treat you a little different when your not drinking cause of a diet, i will get used to it i'm sure as i;m hoping to do this as long as I need too. Sorry for such a long reply

 

[samonamission]

Well done you!! have a fab time you obv deserve it, i had a night out with friends too and drank water all night and sat drinking a shake when my family ate take away, my friend now about the diet as told one forgot to say don't tell anyone and now they all now, not too bothered but people judge and i feel they treat you a little different when your not drinking cause of a diet, i will get used to it i'm sure as i;m hoping to do this as long as I need too. Sorry for such a long reply

One day at a time.. And you will get through it, and well done on managing the whole night too.. I sometimes think it might be easier if everyone knew but this is how it is now and I will cope.. X

 

[samonamission]

It's 10am and I'm sat in work with people I really don't have much in common with wondering aboutmy life.... I looked in the Mirror this morning and I'm old... I have aged so much in the last year I actually look old now... I know it's to do with the huge weight loss and weight gain I have done to myself over the years but I have actually accepted age... And thinking about it would I rather look young with puffed out cheeks or look old and live longer??? I'm not too sure right now.... I think on reflection even if I look elderly then that is better than trying to breath through pain while I walk up a hill.... I am quite sad today, I see my life and realise I am not happy... It has nothing to do with my weight sadly because I AM changing that... I always wanted a diary but was afraid of what people would say, if they would be unhappy if theyread it but here I am posting my thoughts totall open to whoever takes the time to read.... Very bizarre... Anyway contemplation away and back to weight... I think I have lost 5 lbs bymy scales but I'm not really sure it isn't the most reliable thing in the world... I hate having to wait 2 weeks for me to get weighed... Just in case it was wrong and next week I loose a pound!!!! But never mind 5 is going down and that's it... I looked at the rest of me today - apart fromy face and I really see I see I'm getting smaller but the shape is still the same... I'm just a smaller freak.. That had upset me a lot, I really hoped the weightloss would help how bad I look and help me look semi- normal... I know I will never look like real women again but I just hoped I would look a little better..

 

[samonamission]

114..... That's how many shakes I have had... That seems so many doesn't it... It's just over 5 weeks... And surprise surprise I woke with a cold - keep sneezing and a cold sore.. I know when I'm run down, those horrible cold sores appear.. I hoped it would last longer before my body said what the he'll are you doing toe woman!!! But I guess I'm nearly half way through so shouldn't complain... I go through great ups and downs but today I've been ok..

 

[samonamission]

Wow so many things today have happened... I logged on andfound rep posts to me, I don't know how to do them or anything but I really appreciated them, thank you both xx I sometimes feel alone here but I know there are so many lovely people here I don't mind.. So today got me wobbling stupidly!!!! I got on a crosstrainer for the first time in my life.... I didn't read the book- just jumped on thinking I can do this!!! Well I am here to say read the flaming book!!!!! I wobbled my way through 5.34 seconds and my flipping legs just gave out... Now I'm a big lady and finding me on the floor in a heap really mad my daughter laugh.. They just wobbled and gave out!!!!! So as I was doing nothing else I decided to stay there and read the book!!'nn

Ok book read sam stood up and everything tested... Sam still standig and the results come in... If I hadn't just dropped I would of this time... It says I have a bmi of 30.3 ... It's saying I'm carrying over 50% fat!!! I can't do emotions ony iPhone but trust me when I say gutted... I know I'm all blubber nut the machine actually telling me it really hurt... My daughter weighs more than me for the first time in her life and she looks good .... Me I just look like a wobble on sticks.... I so hope I get the next stone off my torso rather than anywhere else.. I just can't loose anymore off my legs or I'm sure I'm going to snap..... Someone said as you loose more you notice more.. I hope that I'd the case...

Anyway I really had another breakthrough today.. I went shopping... I bought ... Wait for it.... A swimming costume... Me I havnt had one for years I could wear without my boobs pooping out and the strap falling down... I have to sew stragetic areas because I'm not a normal shape but I am going swimming for the first time tomorrow in over 2 years... I promise if I drown you here can have all my clothes and lipotrim sachets left lol

 

[samonamission]

I iffed and ahed about going to weigh in today.. It should be tomorrow but I weighted on Tuesday 2 weeks ago , so I went... I wore smaller jeans and a blouse instead of my big jumper.. And only lost 2 lbs... I was very disapointed buy realisticly I lost 7 lbs in 2 weeks. So maybe I didn't loose as much as my scales said last week... On a positive note I did something I havnt done today for years... I went swimming.. When I say swimming I really mean yesterday I bought a cosy and had to see it to fit my odd shape but I got it wet today!!!! I couldn't even manage a full length. I had a lifeguard with me the whole time because I was told lipotrim is dangerous and she wouldn't leave me alone.... And she is my daughter so I couldn't fight too much... Everyone made fun of how slow she was going but I did feel safe with her behind me.. I used to swim 100 lengths a time when I was young. I cried to see me not even being able to complete one length.. But I made me this way - noone else and I have to make me fit again... I have signed up for a water fitness class next Monday and she says I can stop at any time so I'm going to go for it.... I don't know if I can keep this positive attitud so I will try and log on each day to keep focused...

 

[tasha2000]

well done on the swimming!! It is the one thing I love and havent done for years, maybe just maybe on friday I will buy a costume... you have a fabulous way with words your posts are very entertaining and you are doing really well x read the whole thread and laughed out loud!! nice one and well done on your length x

 

[janey23]

Hi Sam,
keep up the good work, both with the LT and the diary. you're a rwal tonic to read, and an encouragemetn too.

Dont be too down about your 2lb loss this, your average loss is 3.8 a week! If you can keep than up, you'll soon be zipping up and down that pool.

Take care.

Jane

 

[janey23]

Sorry

real tonic not rwal tonic!

 

[samonamission]

well done on the swimming!! It is the one thing I love and havent done for years, maybe just maybe on friday I will buy a costume... you have a fabulous way with words your posts are very entertaining and you are doing really well x read the whole thread and laughed out loud!! nice one and well done on your length x

Go for it go and get that cossy, I was there an hour and they had to drag me out for the polo team to play I loved it xx Oh and ps- I laugh at my life too rofl.. xx

 

[samonamission]

Hi Sam,
keep up the good work, both with the LT and the diary. you're a rwal tonic to read, and an encouragemetn too.

Dont be too down about your 2lb loss this, your average loss is 3.8 a week! If you can keep than up, you'll soon be zipping up and down that pool.

Take care.

Jane

Thank you so much, sometimes you can't see further than your nose and to have my loss pointed out to me has really made me buzz xx and i'd be happy to poodle up and down let alone zip lol x

 

[samonamission]

What a flipping day.... Bristol to cornwall and back, going down it was beautiful- sunshine and really a lovely journey, but coming home it was sheet rain and uck....

I hate dentists and I really mean hate them- I had to goto a dental hospital each week for years and years and well the second I didn't get dragged there... I stopped going...

Then it got so bad I had to have 5 out in one go and to be totally honest I hate the denture they have given me, people dont look at me anymore they look at the thing bouncing up and down as I open my mouth!! Its crap really too big and I look like an old woman trying to frighten her grandkids by popping it out.... only i'm actually trying to talk.. I put up with it because the dentist said in 3 months we can help with implants... guess what after all that today they told me " come back in 3 months", I could of cried, I said no no you said 3 months and you will sort it.... suddenly its another month with my falsies wobbling at everyone!!!!
So after 6 injections a face that looks like botox has taken over, I tried to wobble my nose because I knew the lips wern't moving and nothing moved... ivana trump would of been proud of me.....
Oh and the side effect of so many injections is.... Dribble, a bloddy bulldog couldn't of given more dribble than me on the way home, and until it reached my chest- yes dripped off ! I didn't know because I was so numb...

What does this have to do with lipotrim you ask, well its part of my journey and gosh its all connected.. lol.. or as my falsies say not connected......

And after 3 hours I now look like i've had a stroke, but the up side is I can do an ELVIS.... My one side of my lip goes up!!!! i'm a famous elvis impersonator... i'm free for oh about an hour, quick book me it will be your last chance......

Right back to weight loss- Breakfast happened, lunch happened in the car park of the dentists- I wasn't missing lunch for anything... and just now I've had my supper, today I wanted a cornish pasty and fudge... I keep thinking what I will eat when I can and to be really honest I only crave one thing.... I call it worms, my daughter calls it chicken chow mein... I really want some, not just now but most days.... so until I really want some 5 days in a row it doesn't go on my list.... oh and i'm over half way through my journey, I am going onto the refeed bit quite a lot and keep getting told its ages away but really it isn't time goes so so quickly on this and the next day it drags really badly and I cant see past hundreds of sachets then 2 days have gone and its all good... oh cheese. really strone cheese thats something I crave too... I smell it and want it.. but I will have to limit it to a slice not half a pound- yes I normally ieat it in a block.. Right off to wander and try and read how everyone is doing x

 

[Kimmy*]

Hi Sam,
I hope you've got the feeling back in your face.. as someone who has also spent alot of time in the dentist and dribbling on myself, you have my sympathy. I'm new on here and had to post to say how much I enjoyed reading your diary.. As this is only my first day on lipotrim - you have inspired me, and made me think it'll be possible to stick to. Hope you're well
kimmy x