Here's to getting the old me back!

Discussion in 'LL Diaries' started by Spanglymum, 12 September 2010 Social URL.

  1. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    I started lighter life yesterday and have found reading others' diaries on here really helpful. I think it's great there is a place here where you can splurge all your thoughts and feelings on this journey.

    Very excited to be doing this. I planned to do it a few years back but then got pregnant with my second daughter. She's now nearly two (!) and I've finally made it here.

    Packs were ok yesterday and DH is being amazingly supportive. Felt a bit dizzy and headachey at 1pm but had some water and a lie down and got through it. Really determined about this.

    More anon!
    Xx
     
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  3. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Wishing you all the best on this - well done taking the first step! That one's always the hardest. :)
    There will be tough times, but push through. It's worth it!

    The light-headedness and headaches should stop after about 3-4 days as the majority of the dreaded carbs and sugar leave your body. It gets easier after that! Keep up the water and you'll be fine!

    :D
     
  4. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Many thanks, Minerva. Your words of encouragement really help. I am starting to feel reeeeeeely hungry now. DH has cooked the dinner (I'm waiting to have my last pack in a little while), which was very sweet of him, as I am starting to find this difficult. The smell of pasta... aaaargh!

    On the upside, I am still determined... and keep telling myself it will get easier. I've got all sorts of things I want to be able to do that I can't do now... I need to focus on why I am doing this when my resolve wavers. Have my first "pop in" on Tuesday... seems a long time away!
     
  5. hanmac

    hanmac Getting her sparkle back

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    Hi Spanglymum!
    Good luck for your pop in on Tuesday, it'll come round before you know it!
    You sound really determined and that's the best attitude to have :) It does get alot easier, i'm on week 14 now and am amazed that turning down food has become second nature! I don't even think about it anymore!
    Write down all the things that you want to be able to do, I have a long letter that I wrote to myself before Lighter Life and I love reading it, as there are things that I wrote that I completely forgot about!
    Good luck on your LL journey, you'll do fab!
    xxxxx
     
  6. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    If you focus only on the things you can't do, can't have, can't look forward to, that's all your life will ever be. Life is only as hard as you make it... That's the mantra I live by. I have to finish my 15,000 word dissertation, and while that sounds like a whole load of hard work (and it HAS been) I've tried to enjoy the experience. When else am I going to have to write one? Probably never, so why make it difficult for myself? One time thing, for the purpose of the greater good.

    Same with LL. One time thing - make it count. ;) It's absolutely worth it. Keep reading the forum, indulge in the blogs - they're full of tips, encouragements and life lessons.

    Life is what you make it.

    :)
     
  7. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Thanks for all the support, everyone. It really helps to know I'm not alone!

    Thing is, on most things, I'm a very positive person, and I know all the things about taking control of your life and making things happen, because work-wise, and even family-wise, I'm really happy with my life. It has taken real effort to get where I am, work-wise, and I've struggled with postnatal depression after both my babies, but I've got through it.
    Lots more other personal stuff to unlock but not today...
    I just eat too much and drink too much :(. I know the healthy choices in my head, but don't make them often enough. I just go for the "easy" option and have pizza or whatever, or even have healthy food but just far too much on my plate. My children eat beautifully - I cook them all sorts from scratch and they both love their fruits and veggies, and neither of them overeats.
    Hmm. Rambling a bit.
    Anyway - I just came here to say thank you for your replies. I'm back in the office today so it's my first test of doing LL at work. Eeek!
    xxx
     
  8. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Well, that's day three more or less done. Not too bad at work but this evening has been harder. DH didn't want to cook for himself so went and got chips. He ate them in the car though so as not to tempt me lol. Am hoping ketosis will kick in soon.

    Feeling a bit less gung ho today. Got a text from my counsellor about day three though which made me smile. Probably automated but a nice gesture.

    Am trying not to be too bothered about the fact my counsellor is overweight but to be honest it really worries me. If she can't successfully maintain a healthy weight, how am I supposed to learn from her?

    Think I'd best be off to bed. Tomorrow is another day, as they say!
     
  9. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Aw, bless your DH :( At least he understands, many other halves 'forget' or just don't get that you can't have something. I hope after the first week it'll get easier for you - because realistically you can't avoid food forever on LL, many of us have had to cook while on it for our families, went out for meals/drinks with friends mixing our foodpack in the restaurant and having just water. It needs to be done. Plus avoidance from food actually doesn't let you see where you went wrong in teh first place. Knowing your weaknesses and which emotions are triggered by which food and vice versa are very important.

    As for the overweight LLC. I'm going to have a rant at you. Don't be so judgemental. Would you like someone to judge your capabilities to give advice based on how you LOOK? Excuse me? We all have personal and emotional histories. I recently gained weight because of a death. BL after maintaining nearly 2 whole years successfully also fell into a small food reliance because she lost her mum in very tragic circumstances. We are both now recovering, but if we were LLC's - all of a sudden we'd be "questioned" about our ability to negotiate something no one else has any - and I mean ANY business in? ... Therefore, don't question someone's ability on their appearance. It's something you wouldn't want done to you.

    As for the meals for kids and choosing an easier option for yourself... Hmm. Can't you cook double portions - and perhaps freeze some for yourself? BL and SB plan the week ahead, cook on weekends and freeze their dinners, to defrost at a later time when they need it! Makes very simple solution to the problem of convenience. Plus, why aren't you worth your own effort? :/
     
  10. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Hmm. Ok. Was just worrying that she still has issues with using food inappropriately yet feels able to be a LLC .

    I don't ever judge people by their size just in this context it bothered me and I was trying to express why it troubled me.

    Really unhappy that you now think of me as some judgemental bigot. Came on as can't sleep and now really really upset and shocked tbh :-(

    Oh well. You don't know me.

    And yes, I had wondered why I'm not worth the same effort and care I show my family.
     
  11. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Yes, I am going to punch myself in the face soon enough. :) I get fired up and sound a lot harsher than I would do in real life.
    I am extremely sorry that I came across as judgemental of you - the road runs both ways. I apologise that I caused you hurt. :( It's the last thing I wanted to do. Dents on people's self-confidence, especially at an extremely emotional point right now (LL first weeks are a real rollercoaster) hit harder... I really should have remembered this...

    When I started LL, my partner and I both went on it together. We had post-its on the kitchen cabinet with 'Day 1 - Day 2 - Day 3' and so on to describe how we are feeling that day. None of the emotions written down were ever good. I feel really bad that I've hurt you. I honestly did not mean to.

    I do not think anything of you - simply because I actually don't know you. I did not think you're a 'judgemental bigot', that didn't even cross my mind. I was just a little hasty to point out that people do carry personal histories with them - that only those close to them are entitled to know. Also, the fundamental point of LL, at the core - is to promote self-worth. Some people actually feel happier and love the way they look at levels that we would consider 'over-weight' or even 'obese'. There are beauty models out there who are perceived by society to be 'fat', but they love how they are. Take me for example. If I do not accept who I am appearance wise - I will NEVER be happy. I went on the Lighter Life road assuming that "when I'm thin, I'll be happy"... no. That didn't happen. I got to BMI 18 (I stopped LL at BMI 21- but didn't let myself eat for a further half a year - not through LL), I was practically underweight, but I still hated myself and thought I was fat.

    So happiness is a very personal thing. :) My LLC was overweight herself, but it didn't stop her from being a brilliant motivator. I think a person has to have had the problem in order to understand it at such a depth, so they can apply the knowledge and pass it on. :) I have also heard of LLCs who had never been overweight themselves, always had been naturally thin. Those are the more dangerous ones in my opinion. But who's to say they didn't know someone personally with severe food issues?

    Oh I don't know. ... We all judge, but please, please don't think my comments are made with any ill intent. I come across harsh - but that is on paper. If I actually spoke to you, the voice intonations would have made the comment into a constructive one... I aim to promote debate, thought process and self-reflection.

    I should not have forgotten your fragile state of being at this vulnerable beginning of your journey, and for that I am extremely sorry. Please do take my messages with a pinch of salt, I dont mean them to be critical or aggressive. Your reaction actually highlighted to me that you are much more unhappy with yourself than you would like others to know. I feel you have lost all self-worth and self-respect at this point and I honestly hope that LL will give you that confidence back. It really can do it for someone. The things I've achieved are innumerable because LL has paved the way.

    Again, I'm very sorry. ... I feel pretty awful. :(
     
  12. sorcha

    sorcha Likes to change diets...

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    Spanglymum...my LL counseller is also overweight and when I had my initial consultation I was pleased that she was the same size as me. After our first group session, she let us know that she had given birth 8 weeks before and would be doing LL herself when she was able to....she also showed us her before and after photos of when she had lost weight...over 9 stone! She said with out LL she wouldn't have got pregnant ( she had been trying for 10 years )....so she lost weight and got the baby she so desperatley wanted. She is losing weight now but never discusses her weight loss with the group but is happy to share if you ask....and of course you notice the weekly change in someones appearance. My counseller is lovely, very open motivational and down to earth.
    Just wanted to reply as I think we should remember that we are all human whether a weight-loss counseller or not ( hope you understand...i'm not very good at putting thoughts into words!)
    Good luck on your weighloss journey....you can do it!!!

    Minerva...you are such a lovely person. I mean, look at the reply you have just written...not many people would take the time to reply in such detail.

    I love reading your posts and you make alot of sense....so a big thankyou from me.:)
     
  13. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Thank you so much, Minerva.
    xxx
     
  14. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Well, first weigh-in yesterday and 4lb gone. The one-week WI is on Friday. I hope I will have lost some more by then. I've had to start negotiating some invitations - so meeting a friend tonight for a coffee rather than a 'drink' drink. I feel ok about it at the moment though - being assertive, for me. Interesting peoples' reactions though. Weirdest one was a sales assistant in Gap on Sunday. I had a 30% off voucher so was getting some bits for the girls and got into a conversation and the lady said "I can't wait for my roast dinner tonight" and I found myself (why?!) sharing that I'm on a diet. And then she and her colleague started on about how diets are a waste of time yadda yadda.

    Thing was, I actually found it quite funny - and still feel happy about my choice to do this. Yay!

    One thing though - it's only very early days but I find I'm chatting to people more...! Bizarre. Usually quite reserved unless I have a reason to speak to someone. Interesting! Maybe it's just something about where I'm at in my head?

    Looking forward to the first counselling session on Friday. I have a lot to learn. I haven't been given a book yet. Do we get that this week, I wonder? Just have a little notebook for writing weights in.
     
  15. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Well my friend and I mixed up our times so missed each other and need to reschedule! Never mind. Had my first bar tonight - really yummy! Quite genuinely (she said, in amazement). Cranberry and raspberry. Didn't realise it would be yoghurty as well! Bonus! A good day, but feeling hungry for the first time in a couple of days around 6 pm, which I wasn't expecting.

    Really noticing food smells around me - but in a detached observer kind of way. Like at the station tonight where all the fast food and croissant places and coffee stalls pump out their aromas to entice you in, or at work, where we have an in-house catering team. Usually from about 10am the gorgeous smell of their cooking wafts up the atrium to my floor and drives me mad - but this diet just makes me appreciate the smell and move on. Ketosis is very strange, but I'm liking it!
     
  16. Minerva

    Minerva ...passing through.

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    Thank you Sorcha :eek: Your comments made me feel genuinely good inside... Though, I still feel bad for my first comments. I hope Spangly - it hasn't affected you too much. :) You're a strong person and I can tell LL is already bringing some confidence back. It's that feeling 'I'm doing something positive for myself' rather than getting stuck in a guilt cycle when perhaps eating something too much. That guilt really can ruin days and weeks for me personally. It's quite horrible!
    You will always get people saying diets are rubbish, and the worst one of all is - "abstinence diets don't work, you'll gain it all back". DON'T listen. I can think of at LEAST 9 people off the top of my head who I'd seen on this forum who have successfully maintained for a year or more within a 1 stone boundary (some regain is absolutely natural when your body settles). On average more than half of the people do regain quite considerable amounts after this sort of diet - but it's important to remember that the regain is down to the individual not learning how to tackle the food properly afterwards (many don't do RTM). It has nothing to do with the diet. :)

    You are developing 'Radar Smelling'... :D Because your taste sensation is rather deprived at the moment, plus - I have discovered that sugar actually NUMBS the taste/smell receptors quite considerably... Now that a lot of that stuff is out of your body - your sense of smell will be very, very strong. And the shakes and bars will slowly start tasting better because they won't seem so 'bland' anymore. On LL we've all had those moments in a supermarket or something, just stopping in a particularly good smelling isle and feeling full just from the smell alone! Didn't want any of the food - just wanted to appreciate how GREAT it smells. ;)

    As for the Cranberry & Raspberry bars... I lived on those!! I still like them now to be honest even a year after. I also liked the Peanut ones but nowhere near as much - I think I actually found a small piece of sawdust in there once. :D No kidding!
     
  17. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    lol@ "radar smelling". Yes definitely!

    I'm doing ok. And have pondered what you said originally. I think there are some truths there I will need to look into but I'm not sure I'm brave enough yet to be that blunt with myself!

    Having a tough day today. Got some negative feedback at work - very constructively given, but the views of a very negative member of my team who has now left (and the whole department has cheered up since she left!). Received the feedback with as much grace as I could muster (my boss actually handled it really kindly and said he wasn't certain how much truth there was in it) and am now left wondering about the message. My pride has been ruffled and I'm surprised and quite saddened by the comments really.

    One thing I'm really liking so far about LL is the psychological side. Haven't even got into the counselling yet (first proper session tomorrow) but reading on here and just thinking about my behaviour, rather than just using food, has already proved an eye-opener!

    I don't feel like I will have lost any more weight by tomorrow. I don't know why that is - it's just a feeling. I hope I'm proved wrong.

    Thanks for all the support. It means a lot to me.
     
  18. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    WI was a bit of an anticlimax: 0.8lb since Tuesday. Sigh. At least the group was good.
     
  19. MagdaX

    MagdaX is Magdalicious

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    My LLC is overweight too and to be honest i think it's a good thing. My previous LLC (i moved to another parth of London) had only done LL for a month before to lose 1st. To be honest my new lady is a much better motivator and councellor. And because she is doing abstinence with us, it makes her more credible as she really does know what we are going through. To be honest i wouldn't worry if your LLC wasnt the perfect size 10 because it really isn't about them. It's about you! It's YOUR journey and you are responsible for the outcome. LLC can help but they certainly can't do it for you even with al the support they offer. Believe you can do it and you will! :)
     
  20. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    Well survived a trip to a cafe with DH and daughters, and it wasn't difficult at all! Brilliant! Have been invited out for a business dinner in a couple of weeks' time. I think I'll be upfront about the diet and suggest going for a pre-dinner coffee instead. I don't think I'm quite at the stage of being ok with sitting in a restaurant with water and coffee. Well... I mean being ok with other people being uncomfortable I mean, if that makes sense. I think I would be able to manage fine as this is totally my choice and I WANT to do it. Just not sure if I can be bothered having to explain myself so early on!
     
  21. Spanglymum

    Spanglymum Gold Member

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    So off to get shown round the lovely new gym and swimming pool that opened LAST WEEK just down my road! Talk about timing! I won't be doing anything very strenuous for a while yet as it's early days of ketosis etc, but think it will be good to get a routine of "Mummy goes to the gym on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday mornings" so that by the time I get to RTM the pattern will be set.

    Wish me luck. I used to be a real gym bunny when I was younger but "haven't had the time" since I had the girls...
     
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