I am an addict. Once I accepted that I probably had an addiction to food it was much easier to deal with it.
For instance, in the past when I was on diets, “I want” meant “I must have”. No question about it. As I learnt a little more control, “I want” meant I had to battle against having. I knew I mustn’t have. I was resentful….why me? I had kept to the diet all morning…surely I deserved a treat now. It meant I had to distract myself, to find something else to do on the hopes that I would forget what I really felt I had to do….eat.
Then I learnt about choices. I could choose to eat or deprive myself. Ummm. Still not good enough. I knew that I could soothe myself in seconds over a bag of crisps and a chocolate bar…followed by a load of sandwiches and anything else I could find.
We are programmed to give ourselves whatever we need to soothe our troubled souls....to take care of ourselves and do whatever needs to be done within reason, but it doesn’t quite work like that for an addict as whatever it is may nurture us for a moment, will probably kill us in the long run.
When I gave up smoking I learnt a technique that serves me well with food well (most of the time anyway)
I realised that I had nothing to gain from smoking and everything to lose. I couldn’t really go along 100% of the addiction to nicotine as in certain circumstances I could go hours without a ciggie and often not even thinking about one. Of course, as soon as I left that non-smoking place, I would immediately light up. It seemed as if it wasn’t the effects of nicotine that was making me crave, but an associated habit. This place = a ciggie. This time = a ciggie (or 4)
If nicotine was such a terrible thing to withdraw from, why on earth wasn’t I waking up every 30 minutes a night a quivering wreck? How come I started smoking again after months of abstinence?
It was then I realised this was just an addictive desire. Nothing more. It had little to do with whether I needed cigarettes, but in the past had been the reason why I had tried to cure that desire with ciggies or food. I misunderstood. I thought that “I wanted” “meant “I needed”. I thought it would make me feel better.
What if I really separated the two? The desire, from acting on the desire. What if I just accepted that as an addict, I would get these desires. They would have nothing to do with whether I should eat or smoke excessively, but were overwhelming urges to self destruct. I needed to make a new conditioned response and I would only be able to do that by practicing it. I want=my addiction to desire it. IFKWIM.
Okay…so to practice it meant I had to keep facing up to it. No trying to distract myself away. No beating myself up for just feeling the desire. Just facing and dealing with it. What I had done wrong in the past, was hating myself for having the feeling, or if I was feeling strong, distracting myself away from it. Anything other than face it and practice acceptance.
Facing the feeling serves me best in the long run. Learning a new response to it rather than learning to avoid it.
We can’t always run away from the desire. I can hardly go to the help desk in Tescos to ask them to run a bath as I’ve just spied the cream cakes. Neither can I tell a fellow smoker to enjoy his ciggie alone as I will have to go for a walk I can only avoid for so long, but for long term success I have to learn to face the fear and deal with it.
It certainly gets easier with practice, though I do fall on occasion, but that’s okay too. As long as I always remember that the more I practice my new associated response, the better I will get at it.
Does this make any sense?
For instance, in the past when I was on diets, “I want” meant “I must have”. No question about it. As I learnt a little more control, “I want” meant I had to battle against having. I knew I mustn’t have. I was resentful….why me? I had kept to the diet all morning…surely I deserved a treat now. It meant I had to distract myself, to find something else to do on the hopes that I would forget what I really felt I had to do….eat.
Then I learnt about choices. I could choose to eat or deprive myself. Ummm. Still not good enough. I knew that I could soothe myself in seconds over a bag of crisps and a chocolate bar…followed by a load of sandwiches and anything else I could find.
We are programmed to give ourselves whatever we need to soothe our troubled souls....to take care of ourselves and do whatever needs to be done within reason, but it doesn’t quite work like that for an addict as whatever it is may nurture us for a moment, will probably kill us in the long run.
When I gave up smoking I learnt a technique that serves me well with food well (most of the time anyway)
I realised that I had nothing to gain from smoking and everything to lose. I couldn’t really go along 100% of the addiction to nicotine as in certain circumstances I could go hours without a ciggie and often not even thinking about one. Of course, as soon as I left that non-smoking place, I would immediately light up. It seemed as if it wasn’t the effects of nicotine that was making me crave, but an associated habit. This place = a ciggie. This time = a ciggie (or 4)
If nicotine was such a terrible thing to withdraw from, why on earth wasn’t I waking up every 30 minutes a night a quivering wreck? How come I started smoking again after months of abstinence?
It was then I realised this was just an addictive desire. Nothing more. It had little to do with whether I needed cigarettes, but in the past had been the reason why I had tried to cure that desire with ciggies or food. I misunderstood. I thought that “I wanted” “meant “I needed”. I thought it would make me feel better.
What if I really separated the two? The desire, from acting on the desire. What if I just accepted that as an addict, I would get these desires. They would have nothing to do with whether I should eat or smoke excessively, but were overwhelming urges to self destruct. I needed to make a new conditioned response and I would only be able to do that by practicing it. I want=my addiction to desire it. IFKWIM.
Okay…so to practice it meant I had to keep facing up to it. No trying to distract myself away. No beating myself up for just feeling the desire. Just facing and dealing with it. What I had done wrong in the past, was hating myself for having the feeling, or if I was feeling strong, distracting myself away from it. Anything other than face it and practice acceptance.
Facing the feeling serves me best in the long run. Learning a new response to it rather than learning to avoid it.
We can’t always run away from the desire. I can hardly go to the help desk in Tescos to ask them to run a bath as I’ve just spied the cream cakes. Neither can I tell a fellow smoker to enjoy his ciggie alone as I will have to go for a walk I can only avoid for so long, but for long term success I have to learn to face the fear and deal with it.
It certainly gets easier with practice, though I do fall on occasion, but that’s okay too. As long as I always remember that the more I practice my new associated response, the better I will get at it.
Does this make any sense?