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How do I find 'me'?


Don't worry, be happy :)
S: 11st12lb C: 9st0lb G: 7st12lb BMI: 23.8 Loss: 2st12lb(24.1%)
In a few years I've basically went from being your typical 20 year old whose existance was to go to uni, work a part time job, lived with her parents, and socialised with her friends. Now i'm a 23 year old married mum of two with no social life and no job and no longer speaks to her mum.
Don't get me wrong i would never turn back time as i love how my life has turned out and the direction it is going in.
The point I am trying to make is that I have grown up really quickly and with that i'm trying to transform how i look too. It just seems to have taken it's toll on my head and I think I've lost who i am now.
I had so much confidence, great self esteem and a healthy body image 2 years ago, even though i was overweight.

So to go with my new body i want to get my head sorted out as i don't want to associate being slimmer with being unhappy. I know being slimmer alone will not make me happy.

How do I go about finding 'me' again, how do I regain confidence and get a healthy my body image again?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. x
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Carpe diem, baby!
S: 11st0lb C: 9st4lb BMI: 21.6 Loss: 1st10lb(15.58%)
Wow, you are experiencing what a lot of women experience littlered...we tend to lose our identities when we become wife, mother, lover, sister in law, aunty, friend, daughter in law, daughter, etc...we are all the names except our own because we immerse ourselves in otherness. We do so much for others all of a sudden, we get lost...it takes time and I don't really know when I found myself, but it was some point between my mum dying and me finding me again when I was divorced and on my own with my own thoughts and space. Maybe when we give ourselves more me time, we get to know ourselves again and then it kinda blossoms from there. I'll be back when I have thought of more, this is an interesting topic...
Hi there , with your social life , you can always get that back if you have good friends, it is hard to get good friends if your still in touch with them call them and start seeing them again , its getting a life for you too . Meet up with them once a week plan things , if your not in touch anymore then go to toddler groups and maybe you might meet someone there . Or even on here you might meet people who you share things with . It does change your life having kids , they then turn to you , and you have to make things right and they need you . Have a think on things what you would like to change and say , yes I love myself , stand in that mirror and say , I LOVE YOU ! Is your OH your soul mate ?


This is for ME!
S: 16st4lb C: 16st4lb G: 11st0lb BMI: 39.1 Loss: 0st0lb(0%)
Its kinda hard after having kids, you do lose your identity and gain a new one. I never found "ME" till about a year ago, I'm 42:) Suppose everyone has a differant moment in their lives when it all clicks into place and you are at peace with yourself. Maybe try not to look for it and just let it happen. It comes to us all eventually.


Carpe diem, baby!
S: 11st0lb C: 9st4lb BMI: 21.6 Loss: 1st10lb(15.58%)
Maybe try not to look for it and just let it happen. It comes to us all eventually.
I think that's it...I was getting into meditation (and other ways of dealing with anger, I used music and quietness to soothe) and giving myself more time just to be me, doing things I enjoyed and getting back into studying again...I made some friends online through myspace and another forum as well as the Open University and met a few of them and hey presto...I found me...I also used to write lots and that helped me cathartically...it happened with a lot of tears and self analysis (which can be good and bad of course) but it happened over time. I knew I had found me again for sure when I was ready to date again (was single for nearly two years after my divorce before I was ready and confident enough)...am still finding bits of me now and have been seeing someone I met 1 year and 7 or so months ago...my confidence and esteem do get knocked back and I still get the odd twinge of insecurity...but for the most part, the old me is back, quirks and all!

You too will find yourself, possibly in the most unlikely of circumstances...but it does take time and how wise of you to recognise this loss of identity so young!


Don't worry, be happy :)
S: 11st12lb C: 9st0lb G: 7st12lb BMI: 23.8 Loss: 2st12lb(24.1%)
the question is did you know who you were in the first place?
This has really made me think, all i know is that I was happy with me, and now i'm happy with life but not me.

you especially need something that is just yours at this point in your life
So true, i realised this after a public breakdown on my birthday last year, didn'trealise that at the time I was suffering from postnatal depression. I'm applying for uni to start midwifery in september and it took the uni 7 months to tell me i had an interview, which really made me even more depressed as its a huge ambition on mine, and what i guess what I would consider for me.

We do so much for others all of a sudden, we get lost
This is exactly what I mean, I don't know what to do for me anymore because i no longer am the person I once was, now i don't know how to be anything other than mum and wife.

Is your OH your soul mate ?
Yes very much so, he is 12 years older than me so about the same maturity :p. He loves me for me and supports me in every way possible. He will always give me advice and challenge me to think outside the box, he thinks i'm an amazing person and i can achieve anything if I put my mind to it. Soul mates is the perfect way to describe us.

you can always get that back if you have good friends, it is hard to get good friends if your still in touch with them call them and start seeing them again
unfortunatley already tried this but they are all still where i was 2 years ago, still very much carefree with very little responsibility whereas i need to plan a military operation to go to the shops:8855:.

One of the things which will help you is to come to terms with whatever happened with your mum.
It's all still very raw but i don't know if it ever will be repaired or at least resolved, she let me down when i needed her most and I know she won't ever apologise for it.

Thank you all so much for you replies everyone, I know i'm still young and have loads of time to find who the real me is, guess i'm just trying to get my head sorted. Ok, im starting to waffle but i'll be back when I can think of more.


Silver Member
S: 135kg C: 42.7kg G: 75kg BMI: 16.1 Loss: 92.3kg(68.35%)
I don't mean for any of this to sound patronizing, far be it from me but have you considered that maybe the you that you used to love and trust won't come back not because it is now a lesser you but because you're older, life unfolded and you've built a new you?

It sounds to me like you are longing for a period of your life more than after a certain image of self you've lost in the process. We have all been there, we all longed at one point or another and not to shatter your hopes or sound nasty but honestly? It never does return. That's not to say you won't again love yourself! You will, and you sound mature enough to be working on that. Nor is it to say that you won't be happy. You will, it will all just be different from now on.

I hope it doesn't discourage you and you sound level headed and ready to evaluate the good along with the bad and ugly (let's face it, that "I'm 16 hear me roar, I own the world" feeling is none to pleasant to be around:)) in the old you, start getting to know and loving the new you and all in all see the old you for what it is, just part of who this pretty shinny new one is ;)


Don't worry, be happy :)
S: 11st12lb C: 9st0lb G: 7st12lb BMI: 23.8 Loss: 2st12lb(24.1%)
Thanks again for all the input, It looks like I still have a long way to go but its good to know that it does eventually happen one day for most of us.

MissAma you don't sound patronising as I see how my post came across as that. I think what i'm trying to say is that i know i'm not longer that person as my life has completely chnged, yet i don't know how to be the person i now am.
I don't envy the person I was, it made me who I am now but also made me appreciate what i have now much more than what i had then. Although sometimes i do hanker for the freedom of little/no resonsibility but it quickly passes, the grass is always greener and all that. My sister is almost 26 and still leads the life she did when she was 17/18 (the same as how i described myself at 20) but sometimes i feel sorry that she hasn't really experienced too much from life, she is still quite immature and sheltered.
It can/does happen

Iwas only thinking about this this morning. I am 54.Since this time last year I have lost 12stone. The reason it has been a success for me is that I had given up caring about me I was so busy caring for and trying to please everyone else. I always put myself at the bottom of the pile. Outwardly I was usually confident and happy , but I was angry and often cutting and sarcastic to my family and friends, but I told myself I was witty and funny if a bit sharp. Looking back I realise I was angry and hurt. it's only taken me about 30 years to work out!!!
I realised that the main person I was punishing was ME.........:doh:
i made a conscious decision to take control of my life and invest time and effort in myself.
I feel as though I have been re-born.I cannot begin to tell you all the things which have changed and improved in my life since I started LL.
I know thin does not equal happiness. i still experience stressful things, we all do, but I understand myself so much more and am better equipped to cope with everything life throws at me. I am calmer,happier and I hope nicer to be around.I truly feel as though I have my life back. I'm loving it.
Good luck with your journey.
S: 14st13lb C: 14st7lb BMI: 30 Loss: 0st6lb(2.87%)
you hit the nail on the head with thin does not equal happy but the journey between fat and thin is often a journey of discovery, that does lead to happiness, as your self esteem increases.

little red, i think that before you find you, you have to decide which you you want to be, and (just to confuse things) you can be several you's . There's you the wife, you the mom, you the daughter, and soon to be you the student, each of your relationships is different and you respond differently to each.

sorry if that all sounds a bit 'deep' but i think its true, we are all multifaceted ( big word for a wednesday night!!)

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