How do you handle questions like...how did you do it ?

Discussion in 'Lighter Life Forum' started by Mrs Lard, 22 July 2007 Social URL.

  1. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    I've had two very different experiences of the same situation recently - women wanting to know how I have done it (because, I am guessing, they are gobsmacked by the results) and I realise I don't really know how to handle the "how did you do it?" question, when I believe there is more than a passing interest. And I know that evangelism (about LighterLife) may not be the right answer...

    For example, my neighbour asked me seven weeks ago and I knew she was interested - she told me, was very up front and we had a frank discussion and guess what? She's doing LighterLife when she comes back from holiday. Amazing! I was clear what she wanted, we were both honest and she was ready to talk specifics! She had reached her own tipping point.

    But, last week, I was introduced to someone (by my friend) who is thinking about LighterLife and this woman knew that my friend had a friend who... had done it (LighterLife). She didn't realise it was me and was...gobsmacked when I revealed that it was indeed me. I could tell by the way she looked at me (as I would look at someone who was six stones lighter - not all down to LighterLife but 80% - and just be incredulous). I recognise that look because I've done it myself so many times (but mainly at various slimming clubs!). Anyway, she asked me all about LighterLife and then proceeded to tell me all the reasons why she couldn't do it BUT I wasn't pushing it at all. I just said it was one of the best things I had ever done in my life and I wish I had found out about it years ago.

    This weekend, a friend (wife of one of my husband's friends) asked me all about the diet and kept saying things like, I need to do that, tell me more, that sounds good, yes, yes, yes. This woman is clearly bigger than she was and is clearly very unhappy about it but not unhappy enough NOT to eat cream with pudding, etc etc. We all know that behaviour, don't we? It's the cycle of change stuff - pre-contemplation ie denial!

    The thing is, I wrote about the first woman on my blog and someone commented, quite rightly, that we come to these decisions when we are ready. Absolutely.

    But what do you do IF the person asking you how you did it, is REALLY interested (and may be thinking of doing LighterLife or something similar)? How do you strike a happy balance?

    I don't know how to handle this situation and it's going to come up, again, I am sure.

    Any suggestions? I don't want to say the wrong thing. I may be trying to adapt my people-pleasing behaviour but I am still senstive to others' needs!!

    Thanks.

    Mrs L xxx
     
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  3. Sez

    Sez has started again!!

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    Really thought provoking...

    AS yet, I have not been asked the question by anyone that (imho) needs to use LL. Now, I know that that means I am making all sorts of assumptions about these folk, their BMI and their own mental issues about their weight/health etc. I do, however, find this easier than launching, as you say, into an evangelical hard sell of LL! A couple of times, the most recent being at my sisters 40th birthday dinner, I was asked repeatedly by strangers to me, about why I wasnt eating etc etc. Instead of the usual " I'm not feeling well" or similar excuse, I thought "Blow it", and I told them exactly what I was doing. Apart from the few "Oh I could never do that..." comments, most were sincerely interested and very few actually glazed over!!

    I know I have been told by a very close friend, with whom I now share a mutual acquaintance, that she was desperate to tell me about LL as this mutual chum had done so well on it. Despite knowing me for many years, and knowing how miserable I was, she didnt feel it her place to talk to me about it. (Great comment about not wanting it enough to stop having the cream on your pud.... I so understand that one!)

    It was only when I contacted her, in mid Feb, absolutely at my rock bottom, more miserable than I could ever have imagined, that she brought to my attention this mutual friends successes due to LL. Within half of hour of texting this lady, she was in my home, all her LL stuff was spread out on the table and I had decided to go for it.

    I think you/we will know when the time is right to share this "secret" in detail. Sorry, thats not very helpful, but it is a tricky area, and I know that I was so grateful once I had all the info to hand and I would love to offer the same lifeline to others, if it were possible!!
     
  4. Tiger Girl

    Tiger Girl Full Member

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    Interesting.
    Well we had a thread recently on the pro's and con's of 'attention' and probing questions from others.
    I've found myself never uttering the words 'lighter life' - to anyone. My closest f's& f's know that I'm doing LL, and my wider circle know that I'm on 'space food' (as I call it), but I don't really feel the need to evangalise over LL, however, I think I am a real advocate of VLCD's. I actually told my sis this weekend that she needs to do CD, so I guess I'm not a marketing dream for LL at all!!
    As my 6st + weight loss is very evident, when people ask I tell them I've been losing weight for ages but it's only becoming really noticeble now. I talk about doing lots of gym stuff and kicking the booze, but stay clear of the food issues.
    Like you Sez, I'm not sure that anyone has approached me yet who really could do with LL. I'm usually approached by slim people who are fascinated/intrigued by how I've done it!
    But if someone bigger approached me and I genuinely thought I could help, and they genuinely wanted my advice then I would definitely promote CD or LL.

    I'm wavering about writing this down, but I do find myself looking at very big people on the tube etc, and I do think, did I look like that? I know that at 13st I must still look overweight or very overweight to some, and I really am trying not to stare, but it really does make me think so many things when I see someone very big! I hope that doesn't sound weird!!

    Unsolicited advice can be a tricky area on the weight front. I just think would I have appreciated someone telling me about LL before I found it? It really does depend on who it was, and how it was positioned. I think it's one of those situations where you just know when you're actually in the conversation.
    :D
     
  5. Just Do It

    Just Do It Full Member

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    Mrs L,
    A few people have asked me how I have done it and I have felt a bit uncomfortable at the question, especially when they ask if I have been back to Weight Watchers again.

    I find myself sharing more with them if they seem to be genuinely concerned about their own weight. And I tell them I was desperate about my own situation, and if they ask I tell them what it is called.

    Then they have the evidence of seeing me and the name of the diet and so I feel they can make up their own mind about whether or not to pursue it further. If they came back to me again, I wouldn't mind at all telling them more of course.

    Its a funny thing to be seen as a walking example of weight loss -in other words nearly a "Success Story"!

    Claire
     
  6. Peridot

    Peridot Peridot

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    I don't think you should have to censor your enthusiasm and motivation - all you can do is provide information in your own best way and then it's up to the other person to decide what to do with it. I would have loved someone to talk to before I started (and for help and advice at first). I also dismissed LL when I first looked in to it ("I'm never doing a diet where I can't eat fruit") but came round to the idea. Your friend, despite rehearsing all the reasons she can't do it with you, may still have had a seed planted that she can come back to.

    Peridot x
     
  7. Heaven can wait

    Heaven can wait Silver Member

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    Yep
    I agree , if people ask I just tell them. I dont evangelise to people who just show a passing interest and havnt got 3 stone to lose, whats the point? BUT , if they ask and are very overweight , I feel its almost my duty to tell them so that they can look into it if they want to, as I wish someone had told me about it who had actaully done it. As the old saying goes you can lead a horse to water , but you cant make it drink, and I know that I cant be responsible for anyone elses decision, but if I tell them then my conscience is clear.
     
  8. Mrs Lard

    Mrs Lard Silver Member

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    Well, thank you for such thought-provoking answers!

    I think that was part of my dilemma - I wish I HAD known someone who had done LighterLife, particularly a couple of years ago when I really was SO receptive (and highly motivated) - but I am not sure how I would have responded to an evangelical approach. But I just realised I don't NEED to be evangelical! Doh! The results will speak for themselves (still got my fat head on and don't see what other people see as I feel the same as four and a half stone ago)!

    All I need to do is, as you say, point them in the right direction. Horses and water analogies worked...brilliantly! I got it. Feeling a bit silly now!! I think I was trying to overegg the pudding when I really don't need to say very much at all, do I? A quick description, the web address and..that's that!

    THANK YOU!!!! Feel I can handle those situations now. Phew!

    Mrs L xxxxxxx
     
  9. Peridot

    Peridot Peridot

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    You - and all the successful LLers - are a walking talking advertisement for it! Pictures paint a 1000 words and all that!
     
  10. Heaven can wait

    Heaven can wait Silver Member

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    Hiya Mrs Lard
    So glad my waffle gave you a lightbulb moment, I think I had a lightbulb myself when I wrote it! I'm afraid I may have upset Sez with my take on this on another thread ...so I'm keeping me head down. I really do think everyone has to deal with this thier way, you need to feel comfortable in these situations and it takes practice. When we feel confident in our own (smaller if not a little baggier in my case) skins, I think it wil become easier, its just so new isnt it?
    Love Carole (btw I have printed off your how to do a thought record , its brilliant ! Thankyou so much for taking the time, its a work of art!)
     
  11. In search of me

    In search of me Silver Member

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    I think we will al deal with this differently depending on who we are & our personalities! I am an absolute evangelist for the LL PROCESS as have always been convinced that if you dont deal with the head stuff you've not dealt with the issue.
    Everyone knows I am doing LL and loads of people ask me about it because of the weight I've lost but I am careful not to preach to people and the way I deal with it is to not talk until asked about it and then when I do acknowledge that it is hard core and you really have to be 100% committed to the process...I think that works. I do sometimes feel sad for people who make excuses about why they wont but then I also recognise that this a bit of "transferrance" of my own - that I feel sad about the time I lost and feel sad they may look back & see the same IYKWIM! Hope that helps? Remember though that word of mouth is possibly the biggest encourager & was how many of us got onto LL!!
     
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