Hubby is filing for divorce

Hi.

Just wanted to put a little "Man perspective" on the reverse phychology you mentioned. I dont think accepting the divorce and being a little blase about it is the basis of that theory. I think the main objective is to see a happy, shiney, healthy you, which are traits everyone, man or woman, look for in their other half. I think you are making great strides in gaining back your body confidence, working at taking the stress in the gym, and I really hope for you that you find happiness again. Once you have yourself sorted, then worry about your relationship! A girls smile is the most attractive feature, genuine smiles lead to the best relationships! Really wishing you the best hun. x
 
Thank you Mark. Its lovely to have a mans view on these things. He knows I would take him back but I don't want to continue to be at his beck and call. I need to create a life for myself and be happier for me and the kids.

If I continue to fight the divorce then I am driving him away by my desperation to stay together. By accepting it to a certain extent, I can move on myself - Does that make sense?
 
It does.

I would suggest letting him know you arent giving up, but you understand you have to have a little "you time" before trying again.

The point of a relationship in my eyes is to be two people, who when together are awesome. I have been in relationships where you find very quickly you just become half of a couple instead of a whole person in a relationship with another whole person. If you understand what I mean?

I think you need to stick at what you are doing, grow stronger, get to where you are happy and then re-assess. what the new improved Susie wants may not be what you want at the moment.

I wish you the best. x
 
Yes thank you for that- At work I have an identity I am Susie but at home I am wife and Mum. Not that I mind that but I do nothing for myself when I am at home - Things will change from now on
 
susienoz said:
Thank you all for your kind wishes. My wonderful children came home yesterday from school and had fabulous reports so very proud of them.

I was very good on the diet yesterday - didn't even use my syns - I know thats wrong but I can make up for it on another day without feeling guilty.

Been to the gym this morning again to work off my frustrations and had a good session.

I have been reading up on how to win your man back (sad I know) and apparently I need to use reverse psychology and pretend to accept the divorce and move on. If he sees me moving on and having fun then he may look at me in a different light. If this fails at least I will have fun in the meantime and will prepare myself for when I am on my own.

Thank you all again - Its great to chat XXXXX
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Hiya Susie

So sorry to hear your situation and it must be even harder if he's still under the same roof as you. I got divorced from my first husband, my childrens father when they were pretty small, but it was different because we had both fallen out of love with each other.

I do hope that you can move on and start enjoying life again, don't be too hard on yourself this is a traumatic time for you. Accept help from friends and family and make sure you eat, I lost a load of weight when I got divorced. Who knows he may realise what he's lost and come back to you. If not its his loss because you sound a lovely person. Whatever happens, I hope things get sorted out for you, take care Boo xx
 
Also sending hugs :hug99: from a Swansea girl living in England :yuk: I know but home now for 18 years.

I wish you happiness and strength.:rainbow:

Take care
Lynda xx
 
Hiya, didnt want to read and run, sorry to hear that your having a s@@@ time, make sure you take care of yourself as well


Hugs

Clare x
 
Thanks - Had a down night last night and turned to the wine (naughty me). This is one of the reasons hubby is leaving me because I like my wine too much. I have only had three bottles in five weeks now so doing ok.

This morning could not stop crying. Dropped the kids off at school and came home and slipped under the duvet and broke my heart. I feel better for doing this. A little stonger this afternoon.

Apart from the wine last night diet is going well but didn't have the energy to go to the gym. The doctor has given me another 4 weeks off work because of the depression so that means I am off with the kids for school holidays - I'm sure they will keep me busy XXXXX
 
What a rubbish situation, but to put a harsher light on things could it be that this is the best thing that could happen to you?...I have been in this situation before, we were not married but had 7 years together..and the motivation and determination to sort my phisical and mental health out that break up gave me i would never have had if we were still all happy and domesticated...result?..i lost 6 stone and fell in love with a friend i went to school with.Our wedding is booked for next year...
My point is this is the start of the rest of your life, and possibly the best thing he could have done for you..I wouldnt focus on "reverse psycology" because even if you do get back together, how easy would it be for you to forgive the selfish way in which he behaved when u needed him? best of luck sweetie..xx
 
Thank you Gemma - and 6 stone loss - Wow. I have been with hubby for 11 years and married for 7. Maybe I am afraid of the unknown. My future scares me a bit - It could be the best thing that happens to me but what if its not, thats what frightens me. I am 38 year old Mum of two delightful children. Now I am going to be a single one. We will share access when everything has been sorted but I can't bear the thought of being a part time Mum.
 
This story is heart breaking, i'm so sorry to hear what you are going through honey. As cliche as it sounds but as one door closes another one opens and this could be the start of a new life for you. Im only 21 and i dont know much about relationships but i really hope you can both work together and sort it out or move on and make a new start for yourself and your lovley children. Stay strong! Hugs! xxxx
 
It was a 6 stone loss that became a 6 stone gain when i fell in love again!
Yes I should imagine you are terrified!, i bet your life has revolved around your husband and children for a long time...you will never be a "part time mum" your just going to have more time to spend on your lovely self! gym! swimming! social life! sleep! wine without a hard time! whatever you want on the television! your house EXACTLEY the way you want it! and eventually the thrill of dating again!! Ill give you 6 months before you look in the mirror and think "Im actually quite beautiful, happy, and having lots of fun!" xx
 
Sending big hugs susie. I know it's a cliche but time is a great healer and this too shall pass. My other half split with me almost a year ago because he was unable to cope with my depression and it is a very dark place to be. We did not have children so extra difficult for you.

You will have good and bad days and it's unlikely you will get over this soon but bit by bit the bad days will become fewer and further apart. You have your lovely children to concentrate on and that will bring you through.... Sending big hugs and nice thoughts x
 
Susie, I am so sorry. Concentrate on making you and your children happy. Xxxx good luck with your weightless. Xxx
 
Just remember it will take time, i lived abroad for a couple of years with my fella - well ex fella, he got a job back in the uk so i moved back as well, that was in about October, by Jan 2nd, i was back home living in spare room at parents, i didnt go out for months, then towards mid august one of my friends asked me to help out in her pub, i met my other half on the aug bank holiday - that was 5 years ago this september


Enjoy time with your kids and your time, spoil yourself, pamper yourself whist you got time.

Oh and the wine, before my diet i used to have a bottle of wine on a sat night before going out, and one time i was really naughty, i didnt go out one sat night and decided to have a chill in the bath, two bottles later i was caterwailing as he came through the door! (not recomended tho is drinking in the bath)

Clare xxx
 
Hi Susie :) Sorry to be a nag, and I know I am not saying anything you don't already know, but alcohol is a depressant. I see you have cut down, which is great, but at this moment you need to be as strong emotionally as you can and to be thinking as clearly as you can. Take great care of yourself because you deserve it :) x
 
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