Hubby is filing for divorce

[angieee]

Hi Susie I am sorry to hear about your situation but heartened by all the support you are receving from here. Also how well you re doing to keep your motivation as depression tends to steal that away from you....(Personal experience talking rather than qualification.)
Although I don't know you or anything much about your past or present but from what you have written I have managed to get a glimpse of the strength you have within you which is what will get you through this. It will be great to see the butterfly that emerges from the darkness

 

[bunnylovesalan]

sending you lots of love - sounds like hell. But are very admireable concentrating on positives with the gym and diet - I have depression so know how hard it can be and it is so challenging without the emotional events you are dealing with. Stay strong you have the strength x

 

[fillymum]

Right !!! Down to the nitty gritty.

If he has made his mind up he is not going to back down and do you really want him too? Think carefully about how you feel and how you would feel in the future if you were to stay with him. Would you feel confident and secure.

I have looked at your stats.......... you are NOT over weight You do NOT have a weight problem.

Try to value yourself, try to see that you are a good person.

If you really and truly see a future in your relationship go for it, but you are not overweight.

hugs xxxxx

 

[Gemmma]

Fillymum well said! i would sell my grandmother for her BMI...would even throw in her shortcake recipe...., i bet she gorgeous, always the same with these twonks, dont know a good lady if it smacked em on the nose x

 

[desperate2Bslim]

Focus on your kids and yourself hun! You deserve to be happy! Enjoy life. And good job on your loss!!

 

[Susienoz]

Wow!!! You really and a good bunch of girls on here aren't you.Thank you all.

Well I had a good sleep last night and woke up in quite a good mood. Hubby had a little dig at me this morning but rang on his way to work to apologise (not reading anything into this).

Kids last day in school today so have plenty of days with them now to keep me occupied. I have a weekend to myself as hubby is taking kids down his Mums caravan this weekend. So may just chill and watch a couple of dvd's I haven't seen yet. Meeting friends later with the kids so shall look forward to thatand will go to the gym later on this morning.

Its crazy how two days you can wake up and feel so different.

I'm feeling so touched by everyones responses - thank you XXXXXX

 

[fillymum]

Really pleased you are feeling more positive .
A good nights sleep can make all the difference in the world to how you perceive the world and everything in it the following day.
Stay positive and if you can try reading a book called "The Secret". It changed the way I approach life.
Let us know how you are getting on.

hugs xxxx.

 

[Leapfrog]

Just posting to say, as others already have, that this might be the best thing for you in the end. I had a similar situation myself when my husband left me for someone else, leaving me feeling fat and miserable. But then I suddenly arrived at a point that I recognised as "rock bottom", where I knew that whatever happened he couldn't hurt me any more than he already had. I lost weight, at first without trying, as I just had no appetite and then by continuing with SW.

I didn't get mad, I got slim & fit and confident, met someone else and am getting married next month.

I now say that my ex-husband leaving me was the best decision I never made

 

[BrightonMark]

Great story Leapfrog, harsh as it sounds, sometimes we need a kick up the A** to get us to better ourselves.

I have a very accepting and supportive GF and Friends but it took a stranger to say "Mate you have put alot of weight on since I saw you last time.." to actually make me realise. Since then I have been working really hard and its made me happier, sometimes the worst in others can bring out the best in us. x

 

[tara40]

Hi

Have been reading all the posts on here and I wanted to wish you all the best. It sounds like you have a good support network in your friends and you have everyone on here.
Try to remember how confident and happy you were before you met your husband. Things will get better and like others have mentioned on here already, make sure you get to enjoy your me time. Two of my sister in laws suffer badly with depression and they have their good and bad days and i know it is very hard for them at times.
I wish you lots of good luck and hopefully you will look back at this post in a year's time and think "what was i worrying about".

xx

 

[ermintrude]

Oh and the wine, before my diet i used to have a bottle of wine on a sat night before going out, and one time i was really naughty, i didnt go out one sat night and decided to have a chill in the bath, two bottles later i was caterwailing as he came through the door! (not recomended tho is drinking in the bath)

Clare xxx

:giggle:

 

[Susienoz]

Well have had some good days and bad days - comfort ate on the weekend which is no good for my diet but I did go to the gym - so hopefully that will help

 

[fFulhamgirl31]

That's very sad, my heart goes out to you, what a horrible situation. I take my hat off to you though for sticking with sw and getting in that gym. I hope you overcome the depression soon, I have been there and it's not a nice place! Take care and always here if you need a chat x

 

[fillymum]

Well have had some good days and bad days - comfort ate on the weekend which is no good for my diet but I did go to the gym - so hopefully that will help

Comfort eating gives no comfort so why do we call it that. I know everytime I do it I end up beating myself up and feel worse than I did before.

It is good you went to the gym and worked of some of those calories.

I think if you stick with SW and see results you will begin to feel better about yourself and once you feel better about yourself your depresion should at the very least lessen if not disappear.

The divorce issue is a whole different thing. The best thing for you would be to know what is hapening one way or the other. You could then get on with your life and have some concrete direction.

:hug99::hug99:

 

[Susienoz]

Well its lovely weather here at the moment in South Wales so going to spend it outside with the children. Unable to go anywhere as my car needs new brakes and can't be repaired until tomorrow and hubby has otehr car in work.

I'm not too bad today - the weather helps. Had a few messages on computer from male work colleagues which were quite complimentary. I not looking for anyone else its way too early but it is lovely to be complimented and well thought of

 

[Susienoz]

Ok. I have had a horrible week this week but I think it has shaken me out of my fantasy world and I am now beginning to accept that things are over.

Over the weekend I have been on my own as ex-hubby to be took children on a little caravan holiday. It has given me time to think about the future. I cannot carry on living with him, it will ruin our friendship and I don't want that for the sake of the children. I am now looking for a little place to rent until the house is sold so I can start my new life earlier than planned. We have agreed to share the children. I think this is the best solution for my own health and our future.

Just need to find someone who can lend me the money bond upfront.

In a way I think I may be looking forward to it XXX

 

[Kia-Ora]

Ok. I have had a horrible week this week but I think it has shaken me out of my fantasy world and I am now beginning to accept that things are over.

Over the weekend I have been on my own as ex-hubby to be took children on a little caravan holiday. It has given me time to think about the future. I cannot carry on living with him, it will ruin our friendship and I don't want that for the sake of the children. I am now looking for a little place to rent until the house is sold so I can start my new life earlier than planned. We have agreed to share the children. I think this is the best solution for my own health and our future.

Just need to find someone who can lend me the money bond upfront.

In a way I think I may be looking forward to it XXX

That's a very positive realisation & step forward. Good luck & hope you get everything you need x

 

[Bunnylush]

Just posting to say, as others already have, that this might be the best thing for you in the end. I had a similar situation myself when my husband left me for someone else, leaving me feeling fat and miserable. But then I suddenly arrived at a point that I recognised as "rock bottom", where I knew that whatever happened he couldn't hurt me any more than he already had. I lost weight, at first without trying, as I just had no appetite and then by continuing with SW.

I didn't get mad, I got slim & fit and confident, met someone else and am getting married next month.

I now say that my ex-husband leaving me was the best decision I never made

This! But mine left us after 23 years. Devasting. Sat on my own with the boys for 5 years. Then the Skyman came to install my sky plus , 3 weeks later he moved in! Talk about whirlwind romance. 7 happy years together now
Being alone with the boys was best part of my life, even though if wAs petrifying at first xxxx

 

[Kia-Ora]

This! But mine left us after 23 years. Devasting. Sat on my own with the boys for 5 years. Then the Skyman came to install my sky plus , 3 weeks later he moved in! Talk about whirlwind romance. 7 happy years together now
Being alone with the boys was best part of my life, even though if wAs petrifying at first xxxx

Wow I love the part about the skyman!!!! I love hearing things like that x

 

[big soft moose]

Ok. I have had a horrible week this week but I think it has shaken me out of my fantasy world and I am now beginning to accept that things are over.

Over the weekend I have been on my own as ex-hubby to be took children on a little caravan holiday. It has given me time to think about the future. I cannot carry on living with him, it will ruin our friendship and I don't want that for the sake of the children. I am now looking for a little place to rent until the house is sold so I can start my new life earlier than planned. We have agreed to share the children. I think this is the best solution for my own health and our future.

Just need to find someone who can lend me the money bond upfront.

In a way I think I may be looking forward to it XXX

I know its a difficult time and you arent necessarily thinking practically , but i'd say assuming it is over , you need to look out for yourself and the kids and the first thing i'd highlight is that you ought to get the house at least until the kids are grown up (i'm assuming that even if you have joint custody they'll be primarily with you) - so don't move out, he's the one that wants a divorce let him find somewhere else to live. Possesion is 9/10 of the law and all that.

2nd thing to highlight when you do come to splitsies is to make sure the total assets of both parties are counted - if you ex has a much higher pension fund than you (which is usual) then that improves your case to have the house - although he might have an order on it to be realised when the kids are 18

and thirdly work out what you need in maintenance for the kids (I'm asuming you dont need it for yourself if your employed) and make sure you get it.

My parents went through a very rough divorce when I was in my early twenties so i know quite a lot about the practicalities so dont hesitate to ask if you need advice - My dad walked because he couldnt cope with my mum being ill and my sister having M.E, and mum got stiffed through not knowing her rights early enough.

(by the way i'm a bloke - but that doesnt stop be from thinking that your ex is bang out of order)