I'm not coping well at all... but I'm determined to beat this. Again.

[annaphylactic]

I will try the mood diary (thanks Maybebaby). I have tried starting things like that in the past but quite often forget to jot things down, don't have it to hand when I need it etc... but I will give it a go... can't hurt can it!

I am feeling a bit less sick today, which is always a bonus - but there is still definite anxiety about going down to Reading. It is partly the drive down (I don't like being away from toilets for very long stretches...) but also the worry that I will lose control with the food.

To be honest, I am pretty much set on the fact that I won't struggle too much... if only because I'll be with my family and will feel more of a failure that way.

We'll see what happens... I will keep checking in - or try to... so if you're having a mare over the next few days, feel free to PM me... chances are I'll be the same, hehe.

A xx

 

[annaphylactic]

i think some of us feel that way because we keep staring at our body all the time to check if we lost weight, and generally speaking we get very preoccupied with ourselves, whereas before the diet we were trying to not notice it. at least that is how it is with me.

Yeah - it's funny isn't it... I never would have had a problem with the way my bum felt 'a little too maleable (sp?) and squidgey'... my concerns before the diet were more about the overall size/shape of me... there was no point looking at the details. Does that make sense?

even now after losing the weight i still feel fat and would still like to lose more, i am afraid to eat now that i am done with Cambridge, i find it hard to eat anything for that matter because i am obsessing about gaining the weight back.

This is my worry... I lost weight on Atkins yeeeears ago... and got down to 11.5 stone... I was a comfy 14, sometimes a 12 but I never saw myself as slim. Because I didn't believe it - I didn't behave like it... and through not changing habits in line with the 'new me' I ended up a self fulfilling prophecy - bigger than I started off!!

If I don't start seeing the 'real' me, as I stand today, I am scared that it will never be enough; and my newly weight/body obsessed personality will take over.

Hopefully if we can hold on to the fact we are thinking like this and understand why, it will never take over - WE are in control, not our twisted thinking over body image... it's all about listening to people's positive strokes and trying to really 'listen'...

x