Imagine if i wasn't fat

when you eat at the refrgierator, pull up a chair

I am reading this book, and loving it- have I mentioned it before. I highly recommend it. Coming near to the end a question is re-asked- if it's happiness you want, why not go directly to it?
The premise is that we think being thin equals being happy, and that isn't true. Being thin means being thin. But there are things we may do on teh journey to thinness that may also make us happy- eating well- teh water, fruit and veg; exercising more, paying more attention to our bodies and how we feel.

The other idea is that it doesn't stop when we get thin- How True!! It doesn't. How many time have i been thin? Well perhaps, at least, thinner? It's a day by day thing.

Ok and last and I know I'm gushing here, was the idea to use my emotional eating as a way of inner awareness. Hmm I am reaching for the bread here, what is going on? And that is a very new thought- using my biggest problem to help me!

think I may re-read it when I get to the end...
 
Moving On

My mum just texted- "first step to turning the bedroom into a sitting romm; single beds have been put in the second hand sale"

I have been badgering/ supporting/ badgering my mother for maybe 3 years now to change the bedroom with 2 single beds into a sitting room- we have only an all-in-one kitchen/ sitting room/ dining room. That bedroom is only used when all 4 of her daughters are at home which happens about 10 nights of the year. Even then, it makes more sense, as a second place to hang out, greet friends and watch tv for 16 hours a day makes more sense.

And yet there was this little part of me that is sad. Silly isn't it? And totally unexpected. I'm not sure if it because I'm going away for a while that is adding to the reminiscent mood. This was my first proper bedroom. I used to share it with my big sister and fight over boundary lines.I had posters of Take That over the walls, at one time there was no paint showing out at all. Now it is a beautiful cream, with red curtains. When we are all at home on those 10 days a year, I now share with B, who is the funniest person I know. We both go to bed early.

Time marches on doesn't it, and things change. And it may be the little silly things that bowl you over at 1pm on a Spring Monday.
 
It has been beautiful weather here, and it has helped energise me. I have ran 3 mornings this week, and 2 walks in the evenings, which on top of the other benefits- makes my skin look great!today I get my third last pay cheque. Scary biscuits when I put it like that. Oddly though in some ways the idea of going back to basics is really appealing- moving home until I get my visa sorted, concentrating on the main things I want/ need. This feels like a big adventure! I'm trying to have thin days not fat days and I have had balance at least. I had a massive lunch with a coleague on Wed and so didn't bother having dinner- I simply was not hungry. Day by day. And hopefully hte good days will outnumber the bad days.
 
Glad to see that you're gradually becoming more and more positive.
Hope that everything works out well for you lovely.
 
Keep working towards your goals and you will see the good days vastly outnumber the bad days. You are doing great. Keep pushing towards your goals.
 
I pulled a muscle on my morning run, and I went to the physio this evening. there is problems right up my leg, and she wored a lot of it. I am heart broken - it is 3 days of rest ahead but I am very afraid this is not the end of it. All the injuries are connected and seem to aggravate more areas.... what if one day i am told to stop running.... my one true love.
 
In 20 minutes I will be attempting a run. It is only 3.5 miles, and I hope it is pain free.

My head is all over the place these days, no, that's wrong, my emotions are all over the place. I lay eating toffee while eatching comic relief- how wrong. It really hit home that here I am eating myself sick while there are people dying from hunger. And children caring for parents full time while I lie about wondering what to do with my life.

I picked up a copy of the Dalai Lama's guide to a meaningful life yesterday and it is really hitting home. Its funny how a book by a Buddhist monk is re-invigorating the lost Catholic inside of me. What strikes me is the idea of giving time to contemplate the person you want to me. The Dalai Lama would have steps to go through things like compassion and seeking enlightenment, which are Catholic virtues too (change enlightenment to belief, love, wisdom or understanding). It is the idea of giving your virtues time. By reflecting/ meditating on them, you strengthen your mind. It is easy to be compassionate with "deserving cases" but what if its someone who really annoys you? By practicing every day and welcoming the challenge to help you be a better person, you learn how to be compassionate in more and more stressful situations.
So by strenghtening my resolve to not force my body to eat what it does not need or want, I make it easier in the long run. When I want to stuff myself, I can reflect on why I want to eat, and welcome the opportunity to strenghten my resolve to not overeat. The more I do this, the stronger I become. Yes I probabaly will fail, but the more positive I am the more I am likely to acheive my goal sometime, or at least get closer.

And it is interesting how many times the Dalai Lama mentions food as a pleasure/ pain example! It's as if he knows about binge eating! So let me see how this mindset can work, and it only can, if I give it time.....
 
My mindfulness did not last all day, but descended into a continual eating fest. I begin today with the same aim. I know that every attempt to change takes time, and that I will fail, but that I will start again. I just wish I did not fail so often.

It is a beautiful day and it is heartbreaking that some of last summer's clothes do not fit. I know that one stone is all it takes to get me back to comfortable, and yet it just seems like such an uphill challenge.

The Dalai Lama spoke about the events we should talk about and the ones we shouldn't. Hate and enmity you don't say out loud as the more you say them, the more they become ingrained,so i need to stop hating my fatness, concentrating on my fatness. Oh easier said than done! And it does strike me how greedy I am....

Is there hope?
 
kellierocks said:
My mindfulness did not last all day, but descended into a continual eating fest. I begin today with the same aim. I know that every attempt to change takes time, and that I will fail, but that I will start again. I just wish I did not fail so often.

It is a beautiful day and it is heartbreaking that some of last summer's clothes do not fit. I know that one stone is all it takes to get me back to comfortable, and yet it just seems like such an uphill challenge.

The Dalai Lama spoke about the events we should talk about and the ones we shouldn't. Hate and enmity you don't say out loud as the more you say them, the more they become ingrained,so i need to stop hating my fatness, concentrating on my fatness. Oh easier said than done! And it does strike me how greedy I am....

Is there hope?
Click to expand...

There's always hope - don't give up the fight to have the life you deserve. "Greedy" is one of those pejorative words like "fat" that we use when we feel bad about ourselves. Remember that the more you run yourself down, the more miserable you'll feel and the more consolation you'll seek out for "poor me". And for us, consolation is nearly always food. Tell yourself that you're amazing and that you have a whole life of adventure ahead of you. Focus on the positives (yeuch, bit cheesey that but still true). Do an inventory of the great things you've achieved in your life to remind yourself that you a person of value with a good heart and to show you that you can achieve anything you set your mind to. In other words "you rock". xx
 
Bren,pink, minus four, katie rose, nee, jud, and all of you who have supported me- a really big thank you. I am going through my diary from last year for inspiration and hope, it is utterly needed (also getting it from When you eat at the refrigerator pull up a chair and the Dalia Lama!). Your support has always meant so much, the challenges you have given me to mull over, the words on encouragement, the hope, and above all, being there. If i managed it once, then surely i can do it again....
 
You and me both hon, am struggling a bit to focus, lost my Dad last week, funeral was Thursday and yesterday would have been his 80th. Food has been a big focus, and alcohol of course. Not lost sight of the big picture, just a bit blurry at the mo. But we both have hope and the will to go on, no matter the setbacks. I went out for a big walk after work tonight which I have not done for ages so I know I definitely have not given up - and neither will you xxxxx
 
Hi - hope you don't mind me jumping into your thread. I'm sorry to hear about your dad, it must be really hard for you at the moment.

When big things like this happen, it's always a bit scary on the food side as well. I am sick of thinking about food all the time to be honest and wish I could just react like a "normal" person. Half the time I think it's just an excuse to hide behind!

I'm sure you'll get back on track, don't try to rush it for the next few days. Allow yourself to grieve (a bit corny I know) but don't be hard on yourself.

Pomooky XX
 
Thank you, I am just trying to pull back on the overeating gradually, and stay off the alcohol during the week until I get my head back in a better place, meantime a bit of exercise won't hurt when I feel like it :) xx
 
Oh Kellierocks, i have had a binge-fest too! and not proud of it. I have gone 3 weeks without stuffing my face and now I've gone and blown it. It's so easy to fall back. I'm going to have a look at some of the mindfulness stuff you talk about. When I eat I'm not even conscious of the food itself half the time - it's disgusting really!

Well, back to the drawing board. I'm already thinking what to have for breakfast!....... :rolleyes:
 
kellierocks said:
I feel hopeful today....One hour at a time...
Click to expand...

Same here sweets, one baby step at a time and we will get there in the end, we have too right? xx
 
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