thanks Laura am off to bed now but will be back tomorrow or Weds in the day time - have to stay in for insurance woman coming so would be ideal actually for privacy and a whole morning catching up on here adn explaining whats been going on
Hey everyone I am sitting here with Ju under strict instructions to tell everyone Im still alive!!!!!!!!!!!!
I did start a lovely wonderfully long reply last night whilst watching about a boy BUT
HB came to bed so couldnt finish it off and post it as it was far too deep and personal for him to read!
I saved it onto a word document so I PROMISE I will post it tomorrow nite or over the weekend when he isnt around.
We are going to catch up on gossip now so ciao for now and I PROMISE I will be back...........
BLOODY FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Great news about you getting to goal and Katycakes well done for having a good day Im proud of you!
Im maintaining quite nicely at the moment a little bit too heavy for my liking but head not particularly in the right place for doing it 100% as Julie will testify everything is absolutely up in the air and I have raging PMT which doesnt help either. ROLL ON TOTM coming.
Have started to take some tablets tho today - evening primrose and another one for balancing hormones so lets hope they kick in soon!
Nice to see you hon............ Hope you and Julie had a lovely evening.
Well done for maintaning nicely hon sounds like your doing fab..
Hope everything is ok...
Im so with you on the PMT front............ my totm is so on its way I am sure it will arrive today ready for me to go on my hen weekend.. damn the thing.
Hope the evening primrose work for you.......... I really should get something to.. what are the other tablets..
Have a good day hon ................. take care ......... your doing great xxx
just to let you know I am around but just de cluttering DD bedroom oh its a joy have already done 2 loads of washing HB due home soon for some dinner then out at work again so will be able to get on a bit later in the afternnon.
SIL is also coming over at 2.30 as she started CD yesterday and needs tips.
Will see you all later
hope everyone having a good day
Hey everyone Im not avoiding you just bin manic here - have played at being a removal lady - after decluttering DD bedroom I have moved the pc back in the spare room minus the carpet so at least I get privacy now!
Have now done the online shop for tesco for the rest of the family and SIL just left after 1.5hrs of telling her all about CD to keep her on track for getting the weight off she is 40 the week before my birthday and doesnt want to be fat.
Will update properly later - need to sort all the washing I have done today then HB home for tea so will be back later when I put kids to bed to do the proper update.
Hey everyone - as promised thursdays diary and then todays ....... both a bit long Im afraid!!!!
THURSDAY’S DIARY THAT COULDNT POST Hey everyone sorry not been round much and didnt manage to get on here earlier on today - just havent been in a good place and not good to be on here.
PMT is alot to blame but also life stresses. Once it all calms down will be back around PROMISE xxx
I have been keeping in touch with Julie though and she has kept me updated on how you all are.
Dont really want to go on too much about everything about what has been going on but things are calming down a bit but the house is totally upside down due to the leak - having to get a new floor, carpet and redecorated - probably over the next month to 6 weeks - we have got our plumber gutting our downstairs toilet and the drive is half dug up aswell!
Work is manic and its really stressing me doing 9 -5 rather than 9-3 now its hols time which doesnt sound alot but I have no time when I get in for the kids cos its tea bath and bed etc - roll on September and back to school hours!
Food wise I havent been completely on plan but not horrendous either have managed to stabilise my weight for the last few weeks, but looking at my weight charts its for the last few months really now as Im the same weight now as I was when I went away for my wedding anniversary in May.
So I do need to get my arse into gear as my clothes are starting to feel tight again and Im feeling fat again.
I really think that for me don’t know if anyone else feels like this that because I lose the weight so quickly on CD it gives me a false sense of how slim or fat I am. maybe a bit like when you have a baby - you know the day before you deliver you feel like a beached whale and then the day after you feel as skinny as kate Moss even though you probably dont look it.
Well thats how I was feeling - before my hols I was feeling extra skinny even though I wasn’t, but then after eating since my hols Im beginning to feel more normal and back to my normal self and the size 14's are starting to be a bit tight so I know I need to get at least a stone off if not 2. I have decided not to set goals right this minute as I think that that is one of my problems - I set myself unrealistic goals and then go off the rails as I cant keep it up.
I know the rest of the weight has to come off slowly and I know I have said it before, but I do have to find something that clicks.
I reads a very interesting article today about how talking diets affects your children and Im trying to put that into practice and also it interestingly said at the end that if you want to be free from the dieting trap that you should stop talking diets yourself and then it wont be at the fore front of your mind all the time. So thats part of the reason I have lurked and not been as involved as I was on the forum, but also I genuinely didn’t have time with everything going on but also I hadn’t been eating on plan and didn’t feel like I could come on here all positive when I wasnt doing the diet.
Reading that back now I don’t come across as down as I felt, which in some ways is a lesson to me that even though I may feel crap I may not be as down as I imagine.
I have started to take my tablets and I think that it is psychosomatic but I do feel a bit better. I also think that I have had a major sort out in the house so it isn’t so topsy turvy which helps contribute to a better mood as I cant stand it when everything is out of place! Needless to say TOTM hasn’t come yet lets hope its soon.
Now diet wise I NEED to do something as I didn’t do maintenance properly after my hols so I didn’t get chance to retrain my mind and habits and in the words of someone on here (cant remember who) my drug of choice is SUGAR!!!
So needless to say there has been lots of diet coke and chocolate featuring in my diet these last few weeks hence the scales hovering within 2 or 3 lbs but I definitely feel more bloated and FAT. I now know if I carry on like this things will only go from bad to worse and I will end up where I started. I need to do 1000 or 1200 not sure which yet, but will be starting tomorrow.
I have been lurking and came across some really ace posts about having a leeway and self abuse from food. I don’t want to open any cans of worms, but suffice to say I took alot from them especially the bit about being a klepto and thinking well its okay I will only steal ‘x’ amount then give it back and Im pleased to say that Im sometimes naturally starting to stop when I am full, but I am only giving myself a tiny leeway at the moment compared to previously where there leeways didn’t exist.
The other one was why do we actually self abuse with food. It has really made me think and I have always abused my body with food. I have no idea why – in that I had a lovely childhood, good upbringing etc etc so am not eating to hide away from something, but it is something I have always done – been a secret binge eater etc etc. I really really want to find out why I do it and think I do need to go for proper therapy and will look into it once we get all these house jobs done BUT also Im going to get this weight off and stop having it rule my life.
Going back to the article that I was reading about diets affecting your children I had the dreaded moment this morning which was inevitable at some point, but hoped it would be later rather than sooner when my DD said as we were getting dressed this morning I need to ask you something but Im not going to ask you infront of DS. So we got rid of him and the conversation went like this ;-
DS whispered ‘am I fat ?’
Me- no why?
DS - well he (DS) said Im big
Me - well you are bigger and taller than him because you are older but you are not fat. In our family we eat healthily we have a bit of everything and we are healthy.
DS – well when we were getting changed for P.E. Katie said she was on a .... (hides behind her hand and whispers) diet
ME – well perhaps she wants to be healthier and her mum is trying to help her eat healthily like we do. The DS came back in the room and the conversation ended. We haven’t had chance again on our own today to chat about it and Im not going to make a big issue out of it, but when we were at tea they both started to play a game saying which is healthiest - apple or chocolate.
So I really need to keep plugging healthy lifestyle and that’s why I need to get into healthy weight range now. It has really given me the kick up the bum I needed to get back to it. Plus now my SIL has started CD I need to get to goal first – its the competitive streak in me and I have lost my dieting buddy to the pregnancy trail so need to be in competition with someone to keep me on the straight and narrow.
The other thing that kicked me up the bum was last year I had 6 months of being covered in an urticaria rash which was horrendous and couldn’t do any amount of CD as I was reacting to it and needed to completely clear out my system. I went for allergy tests in Manchester last August and they all came back negative so we then knew the rash was stress induced. I also had permanent heartburn and lived on gaviscon tablets.
The consultant gently said it may be an idea to lose some weight with some exercise and healthy diet and the rash would probably go and my BP was high too.
Now I have always had low BP to the point of passing out as a child, so I knew I had to do something and at that point I felt like I was killing myself with stress and food as I was 15st. I did say to the consultant – right now I know Im not allergic to anything when I come back for follow up in a years time you will see a different woman (knowing in the back of my mind I would do CD and be at goal)
Unfortunately I then proceeded to put on another 7lbs WTF????? But then joined WW and mucked around a bit and then re -joined CD in Feb. So thats going back to your post earlier Laura – why do we abuse our bodies so much – me being a nurse I should and do know better but there is something inside of me somewhere that just sabotages EVERY single BLOODY time!!!!!!!!!
Anyway I think I have probably bored the pants off everyone now so Im off to catch up on some sky+ and Im aiming on having 100% day tomorrow Hope you are all really well and having a great Sat night – see you all soon – will promise to be around more Love Jess xxx