Jezebella's Journey Forward

Maintenance Day 18

Take 2 of this, I had got all the way to the last few lines of this post when darling Lily took that opportunity to sit on the keyboard and zippppppp it was all deleted!! She is feeling very festive and excited with the tree, baubles (always endlessly fascinating to cats) but her very favourite thing is the wrapping. She has to “help” or should that read hinder?? All wrapping processes!! Last night she was too cute when I was locked away with the selotape, scissors and paper, she stole the ribbons, she jumped on the piles of wrapped goodies, tried to chew on the sellotape!! Christmas is obviously great fun for cats too!!

Back to the journal though a mini digest, if you will of the last 3 days.

Monday 21 December

What started out as a good day, ended up with me, like so many others being stuck in traffic hell for 4 hours 15 minutes!! Fine if I was driving to Yorkshire, not so fine because it was just over 7 miles I covered in that time!! Headed into work early as we had the entire team coming in for festive breakfast, so needed to get that on the go. We did the full English and some Christmas scones. Everyone sat down up stairs, the only warm room in the unit and feasted, well breakfast feasted. I had some scrambled egg, tomato, beans, grilled mushroom, 2 pieces of bacon (didn’t cut the fat off so kind of naughty here) a proper Cumberland sausage and a thin slice of wholewheat toast. I ended up leaving a fair bit of it. Nice to see I can stop when I am full. We then doled out the Xmas boxes (all the bits from the fridge that wont keep over the close down) and my bosses doled out some Xmas wine to us all. A general feeling of good cheer was about I think. Much scrubbing of the kitchen and washing back all the bits from the 2 Saturday weddings and the final paperwork. I left at 1:30 to drive to Greenwich to deliver client gifts. That took me 2 hours, which is bad, but do able. It was only raining and sleeting at this point. At 4pm when I left Greenwich to drive the short trip home (happily planning a nice cup of tea and some lunch because usually it only takes me 20 minutes home) the snow came down!! And then down some more and then a whole lot more!!! The water immediately turned to ice and off course the roads had not been gritted. This turned into traffic hell!!! Bumper to bumper, nobody can move, everyone was sliding and it just got worse, with 2 bus accidents, and a whole lot of roadworks. I was pretty scared and thank god had full charge on my phone so chatted to my mom to keep me going. At least now I am pretty good at driving on an ice rink!! Should probably apply to Top Gear!!! Thank goodness I had some water, and an apple with me, as I had not had lunch!! I did think that at least I had a whole lot of food and drink in the car if necessary!!! The final 25 meters home was the worst. I could see my house, just couldn’t get there. It took 27 minutes to do this part of the drive. The road was pure ice and on a huge downhill gradient. I finally got home shattered 4 hours fifteen minutes after I left. Em, kindly made dinner of gammon steak with a bit of mushroom risotto and some left over veg we had banging about in the fridge. I had planned a huge whiskey to calm my shattered nerves, but decided against it in the end. A pud later of apple and berry compote with yoghurt, and jelly, a hot bath and I crawled into bed!! So much for an afternoon of rest and relaxation before the Xmas Preparation sets in, in earnest!


Tuesday 22 December

Today, was probably not my finest hour, but a valuable lesson learnt. Breakfast of the usual porridge, banana , raisin and honey goodness. Some cleaning and sorting then headed off to Westfield for some shopping. We decided to take the train as we were meeting chefs for drinks in the evening. Delays of up to an hour on the trains as our line comes from Kent which was pretty snowed in!! Eventually made it to Shopping Mecca, Met up with a supplier who gave me a fabulous gift – a bottle of Bollinger!!! Woohoo. Just to add to my already lovely champagne collection. We found a place making home made burgers for lunch as our Xmas treat What a disaster!! We were seated promptly, given our diet cokes promptly!! The 40 minutes we waited for the food to arrive was not funny. The restaurant was busy but not full to capacity and one would think that they would staff up during busy periods!!! Obviously not!!! Eventually I called the manageress over and told her this was completely unacceptable!! I explained I was in the industry and asked if there were problems in the kitchen!! Her first comment was “there is nothing wrong with the food!!” makes you wonder! I said if the food was not with us in the next 10 minutes I would pay for the drinks and leave. It felt good to be assertive and stand up for myself. I also pride myself on giving great customer service. If she had have come over earlier and said “look we are under pressure etc but your meal is on it’s way” I would have been less angry. She then avoided us for the rest of our time there and sent someone else over with the meal. Not the best but not too bad either. I was proud of myself for not ordering sides or chips or mayo, or any of the so called bad foods. Luckily they discounted the bill, but I have still put in a written complaint. Got the bit of shopping done and headed to town to meet the chefs which is where it all went tits up!! 4 glasses of red wine and half a packet of crisps!! I was pretty plonkered but it was fun. I also had a pie when we got to the station at 11pm!! Very naughty, very stodgy, tasted great and now I hate myself. I also had a square of dark chocolate when I got home.

Wednesday 23 December

Waking up reminded me of exactly why I prefer my new lifestyle and enjoy not drinking to excess!! The headache from red wine and general feelings of hangover were awful!!! I think it has taught me a brilliant lesson. It was fun at the time, but not worth it in the long run!! Scales wise I am still ok, have even managed to loose 500g since the beginning of this week. A hearty porridge breakfast and 2 neurofen with buckets of water rehydrated me and set me right. Off to Croydon for the last minute shopping which was relatively easy and then on to the Sainsbury’s for the last bits of food shopping!! I have never seen the shop that busy! We queued over an hour to get to a till and the queues were right down the aisles. I ran around and took photos of it all because it was so bizarre!! Everyone was however in great moods, and just smiled and chatted and waited with patience. The great thing about this time of year is that it really brings people together. Everyone laughing and chatting and singing carols while they waited. It really felt festive!!! Made it home at 5pm and tucked into the sushi we had brought for lunch!! Gorgeous, added a little smoked salmon as 3 tiny tuna rolls were not going to do it! Scrubbed the house for Mom and Dad’s arrival, cleaned the fishtank finally!! Those poor fish I feel terrible for neglecting them!! Got all the washing done and set about wrapping the final gifts. Put the carols on and had a wonderful time wrapping with Miss Lily. Dinner was some grilled salmon with beetroot, a bit of root veg and some ratatouille (oh the joy of having ready things in the fridge!!) A long hot bath and finally it felt like Christmas!!! I cannot believe I have got all the gifts wrapped and done and dusted before Xmas eve!!! A real miracle of Christmas for me.

I am about to have breakfast now, have the heating on and the turkey for Boxing Day is roasting away merrily!! Covered in lovely sage, sea salt and black pepper. I will get a bit more mise en place done food wise then we are heading into town to fetch Mom and Dad. Food for tonight and tomorrow is all planned and healthy!!!

I will blog as and when over the next few days, but would like to wish you all the most Wonderful Christmas full of Peace, Love, Hope and Joy!!!!

Seasons Greetings!

Jez (feeling very festive)
xx

 
hey jez wow you sure have been busy :D
have a wonderful xmas hun you deserve it :D
x
 
Happy Christmas girls. Enjoy the break with your parents. You deserve it xxx
 
SB have a wicked xmas yourself :D
x
 
It is going to be so interesting to hear your thoughts on eating over the festive season. It is intriguing to watch other peoples eating habits :)

So far no over indulgence on my part. I am actually quite confident at the moment of managing my way through this sucessfully :) Good luck to us all and let's enter the New Year just as healthy and skinny as we are :)

Jez
xx
 
course jez thats the plan going healthy and skinny into the new year :D
ive signed up for a few 10km marathons next year so well looking forward to them :D and plus ill be having my raf medical test so new year is looking awesome thus far :D
have a beautiful xmas with family :D and enjoy yourself
x

p.s i actually think my xmas will be quite healthy roasted veg, chicken and all its looking healthy :D even desserts all home made and healthy :D
 
Maintenance Day 21

Well, that is Xmas done and dusted for another year, and whilst it has been absolutely wonderful and I have really enjoyed all aspects of it, it will be good to get back into my routine.

I think I last left off mid morning on the 24th December - Christmas Eve. A small disaster struck, thank goodness we had done so much pre cooking. The oven died!!! The gas tops and grill are fine but we have got through this all without an oven!!! A fair miracle, but I always say give me 2 sticks and a metal tray and I can make a fire and get food out!!! A very kindly neighbour who was going away allowed us to make use of her oven (4 floors up) to get some bits and bobs done. We headed off to pick up Mom and Dad and the traffic was blessedly quiet. Got home after 3pm and put out a cold lunch of salad and a terrine en croute. I had a little slice of the terrine and salad with a little bread. Very delicious and part of me wanted more, lots more but restraint was the name of the game. Dinner was gorgeous I started out by making some champagne cocktails of which I had 1 glass. I also put together a few blinis with smoked salmon and fat free creme fraiche. Dinner began with a small starter of parsnip and apple soup, followed by some sirloin steak with cauli puree, butternut puree, sliced beetroot and the lovely stir fry mix of peas, leeks and spinach. Felt quite full so left about 1/4 of dinner. Bliss had made some really lovely trifle with sugar free jelly, low fat custard and creme fraiche so those we decided to have later. Off we went to Midnight mass in the freezing cold which was lovely and although the carol singing was a lot out of tune, it really was fun and added to the Xmas feeling. On arrival home at about 1am we had the trifle and a cup of coffee. Everyone else had some amaretto, I poured a glass but after a sip or two, didn't feel like anymore. No point in having what you don't fancy. Bed at about 2 am and a lovely lie in until Xmas morning. Pity we did not have snow but it was very crisp and cold. Because we woke up late, nobody really fancied breakfast so I had a very nice mince pie (one of the ones I had made) and a taste of the xmas cup cakes (bliss and I shared one) and I doled out mini pommery pop's for everyone to drink whilst opening pressies. Bliss and I stuck to one each but Mom and Dad had 2!! So nice to be able to treat everyone. Pressies were wonderful and very successful all round!! One of the nicest I received was the Fat Duck Cookbook!! So cannot wait to delve into reading it. We decided to have late afternoon lunch/dinner so I set about the cooking and it was a wonderful Xmas feast. Beautiful glazed gammon, some gorgeous olive oil roast potatoes, yorkshire puds, braised red cabbage, roasted sweet potato, carrots, parsnip, brussel sprouts, fine beans and purple sprouting broccoli. I stuck with loads of veg had a taste of a roastie which was yum and 1 yorkshire pud!! Not too bad all things considered. We were all too full for pud, so put that off until the evening after a lovely relax. I tasted a bit of Em's shortbread, had one small chocolate coin - the first milk chocolate I had and boy was it sweet!! You can see how addictive it could be. Dark chocolate is absolutely the way forward. It was and still is extremely tempting to have a whole table laid out with all the cookies, sweet treats, peanuts, and things out for the last few days and not to constantly nibble. If I think of what I usually would have eaten compared to this year it really has been good and restraint has been shown. Dinner was some smoked salmon, a bit of cold ham and salad and a taste of some of the cheese I had put out. Xmas pud happened late, late and was great with a little bit of cointreau custard. Another mince pie and the day was done.

Boxing Day was a full on day. My Cousin sally, her husband a child and my Uncle were coming over. A difficult time for them as my aunt passed away earlier this year so it was their first Christmas without her. A huge amount of running around to get it all done!!! I managed the squeeze in a porridge with banana and raisiny goodness! We put out a huge spread of lots of cold goods. Roast beef, the turkey, smoked salmon, terrine, a fat free winter cole slaw, some potato salad made with creme fraiche, mixed leaf salad, some hot root veg, hot yorkshire puds, gravy, hot red cabbage salad etc........... Nibbles out with dips of guacamole and low fat hummus, cheese straws, crisps and nuts, some lovely sausage rolls. I made some pomegranate and champagne cocktails for everyone on arrival and they set about the snacks. I had 2 crisps and 1 mini sausage roll, not my best but in limited quantity ok I suppose. I had a few bits for lunch, stayed away from the bread, stuck more to salads, root veg and the cold meat. Pud was the table laden with sweet goods so I let everyone help themselves. Em and I shared another cup cake and a mince pie and I had a piece of her wonderful Xmas cake (pics to be posted later) On the drink front I had another half glass of champers after the cocktail, 1 glass of white wine and called it a day. They left at about 5pm and a long naptime was called for!!! Woke up after 8 we all enjoyed some festive TV watching. Dinner was late and I just had some left over turkey with root veg, brussel sprouts, beans and broccoli. It felt more like "normal" food and that made me feel better. Lots of black coffee and no more booze. Even though I have not over eaten and had a little bit of what I fancied, I still feel a bit overwhelmed by all the food around constantly.

A good friend of my Dad's was popping in today, her husband was one of my Dad's best mates, and he was murdered in SA a few years ago. Em and I stuck with porridge for breakfast again. She arrived quite early, so lunch was a nice selection of left overs, again I was restrained a small bowl of parsnip and apple soup, some cold turkey and a little of each of the salads. Kept away from the bread again, although I really, realllllllly want a huge chunk with cashel blue. Had a 1/4 piece of shortbread with a cup of tea. And have a festive fritatta in mind for dinner tonight. I have just had a gorgeous cup of tea with a mince pie. Really cannot wait for the putting away of the treats!!! But alas need to leave them out until Mom and Dad are gone.

Compared to previous years, I have been really well behaved. Scales are still showing things are fine. I think in total I am 1lb up since the end of RTM which I plan to shift before the New Year.

This could have been a whole lot worse, and it is taking a lot of will power on my part not to just dive in, but I keep bashing that rebellious child over the head and am trying to think in adult mode and ask myself if I really need it, or will it just be an over indulgence and that this season is just no reason to over indulge because otherwise January will be full of regrets!!!! I always swore tht I would not start this year bigger than when I ended RTM.

I hope this festive season has been good to all of you and that you have enjoyed a good break, a lovely rest and had a delicious but sensible time. Dying to know how it has gone for all of you.

Jez
xx
 
jez you have done wonderful honestly :)
sounds like xmas was a brillant thing :) hope you have a wonderful new year hun
x
 
great to read how it went Jez and how with self control you can enjoy wonderful foods, sounds like you had a great Christmas. x
 
Thanks Ken and Gem (hahahaha that rhymes)

How was it for all of you, did you stay in abstinence Gem? Ken what did you guys eat, what were the pressies like?

Jez
xx
 
Aw, that sounds like such a loverly holiday Jezz. The food sounds lovely, but the whole family thing and mass, etc., is what really struk me as special. You did very very well - both you and sis - so a hearty well done for you!!! Excellant!!

One question - what is a mini pommery pop? :)

Our holiday was quiet, cozy and nice. Spent Xmas eve alone, as hubby worked. That was OK though, as I could spend the evening reflecting, enjoying good xmas films., etc. We then spent xmas day at the outlaws and had a wonderful time. Over indulged a wee bit, but not anywhere near what I had done in the past!

In years passed, I would have brought with me home made chocolate truffles, pumpkin pie, jelly and creamcheese salad/fluff/stuff, cookies, etc., to add to mums christmas pud, cake, turkish delight, more chocs, etc.

This year, I brought my Christmas Cake. End of. And, it was GORGEOUS if I do say so myself!! It was so so tasty! :D

Anyway, glad you had such a good and successful time. :)

xx
 
BL, sooooo very good to hear from you :) Happy Holidays!!! I am so glad it all went well with the outlaws. Your cake sounds DIVINE!!! Wish I could have had a nibble. Sounds like you had a really fantastic day and that food wise you were all in control. I probably sounded a wee bit more in control than I have felt. It all felt a bit close to the edge sometimes and it has been massively hard work to hang in and not over do it!. I will be so glad to actually be over it all and back in my little routine. Still it has been a massive learning curve about coping in the real world. Also very interesting watching how others including naturally thin people were eating and how I was doing in comparison. Part of me is severely tempted to go mad, eat and see what the fallout is, but it is far too dangerous a route to go down.

Take care hun and lets plan a catch up soon :)

Jez
xx
 
hi jez - I was abstinent over Christmas, found it quite easy really as I'm 'in the zone.' Can't believe how fast time has flown and that in around 6 weeks I will be eating again. That's mental! I've really enjoyed this time to reflect and the fast diet results have spurred me on. Can't wait to reach my goal in 2010 and then the real test starts, maintenance! thanks for the experience you share to help me prepare. Happy New Year to you! x
 
well done on abstaining on one of the hardest periods of the year :) if you pass xmas abstaining you can pass anyday :)
 
Maintenance Day 22

An okish day food wise, mentally I am feeling a bit messed up though. It probably has a lot to do with being over tired, the long run up to Xmas, not enough time off, and a lot of entertaining and having no me time!! My folks leave tomorrow to go home, and whilst it has been lovely to have them here, I also now crave a bit of peace and quiet and a break from the endless cycle of food and drink. Today I am hating eating, yet I still want to eat, and I really would just prefer to be back on packs. So much easier and less stress. I have a fair few packs with me still, so might well do a few weeks in January. Just to gain a sense of control again. I am loving the food, but Xmas really has put my head in a spin. I haven't eaten especially badly, so perhaps when all the junk is out of my house and I am back to routine again I might feel a little bit easier. Perhaps a better way forward is to do 3 packs and have a light evening meal. I am just feeling sooooooooo fat, and realistically it is a pound and at max 2 pounds!! Bloody scary though, I don't want to be putting on weight. Also having a few mental personal crises so to speak, I just feel like I am in a very stagnant place, that life is not moving forward. I have things to aim for but they seem distant. My sister seems to be moving on and I hate it. Sorry enough of the pity party now. The food intake for today was as follows:

Breakfast of black coffee and porridge with half a banana, a few raspberries, the usual pecan and raisins with honey and a dollop of yoghurt.

We then went to visit my Mom's cousin and had black coffee there and one shortbread biscuit and a cheese straw. Was feeling so emotional and stressy I felt like I wanted to eat more and more, but managed to stop myself. We then headed off to Westfield well mistake number one of the day, all entrances to it were closed, traffic came to a standstill and it was a 2 hour wait to get in. Well I wasnt having any of that, so popped into work, to pick up something and headed all the way back across town. So a 26 mile round trip of nothing! Blah,,, headed to Sainsbury's because Mom and Pops needed to pick up a few bits to take home with them, so only made it home at about 4pm. I was pretty hungry by then and Bliss made us another first, a lovely sarmie of fresh bread with left over Xmas ham, some tomato, lettuce and BGTY cheese. I had one and a half sarmies, but felt very full after, however I hugely enjoyed it. Felt again the guilt because I ate something I enjoyed and it was a "bad" food namely bread. I wish I could rid myself of the guilt whenever I eat something. Got Mom and Dad packed for the trip home and made dinner for us all although we only only ate it later. Curry Mince with some basmati rice and sambals. I had more mince with 2 tbs of rice and one chapati (which was 111 cal)... A skinny cow peppermint ice cream and that is me for the day... Not sure why I am hating myself so much, but I am today.. feeling fat and repulsive... blaaaaaaaah, tomorrow will be a better day

Jez
xx
 
how good are them skinny cow ice creams delish
 
How are you feeling today hon? are you now back to a normal routine? :)

And you KNOW you are not fat or repulsive!! :whoopass: :D

Funny thing though, I do know how you meant that, and how we can feel like that - and an interesting little thing I was thinking about today.

I am up a few more pounds then I want to be. And I am NOT happy about it. And I have been feeling "fat and repulsive" too for days.

So, as I said on another post, I am on day 3 of angelic behaviour. I looked in the mirror today, and did NOT see the "fat and repulsive" me, I saw the "slim" me.....now, in just 3 days, hardly anything - IF anything - will have shifted. But - I looked at me in a more positive light, and saw a more pleasing reflection looking back. I realise, it is just merely the fact that I am looking after myself, that my preception of me is more positive, by far, then it is on the days I was being naughty and feeling bad/guilty, etc!! How wierd is that!!

It really is as much a psychological game as anything else. Maybe even more so. Maybe we just should not have mirrors, and we would always be skinny!! :D

xx
 
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Thanks for the wise words BL. I am feeling a lot more in control now that I have a bit of my own routine back. I also had a good chat to my gbf who is a successful maintainer. He did give me some good advice that I was setting my boundries a little too tightly. Perhaps this is true, but I really am quite scared at this point that any little gain is the road to something worse. I am not sure yet how to behave in the normal world, so to speak. It has not helped that I have been feeling overly emotional, and whilst in abstinence and I was emotional I had no choice but to find another way of dealing with it all, but now food is back in the picture the temptation to use food to soothe is much greater. I feel like I have constantly been at war with myself in my head and when I deny myself I feel stronger, but then that rebellious child starts shouting quite loudly and asking me why I am denying myself. This too shall pass. I am in a slightly better frame of mind and having a wonderful day of reflection on the decade that has passed. It has been a decade of immensity! There have been more changes and upheavals than I could have dreamed of, but more wonders too. I have lived in 3 countries, created a new life for myself, and finally looking back over the last 2 decades (the prior also full of upheaval) I realise that all this is what lead to me putting the weight on, and so it seems fortunate and wonderful that now, in the lead up to a new decade I have finally shed the shackles that really bound me, that of my weight. So it is time to look forward with great joy and happiness, to leave our past behind and look to the new with expectation and excitment of wonderful things for me and for you my friend :)

Much Love

Jez
xx
 
Maintenance Day 23 and 24

I seem to have fallen into a routine of posting every 3 days now, not quite what I wanted to do but, at least I am keeping a record. As you can all see from the above post, I have been having a great internal battle with myself food wise. It is not easy to push food aside, when you feel it is the only medicine that really cures when you are feeling a bit emotionally fragile. I am trying to go inside myself and analyse all these feelings and put them into perspective. Once they are faced and dealt with, hopefully the cravings will fall away. I realise that as much as I love being busy, it also allows me no time to think and work out what is going on with me. Abstinence provided that opportunity as there was no shopping, cooking, washing up etc, so I had a lot more time on my hands to rationalise my emotions. Part of the reason I put on weight in the first place, was because I did not deal with things when they occurred, I quashed them with food. I made a very firm promise to myself that I would in the future and in my new lighter life, deal with things as they came up. Food wise things are ok, apart from having some wine last night. My fridge is tidied and organised and most of the lovely sweet things have been gotten rid of.

Lunch on the 29th consisted of some soup with a small piece of bread and a slice of left over fritatta. Dinner was the remains of the curry. Everything has to be a bit microwavable as the oven is still ****ed! The new one hopefully arrives today. I also finally tried a low fat chocolate mousee - fantastic and felt very treaty. If a light version tastes that rich to me I wonder how rich a full fat version would be??

Yesterday I was out and about for most of it but I think I kept things pretty under control. Breakfast of porridge with gorgeous berry compote and some strawberry yoghurt. Headed out and about, had to go to the pets at home to pick up Lily supplies for the month and a fabulous cat climbing tree for Lily and Mr Chai. Had to pick up some birthday cards and realised we needed lunch so a water, a BGTY chicken salad sarmie and a special K mini bar - very nice but omg it was sweet!!! We then headed to my GBF's to wish him happy birthday and have a coffee. He gave us some banana cake he had made with coffee, and instead of having the usual slice, I contented myself with a small taste - a quarter of what I would have usually had. Straight home quick change and headed off too meet our landlord to go through things for the new oven's arrival. The meeting was in a pub and I did have 3 small glasses of red - more than I planned but it was pleasant and good to catch up. We really are lucky to have him. Em and I shared a small bowl of pistachio nuts - divine, and better than crisps. It kept the hunger at bay. Dinner when we got home at 10pm of some lovely left over gammon, with loads of veg - broccoli, beans, roast carrots etc and gravy. Pud was a mini milky way bar - again waaaaaaaaaay too sweet. I have realised that part of the freaking out bit of maintenance is the trying things, but once you have tried them, you no longer want them. They hold far less power over you in terms of the mental wanting of them.

Thats all for now, I will post today's log later but in the mean time I would like to wish you all a Happy, Healthy, Successful and Slim 2010!!!

Jez
xx
 
Hi Jez
Happy NewYear to you and Bliss and Miss Lilly.
I've had a good Christmas this year, but also scary being surrounded by food and drink and not being in abstinence.
I have eaten and had a little champagne, mostly quite controlled choices, but feel panicky inside as though I must have put on shed loads, but clothes still fit.
Will be weighed at class on 5th. Jan. Truth will be told then.
Going to a New Years Eve Party tonight. Can't decide what to wear darling......... Too much choice nowadays .
Happy 2010 and successful maintaining.
It really is the most challenging part. As soon as the emotion kicks in the mouth wants to follow suit!
 
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