Jezebella's Journey Forward

Discussion in 'LL Maintenance' started by Jezebella, 7 December 2009 Social URL.

  1. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

    Maintenace Day 1

    Well, here I am!. 30 weeks after I began, I am now free in the world of food again. Or rather as free as I will ever be. I know there have been some massive changes within me, both mentally and physically. Hopefully and with a bit of mental work, I will keep these changes and incorporate them into my new life. Actually there is no hope about it. If I plan to be a successful weight maintainer, then this is how it has to be. I need to keep 90% of the new habits, which at this point seems entirely possible. I guess the old saying is true, practice something often enough and it becomes a habit. This is what we need the new changes we have learnt to become. If you look at it in terms of NLP, and if you take Paul McKenna slightly seriously. After 3 months we should have had time to reprogram our neural pathways. The more we practice the more adept we become, the stronger the neural pathways etc, until that becomes the norm.

    I had a long enough day of it again today, and had to head out to the supermarket for the monthly shop this evening, so yet again, so little time to really get anything done! If only I had another 5 hours in the day!!!! I am still contemplating everything I want to write in my final RTM post, so bear with me and hopefully it will be up over the weekend if not before. I realise I should not be so hard on my self for not achieving 100% perfection every day. I always beat myself up mentally, if I don't get everything on my mental list done. Not a very good mindset really, so I will cut myself some slack on this one. It is too busy work wise to do anything else.

    So to the food, to the food. I am happy to report, I did not go on a wild binge, but have eaten pretty much as I have over the last few weeks. I will stick to my little food comfort zone for a while before branching out. Breakfast just after 10 of porridge with apple and plum, a tsp of raisins and half a muller light mandarin yoghurt. I had loads of orders to do and tons of paperwork, so got stuck into that for the next few hours and apart from a couple of warming cups of black coffee, it was way after 3pm before I realised I should have eaten some lunch. Just before leaving work at 4:15 I had my peanut bar. (I always have a pack or 2 about my person in case of emergency)

    Stopped in at the lovely Vet's on the way home to drop them off a Christmas cake, and made it through the door at about 6pm. A quick whizz around the house and folding of washing etc and then headed off with Bliss to do the grocery shop we should have done yesterday. I noticed that I still didn't rush around and look at things that were now allowed! Quite weird really. I did buy 2 or 3 things to keep in the freezer/fridge/cupboard to try at a later stage: some Skinny Cow Ice cream wafer things (kind of like eskimo pie); a little packet of BGTY thai chilli crisps; a packet of weight watchers lemon and ginger biscuits and a light chocolate mousse. No great urge to try them in a rush, but I would rather have a healthier option to try than a full fat one when the time comes.

    After unpacking the groceries and chatting to my Aunt, who phoned to let us know my cousin Catherine had just given birth to her first child - a little boy named Damien, it was after 10 when food was ready. Some of the curried lentil and butternut ragout, with some salmon, leeks and savoy cabbage. I hadn't had salmon for a few days and was really craving it. My pre prepped food at work is very thin on the ground, so hopefully tomorrow will bring a little time to get a few things prepared for the rest of the week. I think that is probably part of the reason I skipped lunch today. Not sure what pud/snack I will have later, but it will probably be the usual, compote, jelly and yoghurt.

    So, the first steps have been taken, and now each day it is one foot in front of the other :) I will try to maintain this journal on a daily basis as much as possible.

    Wishing everyone a wonderful Tuesday.

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  3. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

    Hey Jez! Welcome to the rest of your life!!! xx
  4. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

    Congratulations Jez

    Welocme to maintenance.
    It's scary, fun, challenging, achievable and rewarding.
    It must be a bit like suddenly swimming without the arm bands or riding a bike without the stabilisers.
    You realise you can do it, you are doing, but it's a bit wobbly at times.
    Hopefully if you practice what you have learnt it should work most of the time, with room for treats too.
    I think the 80/20 rule seems to work quite well.
    Good luck Jez. I know you will keep it up - or down !!
  5. daisydoll

    daisydoll Gold Member

    welcome to the real world!
    look forward to your posts
    daisy x
  6. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

    well done :D
  7. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

    Maintenance Day 2

    Thanks everyone, for all the lovely comments. It feels great to finally be here. 30 weeks has gone by in what seems like a flash. Busy day today. Managed to get breakfast in the usual porridgey goodness with fruit and raisins at about 10:30, then carried on with the cooking. One good point to today was that I managed to get a few bits of roast veggies done for the rest of the week. My sister had done some whilst here at home on an off day, lol so now we have bucketloads! Still they won't go to waste. Lunch was a few of the roasted root veg that I had cooked and a little of the sirloin caserole that Tom had made with no fat!! Lol they are learning my little cheffies. They are still trying to encourage me to eat more but I am comfortable with my limits at the moment. Had some huge supplier issues to the point of having to get a bit sweary on the phone which is very unlike me, and left work 30 minutes late to get to class, traffic was a bit of a mare - usual London rushour, so gave LLC a call to let him know I was en route but would be delayed. Raced home, changed and headed to class. Sadly it seemed everyone just popped in and out, so no real class so to speak and next week I won't be there because I am donning my spangly mini skirt and dance the night away to Depeche Mode!!! Cannot wait. It has been a year since I booked the ticket. I did manage a nice little chat with LLC and will absolutely be popping in to class every week or 2. My weight is still stable, up half a pound this evening on last week, but probably due to the fact that I ate lunch so late and drank a huge mug of coffee in the car on the way home. I am quite interested to see how I go over the next week or 2.

    It was quite lucky class was so quick as I am shattered and need more than 4 or 5 hours sleep which just never seems to happen at this time of year, so got home, had lovely Bliss made dinner of cauli and swede puree, broccoli and roasted sweet potato chips with lamb and gravy - divine!! Not sure what I am venturing onto on the pud front, but will contemplate that after Ugly Betty and a nice hot bath.

    Tomorrow is the final Brits tasting, so straight in to Brits offices - yay a little lie in for me, well half an hour more. Will have to plan the food quite carefully. I will probably have a bit of fruit early and take a porridge pack with me for later. Lunch will probably be a soup pack or shake because we won't have anything at the tasting that fits in with what I need to eat apart from some sirloin.. I might even chance (ooh big step here) buying a salad!!! I have not done anything like that since pre LL although pre LL it would have been a sarmie or baguette.

    Heading over to ECO for a meeting then home for an early night before the next 3 late nights begin!!! Saturday is at least pleasure not work - meeting my Aunt in town for our little Xmas get together before she flies to SA to see her daughter (the one who had the baby boy yesterday) We have dinner booked at Boxwood Cafe (one of the Ramsey shops) I have had a look at the menu, and already decided what is suitable to eat and luckily all his restaurants serve small portions so it should me more than doable with out a lot of panic. It will be my first real restaurant visit to eat since pre LL.

    Time for a bit of a relax, so thanks for reading and hope to catch you all tomorrow!!!

  8. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

    sounds good jez :D you really are a star :D
  9. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

    Maintenance Day 3

    Arrrrrgh, had typed half of this mis clicked the mouse and lost the lot!!!! Well let me try and remember what I had rambled on about. So far for me, Maintenence does not seem all that different to the last few weeks of RTM. Perhaps because I am still quite controlled so it is all just happening in baby steps, or perhaps it is because I am just too busy to think about the fact that things are now different? I guess I will only know when I have been on this path a few weeks and also when I have slowed down a bit to be able to take stock. A lovely lie in this morning, well till 7am which is a miracle on a week day!!! Packed my breakfast goodies and had a lovely walk to the station in the winter sun - well what sun there was, I am using a bit of artistic licence here for you dear reader :) Train to Victoria then tube to Westminster. Met up with Dave my Sous Chef and we decided to grab a Nero's coffee - yay for a skinny latte. I would have preferred Starbucks but Nero's is my next choice. We stood outside having our coffee and a smoke whilst listening to Big Ben chime 9am and then took a slow walk over the bridge. Most days I am quite blase about London, but on certain days, like today, I see it through the eyes of a tourist again and am amazed that I live in such a great capital city. Got to the offices unloaded the van, and wheeled it all up to the second floor. Got the food ready to go, a 3 course meal on alternate drop for 30 (alternate drop is 2 starters/mains etc dropped alternately) Finally managed to get some breakfast in - porridge with raisins and some berry compote. After we had served, I had a small taste of the 2 main courses, and a teaspoon each of the desserts. That was the first time I had had real sugary pudding/cake type things and omg it was soooooooooooo sweet. Did not make me crave more just felt slightly sick and guilty to be honest. I don't want guilt to always be my association with sweet things, not quite sure how to get my head around it all. Finished work and had a leisurely black coffee at a pavement cafe and watched the world go by. Quite a treat for me to have that quiet time in my day - shocking rip off tourist price though £2:50 for a black coffee!!! Caught the bus home which took an hour but was ever so peaceful, with my book and the ipod on just gave me space to zone out. Got home just after 5 so omg a really early day. Managed to get loads done, including finally waxing my damn legs, they really were appalling!!! Dinner was some sweet chili and lemon chicken on risotto with asparagus and salad - very yum. Pud was the meringue mess with berries and strawberry yoghurt. Feel quite full now even though my calories are still on 1300, and I should probably be on a bit more. Planning to head off to bed now and get some rest in because tomorrow night is a late night function for 200 down at Tussauds and Friday night is the Aquarium again. Lol a girl has to rest while she can.

    Have a great Thursday!

  10. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

    Maintenance Day 4

    Just a quick note, have only arrived home from work now, and am freeeeeeeezing, need a bath and bed, as it is another long day tomorrow. Food wise was ok today, one teeny naughty thing I had one chip and a taste of my Xmas Pud cup cake. Will do the entire food blog bit tomorrow or Saturday :)

    Have a great Friday everyone!!

  11. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

    heya jez seems like as you've said maintence aint much different from rtm, but thats most probably because your such a busy lady :D have a great friday hun
  12. Foxtrot

    Foxtrot Is back in the saddle!

    She's doing' well, isn't she Ken!

    I think the being busy is a make or break point. Having things to do passes the time but you mustn't fall into the grab it quick routine again. It's better to have a proper, thought out meal sitting down much later than a grabbed snack of something bad at the right time. How many people ended up here from 'just' having a MacD or 'just' making a quick sarnie or 'just' passing the take away because it was quick??

    Keep it up Jez.
  13. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

    yeah shes doing very well
    see if i need something in a hurry i just grab a bottle of water, or a piece of fruit, whereas before it would be unlimited cookies and so on
  14. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

    Maintenance Days 5 & 6

    My apologies for not getting this online at the appropriate times. There are just not enough hours in the day currently! So this will be a bit of a review of the previous few days and an update of where I am mentally with all of this.

    Day 4 was in general a good day, but as mentioned I did taste 2 so called naughtier foods. Some of the Xmas pudding cupcakes I made (probably half a cupcake with no icing) in total and 3 end bits of chips. They both tasted wonderful. The chips fatty but good. I could have eaten more on the taste of them alone, but when I put the mental brakes on, I realised it was eating for taste not for hunger as I had just had a lovely lunch so, really an unneccessary indulgence. I had a long chat with my sister about it that evening sometime around midnight!! Lol the only moment when we were both home and sitting in the same place. I think the habit of trying new things in RTM each week, has made me mentally want to try other things. Now I realise at this point nothing is "forbidden" but I certainly don't want to get into bad habits and tasting just for tasting sake. So it was interesting to think about. I had also spent most of the week, feeling fat. Not logical but was having a real brain fart moment about it and felt hugely unhappy (no pun intended!) When I did manage to slow down and think about this. I realised that this is exactly what happened to me each and every week I introduced new things into my diet or increased my calories in RTM. It was just happening out of the RTM structure. The one good point to this is that is makes you aware at least, of what is going on in your body. Friday was a pretty good day. And I am so lucky in some respects that I work in a kitchen as I do make sure I sit and eat, and have a healthy food option! You are right FT, when you are busy it is all to easy to go for a quick and unhealthy option. Breakfast on Friday was the usual porridge, lunch some chicken breast with rocket, fresh tomato and some roasted root veg. Dinner ended up being chicken, green beans and roasted root veg. Somewhat dull but it is part of what we were serving that night and a sustaining option. When I got home I had some compote and yoghurt. I wasn't planning this but realised at midnight I was actually bloody hungry!!! Yesterday was a bit of a run around but also a complete revelation on the food side. We were meeting with my Aunt for our Xmas get together before she flies to SA to see her new grandchild. I had booked at Boxwood cafe - for those non Londoners, a very nice Gordon Ramsey shop which used to have Marcus Waering as Head Chef, until he broke away. I had eaten there before and knew the food was excellent and the portions of a nice size - ie not massive!!! Breakfast was at about 10 of a porridge with half a banana, some raisins and 3 pecans and a teaspoon of honey - very very wintery and gorgeous. I then headed out to Croydon, to the hairdressers. Lovely little winter market there with loads of cute wooden swiss style "houses" (well stalls really) set up all decked with greenery, and people selling pancakes, german sausages etc. Felt very festive walking around listening to the carols. There were loads of people out which was a bit of a mare, but hey ho, it's the season!! Felt very gorgeous after the haircut, and even better that yet again my stylist still didn't recognise me and was ever so complimentary. On arriving home I had a salad with loads of low cal veg - lettuce, cucumber etc, with some tomato, strips of chicken and cottage cheese. I knew we were eating out so wanted to plan accordingly.

    I had also decided that for this one evening, rules were going out the window and I would eat what I fancied, because I know that today (Sunday) I can eat in a more restricted kind of way. I also know however that with the small portion sizes served you can enjoy things and not necessarily overload on the cals. We arrived and sat at the bar, where we had a cocktail - an Archangel - which was absolutely amazing!!! Then were whisked through to our table. We skipped starters. But I did have one of the beautiful hand made bread rolls (very tiny about 30g max) with some butter !! Lovely and I thoroughly enjoyed it. We ordered one bottle of excellent white wine which we shared between the 3 of us over the course of the meal. I had Red Leg partridge with partridge mash with a side of roasted parsnips.!!! The 2 breasts of partridge were probably only 50g each and the mash that came with it was no more than 1 tablespooon worth!! (lol I told you portions were small) It was indescribably good. And nice to see that in decent restaurants they do give thought to their customers waistline - because we all know a little of what you fancy is ok. For the first time I really enjoyed alcohol, the wine because it was such a great bottle was brilliant - a Chenin Blanc from the Bosman estate - I love chenin and had not tried this particular Estate before - well worth it. It was interesting that the wine was an addition to the food and an enhancer to the meal, not just being drunk for the sake of drinking which is probably what made it so enjoyable. I did feel slightly squiffy by the end, but that soon passed. In the good old bad old days, never would I have thought 1/3 of a bottle would be enough - I could have drunk one on my own easily!!
    Since it was a celebration we had a pud too. My first foray into this.. I had the tiny fresh cooked hand made doughnut with espresso sorbet. Worth every little bite!! Now the most interesting part of this whole evening for me, was how I felt about myself. Usually if I eat off plan so to speak there is masses of guilt attached. But because this was planned and so wonderfully, awesomely, incredeibly enjoyable - the guilt was reduced to miniscule amounts - in fact I knew I had eaten some things that were high cal but knew I could and would compensate for it the following day. What was even more incredible than all of this put together was the fawning by the good looking men there!!! We were treated like absolute princesses and for a night I really felt like a celebrity! It was also a real head f**k to know I was one of the thinnest people in the room!! Even though the rest were rich and skinny Knightsbridge types!! When I got up to go to the ladies and walked through the room, I knew I was getting admiring glances and it was the most amazing feelign!!!!!!!! I almost felt high on it but that could have just been the wine talking <G>

    When the meal was done, we went into the other side of the Berkley Hotel to the Blue Bar - which is quite well known and old Madge pops in for a drink from time to time. To be surrounded by such utter luxury was such a treat. Again the VIP treatment....... We sat in the darkened blue room,and nibbles were brought over - japanese crackers and cashews - a complete over indulgence, but it was a one night only thing. The cocktails were shockingly expesive the cheapest starting at £14.50!! I won't even discuss the price of the champagne and whiskeys!!!!! My aunt was treating us so after much careful thought we all made our deicisions. The cocktails were taking quite a while to arrive, but we were just lapping up the plush surroundings so scarcely noticed!!! It was also great fun watching the rich at play!!!! When the hostess brought our drinks over, she was so apologetic for making us wait and gave us the drinks on the house!!! So £50 odd pounds worth of cocktails for free!!! Unexpected bonus to the evening. Eventually it was time to head home, caught the bus in the freezing cold from Hyde Park corner to Victoria, treated ourselves to an amaretto flavour skinny latte to warm up and headed home. Caught up on the midnight showing of Xfactor - all rather predictable, Joe will naturally win this year.. sweet , pretty boy, little angelic voice. Mums, Grans and girlies love him and omg get that boy out of his damn closet now!!!!!!!!!

    I had such a wonderful, evening, felt like a superstar and absoultely felt that the work put into my new body was worth it!!!! I felt absolutely gorgeous!!!! Hahaha I really could live "lifestyles of the rich and famous"

    Today, back to earth and I am planning on eating abstemiously and spending a lot of time relaxing before the last big push before Xmas. This time next week the last event will be done and we will only have one day left of work. The best news of all is that I hopped on the scales this morning expecting the worst!! Suprise suprise I weighed exactly the same as I have for the last few weeks!!! Maybe with a little practice this is a do able thing!!!!

    Have a wonderful, relaxing Sunday where ever you are.

  15. kenshin112

    kenshin112 Gotta Make A Change

    Wow wow amazing jez :)
  16. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

    Fantastic post Jez

    Sounds wonderful and you obviously felt great. I'm sure you did get admiring looks from the guys. What did you wear?
  17. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

    Will post some pics shortly when I have dl them from the iphone!! Good to hear from you hun, I have been missing you and BL madly!!!
    How is the Xmas prep going?

  18. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

    Lol ..... My X factor prediction was right!!! Wonder when he is gonna do a tour of GAY? hehehehehee

  19. slendablenda

    slendablenda Gold Member

    I'm the only 1 in the village

    who doesn't watch the X Factor!!

    Hi Jez,
    So sorry I haven't been around mucho lately. Everything is fine, but just been so busy.
    New carpets now installed at home, chaos reigned, but almost back to normal now. Very happy - been waiting 6 years!
    One of my cats has been poorly, vet etc, but he's okay now. He had an infection in his paw as a result of a fight/bite, but we couldn't find the wound and OH convinced himself Montague had been hit by a car and was internally wounded. Caused a bit if a heart stopping panic, but all fine now.
    Work - busy, busy, but enjoying it.
    Christmas preps going okay, but I am behind. Decs still in the loft! But have done some wrapping.
    Went to a Christmas do in Brighton last night. Felt glam and enjoyed it. I'll post some pics if i can work out how to get them out of the album!
    Must go - missing you all. I do get the chance for a few peeps, but I'm sure I've missed a lot.
    Just realised - I haven't mentioned food - and I'm very laid vack about the menu for the day. I've got 2 veggies coming for Christmas dinner. I 'm thinking of doing something with aubergine, chestnut puree and brie, probably in filo with toasted pine nuts and a cranberry drizzle, pretty and festive.
  20. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

    SB the menu sounds divine and glad the cats are all ok.. always such a worry when you are rushing off to the vets, not to mention the expense of it all. Our tree is finally decorated and it looks soo pretty, but nothing is wrapped, I still have loads to buy and no cards written... one week of work then I have about 2 days to get it all done before the folks arrive. Food wise I am pretty organised though...

    Dying to see ya pics hun, I bet you looked amazing!

  21. Jezebella

    Jezebella Playing the Angel

    For anyone interested some pics up in the gallery....


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