Joke of the day!

Discussion in 'Slimming World Off Topic' started by Maximus, 6 July 2011 Social URL.

  1. Maximus

    Maximus Gold Member

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    Long time since we had one of these....

    News just in that the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra's triangle player has just disappeared.

    ;)

    Steve
     
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  3. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    Pathetic !!!!
     
  4. Maximus

    Maximus Gold Member

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    Harsh!
     
  5. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    Yes, but you could not see me smiling when I typed that............:)

    love you baby boy:D

    mumsie xxxx
     
  6. Leapfrog

    Leapfrog Champion actifryer

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    I had a dream last night that Gloria Gaynor's ghost was standing at the end of the bed. At first I was afraid...
     
  7. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    Groaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!
     
  8. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    I would love to tell my viagra one but it might get deleted...........
    Ah well here goes.........

    Have you see the latest viagra ? It comes in a powder form.

    You put it in your tea.

    It does nothing for your sex life but it keeps your biscuits hard..............lol:8855::8855::8855:
     
  9. Leapfrog

    Leapfrog Champion actifryer

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    My OH keeps going on about whether he's big enough in the trouser department. I've told him to put a sock in it.
     
  10. Shirleen

    Shirleen Gold Member

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    lol heehee
     
  11. Maximus

    Maximus Gold Member

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    Smile? - oh I thought it was wind:p

    I tried them viagra eye-drops as was having trouble swallowing with this sore throat. Did nothing for my sex life, but I now look hard;)

    I rang one of those Elvis fan club lines - god I hate them automated phone services. I eventually got through and then the fun started.

    Press 1 for the money
    2 for the show......
     
  12. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    1981 & 2005 - Two Interesting Years
    Interesting Year 1981
    1. Prince Charles got married.
    2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
    3. Australia lost the Ashes.
    4. The Pope died.

    Interesting Year 2005
    1. Prince Charles got married.
    2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe.
    3. Australia lost the Ashes.
    4. The Pope died.

    Lesson to be learned:
    The next time Charles gets married, someone should warn the Pope.
     
  13. curvesncurls

    curvesncurls Full Member

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    Husband and wife watching tv one evening. Husband keeps flicking the channels back and forth: golf, porn, golf, porn, golf, porn, golf, porn, golf, porn, golf, porn....
    Finally, the wife cracks and shouts: "Oh for God's sake, will you just leave it on the porn, you know how to play golf..."
     
  14. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    An elderly couple was in bed one night and the woman woke up from a bad dream. She was scared and panicking. Her husband awoke and turned the light on to calm her. He asked what was wrong. She said "I had a dream that I died and you got remarried." she asked him "if I died tomorrow would you get remarried?" he said "sure, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life lonely." then she asked "well would you two live in this house?" he replied "sure, we just got finished paying off our mortgage." she asked again, angry now "well would she sleep in this bed?" he snickered and said "yes, of course, this bed is brand new and expensive, there's no reason to rid of it." she asked irately, "well would she use my golf clubs?" he replied with a straight, serious face "no. She's left handed."


     
  15. Tinytootz

    Tinytootz Mini crazy cat lady

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    Did you hear about the magic tractor?
    It was driving down the road and then suddenly turned into a field.

    ....I'll go now :D
     
  16. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    :8855::8855::8855:
     
  17. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you :D
     
  18. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    Maurice an 82 year-old man went to the doctor for his physical.
    A few days later the doctor saw Maurice walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.
    A couple of days later the doctor spoke to Maurice and said, “You’re really doing great, aren't you?”
    Maurice replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: “Get a hot mama and be cheerful.”
    The doctor said, “I did not say that. I said, “You got a heart murmur. Be careful

     
  19. 3106Catherine

    3106Catherine Silver Member

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    I love this thread :)
     
  20. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
    "Now," he said,” what do you learn from this?"
    An eager student gave his answer.
    "Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."

     
  21. fillymum

    fillymum synful soul

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    An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
    He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
    Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
    Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
    Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
    The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
    The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

     
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