Just had a huge kick up the A*se!!

[Rayven]

:sigh: Have just had a HUGE kick up the butt by my OH!
I said something along the lines of being bored with my life & all i got in reply was a HUGE sigh. I asked him why he was being like that and he said ' do you really want me to be completely honest or do you want me to gloss it?'
I said that i'd like him to be completely honest and he said 'well i don't want to upset you', at which point i started to worry about what was coming. I told him that i know he would never say anything to intentionally hurt me and for him to just be straight with me.
He held my hand and said that the reason he sighed is because i'm forever moaning about my life but that i'm never willing to put any effort into changing it and that it drives him mad because he just wants me to be happy and he knows i'm not, but that i have the power to make the changes but for God knows what reason - i don't.
I asked him what he meant and asked for an example - he again asked me whether i wanted complete honesty and said that i really wasn't going to like what he was about to say.
He said that although he loves me for me and would be quite happy for me to stay the same size, that i was always moaning about my weight, that i diet for a few days and then jack it in and start moaning again - that i'm bored at home (without the kids) and that i want to be a published writer but that i don't actually sit down and put some effort into realising my dream - that i moan cos we can't afford to get married but whenever we start saving i say its going to take too long and we're never going to be able to do it and instead go shopping. He said that he would back me whatever i decided to do as long as i'm happy but i'm obviously not and it infuriates him that i do nothing about it! :cry::cry:
The thing thats most upsetting is that he's right!
I'm my own worst enemy. I try and be positive about things but the positivity doesn't seem to last very long an i give up.

Sorry, i don't really know where i'm going with this post. The diet thata only really worked for me is Cambridge, i've got a 2 week supply in the kitchen but i just can't seem to get motivated. Surely being fat should be motivation enough?

 

[SoonToBeGorgeous]

Are you perhaps not wanting to lose weight and save money so that you don't have to get married - even subconsciously?

I dragged my feet on losing weight because as soon as I am slim enough the orthopaedic surgeon wants to operate on me - I don't want that.
Then I realised that I have a choice, I can say no thank you.

You need to give a lot of thought to your relationship and where you want it go aswell as your weight and your life.

 

[blue_grapefruit]

I said this to a good friend about two days ago:

GET A GRIP!

Sometimes you need brutal honesty to kick you in the bum to sort yourself out. Sit down, write a list, and make some decisions.

You'll always have my support hun, you need to decide if you want to do it for yourself.
Was mighty brave of your OH to be so honest, go say thanks xxxx

 

[Rayven]

Was mighty brave of your OH to be so honest

I know, bless him. It bothers him that he can't just throw a switch and make things right for me - I know he just wants me to be happy.
I know i'm too much of a dreamer, i drift along and just hope things work out alright in the end without putting any effort in. Maybe its time to start making things happen.

 

[annie_d]

1) Have you had a look at NLP? A way to take hold of your life and move along.
2) Men don't like it when you complain about your life, generally speaking as they take it as a reflection on them and their lack of ability to "fix" things.
3) I used to talk to myself in the mirror each morning to get myself boosted and then think about that through the day when i felt myself thinking.
4) You are right, NOTHING will happen if you don't make it happen. Life really is what you make it.

 

[Rayven]

Have you had a look at NLP?

I've emailed Icemoose about NLP but i think they're so bogged down in there it may take a while to get in.
I think i need to evaluate a few things in my life and take positive action without thinking 'i can't'.

 

[sonban]

Hiya hun I could be totally off the mark here and if so I am so sorry. Do you take Anti-Depressants it sounds to me like you are depressed, I only say that because I recognize some of the things you said in your post in my self before I went on Anti-Depressants. I feel so different now I am on them and feel like I can now deal with life. Hope you feel better soon and sorry again if I am off the mark...

 

[pandora]

i could have written that post about me, not that my OH would say anything to me, when i moan he just says "get a grip".
i'm basically too lasy to change. I tried the NLP forum but didn't get any feed back on what i did write, so gave up on that.
You are lucky that your OH loves & cares enough about you to support what you choose.
Good luck
xx

 

[Rayven]

I could be totally off the mark here and if so I am so sorry. Do you take Anti-Depressants it sounds to me like you are depressed, I only say that because I recognize some of the things you said in your post in my self before I went on Anti-Depressants

Hey hun, thanks for your feedback - you're not 'totally' off the mark, i have suffered from depression in the past - especially after the birth of my eldest daughter. I'd hoped i was past it to be honest but maybe i'm not.

 

[SoonToBeGorgeous]

The mind can be a very strange thing - you put up barriers yourself through fear of failure or fear of the unknown - particularly if you have never been slim before.

I am a Clinical Hypnotherapist & Psychoanalyst

 

[Rayven]

The mind can be a very strange thing - you put up barriers yourself through fear of failure or fear of the unknown

I can definately relate to that. But its mostly fear of failure for me (i think). I'm constantly telling myself that i'll never be able to stick to a diet (so why bother) That even if i do start writing properly, i'm not good enough to get published (so why bother) That if we get married people will be looking at me and judging me (am sooooo not comfortable with that!)
How do i stop my inner record player being so negative???? ( i know thats the million dollar question! lol)

 

[SoonToBeGorgeous]

You have to learn to switch it off!!

Every time you catch yourself saying something negative in your head, change it immediately to a positive. You will find, eventually, that the negatives disappear

 

[missgeorgie]

Hey Hun....I know what your going through....I have a long list of things I'd love to do which I just never seem to get around to.. My NY resolution is do one thing properly this year as I tend to do try everything at one and get nowhere..Give yourself one goal for each month starting with ur weight as I bet you will feel way more confident after loosing some weight and then nothing will stop you getting that dream job.
Keep your chin up and stay focused...I find keeping a really awful photo of myself in my hangbag keep me motivated sooo if i feel like cheating I take a peek at that and it does the trick.

Tare care.
x

 

[annie_d]

How about the Emotional Freedom Technique? It uses NLP systems. You can google it and their website is SO helpful. You can dload for free so much help (including for weightloss) too so give it a go. Anti-depressants can can be a good kick-starter but try to get some plans in situ first so you know where you are going with them. Looking at your pic and hearing your tale reminds me of me many years ago when my children were small people. Sometimes we just need to let time pass, for every thing there is a time.
I remember all those years ago when my opportunities were so few, money was so tight. Get a pen and paper, write down "stuff" and even in 6 months from now you will look at that paper and go "Wow, look where i was and look where i am now" Try it.

 

[Chinny]

Feeling Depressed?

Hi, Im new to all this but im struggling to get started, i know what i have to do but can't seem to start myself off. It may be worth looking at CBT, it helps ypu to explore your emotins in relation to how you yhink and how it affects your behaviour. If you can suss out why you jepordise the things you want to achieve then you may just crack it!

 

[NooNoo1970]

Hi hon, I too could have written that post about me and my Hubby!
It took us 13 yrs to get married and eventually did it in March last yr, it was always, we cant afford it, and I too would then go off shopping, but then we set a date and we had to save! It was a wonderful day and everyone had a great time, and it cost us about 3k...so really wasnt un-achievable, just a case of putting our mind to it.

re the diet and the chat with your OH, I too had a chat like that the other day and OH was honest with me, and basically said he had 'lost interest'(not in a horrible way but cos he is concerned about what I am doing to myself by yo yo-ing all the time) in my diets and I was up and down and all over the place, poor love he is damned if he does and damned if he doesnt! If I am CD-ing and he offers me something I moan at him, if I am not cd-ing its me eating all the crap and then feeling sorry for myself and moaning about being fat!!

Like your OH he loves me any which way, but just wants me to be happy. I desperatly want to be a midwife, but I guess I am too scared of failure and of not being able to succeed at it, but he has every faith in me to do it, so when I moan about being bored with childminding, he says you know what to do about it!

what are we like???...I guess if we just got off our arses and did what we wanted we would get better at it and then we would feel more able to achieve other things in our lives!
Good luck with your journey babe!!
HAVE FAITH!!!

lou x

 

[Russiandoll]

Hi Rayven
I have a complete writers course I bought a few years ago which tutors you through everything you need to know about how to write.

I'd like to offer it to you (for free of course) if you think it'd be helpful in giving you some confidence and getting you on the road to realising your dream. From there, you might want to take a creative writing course and then who knows what might happen!

As you're probably aware, doing a degree in English and Creative Writing so I don't really need the home course anymore. If you'd like it, then send me a PM

 

[annie_d]

Now THAT is an opportunity to grab Rayven!

 

[spannerpan]

I think it is good when you talk to yourself to imagine you are a friend.

Would your friend say "you won't ever make it so don't try" - of course not. so why say it to yourself? So when you feel like this and think those thoughts - think what would my best friend say if I said that?

 

[Rayven]

Thankyou sooo much for all your support - you must think i'm a right moaning mini!!!
Have had a long hard look at myself and have come to the conclusion that I'm a pain in the butt!!

what are we like???...I guess if we just got off our arses and did what we wanted we would get better at it and then we would feel more able to achieve other things in our lives!

MUST GRAB LIFE BY THE DANGLY BITS!!!!! I've always been a firm believer in living life for the moment, however i'm rubbish at actually putting that into practice! I know that i won't live forever but i'm acting like i have all the time in the world (when realistically i don't!)

I think it is good when you talk to yourself to imagine you are a friend.

If my friend was being as moany as i am i'd tell her to stop being so damn stupid. That she's worth more than this - that anything is achievable if you just put in the tiniest amount of effort and that she either needs to do something about her life or stop bloody complaning about it!!! (ok so maybe i wouldn't be quite as harsh)

I have a complete writers course I bought a few years ago which tutors you through everything you need to know about how to write.If you'd like it, then send me a PM

Thankyou soooo much for the offer sweetie, but the sad thing is i already have a complete writers course that i sent off for about 6 months ago! (its sat in wardrobe collecting dust!)

RIGHT!!! Things to do -
*Get back on ss as of today
*Dust off writing course and start putting some effort in
*Sell stuff i don't need anymore on ebay (been meaning to do it for ages but never get round to it)
*Have just bought Paul Mckennas 'change your life in 7 days' - don't stick it on the shelf and forget about it - actually read it and listen to the cd (even though it makes me giggle!) Don't know if this will make any difference but anythings worth a shot!
* Sit down with OH and work out a do-able monthly budget so we're able to save for the wedding!