Kez's struggles and troubles! 17th June Restart!

[Surfhunny]

Hey chicken, how did the interview go? Hope it went well, but if not don't worry too much. Bigger and better things are just round the corner. How're are you doing diet wise? I went to my anonymous WI tonight, and it feels really weird not knowing the outcome, really weird!! I'm not sure I can keep it up, but for now the only numbers I'm going to find out are my losses, not the weight - scarey!

Is it your WI tomorrow, I forget? If it is good luck I'm sure you'l be fine xx

 

[Eternalflame]

Hey Kez.. keeping us in suspense, how did the interview go hun? x

 

[cornishkez]

Hey, sorry been vacant. Interview went well, but tt be honest I don't think I have the experience they are looking for. I am gutted if I am honest, as now I've met them, seen the place and found out more about it. It looks like a fantastic oppurtunity! Never mind, if I don't get it I'll just keep looking. I'm safe and secure where I am.

Going to see CDC tonight, but not going to be weighed and I'm going to book for next Thursday, I'm big enough and ugly enough to keep myself in line for a week (I hope!). At least by next Thursday I will def be into new weight loss, I've been mucking about the last few days and only half heartedly following the plan. So not in ketosis yet and only showing a few lbs lose. But back on it today, have nibbled at all the things I thought I was missing and just ended up giving myself an upset stomach for it.

Goal for next week is 8lbs to get my BMI below 40. 5lbs of them went on quick, so should shift quickly and then 3lb on top of that.

 

[great things]

hope you get the job. been reading but not writing. been bit down bout weight, feeling like i'm not getting anywhere.

 

[cornishkez]

Same nikki, trying to get motivated with everything again, but feeling very low about everything in general.

 

[Surfhunny]

Oh dear it sounds like we're all feeling the blues. I'm exactly the same!! I wish I could shake it off and get positive again. I really hope you get the job hun, it'll be a nice boost x

 

[cornishkez]

I hope so too, got another interview next Wednesday for a different one. I need something good to perk me up how are you getting along ?

 

[Surfhunny]

Rubbishly, I feel like a big fat failure at the moment. I've had a very stressful sh*tty day at work and I came home, and automatically, completely without thinking cooked and ate fish fingers. What an idiot!! I'm starting to get very disheartened again and I'm not sure if not knowing my weight is a good idea or not.... I think I might need the kick up the bum knowing my weight might give me... I don't know...... Feeling very low

I've just emailed my CDC with all my woes, feel sorry for her having to read it. I think I might head off to bed in a bit to think over what I'm going to do about the scales.... To look or not to look???? Sorry, didn't mean to go on wallowing like this on your diary. xxx

 

[cornishkez]

You wail on Hun! You must have an idea by your own scales? Do you think maybe it's not so much that you don't know but the fact that it's not been said out aloud so you can pretend it's not happening?

 

[Surfhunny]

No I seriously don't know!! I haven't been on my own scales for about 3 weeks and yesterday at WI I asked my CDC not to tell me my weight or whether I'd gained or lost because I thought I was becoming too fixated on getting into the 12's....I thought it would help not knowing.... now I'm not so sure. Strangely my clothes don't feel too much tighter and my face looks the same but I'm convinced I'm back up near the 14's if not actually in them again. I might measure my waist in the morning as I know what that was when I was 13st and judge by that until my CDC emails me back. I'm a flipping lunatic!!!

 

[cornishkez]

I am sure you are not in the 14 's! I think you should try to not know until next week, cause at least you will have tried a different perspective.

 

[Surfhunny]

Yeah you're right, I'm going to get the tape measure out in the morning so I at least have a vague idea of where I'm at. I think I'm havin problems with not knowing because I'm such a control freak. I don't like feeling out of control not knowing where my weight is at... Anyway hun, thanks for listening, I'm off to dig out the tape measure for the morning, and then bed before I fall asleep on the sofa xxx

 

[cornishkez]

Nite Hun x

 

[cornishkez]

I didn't get the job, I knew I wouldn't, but am still absolutely gutted! I am so miserable where I am, I had pinned all my hopes on getting this and making everything better.

Never mind, foolish me! Got another interview next wednesday, but not sure I even want to go now, I don't handle rejection very well at all.

Really miffed, so had a pasty and vanilla slice for my dinner! Will regret it tomorrow.

 

[cornishkez]

Guilt has now kicked in, but am still feeling very teasy. A little bit foolish that I had allowed myself to build my hopes up

Going to go to this other inteview next wednesday, but not going to put myself up for any more after that. Need to just plod along and focus on my equine degree. Get ahead on that!

 

[Surfhunny]

Aw hun sorry to hear about the interview, I know this won't help make you feel any better, but it's their loss!! I'll pop back later and catch up with you. Big hugs hun xxx

 

[Surfhunny]

So not sure how much sleep I'll be getting tonight after watching Paranormal Activity!! I usually love scarey movies and I did enjoy it, but it's freaked me out big time!!! I can't believe I have to stay in my house all alone, I really wish I had boyfriend right now, even if it was just to tell me to stop being so bloody stupid ha ha.

Tactless Tessie has finally gone on maternity leave so my lunch times will be peaceful once more.... no else is remotely interested in what I do or don't have for lunch. Peace at last!!!

So glad its the weekend again!! Although tomorrow I'm nights, but thats okay don't have to go in til 7. I do need to mow the lawn though, all the rain we've had recently has caused it to shoot up, the fronts not so bad cos it's mostly clover, but the back is bad!!

Anyway hun, how's it all going for you? Bad news about the job but keep your chin up, bigger and better things are round the corner. xxx

 

[great things]

hey kez

not good news on the job hunting front. look at it positively. you have a job, i know you're not happy there but it's a good advantage and will make finding another easier. they like people who are working and it's giving you some experience. just go in there and be yourself. think clearly, explain yourself and your goals.

don't be put off by not getting the jobs, it's all experience too. just keep on going. i've been for so many interviews over the years it's crazy. it is a blow but you learn from each one. they're all different too. in one interview i didn't come across as confident as i could have, in the next they said i was too confident. etc etc.

 

[cornishkez]

Argh! Spent yesterday bingeing, now it's Sunday and I need to crack on and get back into ketosis. Have now got 8bs of gain to get gone.

 

[Surfhunny]

How's today gone? I had a bad night last night too, I hate working nights, it's just an invitation to eat never mind it's done now, so today I've been really good, stuck to SS 100% and I've got another couple of days to try and pull it back.

I've wasted almost a week of my 6 weeks messing about and I'm really not prepared to let another week get wasted, so I'm taking charge of myself because if I don't the 6 weeks will have gone by and I'll still be the same weight. I have to keep telling myself it's not forever, and that I can do it.

Same for you keep telling yourself its not forever, and the sooner you get back on it, the sooner you'll be finished and feeling fab!!! Come on hun, we can do it!! xxx