Laura's Diary - I'm back! :-)
- Thread starter Lozbo
- Start date
blackwidow
Gold Member
hey Laura, hope you're doing okay and that your job is still going well 
take care xxx
take care xxx
Lozbo
Silver Member
Sorry been so absent lately...seem to be really busy at work and haven't really been feeling myself. Just seem so tired, have pretty much been getting home and going to bed.
Had a chat with OH and some friends the last few days and realised that I had been stuck in some sort of rutt so decided to start some positive thinking and try to make some changes. It's actually helped..I'm not even sure why I had been down in the first place. So hopefully I will feel more like myself soon!
I've missed Minimins but when I felt down I don't really find talking (writing) about things easy, I tend to think I'd be bothering people. But am hoping to be back for good this time
WI this week was a STS which is fine. Have some friends round tonight which should be fun, play some games and have a good chat etc.
Hope everyone has a good weekend! x
Had a chat with OH and some friends the last few days and realised that I had been stuck in some sort of rutt so decided to start some positive thinking and try to make some changes. It's actually helped..I'm not even sure why I had been down in the first place. So hopefully I will feel more like myself soon!
I've missed Minimins but when I felt down I don't really find talking (writing) about things easy, I tend to think I'd be bothering people. But am hoping to be back for good this time
WI this week was a STS which is fine. Have some friends round tonight which should be fun, play some games and have a good chat etc.
Hope everyone has a good weekend! x
Lozbo
Silver Member
This post is more just for me to vent...if you want to read then that would be nice but I just need to get some stuff off my chest.
I've just had a really bad panic attack and I need to focus my energy on something and needed to get my thoughts out so am writing this.
I've suffered from panic attack for a few years now but they seemed to go away for the last few months. They started up again quite badly over a week ago so I went to see my Dr that I saw before, and she says that I definitely have some form of anxiety disorder but that I needed to speak to someone properly about it all. Me and my OH looked in some books and online for some information about anxiety disorders and my symptoms seem to really fit that of Separation Anxiety Disorder. It was really upsetting to read it all and relate to so many of the feelings. Aparently Separation Anxiety is normal in children but becomes a Disorder if it continues past a certain age or to a worrying degree. The symptoms are mostly about being scared or worried about being separated from an "attachment figure" or a safe place. A fear that something bad will happen to you or them to keep you apart. When I was younger I used to be really terrified of going to school, I used to cry and scream all the way there. I used to pretend I wasn't well to get out of going...this part lastly well into High School. When I was really young I couldn't sleep without one of my parents being there. Then when I was older and shared a room with my sister, I used to get her to come and sleep in my bed because I couldn't seem to get to sleep on my own. I still can't sleep very well when I'm alone. I constantly crave friends and relatives around me and up until now we didn't see anything unhealthy to it. But we realised that it has been soooo long since I left the house on my own (apart from work). I don't seem to even be able to function now unless a "safe" person is around me. When left alone I will go online or play a computer game to escape from the reality of being on my own. I won't eat or sleep or doing anything apart from watch tv/dvds, play games, or read. I constantly need to tell people (especially my parents or sister) even the smallest things that have happened to me on a daily basis, I crave approval or being told that "it's ok" to act a certain way or do a certain thing.
I never realised how much of a problem this has become, as it seems to have progressed over such a long time. I never saw myself as "dependent" but I really am. I am quite a confident person but really only when I'm with my "safe" people or in a safe place.
This has turned into a really long post and although there's so much more to say I have to stop posting otherwise I'll go on forever. I'm just scared about how I break this cycle and become more independent...because I can't go on living like this...being scared that one of my family/friends will leave me. It's nice that I care about them so much, the problem is that I can't seem to function without them. :cry:
I've just had a really bad panic attack and I need to focus my energy on something and needed to get my thoughts out so am writing this.
I've suffered from panic attack for a few years now but they seemed to go away for the last few months. They started up again quite badly over a week ago so I went to see my Dr that I saw before, and she says that I definitely have some form of anxiety disorder but that I needed to speak to someone properly about it all. Me and my OH looked in some books and online for some information about anxiety disorders and my symptoms seem to really fit that of Separation Anxiety Disorder. It was really upsetting to read it all and relate to so many of the feelings. Aparently Separation Anxiety is normal in children but becomes a Disorder if it continues past a certain age or to a worrying degree. The symptoms are mostly about being scared or worried about being separated from an "attachment figure" or a safe place. A fear that something bad will happen to you or them to keep you apart. When I was younger I used to be really terrified of going to school, I used to cry and scream all the way there. I used to pretend I wasn't well to get out of going...this part lastly well into High School. When I was really young I couldn't sleep without one of my parents being there. Then when I was older and shared a room with my sister, I used to get her to come and sleep in my bed because I couldn't seem to get to sleep on my own. I still can't sleep very well when I'm alone. I constantly crave friends and relatives around me and up until now we didn't see anything unhealthy to it. But we realised that it has been soooo long since I left the house on my own (apart from work). I don't seem to even be able to function now unless a "safe" person is around me. When left alone I will go online or play a computer game to escape from the reality of being on my own. I won't eat or sleep or doing anything apart from watch tv/dvds, play games, or read. I constantly need to tell people (especially my parents or sister) even the smallest things that have happened to me on a daily basis, I crave approval or being told that "it's ok" to act a certain way or do a certain thing.
I never realised how much of a problem this has become, as it seems to have progressed over such a long time. I never saw myself as "dependent" but I really am. I am quite a confident person but really only when I'm with my "safe" people or in a safe place.
This has turned into a really long post and although there's so much more to say I have to stop posting otherwise I'll go on forever. I'm just scared about how I break this cycle and become more independent...because I can't go on living like this...being scared that one of my family/friends will leave me. It's nice that I care about them so much, the problem is that I can't seem to function without them. :cry:
jennikay
Gold Member
Oh hun, sending you big hugs :hug99:
I think I have OCD, and am generally an anxious person so I understand where you're coming from.
Thing is that when I'm feeling anxious, like I am today, I eat for England (polished a BIG box of Maltesers today)
Have you been referred then?
I have an assessment in 3 weeks which I'm both nervous and excited about, lol
If you ever need to talk to someone about it, PM me
xx
I think I have OCD, and am generally an anxious person so I understand where you're coming from.
Thing is that when I'm feeling anxious, like I am today, I eat for England (polished a BIG box of Maltesers today
)Have you been referred then?
I have an assessment in 3 weeks which I'm both nervous and excited about, lol
If you ever need to talk to someone about it, PM me
xx
mommyB
love it
I am having a very stressfull time at the moment too so can sympastise to some extent. from what i understand just identifying the problem is a large part of the battle and you've done that, so you're on the way.
fingers crossed that you can get the right help and quickly, and in the meantime feel free to get it off your chest on here as often as you like
fingers crossed that you can get the right help and quickly, and in the meantime feel free to get it off your chest on here as often as you like
Less Rotund One
Gold Member
Hi Laura, I was really moved by the honesty in your post - and it sounded to me that at least you have accepted that you have an issue and need some help - that's probably a really big step to take mentally.
I hope that you get what you need as you sound such a lovely, caring person. x
I hope that you get what you need as you sound such a lovely, caring person. x
Karenlou
Gold Member
(((hugs)))
I have panic attacks as well so can sympathise. I'm starting to see a new counsellor soon - didn't get on with my old one.
Hope you can find something that will help you - there are no instant cures but with time and the right treatment I'm sure things will improve for you x
I have panic attacks as well so can sympathise. I'm starting to see a new counsellor soon - didn't get on with my old one.
Hope you can find something that will help you - there are no instant cures but with time and the right treatment I'm sure things will improve for you x
Lozbo
Silver Member
Thanks for all of your supportive replies..they have really helped me. Sorry I've been absent, I needed to take some time to myself and figure some things out.
Things are much better now...work has improved and I am really enjoying it again! I realised that I have such good supportive friends and a really great family so am thinking about things a lot much positively.
This is just a quick post so will update properly tomorrow as well as catching up with everyone's diary. Hope you are all well. xxx
Things are much better now...work has improved and I am really enjoying it again! I realised that I have such good supportive friends and a really great family so am thinking about things a lot much positively.
This is just a quick post so will update properly tomorrow as well as catching up with everyone's diary. Hope you are all well. xxx
Lozbo
Silver Member
Thanks
xxHave had such a busy week! Work is going well, I'm really loving it! Although I'm still finding it a bit difficult to deal with the amount of b**chiness that goes on amongst all the girls. I guess I'm just not used to it! I'm just trying to ignore it and get on with my job, because I enjoy working with the children!
My weekend was also quite busy. Had some friends round friday night after work to watch comic relief which was good. Then on Saturday my friend came round and we spent the day pampering as we (plus my OH) were going out in the evening. We went to a Walkabouts club which was really fun. It's been so long since I've been out and really let my hair down, I had so much fun!! Just going to relax today! Was meant to be going to my parents but have got so much work around the house to do!
Hope everyone's having a lovely weekend! xx
blackwidow
Gold Member
lovely to see you back Laura dont worry about work - everyone *****es at work - its just a heavy female environment so can't really be helped. You just keep doing what you're doing glad you're enjoying it again.
Hows the diet? x
dont worry about work - everyone *****es at work - its just a heavy female environment so can't really be helped. You just keep doing what you're doing glad you're enjoying it again.Hows the diet? x
Twiggy
Is in the Zone
Hi
Just been reading some of your diary - hope you don't mind
Glad to see you're feeling better ... and good that you can ignore the *****iness at work ... some girls have nothing better to do than ***** about other people - it must be their own insecurities, or they've nothing better going on in their lives!!
Anyway - good luck with the diet this week!
Twigs
xx
Just been reading some of your diary - hope you don't mind
Glad to see you're feeling better ... and good that you can ignore the *****iness at work ... some girls have nothing better to do than ***** about other people - it must be their own insecurities, or they've nothing better going on in their lives!!
Anyway - good luck with the diet this week!
Twigs
xx
