Lighten up!

[Enough]

ok, so I'm STILL sitting here, but now I've had dinner (made soup for us so was able to disguise my soup and avoid conversation about my current diet). I'm not so stressed by the experience now. She has not minded me chatting with my laptop on my lap because I've been keeping up to date with risk of her flight cancelled for the morning.

Soo.. I've been free to read and think about my circumstances (health and diet-wise). I know I've been eating more than is healthy and eating things that are full of sugar and fat and have no nutritional value, and I've been doing that as an emotional response - when I'm stressed, tired, anxious, low, or simply feeling that I deserve a break/a treat.

I love being on the cambridge and I'm planning on completing the weight loss plan until I'm no longer over weight. BUT I've realised that DIETING can make things worse. The sense of deprivation during weight loss only reinforces the idea eating is somehow a forbidden sin, rather than something I will always be allowed to do for the rest of my life, and is healthy and normal, and a wonderful part of life.

I want to get to the point where I have a healthy balanced relationship with health, activity, self care, and nutrition. It's about balance and alleviating the extremes.. remembering that I eat healthy food for my long term wellbeing, and that being genuinely lovely towards myself is a great and welcome thing and can be in many wonderful ways like having fun, going to interesting places, having massages, using lovely hand creams.. and enjoying a healthy diet with occasional treats without being excessive.

excess leads to self criticism
self criticism leads to excess in order to self-sooth
excess leads to self criticism
self criticism leads to excess in order to self-sooth
excess leads to self criticism
self criticism leads to excess in order to self-sooth

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...............

How about we start afresh?

self soothing with enjoyable things
feeling good about myself
gaining confidence
choosing to self sooth with enjoyable things that happen to not be harmful
feeling good about myself
gaining confidence
choosing to self sooth with enjoyable things that happen to not be harmful
feeling good about myself
gaining confidence..........



it'll still involve deprivation in the short term to actively loose the weight, and I'm at risk of eating too much when I start eating again, so I need to start planning for it now.. this isn't about boom and bust.. this isn't about loosing the weight then going 'sod it' and putting it all back on again.. it's about learning a new way..

it's about discovering that I actually love feeling fit and healthy and active and full of life more than I love stuffing my face out of self comfort.. and actually... being more honest with myself about the fact that I don't really love stuffing my face out of self comfort - it's like an alcoholic, a drug addict, it's not taking the drug that'll make things better.. it's NOT taking the drug that'll make it better.. but it feels better in the shorter term.. actually.. get through the craving and life can be good with balance

Well.. the OH's mum has just gone to be so I'm now freeeee

Thank you for keeping me entertained

I'm going to have an early night with my OH and start practising all that healthy activity I've been talking about!!

 

[Enough]

Just back from a swim - the pool seemed much longer than normal and the slower swimmers seemed to be swimming faster than usual! haha! I think CD has slowed me down a little!

so today is day 5

we were at the airport at silly oclock this morning having battled through the snow, so I didn't have my first CD until lunchtime - so I did a 'green and white' and had some fat free natural yoghurt from the shop while I was at the airport - to keep me going.

I still need to have another two CDs today so I'm thinking of having one at five..

I now have the psyllium husks - and I had NO IDEA what to do with them haha! I've put a teaspoon full in a glass of water, watched is slowly absorb the water, and then drank it - tasted fine - but I'm wondering if there's something better I could be doing - it does look like it'll do the trick though, so that's good news - and tasted fine too

Hope all's going well for all the other CDers out there - I wonder how many of us there are all over the country trying our best to get to a healthy weight and then learn new ways of living...

I was also wondering, what kind of slim person I'll be! I mean, I can't see myself ever being someone who'll be wearing tight fitting short skirts or showing off my non-cleavage! haha! but I wonder how I'll be.. perhaps just me, but a little less down on myself and a little more confident.. that'd be nice

 

[Enough]

sooo... weigh in day... at 6.30 this evening..

I've had a porridge this morning, and I'll have a carton at lunch time. I'm going to have to fight the urge to not drink water this afternoon - it's soo important to drink all the water and yet part of me will be focussed on what it weighs - silly really - it's not going to have any long term effects other than being good for me, so I need to have it..

I'll let you know how it goes

x

 

[DisneyParis]

Good luck for your weigh-in.

 

[Enough]

thank you!

what a disaster.. I've just discovered minimins for my phone! not sure if i can risk having access during working hours!

but i can report another CD100% day so far.. Hurrah

bad news though.. my OH thinks i might be becoming anaemic.. I've never been anaemic in my life! (He might be wrong of course)..

I was just just thinking about anaemia iron and green things and thought I'd check mint tea.. but it says it BLOCKS iron uptake!! Gutted.. i thought it might help!

Anyway.. I'm going to stay off here.. or try to!.. and report back this eve after weigh in

 

[MissNeat]

keeping my fingers crossed for you sugar. Hope it reflects the effort you have made

 

[Enough]

Thank you miss neat

 

[infiniteandserene]

Best of luck with your weigh in x

 

[spangles]

i'd be surprised if you were anaemic - you're getting 100% of your rda of iron in the packs - but it can happen. easy enough to get tested.

 

[Enough]

My CDC agrees Spangles.. think it's the sweet smell of success! haha.. ketosis I wasn't expecting the sweet smell of success to be in the bathroom haha!!

 

[Enough]

End of week one!

sooooo....

went to my CD.. and have lost...

... drum roll.........




11 pounds


:thankyou:

 

[MrsC999]

Brilliant. Well done. How long do you intend to be on this diet? X

 

[Enough]

My current plan:

8 weeks - hopefully get down to 12 stone-ish or better by 28th March (not too fussed about how long it takes)

then step up for a few weeks before our holiday end of April to mid May.. then, from mid May (depending on how much I still have to loose) another 12 weeks max on SS+ with a green and white meal.

I probably wont need that long, but I'm VERY happy with that time frame, and the biggest job will be making my new life with a healthy weight range and a healthy balanced approach to eating and enjoying activity and the right amount/type of food for me long term....

 

[ayshaahmad]

Well done on your loss its great!!! I have minimins on my phone too and addicted lol

 

[DisneyParis]

Well done, great result. :happy096:

 

[Enough]

mmm.. porridge for breakfast.. I usually add mixed spice to my porridge and it's yum, but today I'm doing the apple one without adding anything.. it tastes exactly of the synthetic apple flavouring that you get in kid's sweets/drinks.. I'm happy enough with that..

Have a good CD-ing day folks! Here's to a 100% day for us all!

 

[My-year2012]

mmm.. porridge for breakfast.. I usually add mixed spice to my porridge and it's yum, but today I'm doing the apple one without adding anything.. it tastes exactly of the synthetic apple flavouring that you get in kid's sweets/drinks.. I'm happy enough with that..

Have a good CD-ing day folks! Here's to a 100% day for us all!

Wishing you a 100% too

I am still to try porridge, many give them bad reviews but I do normally enjoy porridge will give one a go next week.

 

[Enough]

My-year.. many people find them slimy and my OH reckons it looks like gruel! Ha ha.. personally I think of it almost like a porridge flavoured milk shake and i love it.. especially when I sprinkle cinnamon nutmeg or ginger powder on the top... yummy! not sure I'll bother with the apple one again.. i might but I love the other two and I'm not so fussed about this morning's one.

I've just had my carton for lunch and my tummy is making such loud noises now!

Hoping to go for a swim this eve.. if I have the energy.. watch this space! If I have a really tough afternoon then it'll either be just what I'm needing or the last thing I can face.. we'll see..

 

[My-year2012]

I will defo give a try and ignore his it looks

Hope the day is going well and you make your swim.... Swimming is so relaxing

 

[Enough]

still 100%

I haven't posted to my diary for a few days, but I'm still 100% and more determined than ever, since I've spoken with the nurse at my fertility clinic and I need to have lost weight by my appointment on 1st March. If I am 20 pounds lighter in 3 weeks time then I will be eligible for treatment, but even if I'm near that weight and my notes show that I'm heading in the right direction, they'll still consider it.. so it's not the end of the world if I don't loose that much in that time frame.. but the more I loose the better...

sooo.. porridge this morning, and I'm off for a brief gym visit followed by a swim.. nothing too strenuous with the VLCD, and I'm going to split a bar for during and after so my blood sugar doesn't drop too low while I'm being having a little run on that running machine..

I feel completely clear about my journey now. I'm not so sure yet about the longer term but I can think about that on my way there, and by the time I'm there it'll be clearer.

I realised yesterday that much of my old comfort eating was at times when I was using eating to ignore other feelings.. that I like spending time with lots of people, feeling part of a community, and that my life feels a little lonely sometimes.. my OH is great.. but with no kids, no other close family around, no nephews or nieces.. and no kids myself.. I'm a bit lonely.. if I'm honest.

I was looking at the times I tended (past tense) to comfort eat.. driving to work in the car, if I'm back from work first, or home alone, or if I'm feeling like a spare part at a party. If I'm with friends at a party then it wouldn't occur to me to hover round the buffet.. so.. I've found a theme.. and now I need to find some potential solutions:

I'm not minding driving at the moment, so why is that anything different? Maybe it's just an old habit from a time when I didn't have either radio or a handsfree kit... wouldn't it be great though to enjoy the journey without needing any distraction? and what am I distracting myself from exactly? surely I can enjoy my company and not need rescuing from my self??

Solitude vs loneliness.. isn't solitude the enjoyment of one's own company, whereas anyone can feel lonely even in a room full of people?

hmm.. something to ponder.. perhaps to enjoy pondering on my journey to work

x