Lily's New Lease of Life
- Thread starter Lily
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Lily
Gold Member
Hmm. Well, I nearly cracked it. Must've been all that talk about cold turkey on the other thread - I ended up caving into cold chicken instead... 
Could've been worse, I suppose. And this is progress - I'm confessing to it publicly. Normally I'd try to pretend I didn't do it - but the only person I'd be cheating is me, right? I've decided that honesty really is the best policy this time around. Which dammit, means I've also got to confess to dipping the chicken in a teaspoon full of dip...
Hope the rest of you are behaving better than me!
Could've been worse, I suppose. And this is progress - I'm confessing to it publicly. Normally I'd try to pretend I didn't do it - but the only person I'd be cheating is me, right? I've decided that honesty really is the best policy this time around. Which dammit, means I've also got to confess to dipping the chicken in a teaspoon full of dip...
Hope the rest of you are behaving better than me!
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Lily
Gold Member
LOL, yes, I'm being good. And somehow, despite the dip, I lost 2 pounds overnight so that this morning, I'm 14 stones and 12 pounds. Yay! (Mind you, that just goes to show how much I must've been eating on the days running up to yesterday )
So today, I'm gonna strive to have a perfect CD day. I'm all achey in my back and tummy (I'd forgotten that was a Day 2 thing for me) but otherwise okay.
Hope everyone else is doing okay too. Thanks for all the support!
)So today, I'm gonna strive to have a perfect CD day. I'm all achey in my back and tummy (I'd forgotten that was a Day 2 thing for me) but otherwise okay.
Hope everyone else is doing okay too. Thanks for all the support!
Lily
Gold Member
I've been thinking that maybe this thread belongs on the diaries forum but hopefully no one will mind for now if I just witter on here for a bit longer. I'm hoping that I manage to keep trying to get back on the CD wagon long enough to have a diary...
Bit of a strange entry this. But I've been thinking, like you do on New Year's Eve, about all that I thought I'd achieve this year. I kind of thought I'd finally crack the weight thing and be zooming towards being a Size 12 (I'd say Size 10, but I can't even imagine that).
And then I had one of those odd, lightbulb moments. A moment in which I realised that actually, I can't work out what I'm dieting for anymore. Oh, I could tell you all the superficial stuff. I could tell you about wanting to walk into any clothes shop and just pick anything up and look good in it. I could tell you that it'd be great to pick up a Twix in a petrol station and not feel like everyone's looking at me and thinking, "Well, you don't need that, you fat cow!" (whether they are or not)
But here's the tricky thing. I've been dieting for as long as I can remember. Unsuccessfully, most of the time. There were a few fantastic months during 2008 when I felt pretty slim (I was still twelve stones something, so I wasn't really - but compared to nearly eighteen stones, that felt pretty slim, I can tell you.)
Trouble is, that feeling wears off. People stop commenting on the 'new you' because well, it's old news. It's a bit like how you feel when you've just had a baby. For nine months, the attention's been on you and your rapidly swelling belly and then boom, the baby's out of you and it's not about you anymore, it's about the bundle of joy in the carry cot.
Hmm, that makes me sound like I lost weight because I was attention seeking. Maybe I was, subconsciously.
But I still want to lose weight. I just can't figure out why. Am I only doing it in the hope that people will like me more? And if that's the case, is the reason I keep falling off the wagon something to do with a part of me realising that losing weight doesn't change who I am, only the way I look?
Am I only trying to lose weight because that's what I've done all my life - tried to lose weight? Kind of worrying, because if I did lose all the weight, what on earth would I do then? Put it back on so that I could lose it again? Is being a serial dieter just a habit I've fallen into?
This isn't going to be one of those posts where the light bulb moment results in a solution, so I'm sorry if you've read this far hoping for a pearl of wisdom, LOL. I woke up this morning (having spectacularly crashed and burned on the CD front last night) feeling rebellious and thinking, "I don't want to do CD today." But will having yet another day of eating whatever I want whenever I want do anything for me? I'm thinking it won't...
I haven't rebelled yet. So far, I've only had a couple of cups of tea and there's time to make this a good CD day. It's just that I so wanted to be well into ketosis by now. But obviously I didn't want it enough, did I? Cos I'd be there by now, right? Only it doesn't feel as simple as that.
Where the hell is my head at?? I just don't know anymore.
:lost:
Bit of a strange entry this. But I've been thinking, like you do on New Year's Eve, about all that I thought I'd achieve this year. I kind of thought I'd finally crack the weight thing and be zooming towards being a Size 12 (I'd say Size 10, but I can't even imagine that).
And then I had one of those odd, lightbulb moments. A moment in which I realised that actually, I can't work out what I'm dieting for anymore. Oh, I could tell you all the superficial stuff. I could tell you about wanting to walk into any clothes shop and just pick anything up and look good in it. I could tell you that it'd be great to pick up a Twix in a petrol station and not feel like everyone's looking at me and thinking, "Well, you don't need that, you fat cow!" (whether they are or not
)But here's the tricky thing. I've been dieting for as long as I can remember. Unsuccessfully, most of the time. There were a few fantastic months during 2008 when I felt pretty slim (I was still twelve stones something, so I wasn't really - but compared to nearly eighteen stones, that felt pretty slim, I can tell you.)
Trouble is, that feeling wears off. People stop commenting on the 'new you' because well, it's old news. It's a bit like how you feel when you've just had a baby. For nine months, the attention's been on you and your rapidly swelling belly and then boom, the baby's out of you and it's not about you anymore, it's about the bundle of joy in the carry cot.
Hmm, that makes me sound like I lost weight because I was attention seeking. Maybe I was, subconsciously.
But I still want to lose weight. I just can't figure out why. Am I only doing it in the hope that people will like me more? And if that's the case, is the reason I keep falling off the wagon something to do with a part of me realising that losing weight doesn't change who I am, only the way I look?
Am I only trying to lose weight because that's what I've done all my life - tried to lose weight? Kind of worrying, because if I did lose all the weight, what on earth would I do then? Put it back on so that I could lose it again? Is being a serial dieter just a habit I've fallen into?
This isn't going to be one of those posts where the light bulb moment results in a solution, so I'm sorry if you've read this far hoping for a pearl of wisdom, LOL. I woke up this morning (having spectacularly crashed and burned on the CD front last night) feeling rebellious and thinking, "I don't want to do CD today." But will having yet another day of eating whatever I want whenever I want do anything for me? I'm thinking it won't...
I haven't rebelled yet. So far, I've only had a couple of cups of tea and there's time to make this a good CD day. It's just that I so wanted to be well into ketosis by now. But obviously I didn't want it enough, did I? Cos I'd be there by now, right? Only it doesn't feel as simple as that.
Where the hell is my head at?? I just don't know anymore.
:lost:
AlyB
Full Member
Awwwww lily!
Im also a serial dieter, i turned 40 last month, and have been dieting since i was at school... always being the 'fat' kid etc..
but i guess in a way my 40th was the reason for the determination... i cant do anything about being 40, but i can do something about being fat! and fat AND 40 i couldnt handle!
youre right about all the attention, i get alot of it at the moment, but im also aware that people are now watching with keen interest to see if i put it all back on again as i have in the past!
Im 4lb off my goal weight, and get all sorts of comments, but i really thing despite all the nice things people say, theyre secretly hoping i put it all back on to justify what they think of CD as much as anything.. the old 'well its all very well but what will happen when you start eating again' thing..
Im determined to prove them all wrong, and can totally tell you now that losing the weight was for me. I feel sooooo much better in many ways, healthier, my legs and ankles feel relieved, i sleep better, im in a better mood all the time, things take far less effort.. and of course theres the buying chocolate without being looked at, and clothes shopping is a joy!
you do need to work out what works for you, and what will keep you focussed, even on the bad days. Loosing weight isnt easy, especially if youre head isnt right. I think it has to be for you, and for good solid reasons, so when you feel like giving in those reasons are strong enough to pull you through it.
Have a focus, say by next summer you want to look like x, and go for it! do you have an occasion coming up? a holiday? even thinking this time next year will do it...
Im also a serial dieter, i turned 40 last month, and have been dieting since i was at school... always being the 'fat' kid etc..
but i guess in a way my 40th was the reason for the determination... i cant do anything about being 40, but i can do something about being fat! and fat AND 40 i couldnt handle!
youre right about all the attention, i get alot of it at the moment, but im also aware that people are now watching with keen interest to see if i put it all back on again as i have in the past!
Im 4lb off my goal weight, and get all sorts of comments, but i really thing despite all the nice things people say, theyre secretly hoping i put it all back on to justify what they think of CD as much as anything.. the old 'well its all very well but what will happen when you start eating again' thing..
Im determined to prove them all wrong, and can totally tell you now that losing the weight was for me. I feel sooooo much better in many ways, healthier, my legs and ankles feel relieved, i sleep better, im in a better mood all the time, things take far less effort.. and of course theres the buying chocolate without being looked at, and clothes shopping is a joy!
you do need to work out what works for you, and what will keep you focussed, even on the bad days. Loosing weight isnt easy, especially if youre head isnt right. I think it has to be for you, and for good solid reasons, so when you feel like giving in those reasons are strong enough to pull you through it.
Have a focus, say by next summer you want to look like x, and go for it! do you have an occasion coming up? a holiday? even thinking this time next year will do it...
NumNums
Becca
I don't know what to say that will help hun.
I'd like to think you wont give up and when you reach your goal weight, you'll find what you've been looking for.
Thing is, people might not comment about your loss after a certain period. But boy they will think about it. And you should be proud about losing the weight and looking fantastic.
Being overweight makes everything in life hard. Walking, moving, shopping. Why make it harder on purpose when there is something you can do about it.
Sounds to me you've hit a low day hun and ya need a much needed kick in the jacksi to get you moving.
Don't give up hun, think of a much slimmer, healthier 2010.
For me, I think of walking into Ann Summers, picking out some underware without wondering how I'll hide all the buldges. Before my kids, I had the body of my dream. I don't blame them, I adore my kids. But I miss 'Becca'. 'Mum' has taken over and I don't feel like be anymore.
That's what I'm looking for... me.
I'd like to think you wont give up and when you reach your goal weight, you'll find what you've been looking for.
Thing is, people might not comment about your loss after a certain period. But boy they will think about it. And you should be proud about losing the weight and looking fantastic.
Being overweight makes everything in life hard. Walking, moving, shopping. Why make it harder on purpose when there is something you can do about it.
Sounds to me you've hit a low day hun and ya need a much needed kick in the jacksi to get you moving.
Don't give up hun, think of a much slimmer, healthier 2010.
For me, I think of walking into Ann Summers, picking out some underware without wondering how I'll hide all the buldges. Before my kids, I had the body of my dream. I don't blame them, I adore my kids. But I miss 'Becca'. 'Mum' has taken over and I don't feel like be anymore.
That's what I'm looking for... me.
AlyB
Full Member
youre right Becca, me is what i have found..
confidence in myself, and confidence to be myself again! I also have 3 kids, mine are getting older now, 18,14 and 11, so I have time for me again.
I have just passed my bike test and bought a Harley, something I know I would NEVER have done while i was a fat blob! and im loving the ann summers idea... its been YEARS since i had the confidence to even go in there!
x
confidence in myself, and confidence to be myself again! I also have 3 kids, mine are getting older now, 18,14 and 11, so I have time for me again.
I have just passed my bike test and bought a Harley, something I know I would NEVER have done while i was a fat blob! and im loving the ann summers idea... its been YEARS since i had the confidence to even go in there!
x
NumNums
Becca
I think the first thing I'll do when I reach my goal weight is go and get measured for underware to show off to my hubby. Losing the weight is about me and only me. I want to get that confidence back.
It's about feeling comfortable in your own skin. My mate is 18st and she is happy as 18st, it doesn't hold her back. But I'm not even happy at 12st.
It's about feeling comfortable in your own skin. My mate is 18st and she is happy as 18st, it doesn't hold her back. But I'm not even happy at 12st.
AlyB
Full Member
couldnt agree more!
I need to go to M&S and get measured properly! and get some nice underwear! theres nothing better, even if im wearing rubbish clothes to kick around the house in, knowing I have nice underwear underneath it!!
I also know people who say theyre happy the way they are, and they do seem to be, but I cant help wondering if theyre really being honest with themselves. Im sure if they were offered an instant slimming pill they would take it!
I need to go to M&S and get measured properly! and get some nice underwear! theres nothing better, even if im wearing rubbish clothes to kick around the house in, knowing I have nice underwear underneath it!!
I also know people who say theyre happy the way they are, and they do seem to be, but I cant help wondering if theyre really being honest with themselves. Im sure if they were offered an instant slimming pill they would take it!
mrsessex
Gold Member
Interesting thread
Im no more confident at my current size (12) than i was at size 22
Now that baffles me
Im no more 'happy' or 'confident' i was always happy and confident anwyay!
For me....its all about the practicalities of being slim.... better clothes/being able to swing around more with the kids/better sex! and everything else
If ya happy ....ya happy... weight rarely plays a part....being skinnier doesnt deal with head issues.
Im no more confident at my current size (12) than i was at size 22
Now that baffles me
Im no more 'happy' or 'confident' i was always happy and confident anwyay!
For me....its all about the practicalities of being slim.... better clothes/being able to swing around more with the kids/better sex! and everything else
If ya happy ....ya happy... weight rarely plays a part....being skinnier doesnt deal with head issues.
AlyB
Full Member
True, but if the major hang ups have always been weight related and the weight is conquered theres a massive confidence boost.
Its all about trying to work out what motivates a person to want to loose weight ultimately i guess, and the happy side effects the weight loss gives each person may well be different depending on motive!
I have always said loosing weight is 90% in the head.. get that right and the rest falls into place.. get it wrong.. and...
Its all about trying to work out what motivates a person to want to loose weight ultimately i guess, and the happy side effects the weight loss gives each person may well be different depending on motive!
I have always said loosing weight is 90% in the head.. get that right and the rest falls into place.. get it wrong.. and...
Laura Croft
Happily maintaining
Lily - that was a really good introspection about why are you doing this? The book Eating Less begins with talking a lot about our motivations for the weight loss and it's the deeper ones like good health that help people to stick with the program. I agree with you that your head needs to be in the right place to do this program.
Lily
Gold Member
I turned 40 on the 13 December.
Hence me thinking that I'd finally crack the weight thing this year. Actually, it didn't seem so bad. I told myself that I had a whole year of being 40 so I could get it done between now and next December instead...That was before I stepped on the scales the other day and realised that during December, I'd somehow managed to gain more than a stone in weight. It doesn't seem fair because it doesn't actually feel as though I ate that much. But if I'm being entirely honest with myself, I guess those small things (ahem, sweets mainly) added up to a whole stack of calories.
Yep. Been there. Am there. I've put back three stones of the five and a half I lost - which makes me feel terrible. I know it's not irredeemable, but I could kick myself.
That might just work.
It's a good idea, but I've found in the past that the occasion thing doesn't work for me. In fact, the bigger the occasion, the more I seem to struggle. It's very odd. For example, on 14 January I'm meeting up with some fellow ex-trainees for the job I've just become qualified for - we're having a posh-ish celebration event. These are people who've seen me at my fattest and thinnest - and so back in November when I first knew it was happening, I tried to get back on track. But I didn't... obviously. I don't get why that doesn't work - other than it being one of them self-fulfilling prophecy thingymajiggies. It could be. My mother had the same problem. I remember her dieting like mad for my sister's wedding, only to end up bigger than ever on the big day.
Just saying that by itself helps, thank you so much. :hug99:
You're so right. I also think (having just counted up on my fingers) I might have a particularly nasty case of PMT today...
The Ann Summers idea is interesting. Maybe
Thanks so much to both of you for your replies. :grouphugg:
I know I'm not alone in how I feel - I've just spent an hour in the 'Bring your head inside' forum reading posts just like the one I just made. There was some interesting stuff there about why the second time is so much harder than the first. I think I need to re-evaluate my reasons for doing this and why I want to get to slimdom. That first time I did CD - it was almost just to prove to myself (and everybody else) that I could lose weight. Now I know that it's possible. I just need to prove to myself that it's possible to stay slim.
coley144
Creating my life
I agree with Mrs Essex. I sorted out lots of my head issues before losing weight so I was happy fat. That way its not invested with so much meaning. I just wanted to be thinner and healthier.
Head stuff does affect your weight but losing weight might not solve them. Sometimes a good mental clear out is a good plan too. Especially if you want to keep it off.
Head stuff does affect your weight but losing weight might not solve them. Sometimes a good mental clear out is a good plan too. Especially if you want to keep it off.
Lily
Gold Member
LOL, what have I started?
I'm sure they would. Being fat and happy? I guess it's possible. But unlikely, in my humble opinion.
So true. I can vouch for all of that being true. Trouble is, I've always felt fat - even when I wasn't particularly fat. I was always bigger than my friends at school (who were all stick insects and couldn't put weight on even when they said they were trying), then bigger than my mates at college (hmm, I'm sensing a theme - am I just the fat friend?)
There's a confidence boost, it's true, but it doesn't last. At least, it didn't for me. It was more of a feeling of, "Now what?" Seemingly, I've got other issues I need to work through - but I don't actually know what they are! Or maybe it's simple. I like eating and I've got to learn to eat less.
I've read that book and others like it - but a long time ago. I remember there being a lot of stuff that made sense - but somehow, I never managed to put the ideas into practice. Maybe I'll have to try reading them again.
Thanks guys. Minimins is the best place in the world when you're having an off day...
I'm sure they would. Being fat and happy? I guess it's possible. But unlikely, in my humble opinion.
Interesting thread
Im no more confident at my current size (12) than i was at size 22
Now that baffles me
Im no more 'happy' or 'confident' i was always happy and confident anwyay!
For me....its all about the practicalities of being slim.... better clothes/being able to swing around more with the kids/better sex! and everything else
If ya happy ....ya happy... weight rarely plays a part....being skinnier doesnt deal with head issues.
So true. I can vouch for all of that being true. Trouble is, I've always felt fat - even when I wasn't particularly fat. I was always bigger than my friends at school (who were all stick insects and couldn't put weight on even when they said they were trying
), then bigger than my mates at college (hmm, I'm sensing a theme - am I just the fat friend?)There's a confidence boost, it's true, but it doesn't last. At least, it didn't for me. It was more of a feeling of, "Now what?" Seemingly, I've got other issues I need to work through - but I don't actually know what they are! Or maybe it's simple. I like eating and I've got to learn to eat less.
I've read that book and others like it - but a long time ago. I remember there being a lot of stuff that made sense - but somehow, I never managed to put the ideas into practice. Maybe I'll have to try reading them again.
Thanks guys. Minimins is the best place in the world when you're having an off day...
coley144
Creating my life
Trouble is, I've always felt fat - even when I wasn't particularly fat. I was always bigger than my friends at school (who were all stick insects and couldn't put weight on even when they said they were trying
Sorry had to quote that bit. I always felt fat too...all my life and was teased for being fat when really I wasn't that big at all (10 or 11 stone) ....but I felt huge.
Then one day I discovered I was 21st 9!!! My idea of myself had come true. Now I feel smaller than I did when I was 11 stone..even though I'm 14 stone! Headology plays a big part in all of this.
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