Lily's New Lease of Life

[Lily]

Sorry had to quote that bit. I always felt fat too...all my life and was teased for being fat when really I wasn't that big at all (10 or 11 stone) ....but I felt huge.

Then one day I discovered I was 21st 9!!! My idea of myself had come true. Now I feel smaller than I did when I was 11 stone..even though I'm 14 stone! Headology plays a big part in all of this.

I know!!! Same here. How weird is that?

So how do I become a happy fat person - when I don't want to be fat?

 

[coley144]

For me (and your answer may well be different) I had to sort out my emotional eating. Why did I eat rather than dealing with things? I had a lot of past issues to deal with so had counselling for them.

Then I looked at what being fat did for me. It made me feel safe, strong and taller (I'm quite short!) - it also made me miserable as I didn't want to struggle to move. But I think recognising what it does for you helps as you lose because when I feel unsafe (for example) I can say to myself 'You are no more safe fat' and by recognising it I get through it rather than over eat.

The last thing I did - the key to it all for me was to accept that I was in charge. I wasn't just a pawn of fate being thrown one way then the other. Life was what I made it. I was responsible for my life, what I do, what I say, what I eat, everything.

In the five years since I realised that I have got a much better job, found the love of my life and lost over 7 stone. Sometimes you just have to take life by the balls and pull!

 

[NumNums]

I'm just glad my ramblings have made sense and actually helped someone lol.

 

[Lily]

For me (and your answer may well be different) I had to sort out my emotional eating. Why did I eat rather than dealing with things? I had a lot of past issues to deal with so had counselling for them.

Hmm. There's certainly been some past issues and I've had counselling in the past - but I don't think I'm eating to deal with things. Not any more anyway. That certainly used to be true. Of course, I could just be kidding myself that those past issues are dealt with, but I honestly don't think that's it.

Then I looked at what being fat did for me. It made me feel safe, strong and taller (I'm quite short!) - it also made me miserable as I didn't want to struggle to move. But I think recognising what it does for you helps as you lose because when I feel unsafe (for example) I can say to myself 'You are no more safe fat' and by recognising it I get through it rather than over eat.

There are definitely advantages to being bigger - and older - I've found. You can hide behind weight, can't you? Not volunteer to do things and cite being 'too big' as a reason. Useful things like 'exercise'...

But people are generally nicer to you (not counting the lovely folks who shout, "Get out of the road you fat *****!" as you stagger across (happened at least once when I was bigger)). Because if you're fat, you're not a threat, are you? You're not going to steal your mate's boyfriend, are you? And you probably won't get that promotion that your work colleague wants just as much as you...

The last thing I did - the key to it all for me was to accept that I was in charge. I wasn't just a pawn of fate being thrown one way then the other. Life was what I made it. I was responsible for my life, what I do, what I say, what I eat, everything.

Yep. Of all you said, this resonates the most. I've got to stop being a victim of my out-of-control eating habits. Because those eating habits are only out of control because I've let them get that way, aren't they?

In the five years since I realised that I have got a much better job, found the love of my life and lost over 7 stone. Sometimes you just have to take life by the balls and pull!

Well... After much work, I've got the better job (not sure I actually want it now I've got it, but that's a whole other story... ). But you're right.

Now, whose balls shall I pull?

 

[coley144]

Maybe from what you've said you have cleared out past crap - so its just time to move forwards and grab life.

And whose balls? Hmmm...I'll leave that to you to decide! x

 

[Lily]

Maybe from what you've said you have cleared out past crap - so its just time to move forwards and grab life.

And whose balls? Hmmm...I'll leave that to you to decide! x

Thanks Coley :hug99:

Well, I'm going to take the rest of the day to figure out once and for all where my head's at.

And then tomorrow...

...I might just have to change the title of this thread to something even more positive. Something that contains no hint that secretly, I'm scared I'm going to screw it up again.

I'm a great believer in 'fake it till you make it', LOL. So maybe I could fake being good at CD until I actually realise that I'm not faking anymore, I'm doing it!

It's funny actually. When I was looking at some of the posts in the 'Bring your head inside' forum, I realised you could tell, just by reading the words people used, whether they were going to be successful on their road to Slimdom or not. Scary stuff. Of course, some of those people might just have lost all their weight but stopped posting there for some reason, but I suspect that most of them stopped posting because they didn't get to their slim destination.

But it made me realise just how powerful the words we use are - even when we're only writing to ourselves. If you're not careful, that negativity you're feeling ends up on the page - and makes things even worse.

In short, I suspect I'm guilty of having given up on myself before I've even got started... :busted:

How daft is that?

So yes, I need to do a lot of thinking today.

Thanks again to everyone who posted something after my first rant. I can't tell you how much it meant to me that people cared enough to reply. :grouphugg:

 

[AlyB]

it might be worth writing stuff on a piece of paper and put it somewhere you will see it every day.
Write down reasons you want to do this, make them powerful, and visual if you can!
maybe dig out some old photos? it helped me alot.. i dug out some pix of me at goal before, and it really helped to see the goal i was aiming for..
worth a try!
or the opposite, fine an awful pic and vow to move away from that image as soon as you can!

 

[NumNums]

Yeahhh,

Find a really really really bad picture you hate of yourself (we all have one!)

And put it on the fridge. Everytime you go near it, you'll have a reminder!

 

[Lily]

LOL. I have got some truly awful photos - one of which is in my photo album here.

But - and honestly, I'm not trying to be defeatest (is that spelt right??) - I'm quite capable of ignoring the photo on the fridge and diving inside. I've done it before.

Besides I can't go through the rest of my life avoiding fridges, can I?

It's a great idea and I don't mean to knock it - it must work for some people - but I think that for me personally, I need to rethink my whole attitude towards this getting slim and healthy lark. I want to move my focus from 'losing weight' to 'getting healthy'. I need to stop thinking about how impossible it feels right now that I could ever be ten stones something, and think more in terms of how much better I'd feel to be a stone less than I am now.

Smaller goals, maybe that's the key? Smaller, achievable goals?

 

[fitz]

Hi
Interesting post - I wanted to reply but I'm not really sure what to say. Your initial thoughts & thread rung very true to me.

I have had weight issues since I was probably around 13/14.
At just off 17stone I did Lighter Life in 2003. I was married at the time but although I adored my husband & he was very good to me, our marriage wasn't right. We weren't right together. Anyway,my whole life I have let my weight let me down. I have avoided people/places/occassions because I didn't have the confidence - hated the way I looked, hated the comments but still I allowed myself get even bigger. Used to set unrealistic targets & then beat myself up when I didn't achieve them.
I do have a problem with food,alot of pepole do not realise that food is an addiction in some cases. Alot of poeple have things that "get them through" life - good or bad - beit smoking/religion/drugs/drink/gambling - whatever - for me it is food.

Anyway, goin back to 2003 - I lost 7.5 stone with LL & the day I hit 9.4 on the scales me & my hubby split up.
Maybe because he thought I would then be stronger to handle it, maybe beacuse I had changed as a person, maybe because I was getting alot of attention.

Anyway, years have passed, we are the very best of friends now as we both realised that we just were not right together. I have had other realtionships, I have moved from a 3 bed det house with a merc sports car to now a 1 bed flat & an old clio. I have gained 4 stone of the load I lost, I've been happy, I've been sad & I've beat myself up SO MUCH. But you know what - I'm 41, I'm pretty tight on money, I'm single, but I'm also pretty much happy with my lot. Apart from the weight & I still have & always will have food issues.

I am currently on day 4 of Cambridge beacuse I know I will feel so much better with the weight back off - I also know that now I am strong enough to go get some help with my food issues.

Not really sure what this all means & if it is even related to your post but just wanted to say that your post made me put all this down.

I'm losing weight for ME because I know it will make me feel better & deal with the issues I have - by taking food out of the equasion for me gives me the time to reevalute. Everything else will still be the same- the same people will still ignore me, the same things will still annoy me but for me, losing the weight will helpme face the reasons why I put in on in the 1st place - does that make sense......

 

[Lily]

Aw, Fitz {{{hug}}}

I do have a problem with food,alot of pepole do not realise that food is an addiction in some cases. Alot of poeple have things that "get them through" life - good or bad - beit smoking/religion/drugs/drink/gambling - whatever - for me it is food.

Yep. Same here. But the problem with food is that you have to keep buying it...

I think in losing weight, you have to acknowledge that things might change, particularly if you've been overweight for a while. My own domestic set up is, how shall I put this? Interesting. And for a while there, I was afraid that if I lost weight, I might lose the status quo, that I might suddenly think that I wanted more from life and that things would no longer feel as 'safe'. For me, that didn't turn out to be the case, but it was definitely there at the back of my mind in the years before I did CD for the first time.

I'm glad you and your former hubby worked things out amicably.

I am currently on day 4 of Cambridge beacuse I know I will feel so much better with the weight back off - I also know that now I am strong enough to go get some help with my food issues.

When push comes to shove, that is what this is all about, isn't it? I'll feel better when I'm slimmer. It won't magically solve all my problems but at least I'll be fit enough to deal with them.

Not really sure what this all means & if it is even related to your post but just wanted to say that your post made me put all this down.

It's definitely related. :hug99: And if my ranting's actually helped someone think about why they're doing this too, so much the better. I was starting to feel really guilty about going on and on, especially as there'll be a lot of newbies to CD around over the next few days. Honestly - doing Cambridge has been one of the best things I ever done. That's why I want to do it again - and get it right this time!!

I'm losing weight for ME because I know it will make me feel better & deal with the issues I have - by taking food out of the equasion for me gives me the time to reevalute. Everything else will still be the same- the same people will still ignore me, the same things will still annoy me but for me, losing the weight will helpme face the reasons why I put in on in the 1st place - does that make sense......

Perfect sense. Thanks hun xxx

 

[AlyB]

I think its important that all newbies read stuff like this! nothing to feel guilty about!
Everyone needs to deal with issues of why they wound up overweight in the first place, otherwise the vicious circle will continue. Its only by understanding the reasons behind it that it will not happen again...

 

[** Just Jools **]

Just wanted to pop by & say hi. I'm new to CD & am starting on Saturday. You can do this Lily, just sort your head out & get going girl. Good luck hun. x x

 

[fitz]

Yep. Same here. But the problem with food is that you have to keep buying it...

This is EXACTLY it. I was, until recently - a Volunteer for the Norfolk Eating Disorders Assocciation & to see people be physically SCARED of food........

You wouldn't say to an alcoholic - ok we know you turn to drink when you feel down but just have 1 little drink per day & you will be fine !

We can be addicted to food but HAVE to have it everyday to stay alive - I think the key is finding ways to curb the addiction but the main thing is to find out exactly why we need to "turn to anything" when we feeldown - why can't we just react & deal with it ?? Funny old world eh & humans are such complex creatures

 

[Lily]

I think its important that all newbies read stuff like this! nothing to feel guilty about!
Everyone needs to deal with issues of why they wound up overweight in the first place, otherwise the vicious circle will continue. Its only by understanding the reasons behind it that it will not happen again...

Thanks Aly xxx I promise to let you all know if I ever figure it out...

Just wanted to pop by & say hi. I'm new to CD & am starting on Saturday. You can do this Lily, just sort your head out & get going girl. Good luck hun. x x

Thanks Frijj. I'm going to give it my best shot!

We can be addicted to food but HAVE to have it everyday to stay alive - I think the key is finding ways to curb the addiction but the main thing is to find out exactly why we need to "turn to anything" when we feeldown - why can't we just react & deal with it ??

Really good question. It seems to me that people on a weight loss mission often start substituting exercise for food, for example. Now obviously, exercise is a good idea, but not if all you're doing is swapping one addiction for another. You might say that being addicted to exercise is a better addiction than being addicted to food. But what if you get injured and can't exercise? What then?

LOL, I can't believe I just wrote that, because the chances of me getting addicted to exercise are almost nil. But it was just what I thought when I read the 'turn to anything' bit.

Hmm. Maybe I'm addicted to being on a diet...

 

[Lily]

Okay, the thread title has changed in honour of my fresh start. I thought about starting a new thread but figured it'd be best to stick with this one as there's some stuff in it that I need to read more than once.

Needless to say, this thread almost became entitled Lily Grabs Life by the Balls...

So...

Back on Day 1. Back at 15 stones exactly (but at least that's easy to remember ). Eventually, I'd like to make that 10 stones something, but my first goal is to be 13 stones something. That'll make me feel 'normal' again.

I ache in all manner of places today, as usual. My back hurts, my legs hurt. I'm writing this stuff down cos I want to be able to notice when these things stop hurting.

I have my Day 1 survival kit at hand: 750ml bottle of water and packet of paracetamol

I've booked seats at the cinema for Avatar for me, my son and my OH tonight so that when the munchies try to strike, I'll be wedged in the middle of the seating row and unable to do anything about them (luckily cinema 'food' doesn't appeal).

In short, I think I've done everything I can to make today successful. And it will be.

Thanks again to all of you who offered advice and support yesterday. I think it really helped to have a day where I could rail against what I need to do - and change 'need to do' to 'want to do'. And I do want this now. I can see that slim me waiting for me in June. I want those skinny jeans she's wearing!!

My very best wishes and positive vibes to everyone starting (and starting again) today - and to those who've managed to keep going through the Christmas period.

 

[NumNums]

You can get shake bottles off ebay and out of health stores that you can use to shake your milkshakes up and even take them places with you. You could always take one with you at the cinema. Maybe get some sugar free gum to keep your mouth busy.

Most of all, enjoy the film!

 

[Lily]

LOL, yes. Although I've never got on too well with those shakers. Still goes a bit lumpy, I find. Maybe my shaking action just ain't vigorous enough?

Sugar free gum's not always a great idea cos it can make you hungry. Something to do with stimulating stomach acid, I think. Best to avoid unless you're desperate, IMHO, but I know that others here chew away and have no problems whatsoever. Officially though, it's not allowed.

I have been known to take a frozen chocolate tetra to the flicks though, sad though that sounds. Tetras can make great ice cream, yum

 

[AlyB]

I usually take a cut up bar to the cinema if I go, but cinema food doesnt appeal to me either!!
Keep thinking of those skinny jeans Lily, they will be a reality!
good luck for today!

 

[Lily]

I usually take a cut up bar to the cinema if I go, but cinema food doesnt appeal to me either!!
Keep thinking of those skinny jeans Lily, they will be a reality!
good luck for today!

Thanks hun. I keep picturing myself, Paul McKenna style, LOL, stepping into that skinny person...

Hmm. Just tried a hot vanilla shake with a spoonful of coffee. Really thought I'd like it, but don't think I'll be trying it again! :sign0137: