LoChan's diary - hello!

[blackwidow]

bloody sickness monitoring - stresses you out more than being sick!

im still getting monitored because I had 2 weeks in hospital last january with serious gastroenteritis and 2 seperate days since then to now with migraines. I feel more stressed being off work ill than i do being at work because they put ridiculous amounts of pressure on you to be indestructible!! (how dare you be ill enough to take a day off )

is the weather still snowy down your end? we had hardly any up here - light covering is all. None of our roads got gritted though so still mayhem!

 

[LoChan1984]

No snow now except bits of slush here and there round here.

Went to the doctors, got a note for two weeks... she told me I just had a cold the tablets won't be having side affects at the low starting dose and that I should self-certify myself for the cold and that she wouldn't give me a note. I didn't understand 'cause she was offering me one last thursday and I just got frustrated and burst into tears

She hurried me out aswell for her next patient with a meek 'sorry' so now I feel like I'm a time waster and a liar and that there's nothing wrong with me :cry:

Feel like I just want to run off somewhere away from people so I don't be made to feel like I'm pretending or messing about. If I didn't have my son I probably would :sigh:

Carp I sound so f'ing miserable I'm sorry but I needed to get it out.

 

[LoChan1984]

Mnph my brother just phoned after I wrote my last post - he overheard me talking to my mum this morning and he's asked if there's any music/comedy gigs I would want to go to that he'd get tickets for... sweet but really awkward

I rang my dad before briefly to ask him to pick my son up from school and told him what I'd been doctors for... not sure if he misheard me or my mum's rung him up ('cause I rang her this morning) but he sounded weird like I'd said can he pick him up I'm stuck at work or something... suppose he just doesn't know what to say, and he was at work too

Scared now I've told them all today - makes it seem both real and unreal at the same time, bit overwhelming

 

[JackieN]

:bighug: :bighug: if you are depressed you are going to be feeling pretty rotten anyway :bighug: :bighug: and the doctor sure could have been more understanding sweetie Is there another one you can see?

You are not making it up you took a big step going in the first place so they should respect that.

Lo - my lovely I don't really know what to say but promise me one thing, talk, come on here, pm me, anything if you feel that low :bighug: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[LoChan1984]

I'm going to be seeing a different one next time I go on the 27th when my prescription runs out - just 'cause the one I saw today was booked out but I'm glad as I think I'd be too embarrased to see her again, at least for the next time I go.

I told her last week I had trust issues with doctors - I was trying to tell her how I'd been today in particular and she (to me) seemed really dismissive, and a bit annoyed that I hadn't asked for the fit note last week. I find it really hard to make decisions and was hoping I could just take the tablets and keep things quiet for a while and that's why I didn't ask for one

Mn sounds really mental to switch from one mood to the next so suddenly but I'm calming down a bit now. Waiting for my dad to bring my son back then think I'll go for a bath and read - I made myself go to the library and got some alice hoffman books out - going to overdo it and start reading practical magic and also going to watch the film tonight aswell. I'm not going to flop doing nothing or just sit next to my OH tuned out all night

 

[tillymax]

Stupid doctor

It's a good idea to tell your family. It is scary though when you tell the doctor and other people cos it makes it real.

 

[LoChan1984]

Feeling a bit better today - though I went back to sleep for the morning and got 'up' around half 12/1pm so it's not like I've been up long enough to have a bad day lol

Mn yeah feeling a bit stupid and embarrased about my posts from monday. Think I just snapped a bit from all that was going on and from telling work/parents/brother etc... Spent yesterday between moping and keeping busy and forgetting about potatoes on the stove/toast under the grill

Had my first physio appointment today which cheered me up because:

1) To my astonishment I was taken seriously, been given exercises, had my bad foot strapped up as it's playing up from overdoing things yesterday and I've got a repeat appointment in a fortnight and a referral to podiatry to talk about shoe stuff and possible ultrasound.

2) The therapist was really friendly and made me feel calm and unpatronised (which I was fretting over after the GP apt on monday )

3) He's a bloke and he's absolutely gorgeous Something to look forward to seeing in two weeks time again, though shan't tell my OH that

Bit odd having someone poking about at your feet... motified over having stubbly legs and cracked skin

Mn so yeah anywho, been to visit diaries today. Felt like something I needed to make myself do... my head's being really noisy atm and I'm fretting about being off work and going back. I don't really know how to relax, think the minimins nattering helps tune other stuff out for a little while. It's just making myself do things is really hard :sigh:

Anywho - we've got to build a bunk bed for my son's room tonight, it should keep my brain quiet too 'cause I'll be too scared of whacking myself with a hammer or stepping on a nail if I don't concentrate properly lol

I should be able to sleep tonight, like a very sore log

 

[broadsbean]

yeah thats our lo a much more positive post

i am very cross with your doctor, she sounds as if she needs a good slap

glad the physio went well and good looking as well bonus

:bighug: :bighug:

enjoy putting the bed together, bet you have one screw left over when you finish i always do:giggle:

 

[JackieN]

Glad your appt went well thats fab.

Lo until the tabs kick in you are feeling really out of sorts and anxious etc etc :bighug::bighug: hopefully once they kick in it will all settle abit for you. Glad you had some extra sleep lovely :bighug: xx

 

[Pomooky125]

Hi Lo

Have you booked the pedicure then?

Pomooky XXX

 

[tillymax]

It's hard to motivate yourself when you can't be bothered and have no concentration

I'm just gonna warn you this - I thought I'd started feeling better cos I didn't feel anxious. It only lasted a few hours and I've just as bad since. Today I've been really weepy again - although that could have been caused by Boyzone

We probably all react differently to meds so it might not do it to you

 

[LoChan1984]

It's hard to motivate yourself when you can't be bothered and have no concentration

I'm just gonna warn you this - I thought I'd started feeling better cos I didn't feel anxious. It only lasted a few hours and I've just as bad since. Today I've been really weepy again - although that could have been caused by Boyzone

We probably all react differently to meds so it might not do it to you

Tv just confused the hell out of me - I'd put on the biggest loser ep 2, was logging into here then I suddenly heard Pauline Quirke's voice and thought wtf when did I put birds of a feather back on again She was on an advert for Lighter Life lol

I'm a bit up and down myself Tilly - been fretting over the house being invaded today by a transport person doing an annual review for my son's school taxi in the mornings ('cause I work then, usually ). It wasn't too bad in the end, it's just the waiting around.

If I'm not allowed/can't sleep I'm just restless all the time 'cause I got told to do things by the doctor I feel like I can't stop or I'll just plop into a puddle on the sofa like a big jelly (there's an image for the overactive imagination ).

Doing finance things with the OH tonight Having to do some serious sorting out 'cause reckons that's a big problem for me. Been trying to go out with a small budget to learn that it's fine to go in a shop and buy things on a list and that's it. I keep panicking that I don't have enough money and I end up just staring at all the things in shops feeling lost not knowing what I want or what I need heh yeah and the mention of that Yours shop on Mandy's diary - I went looking at the link and went oooh and went to add it to my favourites when I stopped myself with 'what are you DOING?!' need to stop spending as a distraction/comfort

Think I should try and talk about some of this stuff when I go see the other GP in a few weeks (if they give me a chance). I keep thinking about that first visit where I thought she'd been very understanding but I feel a bit written off really - she just went on about it being a chemical imbalance when I know that's not the only thing that's going on. She asked about diet stuff so think that's the only bit she thinks is a factor - I tried mentioning work stuff but it got brushed off as being silly

Pleh, babbly burst again least it's mostly just embarrassing rather than weepy stuff today

Going to make a chicken biriyani for tea and I made cherry scones last night (can't afford to buy them from the bakery anymore ). Feels weird but nice to be doing a bit of cooking again

 

[*SugarPlum*]

Big Hug Lo...

It sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment & a lot of things are going through your head that are panicking you. :-(

I hope you start to feel a bit better soon, make sure you keep telling your OH how your feeling! If you weren't happy with your doc, make an appointment with another one. Don't stand any Cr@*p Hun!!

Take care of yourself and come in here and use your diary to express how your feeling! Take care Hunny! Xxx

 

[Lily42uk]

Hey sweetie :bighug:, OMG no wonder you keep disappearing with everything your going/putting yourself through....definitely don't let your doctor fob you off with any of her crap, how dare she make you feel like it's just being swept under the carpet :argh:, that happened to me for years, so I changed docs in the end cos they had me believing it was all in my mind, but new doc is dead opposite.
I won't tell you not to stress or worry cos I know you will (I seem calm but I do panic ..a lot), just try to be kind to yourself...oh and the bit about spending money as a distraction/comfort...did that too, to the tune of £77,000...which i feel really guilty about, but thankfully Mal was understanding and used the money from his inheritance to pay the debt.
Anyway, definitely this is your diary, don't you worry about ranting or sounding off, if you can't do it here where can you and you are amongst friends and anyone who doesn't like it knows where the exit is .:fear:
ooooh a lovely looking man playing with your feet, is it ok if I come visit, I'll help you hobble to your next appointment and I guarantee I won't mention Mr Gorgeous :drool: to OH :giggle:
Take care my lovely :hug99:xxxxx

 

[LoChan1984]

Mn restless and weird feeling today... binged yesterday (while watching biggest loser ) and again today (also watching biggest loser - is it rebellion against activity? ).

Money stuff was tiring and we didn't get through everything last night. OH has suggested I see if my dad can help out a bit so we can knock some of the higher interest debts down... scary.

Have seen my dad twice so far this week (told him monday and he picked my son up for me on wednesday while I was at my physio). It feels so odd, he's kind of being easy to talk to (about surface things at least) but at the same time it feels so unnormal for me it freaks me out

Think I probably will be asking for my note to get extended - I'm not really relaxing (don't know how to), I'm just clockwatching all the time waiting for something distracting to happen... heh and my concentration is wandering mid posting so should probably wrap it up, incomplete sounding...

School run with tim minchin on the ipod time. Possibly watching Flash Gordon tonight, Jackie's influence

 

[JackieN]

can't beat a cheesy film Lo :bighug: :bighug: definately get the note extended until you feel brighter. No point getting back to it too soon or it will just make matters worse :bighug: xxxxxx

 

[tillymax]

If the happy pills take two to four weeks to kick in, you're not gonna feel any different yet so do get the note extended until they start to work at least

 

[JackieN]

If the happy pills take two to four weeks to kick in, you're not gonna feel any different yet so do get the note extended until they start to work at least

and make sure you do the same :bighug: x

 

[tillymax]

and make sure you do the same :bighug: x

I'm good at telling other people what to do. Just seem to have a problem doing the same for myself

 

[Pomooky125]

Just a hello to you and to say I'm thinking of you. Fancy having to stress out with finances when you are off work! Still, once it's done you will have your head clearer and can forge ahead with something else. Good to hear you are back cooking again, some people find it therapeutic but it stresses me even more as it's usually rubbish.

I am going to make scones tomorrow. I nearly always chuck it away as I don't want my family to eat my offerings out of politeness (e.g. Mmm lovely, very moist - they mean WET). There is a queue of desperate sparrows outside already (only the ones who haven't tried my baking before).

Big hug Pomooky XXX