Looking for my slimmer, happier self.

[poko]

I've had my chicken and mushroom soup which was very tasty as always. But I'm still hungry!

I'm getting ready for work very slowly and of course my lemon yoghurt bar is the first thing that's gone in. If I'm lucky I might get to eat it around 4am.. my tummy is rumbling already.

Nightshifts are hard work if it's quiet and my job you never know if you'll not sit down all night and catch 3 babies or if no one will be in labour so you're left to sit and wait which makes it even more difficult to stay awake. I'm hoping to be kept going. I might claim I'm doing SS+ to have some milk in the coffee I will most probably be having. And I might forgive 1 chocolate a night to keep my energy up. Surely that wouldn't knock me out of ketosis!?

 

[katsparkle]

sugar is what will knock you out of ketosis, you are better off eating some chicken or eggs or something savoury or not processed, peanuts maybe or almonds if you are really stuck. when i was on the atkins and was desperate for a snack on ketosis i would eat smoked almonds, they totally saved me.

 

[poko]

Oh no! Really struggled last night as I picked up the wrong bag and left my Cambridge at home! so I HAD to eat something. And when I said I HAD to, in my job if you're really tired it can result in making the wrong decisions which can determine life and death. But the only thing that was on offer was cake!! A lovely homemade cake to say farewell to another valued colleague. It was already sliced and I sliced it in half again.

I had a very unsupportable friend telling me I'm definitely going to put on all my weight.

I needed sugar to keep me going. I'll definitely remember my Cambridge tonight and I'm moving on.

 

[katsparkle]

It sounds like you made the right choice poko don't beat yourself up about it these things happen. Once you get the sugar out of your system and are in mitosis you will find you don't need the sugar. It's probably a tough diet to do on your scheduling but chin up, it will be fine.

And don't worry about insecure supportive friends, if you lose the weight then it's up to you to maintain it and its not their business. I think it comes down to people getting used to us in a certain role and being uncomfortable when we try to change. Don't fret about eating cake, like you said you had no choice.

 

[katsparkle]

Not mitosis my tablets Autocorrect has a funny sense of humour

 

[poko]

Nightshift number 2 done. No pieces of cake for me! Cambridge only! BACK ON TRACK!

 

[katsparkle]

well done

 

[Selphie]

Hi poko! I used to work nightshifts in a home for dementia and altzheimer's sufferers so I remember what they can be like. At least when you're busy you don't have time to think about eating, but you're right you do need to eat something or you won't have enough energy to do your job. That was a silly thing for your friend to say, she should have known you had no choice! Don' worry I'm sure you will have burnt off the cake by the end of your shift anyway. I've slipped up the last 2 weekends and had a couple of drinks on nights out, but my weight loss has still been good, so no harm done!

 

[poko]

Now that I'm not nightshift and I'm awake enough I think it's time for another diary entry!

So once I got into the swing of things in regards to nightshift and when to eat my products it was ok. I sleep and not eat during the day which does help the diet! I was worried that the cake might have been too much as when stepping on the scales it had changed by a pound. . So I thought "well, I'll go out for dinner if it's not going to make a difference!!"

And I did. I behaved though, I only had water to drink and had a fairly healthy main meal with no sides. Then I got my period! Sorry if that's too much information but I definitely think that the time of the month effects weight loss. So I haven't beat myself up for having dinner - it was nice to join in with the outside world!! Haha

Anyway, I should of just waited until the morning because when I got up and weighed myself I had lost 5lbs!! I think my body just needed a day to recover from nights as I've often found it's harder to lose -maybe that's an excuse but I'm sure it's not!

Anyway not only did I lose 5lbs (on my scales as CC still on holiday) I went shopping and bought a size 12 dress that fitted!!!

It's working!!

 

[katsparkle]

yay! well done

 

[poko]

I've been working and working and working recently. Out of 25 days I've worked 21. I'm not hungry but I'm exhausted. On the odd occasion I've had a very tiny chocolate egg or cupcake for a sugar boost to keep me awake and going. I have weigh in on Tuesday and I'm dreading it. It's not until half 4 and I definitely can't wait until then to have my first product. I know you shouldn't weigh yourself between weigh ins let alone everyday but my weight fluctuates from 11st12 down to 11stone5 which is a HUGE difference. I just hope come Tuesday it's not the upper reading. Time will tell. I hope the inches show a difference!

 

[poko]

I've been 100% again today and feeling better for it. I had a lovely walk in the sunshine with the dogs and feeling positive.

I've since got home and had a phone call from my parents to let me know that my Gran is getting home from hospital after a very long 9 week stay. Unfortunately she's getting home to allow her to die with dignity in her own bed surrounded by family.

I'm 350 miles away and now need to make the decision when to go home. She gets out on Thursday and can last anything from 2 days to 2 months. I've got holidays from work next Friday and I've been assured I can wait until then. I just don't know what to do. I can't keep taking time off work if it's a false alarm but I would feel awful if I missed her.

My weigh in is the last of my worries but I'm going to keep going on Cambridge for now because if I get to see my gran again I want her to see a thinner, healthier me before she goes. I don't want her worrying about me.

 

[katsparkle]

its a very hard decision i understand, i have had to make that choice a couple of times in the past. the last time was for my nan and i missed her by one day, i was going to introduce her to my boyfriend, who is now actually my husband, it was very upsetting. if you have time off next week then use it x

 

[poko]

It's a horrible decision to make! I'm definitely going home next Friday it's just making the decision if I need to go earlier.she gets out on Thursday and we'll just need to see how well she copes...

Anyway it's weigh in day for me. I've lost a total of 5lbs in two weeks which is ok since I've cheated every other day, gone on several social events. Time to focus and get back in gear. I'm hoping this will be my last week of soul source and I'm going to do it right! I'm doing it for my gran. Let's make her proud!

 

[katsparkle]

well done on the loss- thats pretty good considering how much you have struggled! well done x

 

[poko]

Doesn't this beautiful weather make it so much easier to stick to diets, keep up the water intake and go outside and enjoy a bit of gentle exercise! I know my mood is always better when the sun is shining. So I'm going to get my bum in gear and get out the house before I start my work at 2pm. I'm being positive today, I hope you are too!!!

 

[Selphie]

Congrats on doing so well and buying your bikini!! I'm struggling at the moment but it's good to read that you're doing well still. I'm back on the shakes today It's also good to hear the great British bake off is on again! I love that show. But maybe I should wait until later to start watching it! Could be hard viewing!

 

[poko]

Just an update - I have had LOADS of food.

My gran was discharged early from hospital because she was so unwell and she wants to die in her own home. Understandably all the family is gathering in mass to spend as much time with her as possible as we still can.

My gran is a famously good cook and the last few days have been filled with family making "Gran classics" and I'm not ashamed to say I've been eating them. If I know there is going to be an evening meal I will only have a Cambridge for breakfast.

I'm not feeling guilty about eating through. In the whole scale of things if I look at my diet precambridge I have still massively cut back. If my dying Gran wants all the family round for what could be one last meal, I'm going to eat it, enjoy it and tell my CC where to go if she tells me I shouldn't have!

 

[Nikie]

Oh hun I'm so sorry

This is in no way the same situation at all but I just wanted to share my epxerience with you.........

When it was nearing my 30th birthday party I was really in the zone and decided that I wouldn't come off plan for my birthday and wouldn't drink......my consultant and fiance both disagreed with me and convinced me otherwise. They said had it been my 29th or 31st fair enough....but my 30th was going to be a big deal and my consultant pointed out that in years to come I would always remember that I didn't really celebrate my 30th for the sake of a diet which I could go straight back on afterwards. My point is; we are motivated and we are doing bloody well on this diet BUT sometimes we need to make decisions which are best for us. Some of us at my work have started going for breakfast on pay day (so once a month)....I've already told them I won't be doing it for the next couple of months but I know that they'll still be doing it once I am off plan and I won't have missed out. If a friend of mine who I haven't seen for years was coming to visit me for one night only, that would be different and I would take a night off plan.

I'm aware that my examples are flippant compared to your actual situation and please don't think I'm trying to trivilise this. My point is, if you said to your family 'I'm sticking to plan and not eating Gran's food' in all reality, you would miss out on ever eating her food again. For the sake of getting to goal 2 weeks quicker?! It would be crazy.

I can be quite hard on people here, and I don't have much patience for people who say that they are motivated and then a day later write that they had a massive binge. Only because I've been that person so many times and I know they are setting themselves up to fail, as I did.

Please enjoy your time with your family.

 

[katsparkle]

i agree with what nikie said, its a hard time for you and you should be focussed on your nan and spending time with your family and not so concerend with the food thing.

that being said i have been good for 6 weeks and then tonight i sucked lol. i didnt have a massive binge but i feel like i have and i feel like a failure. btut im going to dust myself off and start again tomorrow, be happy when kids go back to school on tuesday i am amazed i did so well on the easter break to be honest. still lost 34lbs in 5 weeks so i am happy. just dont want to lose all my willpower now.

also going to change my weigh in days to friday if possible - i am always really good the first couple of days after weigh in because i am motivated and so i figured that they shoulod be the weekend asn i struggle the most with sundays because its the last day and my family are all around, at least this way i can be on my own for the last few days before weigh in.