Lost & Found... Map Gone AWOL!

[Greeneyes11]

I agree Laura, I have cravings all the time, sometimes I crave a glass of red wine, but summon willpower to resist as I feel for me these are wasted calories and the water retention it causes isn't worth the bother, although did have a cocktail when we were in London for our anniversary... probably why it took so long afterwards to get rid of the weight... lol I also crave other things but wont give into the cravings, not even once because then I may be lost forever.... lol I would defiantely not have had fish and chips like Bess did the other night as I am refusing to put unhealthy food into my body, so if I do overeat it is on healthy food, I wont go back down the unhealthy food route.... I am so frightened it would set me on a slippery slope back to fatness... and I refuse to go there, I am enjoying being able to go into a shop and fit into a size 8 or 10 jeans too much... lol

 

[Laura Croft]

I agree Laura, I have cravings all the time, sometimes I crave a glass of red wine, but summon willpower to resist as I feel for me these are wasted calories and the water retention it causes isn't worth the bother, although did have a cocktail when we were in London for our anniversary... probably why it took so long afterwards to get rid of the weight... lol I also crave other things but wont give into the cravings, not even once because then I may be lost forever.... lol I would defiantely not have had fish and chips like Bess did the other night as I am refusing to put unhealthy food into my body, so if I do overeat it is on healthy food, I wont go back down the unhealthy food route.... I am so frightened it would set me on a slippery slope back to fatness... and I refuse to go there, I am enjoying being able to go into a shop and fit into a size 8 or 10 jeans too much... lol

Ugh. You are so inspirational. So what kinds of things do you do when you have cravings?

 

[Katycakes]

Hmmm, you two are way stronger than me. I didn't really have cravings again until two months or more into maintenance, but then they just about knocked me off my feet. I would happily live in a world without them, as when in their grip every hour of every day seems to be a huge battle, and that takes up so much energy I would prefer to use in other ways!

As for temptation, I suppose it is different for all of us. And we probably have different ideas of what is healthy/unhealthy, too, to some extent. I can happily say no to alcohol, especially as one of the few drinks I like is baileys, which just so happens to be the most calorific! Typical! And I gave in to lure of chip-shop chips the other day, and didn't feel bad - for me, they are not a trigger food and such a rare treat. But biscuits, choc, cake, ice-creams like the ones you had in London Greeneyes... all of those are very dangerous territory for me. I'd rather live in world without them, but failing that, removing the cravings would do!

I know I am asking for a lot, but this addictive desire and trying to keep a lid on it... it exhausts me. Would so love to be back where Greeneyes is, very easy around food, or where Bess is, which also seems very sensible and relaxed.

Sigh. Funny how when you lose the plot, you lose it big-style. Or come to think of it, not funny at all...

xxx

 

[Greeneyes11]

When I get cravings I refuse to move from where I am I sit there and battle them in my head until someone comes along and I then have something else to think about. I know if I refuse to move my body from where I am sitting I cannot go get anything to eat.... unfortunately I have a problem when on my own all day and have to sit and battle them, normally I will have something like a piece of fruit istead of whatever it is I am craving... I also try not to keep anything in the house with which to binge on, which is why I dont make cakes and bread too often, and I would feel too guilty eating biscuits and crisps that I had bought for the children. The other night I did eat 3 oreo biscuits which I was very unhappy about, Sunday it was, the boys have a biscuit tin in my bedroom and they are allowed 2 biscuits before bed, one of them put a pack of oreos in there and I asked for one which I ate, when they left the room I sneaked another 2, but did shut the tin between each one as I had no intention of eating that many.....

 

[Katycakes]

I haven't thought of it as being that basic - imagining myself to be stuck to the seat or whatever! Thanks Greeneyes, any tactic is worth a try at this point! Am not posting food this week, and there is a reason for that... nothing good to post. I agree, feel bad taking kid's stuff, but the same guilt does not apply to raiding food originally meant for the builders... sigh.

Better sign off, sofas are arriving in half an hour! Eek!

xxx

 

[LizzMB]

Hmmm, you two are way stronger than me. I didn't really have cravings again until two months or more into maintenance, but then they just about knocked me off my feet. I would happily live in a world without them, as when in their grip every hour of every day seems to be a huge battle, and that takes up so much energy I would prefer to use in other ways!

As for temptation, I suppose it is different for all of us. And we probably have different ideas of what is healthy/unhealthy, too, to some extent. I can happily say no to alcohol, especially as one of the few drinks I like is baileys, which just so happens to be the most calorific! Typical! And I gave in to lure of chip-shop chips the other day, and didn't feel bad - for me, they are not a trigger food and such a rare treat. But biscuits, choc, cake, ice-creams like the ones you had in London Greeneyes... all of those are very dangerous territory for me. I'd rather live in world without them, but failing that, removing the cravings would do!


xxx

Oh my hun, i'm in exactly the same place as you by the sound if it! the energy taken up my fighting off cravings and resisting is consuming everything!
Chocs/cakes/sweets etc are my worst nightmare at the moment!
Really feel your pain and struggles hun!
xxx

 

[Bess]

I would defiantely not have had fish and chips like Bess did the other night as I am refusing to put unhealthy food into my body,

The other night I did eat 3 oreo biscuits which I was very unhappy about, Sunday it was, the boys have a biscuit tin in my bedroom and they are allowed 2 biscuits before bed, one of them put a pack of oreos in there and I asked for one which I ate, when they left the room I sneaked another 2, but did shut the tin between each one as I had no intention of eating that many.....

Well Linda, Oreo's are so much better for you than a few chips! :8855:

 

[Greeneyes11]

I know Bess, but what I meant is that I am trying my best not to go down the fatty food route as I know once I taste it again I would want more, so to not eat it at all staves off that problem for now, same with chinese food, sometimes I crave a chicken curry, but we often used to have a chinese takeaway and we worked there delivering and got free meals, so I refuse to have a chinese takeaway as I know then i would want more... didn't mean it to sound like I was disapproving, I was really trying to point out that the less fatty food or high calorie food I can avoid stays out of my diet for now, once I eat it once, I would have no problems eating it again. At the moment fish and chips are not a craving...

 

[Katycakes]

Y'know if we could all shake off our particular trigger foods... wouldn't that be cool? If I could exercise the control I have with chips say, and apply it to biscuits... THEN that'd be progress! I also think we have our phases of control and then times where we are more wobbly, and the trick is to stay steady during the wobbles. (It's a trick I don't have the hang of yet alas!).

I do think though that I am absorbing more helpful lessons NOW when I am not in great fettle, than a couple of months back when I felt pretty safe and invincible. I just need to be able to put what i have learned into practice! I do so want to be in a comfortable-with-food zone like Bess & Greeneyes. It is scary Lizz how fast it can swing around, as not long ago you were safely in that zone too... I hope your stay in crave-land is short honey!

We have to learn from each other and support each other when things get tricky. I seem to have a good week followed by a wobbly week, a pattern emerging... sigh. Gotta break that pattern.

In other news, our sofas have arrived & they are beautiful but HUGE... friends arrived as the sofas did, so have not moved any more furniture around... that will be tomorrow's job.

xxx

 

[Laura Croft]

Errr Katie - don't know if it helps you but to get back on track, I found either posting what I planned to eat helped or even posting what I had eaten. It was a real wakeup call to see it written on the screen and stopped me getting into the 'I'll post tomorrow' cycle. x

 

[Kira]

Just caught up on thread since my mad suggestion of reducing carbs/Atkins type approach! Other posters (especially Porgeous/Georgie) were spot on and of course the fact you are a veggie Katy that wouldn't help! Just really relate to what you are going through. Partly because I did a similar thing when I lost last year on CD and slowly managed to gain all the weight I lost and also because I fear I am going to face the same issues as you Katy when on maintenance. I really think that is the most difficult bit on any weight loss programme. So for those like us Katy (emotional eaters) is it always going to be work in progress insofar as maintaining loss goes? New day, new start make it a good one for you. x

 

[Wales]

Morning Katy, hope you are your huge sofas as well. We have a massive sofa which I am addicted to (so comfy when using the laptop!)

Cravings and trigger foods are a funny thing. Pre CD I used to overeat on cheese, I was veggie for 12 years from my mid teens and all I really ate (yes for 12 years!) was cheese. Since coming off CD I have not had a piece of hard cheese and it has been the easiest thing to conquer. I don't know if I could just do a small piece, but I feel in a way like if I take just one piece it could lead on to a huge slippy slope that I don't want to go down. I am about to post on my diary about a very bad day yesterday with cake, but I kind of feel ok about that as 99% of the time I can take or leave it.

Don't really know what I am trying to say here really - think it is too early for my brain. But I think it is that I seriously know that the majority of the weight I lost was cheese, the next big proportion was alcohol. If these foods were people who had come up to me and dropped a half a pound of fat on me every time I saw them I wouldn't be inviting them round my house anytime soon. I think that is my version of Linda sticking herself to the sofa.

Mind you I am very early on into this eating again malarky, and have still to endure the festive cheese and wine season!!!

Hope you have a great day x

 

[Katycakes]

Kira, I know... it's disheartening for me to be going through al of this when I thought I had it beaten, but then again the fact that I am still here and still trying has to count for something! One way of another I am going to get this sorted. And I am happy that it's a new day... new start... still every chance that it can be a good one.

Wales, I LOVE the analogy of not inviting choc, biccies & cake to my house anytime soon... 'friends' that are anything but! That & Greeneyes 'stick to the sofa' image really help, in a funny way! Two new tactics to apply!

And Laura, you are right as well, not posting is a way of letting myself draw a veil over the things I have eaten. Part of me doesn't want to post binge eats in case it upsets other people though. Let's just say that yesterday 'included' a whole pack of 2-finger kit-kats... about 1000 cals or more. So, not good. Today:
porridge, skim-milk, berries, 0% yog
plans: 2 boiled eggs, granary toast
quorn & veg stirfry
Lets see how reality matches up to plan.

xxx

 

[Wales]

(at least they were 2 finger and not 4 )

And you now have a lovely sofa to stick yourself too!

And you have given me inspiration, I have eggs in the fridge so I might make boiled eggs for breakfast...

 

[LizzMB]

And Laura, you are right as well, not posting is a way of letting myself draw a veil over the things I have eaten. Part of me doesn't want to post binge eats in case it upsets other people though. Let's just say that yesterday 'included' a whole pack of 2-finger kit-kats... about 1000 cals or more. So, not good. Today:
porridge, skim-milk, berries, 0% yog
plans: 2 boiled eggs, granary toast
quorn & veg stirfry
Lets see how reality matches up to plan.

xxx

i think its important even just writing down the food you have eaten! You will be identify the problems etc and any emerging patterns as well!
I dont think people can get upset about you posting on your diary about your binges if it helps hun!
Seeing it in black and white might help with the shock to the system that you need at the moment!

I spend a lot of time with gritted teeth...its the only way i get through my cravings!
I also spend a lot of time looking at various food online....dont know why this helps but it does! I never actually buy anything, but i fill my online basket with loads of naughty food...and then press the close button on it and it kind of shits a lid on the craving for a period of time!
considering thursday was such a bad day for me, i still managed to sit in subway while DH ate a footlong sub...and i had my water! So i know that i, and you as well, have some strength there....its just about applying it to the food we REALLY love! HHhmmmmm.....harder than i thought!

today is a new day, with new hope and new promise!
Instead of allowing yourself to binge....might be worth sitting down with a biscuit on a plate for 5 minutes (time yourself) and ask yourself WHY you want the biscuit! If you have a REEEEAAALLLLYYY good answer then its a justified use of calories, if not, then put it back or give it to the family etc. Do this EVERY time you get into binge mode and i hope it makes you so bored that you go off the idea!

xx

 

[Laura Croft]

And Laura, you are right as well, not posting is a way of letting myself draw a veil over the things I have eaten. Part of me doesn't want to post binge eats in case it upsets other people though. Let's just say that yesterday 'included' a whole pack of 2-finger kit-kats... about 1000 cals or more. So, not good. Today:
porridge, skim-milk, berries, 0% yog
plans: 2 boiled eggs, granary toast
quorn & veg stirfry
Lets see how reality matches up to plan.

xxx

Do you mean upset people as in trigger people? Well they are on the 1000 - maintenance forum so they should expect to hear food mentioned, and if you are worried about triggering them with binge talk, put a binge talk warning before your email. This is your recovery Katy - you need to do what's right for you.

 

[Katycakes]

Good question... yes, that is what I meant. But also, if I am honest, don't want to let people down or annoy them by listing my failings. And that of course is all about my need to be liked, and why i am happier in my skin when doing well, as opposed to when struggling, as I do not get the approval I crave. I am always amazed anyone still bothers with me now that I am not 'succeeding'. In my head, if i am not doing well, I don't deserve to have any support.

Bit deep for so early in the morning... but you did ask!

xxx

 

[Laura Croft]

Good question... yes, that is what I meant. But also, if I am honest, don't want to let people down or annoy them by listing my failings. And that of course is all about my need to be liked, and why i am happier in my skin when doing well, as opposed to when struggling, as I do not get the approval I crave. I am always amazed anyone still bothers with me now that I am not 'succeeding'. In my head, if i am not doing well, I don't deserve to have any support.

Bit deep for so early in the morning... but you did ask!

xxx

You aren't alone in feeling like that but surely you recognise those as behaviours and thoughts that you can change. It's not easy to change old thought processes but you can do it.

 

[KD]

Remember Katy, that this diary is for YOU. It's to put down your thoughts and feelings and if anyone doesn't like them, then they can look elsewhere

As for seeking approval. Yeah. Know about that one, but it's so fragile. What if people don't approve? What if they approve but forget to say? What if they become jealous? What if they are caught up in their own problems and don't think you need approval?

A much firmer foundation lies with approving of yourself as you are the only one that can control that.

I used to think that meant I had to believe I was perfect, or beautiful, or clever, or kind....blah blah. But, I couldn't do that because I knew much of that wasn't true and if felt too self obsessed, narcissistic, which wasn't me really (I hope ) Even trying to think positively about myself could bring me down further.

I found my peace in acceptance. Accepting that I wasn't perfect, that I made mistakes....but it was okay, because I have other things, and I was working at bits I didn't like. I could hone into that. My self esteem really grew when I looked to myself for it, rather than look outside.

It doesn't mean I'm totally 'cured' of this. I still like to get the approval of others for things that you would never imagine. I don't get it. I get approval for things that aren't so important to me...the things I know I can do, but not for the things that I'm not sure in myself about...which is a fat lot of good

Years of searching out this approval has been fruitless. It's never been enough to satisfy my needs and has damaged more than mended and has had to be worked on from inside. Getting there...tough though.

Learn to approve of Katy. Learn to accept that you can make things happen. Learn to accept that being imperfect makes life much more interesting

 

[DisneyParis]

Brilliant post. KD, I remember you once said "the key to maintenance isn't perfection, but finding the balance you can live with" - hope l've quoted you correctly.