Lost & Found... Map Gone AWOL!

[Katycakes]

Wow... when you open up the lid and drag a nasty bit of truth out, squirming, red-faced, someone comes along and gives you something wonderful. KD - and Dis - thanks so much. KD, I know this, but choose not to apply it to myself. I know that's crazy, and I don't want to BE crazy, and finally I think I have to listen and accept and get on with it. Self-pity, I am so sick of it.

And Dis, the balance thing... that word crops up so much for me, I know it is significant. My work/family life is so out of balance, and that tilts so many other things out of kilter also, and produces the stress that I know is a factor in a lot of my food issues. You can do the thinking, sort out better ways to handle emotional triggers, but work is hard for me and bingeing has helped me to get through certain parts of it for a long time now.

Balance. Acceptance.

While you two were posting your lifelines, for which I am VERY thankful, I went looking for one of my own. I began to read my diary from the start... and reached halfway, up to where it began to go wrong. It has helped to have some advice from my ghostly self. It helps to see how easy it seemed, how natural, how GOOD it was to be that way.

I want to be in that place again, and I know I can't go back there, but I CAN go forward to the same place, stronger too, because of the trials of these two months.

Easy to say, but something has changed, I swear it. And words are easy, but actions will follow.

Big hugs... to KD, Dis and the ghost of KatyPast. Is that the start of acceptance? I hope so.

xxx

 

[miss jelly tot]

Hi Katy, just popping by. KDs post is great (as usual) and this is so true

Remember Katy, that this diary is for YOU. It's to put down your thoughts and feelings and if anyone doesn't like them, then they can look elsewhere

Easy to say, but something has changed, I swear it. And words are easy, but actions will follow.

Good for you I havent had time to catch up completely but will PM you later so I dont take over your diary x

 

[DisneyParis]

Katy, l smiled a big smile when l read your post there. Sending you a big hug.
Better go - must set off for Tesco now!

 

[Bess]

I know Bess, but what I meant is that I am trying my best not to go down the fatty food route as I know once I taste it again I would want more, so to not eat it at all staves off that problem for now, same with chinese food, sometimes I crave a chicken curry, but we often used to have a chinese takeaway and we worked there delivering and got free meals, so I refuse to have a chinese takeaway as I know then i would want more... didn't mean it to sound like I was disapproving, I was really trying to point out that the less fatty food or high calorie food I can avoid stays out of my diet for now, once I eat it once, I would have no problems eating it again. At the moment fish and chips are not a craving...

I know love, I was teasing you. :hug99:

 

[Bess]

If these foods were people who had come up to me and dropped a half a pound of fat on me every time I saw them I wouldn't be inviting them round my house anytime soon. I think that is my version of Linda sticking herself to the sofa.

This is really good Wales, a brilliant way of seeing things. I'll remember this.

 

[Bess]

(at least they were 2 finger and not 4 )

And you now have a lovely sofa to stick yourself too!
.[/QUOTE

Ha ha!! :8855:

 

[Katycakes]

Actually, sofas may be a great deterrent to bingeing... NOT getting choccy on them, no matter what!

xxx

 

[Bess]

Good question... yes, that is what I meant. But also, if I am honest, don't want to let people down or annoy them by listing my failings. And that of course is all about my need to be liked, and why i am happier in my skin when doing well, as opposed to when struggling, as I do not get the approval I crave. I am always amazed anyone still bothers with me now that I am not 'succeeding'. In my head, if i am not doing well, I don't deserve to have any support.

Bit deep for so early in the morning... but you did ask!

xxx

This isn't a surprise Katy, I can see this in your character, in the posts you make. I'm sure others can too.
But I look out for you most days when I'm not away working and looking at the number of viewings of your thread so do a lot of other people. So, this means that you are very much liked, and cared about it doesn't it?
From your posts we can also see that you are intelligent, kind, caring, thoughtful, a good friend, partner and mother. No 'yes, buts' from you now!
I know there's all the other stuff, as Laura says, we all have that. Just be glad to be human, flawed and loveable. The rest will all come right in time. x

 

[Bess]

Katy, I looked at the Harcombe diet and couldn't find much specific information about the diet. She mentions 3 common health issues that affect weight losses and cravings and I think one of these might be Candida overgrowth and probably other sugar related problems.

I'm guessing here that one of her answers might be following a low GI diet, which should keep hunger and therefore hopefully cravings at bay. But there is something called L Glutamine which is suppose to help with cravings. Might this help as a temporary measure until you gain back some balance? x

 

[Katycakes]

The Harcombe I think is about having fats and carbs at different meals, & this is meant to stop cravings. The three 'sources' of cravings are meant to be candida, food intolerances, & hypoglaecaemia (or something... low blood sugar?). I have wondered if I might have the first, more than once. I crave sweet things and also vinegary things, and have for a long time. I often felt tired, too. Recently saw an old friend who went on an anti-candida diet, lost lots of weight & looks about 10 years younger.

BUT... maybe I am just looking for another quick fix? Looking back over my diary I didn't have too much trouble with cravings until I started eating sliced bread & too many cakes etc, so these will be first changes. Back to wheaten bread, soda bread, sprouted wheat bread & pitta. And back to mashed banana as a source of sweetness. When I binge on sugar, I feel tired & muddled & foggy anyway, so may be candida, may just be sugar fog. End result is the same. What I was doing there worked... so I can do it again.

I will look out for the Harcombe book, but I think the one on overeating she has done may be more use to me than the diet ones. I would rather get this sorted myself than buy into a quick fix... I think I can do it.

Have eaten 2 quorn fillets with ketchup and rocket & pitta, instead of boiled eggs I planned, but very happy with that. Plan a CD hot choc mid afternoon.

Bess, thanks for the very kind things you said. And I do realize that yesterday or day before, you said something that basically meant 'acceptance' too... the message is clear. If I go on pretending not to hear it, I have nobody to blame but me.

Hugs.

xxx

 

[Bess]

I don't know how to write comments in your quoted bit properly, can you read through it and find them?

The Harcombe I think is about having fats and carbs at different meals, & this is meant to stop cravings. The three 'sources' of cravings are meant to be candida, food intolerances, & hypoglaecaemia (or something... low blood sugar?).

Yes, a precursor to diabetes.

I have wondered if I might have the first, more than once. I crave sweet things and also vinegary things, and have for a long time. I often felt tired, too. Recently saw an old friend who went on an anti-candida diet, lost lots of weight & looks about 10 years younger.

BUT... maybe I am just looking for another quick fix? Looking back over my diary I didn't have too much trouble with cravings until I started eating sliced bread & too many cakes etc, so these will be first changes. Back to wheaten bread, soda bread, sprouted wheat bread & pitta. And back to mashed banana as a source of sweetness. When I binge on sugar, I feel tired & muddled & foggy anyway, so may be candida, may just be sugar fog. End result is the same. What I was doing there worked... so I can do it again.

It may be Canidida overload. This used to be sneered at by the medical profession, although at the same time they were ready to hand out Diflucan capsules. Not sure how it's viewed now, but it hardly matters really, there's lots of info about it isn't there, so trying this might help.

I will look out for the Harcombe book, but I think the one on overeating she has done may be more use to me than the diet ones. I would rather get this sorted myself than buy into a quick fix... I think I can do it.

Yes, that's a better idea.

Have eaten 2 quorn fillets with ketchup and rocket & pitta, instead of boiled eggs I planned, but very happy with that. Plan a CD hot choc mid afternoon.

Bess, thanks for the very kind things you said. And I do realize that yesterday or day before, you said something that basically meant 'acceptance' too... the message is clear. If I go on pretending not to hear it, I have nobody to blame but me.

Hugs.
xxx

Oh dear, back to the 'blame bit'. :sigh:
I can't think of another way of putting it even tho I've written this a lot. It really is about being gentle with yourself and letting stuff go. Like bubbles, or thistledown over the hedge.........gone and away.........and then turn your face to the sun. x

xxx[/QUOTE]

 

[Greeneyes11]

Sorry, haven't been around so popping back a couple of pages where you say you dont post your food on bad days because you need approval and for people to like you.... have you ever thought that people might like you because you are not perfect..... that if you were perfect people may find it harder to like you because you are what they are not.... does that make sense??

 

[Greeneyes11]

Katy, I know you read this even if you dont post, and I am worried about you as you normally post something every day. Please come back, if you are having a hard time, even more reason to be on here.... Hellllooooooooooo!!

 

[Chelsea Lou]

I also spend a lot of time looking at various food online....dont know why this helps but it does! I never actually buy anything, but i fill my online basket with loads of naughty food...and then press the close button on it and it kind of shits a lid on the craving for a period of time!
Shits a lid???!!! That did make me laugh

 

[Wales]

Hi Katy, hope you are well and that you had a good weekend. How did your children get on at the Uni open day?

x

 

[LizzMB]

come back Katy!!! Hope your ok? We're worried!!
x

 

[LellyCD]

hey hunny, how are you doing? hope all is well in katyland

hugs to you
xx

 

[Sunshine Singer]

Hey hun, i'm still away but just popping by to say hi and give you a hug xxx hope all is good with you and if it's not that's fine too as we're all human. xxx

 

[curlywurly1234]

Hey hon
Hope your good and had a lovely weekend and your just to busy to post..
I love reading your diary hon and like someone else said its your diary so you can write whatever you want...
We all have different difficulties getting through maintainence it definately isnt plain sailing but we are all here for each other.
I hope your sofas are nice and comfy and your having a good day xxx

 

[alexmummy07]

ahhh that's what it is, your tooo comfy on your sofa's to post

Seriously Katy, I hope you're ok, come back and post, good, or bad (like my weekend) it's ok, and we're here to get you through it all xx