SoonToBeGorgeous
Loving the Cambridge Diet
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And You thought Blondes were dumb.
---
A couple is lying in bed.. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world".
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
---
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
---
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
---
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
---
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
---
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
---
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
---
A husband was coming out of anesthesia after a series of test in a hospital.
His wife was sitting at his bedside, when his eyes fluttered open and he murmured, "You're beautiful."
Flattered, the wife continued her vigil. Later the husband woke up again and said, "You're cute."
"What happened to beautiful?" asked the wife.
"The drugs are wearing off," the husband replied.
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
And You thought Blondes were dumb.
---
A couple is lying in bed.. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world".
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
---
"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
---
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love to you really badly.
She said - Well, you succeeded.
---
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
---
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror
---
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
---
A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a very special wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger.
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
---
A husband was coming out of anesthesia after a series of test in a hospital.
His wife was sitting at his bedside, when his eyes fluttered open and he murmured, "You're beautiful."
Flattered, the wife continued her vigil. Later the husband woke up again and said, "You're cute."
"What happened to beautiful?" asked the wife.
"The drugs are wearing off," the husband replied.
Classic
