Hi everyone and thanks for dropping by!!!
Well it's been a strange weekend..... Friday I was good and in control again and then yesterday it all went 'pete tong'
:cry: :break_diet: :break_diet: :break_diet:
As you know it was OH birthday and family came round - normally I'd do party food or sausage batches etc but as it was early afternoon I just put out nibbles (crisps, nuts, doritos etc)..... needless to say I ended head first in them....
This kinda set the pattern for the rest of the day.... I'm terrible for 'well I've ate that may as well carry on...'
So before I went to the concert I had some toast...... Went to the concert and had a lovely time..... met up with my sister and her made and they were all drinking beer but I had water and a diet coke (mainly cos I was driving). Came out and my friend and I went on a mission to find a chippy open
(she'd not eaten and by this point I was in 'feck it' mode' start again tomorrow....
). Anyway, couldn't find one open.... friend was almost self-harming as she was starving and desperately wanted chips... (I have to say although I'd have ate them I wasn't bothered one way or the other.... although I did quite fancy a pastie....lol)!! She asked if I'd oven chips but they'd all been used up at tea time so we got back to mine and had toasted cheese sarnies and the left over crisps..... and watched the Dancing on Ice I'd recorded..... so all in all a major carb fest yesterday....
:cry:
Kids had stayed at mum & dad's last night as OH was out with the lads (I was pleased he wasn't too hung over this morning).....so we both got a nice lie in - think I woke around 9.30ish - which is a major lie in for me.....
OH asked what did I want for brekkie (I knew what was coming next) - just a glass of water for me as I'm back on packs says me..... oh OK!! Anyway, long story short..... I got out of bed, hopped on scales and my one day carb fest had resulted in a 5lb weight gain......
:cry: :cry: :cry: . Anyway, OH wanted to go to Tesco for a 'full English'.... I told him to go on his own cos I needed to be good.... so he did....
and I picked him up after.... the problem is it's made me really grumpy..... I am absolutely fecking sick of not being able to eat like a normal person - the problem is when I do eat I don't eat like a normal person... I ram stuff in and I binge and I eat cr*p and it feels sooo good whilst its going in but then the next day I feel soooo pants.....:cry: :cry: I know I shouldn't look back but I soo want to kick my stupid fat ar£e for not sticking to this diet and for prolonging my agony..... I can't believe I've gained in 3 months over half I'd lost..... I am ashamed, embarressed and guilty that I have put weight back on..... it cost a huge amount of money for me to start this (was a LLer) and I feel it's all been wasted cos I've learnt absolutely feck all in the last 12 months...... I am starting to cry as I type this..... I promised myself I wouldn't have any 'pity parties'..... I don't deserve them cos I only have myself to blame but today I am feeling cr*p and nothing anyone says or does is gonna stop me feeling like this.....:cry: :cry: :cry: It isn't helping that I am feeling increasingly frustrated with the kids - especially the little two.... they don't listen, they fight, they argue, they ignore me, and I feel they don't have any respect for me or OH...... in fact I don't even feel like I like them very much at the moment.....
(of course I love them but they are testing me soooo much..... it doesn't help that I'm on a downer about my weight either....
)
The upside is that so far today I have been good - I have had 2 litres water and a hot choc pack.... it's weird cos I actually really love the packs espec the sweet ones.... I was drinking it thinking....mmmmm this is really good - it's hot, sweet and chocolatey - real comfort food so why can't I stop eating the other stuff tooo..... I truly feel my head is well and truley fecked up and the only reason I'm doing CD is because I know that the weight comes of quick and it needs to come off quick.... I have no clothes that fit only a copule of pieces and they are not suitable for work.... which is another thing - I hope I get one of these two jobs this week.....
Anyway, I'm gonna sign off.... OH is moaning 'are you going to be on the comptuer all afternoon....
' - I've just said probably because the alternative is to sit and watch a DVD while they eat his birthday chocolate and then I probably won't see the end of the film cos I'll have to make THEM dinner......!!!!
OK - I'm gone..... please ignore my grumps it's a bad day and I will better tomorrow - I'm a real 'UP' or 'DOWN' girl.... and don't function on an 'even keel' much......
:whoopass:
:king:
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atback:
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I am loving the new smilies and this is in honour of 'ERIC' - Isobel you know who I mean......LOL
Lots of love
