My Dad has gone to be an angel

Discussion in 'CD Off Topic' started by Hevz, 25 September 2010 Social URL.

  1. Hevz

    Hevz Member

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    :cry:it's so hard to write this as it all seems too real and up to now it's all been like a horrid nightmare. On Wednesday I got a phone call which will change my life forever....my beloved Dad was found dead by my youngest sister and her 2 year old daughter. He was sat in his chair "watching" tv and appears to have just fallen asleep and not woken up.

    I'm the eldest of 4 and my brother lives in Oz so is travelling home tomorrow, he should be here on Monday afternoon. I feel like I have to be strong for the others yet inside I'm falling apart.

    Dad and Mum split up a few years ago and I don't get on with Mum so her being involved is upsetting me so much and making things feel evern worse/harder for me to cope.

    :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

    Does anyone know of somewhere for me to go for support...I don't want to just google, I'd rather find somewhere that someone knows and I can trust.


    ....by the way, somehow I've managed to stick to SS up to now, probably as I have no appetite. I just need to try not to fall off the wagon as there's no point. I need to be healthy and be there for my kids:sigh:
     
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  3. trisha

    trisha likes to post

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    so sorry to hear your news. have you tried ringing the samaritians or citizens advice they will be able to put you in touch with someone in your area.
     
  4. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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    Oh sweetie my heart goes out to you, I lost my dad last year and it was the single worst thing to have ever happened. Remember its still such early stages just now, youre probably still in shock, but there are lots of support networks. Your GP should be able to refer you to one or do you have anything through your work.

    Ironically you might find SS is perfect for just now. I didnt eat properly for about 10 days at least SSing you know youre getting the nutrients and things to keep you going cos boy youre going to need them

    To be honest I found my friends, and lots of coffee were the best form of support for me.

    Thinking of you x
     
  5. spuds

    spuds Full Member

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    I'm so sorry to hear that.
    I lost my nan and mum within weeks of each other 5 years ago. i really struggled at the time and went to the doctors who put me in touch with a counsellor connected to the surgery, he also prescribed me anti-depressants, which i decided not to take, not saying to rush out and get pills, but something to consider for the short term if you feel the need.
    They say it gets easier with time, honestly? It doesn't, you just learn to cope. You will smile and laugh again, i promise.
    At the moment you are probably on autopilot, arranging funerals and organising different things. It wasn't until after both funerals that the reality hit me.
    As for your mum, i don't know your situation but could this maybe help you build bridges with her?
    As for you..just concentrate on each day, one day at a time. Dont feel you have to be strong for others, you are human and are allowed to grieve too, so cry when you like, dont bottle it up, its not healthy.
    I don't know you but i'm thinking of you.
    x
    x
     
  6. Mini

    Mini Administrator Staff Member

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    So very sorry to hear your news, please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your beloved Dad.

    I went through this myself May last year when we found my father in law asleep in his chair watching the match on tv...sadly he had passed away shortly before we arrived.

    You could try this link below as it has some very practical advice and contacts for what to do following a death in the family.

    Cruse Bereavement Care

    I believe a lot of bereavement counsellors won't take you on until at least six weeks have passed or more...

    I phoned up a counsellor who was in my local area two weeks after my father in law died and the counsellor was hesitant because he said it was too soon but I managed to persuade him to take me on as I knew myself I was not in a good place and my husband was even worse...we were just so heart broken and in shock as FIL was in perfect health and his sudden death was totally unexpected as he just got a clean bill of health a few weeks before.

    The counselling helped me to help myself and my family through it. It is over a year now and the raw pain has subsided but we still miss him every day as when you lose someone who you love and loves you back it is a great loss and one you don't get over, as spuds has said...you just learn to cope as time goes by...

    Please send me a pm if you want to talk:hug99:
     
  7. Awaken Me

    Awaken Me On my Way...

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    Hi Hun, I also lost my Dad last year and like Starlight it was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I miss him still and think about him every single day. As hard as it is is right now being the eldest (as am I) you will find the strength to not only get yourself through this but also your siblings. Surround yourself with your family and the people you love and although it may be hard please try to take care of you. My thoughts are with you xx
     
  8. Yummymummyuk

    Yummymummyuk Full Member

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    Dear Hevz
    So sorry for your loss. I too lost my Dad on 30th June this year he was 89yrs old. It has been a hard couple of months. My mum is really missing him and I am trying to help!

    Your GP should be able to put you in touch with a local bereavement counselling service.
     
  9. Toots

    Toots Gold Member

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    I am so sorry for your loss - I have no advice to offer but could not read and run

    Can't find the hug smiley for some reason but huge virtual hugs winging your way

    xxx
     
  10. Hevz

    Hevz Member

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    :wave_cry: thank you all. I'm so sorry you've all had to go through similar losses:cry:

    Some great info...thanks, I will look into it. And thankd for the offers of a shoulder to cry on...I may well pm you when I'm thinking a bit clearer and can think of more to say than "I can't believe it"...actually that made me laugh coz he could be a bit of a Victor Meldrew;)

    My Dad was only 58...it's not right is it? Everyone thinks their Dad is the best but he really was the nicest, cuddliest bloke you could every meet.
    His funeral will be held a week on Tuesday...on his 59th birthday:cry:. We said we'd have it the same day rather than a day either side as we will celebrate his life.

    RIP Dad....simply the best xxxxxxx
     
  11. Hevz

    Hevz Member

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    Is it ok to share a couple of pics?

    Oh...erm have no idea how to do it anyway, nevermind:sigh:
     
  12. Starlight

    Starlight Gold Member

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  13. minxie

    minxie One day at a time!

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    Really sorry to hear you have lost your dad. My thoughts are with you and hope you can find some solace in your thoughts and memories.
     
  14. Yummymummyuk

    Yummymummyuk Full Member

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    I will be thinking and praying for you on Tuesday. I work in a church office and have officiated at a lot of funerals over the years some have been very sad and others a joyous celebration of the persons life.

    My dad died a few days before my parents 50th anniversary. We told him a week before that he was going to have to get better for it as mum was looking forward to a nice dinner out, but I don't think he had the strength left anymore. He just went for a long sleep one day in the hospital. :wave_cry:
     
  15. Yummymummyuk

    Yummymummyuk Full Member

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    Hevz you have to have done over 50 posts to put pictures on.
     
  16. Hevz

    Hevz Member

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    Ahhhhhhhhh that's why I wasn't getting paperclippy thing up. I'm not all that good on the computer so thought I was just being a bit thick:eek:


    Thanks for these messages they help me lots....I'm just so sorry so many of you have had to go through this:cry:

    We got the results from the pm, they just said "heart disease" which sounds a bit vague to me so I have rang back and left a message. The receptionist said he will ring back and try to help me understand a bit more.

    Now more than ever we need to lose this excess weight and get healthy for us and our families as this will at least lower our risk of lots of issues like heart disease, certain cancers etc. I have been on SS still even though I'm going through this horrid time. I'm not pretending it's easy by any means and I was begging my hubby for a take away a few days ago but he ignored me and made me a shake instead:sigh:. I will get healthier and take no more risks with my health....my family deserve that:family2::family2:
     
  17. IreneH

    IreneH Gold Member

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    So sorry to hear your sad news. Any age is too young to go but your dad was very young. You and your family are in my thoughts

    Irene xx
     
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  19. Hevz

    Hevz Member

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    The coroner rang me back and said his heart was really badly damaged and got gradually weaker....like a battery that was going flat. He wouldn't have had chest pains etc but probably felt weaker and more tired, eventually it wouldn't have been doing much of a job at all and from what they can gather it just slowed and stopped, probably while he was asleep so he felt no pain and just drifted off without even knowing while he was asleep watching tv.
    Obesity was a contributary factor as well. What I was expecting and hoping for to be honest.

    So losing weight, healthy eating, excercise and taking more care of ourselves is what we ALL have to start doing now [​IMG]
     
  20. sarah83

    sarah83 I will be a yummy mummy!

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    Hi Hevz, Just been reading through your posts and I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

    It does sound as if you are coping a bit better with it now, as you've had some of your questions answered so you can get your head round it a bit more.

    I lost my mum 5 years ago, 3 weeks before my wedding. This was really hard. She had had a skin condition for about a year before, then was diagnosed with cancer in the January, and passed away in April.
    Even though she received the diagnosis and was generally deteriorating, it still came as a complete shock to me (she was only 50) and I didn't cope very well either. The wedding still went ahead (with me on complete autopilot) but it was good for the family as brought everyone together.
    I didn't have any help dealing with the loss, and I'm an only child so didn't have many support mechanisms.

    I still struggle with the loss now and find it incredibly upsetting to talk about, so I would seriously consider using some of the ideas people have suggested as they may be able to help you cope in the long run.

    Massive hugs to you, my heart goes out to you in this difficult time, and I hope the funeral isn't too difficult for you today.xxx
     
  21. Chelsea Lou

    Chelsea Lou Gold Member

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    Hi Hevz,

    Just wanted to add my condolences on your sad loss.

    My mum and my sister were diagnosed with terminal cancers within months of each other in 2004 and mum died in July '05 and Annie in March '06, 8 months later. I was there at the end with both of them and I think I am still in a state of shock. It is so hard to carry on with everyday life. It is about slowly finding a new 'normal'.

    I have just been offered counselling through Connect, which is a christian-run service. My GP put me onto them a few weeks ago as I have not been coping at all well. The best advice I can offer you is to talk to your GP about the counselling services they can offer you and just talk it all out. Its the only way. I thought I could just muddle on but no! I still cant even think of my sister, I adored her but I cannot bear to have her in my thoughts because the pain is too great, so largely I have 'forgotten' her.

    God bless you honey. Take care of yourself xx
     
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  22. Yummymummyuk

    Yummymummyuk Full Member

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    Still thinking of you Hevz, how's it going?
     
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