My journey on CWP
- Thread starter katywoo87
- Start date
katywoo87
Gold Member
Ive been busy arranging my bday night out today.. So stressful I hate organising things.. Deposit is a lot and i need people to pay for their cocktail making bit!
Not bothered measuring myself and still miffed by the 2 diff scales but not gonna let it bother me. Drank loadsa water had one shake so far, out to dinner with my dad n bro tonight gonna have a chicken salad.
My 2 new bras came lol how exciting... They look so much smaller wooohooo!!! My clothes too better too! Woop!
Tried on my dress for fri night not to sure... Hope my tummy goes down by fri for my night out.
Xx
Not bothered measuring myself and still miffed by the 2 diff scales but not gonna let it bother me. Drank loadsa water had one shake so far, out to dinner with my dad n bro tonight gonna have a chicken salad.
My 2 new bras came lol how exciting... They look so much smaller wooohooo!!! My clothes too better too! Woop!
Tried on my dress for fri night not to sure... Hope my tummy goes down by fri for my night out.
Xx
Last edited:
LeaE
Gold Member
I'm sorry to hear u find this hard but I gotta admit from what I read the lighter u are the harder it is x I think with how fat I am I have a constant reminder to stick on this but you being slim anyhow means you don't have that x u have a lovely body love and yr so pretty so even if u lost nothing yr stunning but like I always say I'm here if u need me when times are hard ok x
katywoo87
Gold Member
Bit of a rant... Sorry for anyone reading but I need to offload.
Today Ive once again blown it and binged pretty much all day. I just haven't been able to focus properly since about sunday where basically i am gonna be really frank and honest here, ive binged at times, ive purged, used laxatives because i just cant get the thought of wanting food out my head. After, i experience the usual guilt, disgust, upset, annoyance at my own self sabotage attempts which lead to purging.
Ive had this issue for about 5 years on and off.. Never been underweight which in itself should f**king tell me that it doesn't work! Calories are still absorbed and with every binge i get hungrier and hungrier.
Cwp/s&s have been my only real chance to lose weight and feel 'in control' with my weight.. Its probably in fact it IS the most positive thing I have ever done to manage and deal with my weight and binge issues because for 7 weeks I did it, i lost 20lbs and I feel so much better.
So why am I now self destructing, binging, purging... And gradually I will see those scales creep up and up until ive basically put all the weight back on.
I am terrified of all inclusive on hol so much so i told my bf today about my issues.. I hope that although its a burden on him he can make sure i don't over eat, i make good choices and ensure i am not purging.
I cant even believe i am being honest and telling an open forum but i feel if i don't admit i have an issue i am never gonna get anywhere. First step of change is to admit there is a problem. Going to gp is out of question for reasons i dont want to discuss on here. I am going to over come this i hope by myself and with help of s&s.
Only problem is for this weekend is i have night out fri, sat a meal and sunday spa break til monday so i will be eating and drinking.
Do i just forget s&s until Monday? Eat healthy as poss? I will be in situations with others and therefore i wont overeat as i never do in front of people. Its times alone i over eat.
I will finish this journey and i will get down to 9.7 its a rocky road for everyone and i have hit a bump in that road.... Il pick myself up and start again. I have to, I have no other choice.
Sorry for ranting and outbursting like this.. I am well aware i sound completely unstable
Today Ive once again blown it and binged pretty much all day. I just haven't been able to focus properly since about sunday where basically i am gonna be really frank and honest here, ive binged at times, ive purged, used laxatives because i just cant get the thought of wanting food out my head. After, i experience the usual guilt, disgust, upset, annoyance at my own self sabotage attempts which lead to purging.
Ive had this issue for about 5 years on and off.. Never been underweight which in itself should f**king tell me that it doesn't work! Calories are still absorbed and with every binge i get hungrier and hungrier.
Cwp/s&s have been my only real chance to lose weight and feel 'in control' with my weight.. Its probably in fact it IS the most positive thing I have ever done to manage and deal with my weight and binge issues because for 7 weeks I did it, i lost 20lbs and I feel so much better.
So why am I now self destructing, binging, purging... And gradually I will see those scales creep up and up until ive basically put all the weight back on.
I am terrified of all inclusive on hol so much so i told my bf today about my issues.. I hope that although its a burden on him he can make sure i don't over eat, i make good choices and ensure i am not purging.
I cant even believe i am being honest and telling an open forum but i feel if i don't admit i have an issue i am never gonna get anywhere. First step of change is to admit there is a problem. Going to gp is out of question for reasons i dont want to discuss on here. I am going to over come this i hope by myself and with help of s&s.
Only problem is for this weekend is i have night out fri, sat a meal and sunday spa break til monday so i will be eating and drinking.
Do i just forget s&s until Monday? Eat healthy as poss? I will be in situations with others and therefore i wont overeat as i never do in front of people. Its times alone i over eat.
I will finish this journey and i will get down to 9.7 its a rocky road for everyone and i have hit a bump in that road.... Il pick myself up and start again. I have to, I have no other choice.
Sorry for ranting and outbursting like this.. I am well aware i sound completely unstable
LeaE
Gold Member
First off yr brave and honest and well done for that xxxxxxx like u said half the prob is realising and accepting x x binging and purging is a cycle of control and while u have stated u know it doesn't work it does remove the massive threat of weight gain and it lifts the guilt of what u have eaten a little x I do understand this cycle and u are not on yr own so pls don't feel bad however it does suggest yr view on food at the min is a little squiff and panicked if that makes sense x u really need to remove the feeling of guilt u have with food to break this cycle love x so yes have a few days off s and s but don't go mad x eat but eat sensible and relearn to be calm and controlled when u do eat because u can't learn that with these products and it kinda makes it all worse x once yr back in control then maybe try again but I really think its a bad idea ATM while yr in this mindset x losing weight is important and me more than most knows that and I'm here rooting for u to do it but it's not worth this and it's making it really hard for u x x I hope this makes sense and it helps and I'm here for u like I promised whenever u want xxxx love leanne
katywoo87
Gold Member
LeaE said:
Thanks hun, yea my view on food is totally messed up at the moment and this stopping/ starting has completely messed my head up. My triggers are stress, anxiety and boredom Ive certainly found that out today. Its just trying to find how to manage these issues which lead to binges, which I keep failing at.
I will definitely eat sensibly because what I have eaten today makes me feel so vile! I am with my bf tomorrow so he will make sure I eat well although I am well aware he cant be with me 24/7 a bit of support for now will really help me!
I would love to say I'll try another diet but right now I cant do that.. I will get back on track on Monday with all my best intentions and hope I can make permanent changes.
When I read your diary i feel a bit pathetic at my attempts and failures, you have done so well, today you had stress yourself but YOU didn't cave, its really clicking for you and I am very happy for you.. I wish I had an ounce of your determination and willpower.
I just need to stay focused over the weekend and be as healthy as possible, surely even I can manage that?!
Thanks for being supportive it means a lot to me xxxx
LeaE
Gold Member
Please stop being so negative yr a brave young lady x I smoke so I have my flaws xxxx please don't compare yrself to anyone else I wouldn't have started at 20stone if I was that good would I ? I'm not wanting to preach or tell u what to do I just like u and care x just take a break until u are in control and have that positive attitude back x if u try this diet before then the cycle has a massive chance of resurfacing xxxxx its yr call love but like I said I'm here for u and if u want my mobile number u can have it and can text me if ever u want an instant help xxxx pls just consider what I said that's all I ask sweetheart x yr bf sounds lovely and supportive xxxxxxx hugs to him for being great about this vlcd are all a head game so just be careful x much love xxxx
katywoo87
Gold Member
LeaE said:
I know but I do think everyone is doing so amazing and I am lagging behind a bit but its my own fault for choosing to eat. I think the closer I am getting to goal I think oh i can have that or a day off wont hurt but it does so I need to see it through now once I am back in the right mindset.
I already feel so much more positive about things because people on here are so caring and offering support that I feel I can do this
I am taking in all you said and appreciate it! He is a great support thank god i have him lol. Thanks again you are so helpful xxxx
katywoo87
Gold Member
Morning...
I read a girls diary on here last night with similar issues, Could relate to all of it and i was pleased to read at the end of it she got to her goal weight and has managed well.
I feel a lot more positive today, a problem shared is a problem halved maybe? Going to use this diary to track my eating for the next few days until I get my head back into s&s xx
I read a girls diary on here last night with similar issues, Could relate to all of it and i was pleased to read at the end of it she got to her goal weight and has managed well.
I feel a lot more positive today, a problem shared is a problem halved maybe? Going to use this diary to track my eating for the next few days until I get my head back into s&s xx
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