EmVeg
Do a little dance!
My Journey - "You must do the thing you think you cannot do" - Start LL 7th Jan' 2009
I am telling you right now, this really is for me - I will appriciate all the support I can get, I really will do, more than I can say - but I am using this space to really, finally let go of some things while I am doing LL. So, I apologise for the meandering, babbling writings you may see here.
Firstly, something I wasn't going to say on here but I am. Over the past month I have been re-thinking my decision to do LL, very much questioning my ability to do something this massive. I looked at people on here, at their blogs or at their photos - looking for inspiration - but truly getting a feeling of dread. I cannot be like you people, I cannot achieve the amazing things you have. Thinking that I don't deserve it. Thinking that I can't do it.
I am going to do it - I am going to try with everthing I have. I'm trying so hard to banish these thoughts from my head. But, I am scared to death that I will fail. I'm scared to death that I'm already sabotaging my chance with these thoughts.
In the "real world", I have been very low in general. I have spent the majority of the last few years numb. There have been flashes of feeling good, or great, or happy/content or angry, or sad. But, in a way, feeling those feelings for a short period of time, makes feeling numb worse.
I know the things that have happened in the past that have made me this way. I know reasons why I have no confidence, why I have no self-esteem. Why I don't like myself. I just want to be happy.
I know this is a large part towards my eating habits. And I also know I have to sort this out to be successful on LighterLife. I went to a counsellor for 4 or 5 sessions - but after that he stopped replying to my emails and calls setting up my next meetings - possibly the worst kind of thing when I was talking about rejection issue.
But, right now all I'm feeling is dread, apprehension, excitement, fear, confusion.
LL isn't going to fix any of the above. I realise that LL is about the weight and the weight only, and I am not pinning my hopes on it magically fixing any issues I have. But, like I said - For LL to work for me - I need to work on the whole picture.
I just need to write these things down. I'm sorry if anyone actually took time to read this. I don't really know if it even makes sense.
- You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be.
- You must do the thing you think you cannot do.
I am telling you right now, this really is for me - I will appriciate all the support I can get, I really will do, more than I can say - but I am using this space to really, finally let go of some things while I am doing LL. So, I apologise for the meandering, babbling writings you may see here.
Firstly, something I wasn't going to say on here but I am. Over the past month I have been re-thinking my decision to do LL, very much questioning my ability to do something this massive. I looked at people on here, at their blogs or at their photos - looking for inspiration - but truly getting a feeling of dread. I cannot be like you people, I cannot achieve the amazing things you have. Thinking that I don't deserve it. Thinking that I can't do it.
I am going to do it - I am going to try with everthing I have. I'm trying so hard to banish these thoughts from my head. But, I am scared to death that I will fail. I'm scared to death that I'm already sabotaging my chance with these thoughts.
In the "real world", I have been very low in general. I have spent the majority of the last few years numb. There have been flashes of feeling good, or great, or happy/content or angry, or sad. But, in a way, feeling those feelings for a short period of time, makes feeling numb worse.
I know the things that have happened in the past that have made me this way. I know reasons why I have no confidence, why I have no self-esteem. Why I don't like myself. I just want to be happy.
I know this is a large part towards my eating habits. And I also know I have to sort this out to be successful on LighterLife. I went to a counsellor for 4 or 5 sessions - but after that he stopped replying to my emails and calls setting up my next meetings - possibly the worst kind of thing when I was talking about rejection issue.
But, right now all I'm feeling is dread, apprehension, excitement, fear, confusion.
LL isn't going to fix any of the above. I realise that LL is about the weight and the weight only, and I am not pinning my hopes on it magically fixing any issues I have. But, like I said - For LL to work for me - I need to work on the whole picture.
I just need to write these things down. I'm sorry if anyone actually took time to read this. I don't really know if it even makes sense.