Days 5,6 and 7.
An explanation of my quietness on here. These days have been very hard for me. Not that I've been hungry, just in how I feel about myself.
And when I feel low, I withdraw...I was reading this site, but making myself feel like I do not belong here. It's what I do time and time again in the real world. I'm good at alienating myself from people and then wondering why on earth people arn't making the effort. Once again, something I recognise but haven't got to the stage of fixing..YET
I really struggled with my confidence wobbles this week and this is the first time I haven't had the blanket of comfort food to make me feel snug (and then crap, but then eat again and feel snug...for a bit).
Its been hard really coming to terms with HOW much I used food. How much I actually wander into the kitchen when I am upset, angry, paranoid or bored. I think I've spent a good hour of my life a day in there just wandering around... before I'd be going from cupboard to cupboard, bread bin to fridge.
I still can't get over the thoughts that I AM GOING TO FAIL. I really m trying to be positive but I can't seem to shake it. Not yet anyway. I'm keeping going... I've already overcome my first two hurdles - getting to the first meeting, and getting to the second.
Getting to each group is going to be one more hurdle, and I hope I eventually come over the last one wondering how I got there.
Oh, WI today...I've lost 9-10 lb..not sure which yet as LLC has wrote a -9lb loss on book, but then my start weight and WI today are 10lb difference.
BUT either way... I'm not feeling disappointed that I was scared I might.
First CBT sessions - visualise yourself at your goal weight. I was the only person who did not put any reference to my weight. I wrote "healthy, happy and confident". No slim, or thin. This seemed strange to me when I realised.
So... I'm struggle. But I am struggling on. Have my awards dinner tomorrow night, and I am going to enjoy it. I'm not going to worry. If I get asked, I tell them what I am comfortable telling them. It's my personal business and I am there in a professional capacity. I'm not panicking.
Oh... one posistve... Apparently I have quite a small waist... well 32 1/2 inches which is far smalled than I thought. So hopefully when the weight comes off my proportions will keep me a little curvy.
Thank you if you read this, and I promise you I am getting there slowly.
I've recognised a lot of issues I didn't really know I had, plus those ones I already knew, and its just my time to work on them.